"Prophet" Muhammad

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Prophet muhammad arabic.png
Proud Paedophiles, الرجل الذي يأكل براز الخنازير
Prophet "let me in your daughter's كس, and your soul be blessed by Allah" Muḥammad
Born 571 (age 1448 in 2019)
Nationality Sandnigger Isis flag bacon.jpg
Occupation Warlord, religious preacher, tent salesman, village pedophile, violator of goats, literature professor
Preferred gender Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlz
Preferred age 6-9
Tactics Starting a fake religion to convince his victims' parents that fucking their ten year old kid was God's will
I AM THE PROPHET OF GOD!
Religion name Islam
Preceded by Jesus Christ
Followed by Guru Nanak
Current location Coffin, Medina, Arabia
Nicknames
  • NABI MUHAMMAD SALLALLAHU ALAIHI WASALLAM
  • Muhammad ar-Rasūl al-Shaiṭān
  • Muhammad the Bastard
  • Muhammad the Terrorist
  • Muhammad the Dune Donkey Defiler
  • Muhammad "Pre-Pubescent Boys Upon Him"
  • O.G. Goatfucker
  • "He Who Got High in a Cave 'n' Spoke to God"

Abū al-Qāsim Muḥammad bin Abdullāh bin Muṭṭalib bin Hāshim bin Salaad bin Laden (Arabic: الرجل الذي يأكل الخنازير البراز), more famously known as Prophet Muhammadﷺ or simply Moo-Moo, was a professional charlatan, warlord, and pedophile who lived thousands of years ago in the disease-ridden cesspool that was/still is Saudi Arabia. Although his violent behaviour and fondness of young women 9 year old girls was not unusual for his time (or for Arabs in general), Muhammad stands out from other sand niggers because of one accomplishment that lives on millennia after his death: He was the genius responsible for creating the Islamic religion biggest fucking mistake of all time.

Due to the staggering persistence of Islam and its consistently disruptive and deadly nature through the centuries, there is a strong case to be made that Muhammad is one of the most destructive individuals in human history.

Role in Islam

Prophet Muhammad is known to Muslims as the Messenger Muhammad, peace be upon him. Muslims are expected to say "peace be upon him" every single fucking time they utter this guy's name, AND THEY REALLY DO!



Muslims are so committed to honouring this guy that the Arabic phrase "peace be upon him" ("Sallallahu alaihi wasallam") has been made into it's own fucking Unicode character: ﷺ. There is no one, dead or alive, real or fictional, in the entire history of humanity who receives as much praise and devotion as Muhammad—not even Adolf Hitler. Despite this, Muslims insist that they do not worship Muhammad, and that they only worship Allah, the God of raep and terrorism who apparently thought the best way to deliver his religion of peace to the mortal humans was to work through an illiterate, middle-aged khat-chewing, shroom-smoking paedophile living in the middle of the desert.

Regardless, Muhammad is everything to Muslims. Their devotion to this shitstain of late antiquity is even greater than the obsession that Christians have with Jesus or the Virgin Mary. Thus, even the slightest disrespect of Muhammad, deliberate or otherwise, causes extreme levels of butthurt among Muslims. The resulting reactions of shock, fear, rage, and an uncontrollable desire to commit murder are every troll's greatest dream. Muslims are the ultimate trolling target, but this comes at a price: All Muslims know that anyone who slights the name of their beloved messenger must be captured and killed immediately, and many are prepared to spend decades in prison, risk their own lives, or even outright sacrifice themselves for the sake of avenging the hurt feelings of Muhammad. In real life, it is a brave yet stupid idea to insult Muhammad, as it will probably result in you getting beaten up, shot, raepd, beheaded, disintegrated by suicide bomb, or run over by a truck. However, for all his wondrous revelations, Muhammad never predicted the arrival of teh Internetz, a platform in which he and his followers would be mocked without mercy for all eternity. Trolling Muslims online by insulting the Prophet Muhammad (especially by drawing him) is one of the most pleasurable and exhilarating things in history, almost as pleasurable as marrying your best friend's 6 year old daughter and fucking her for her 9th birthday.

IRL happenings

According to TOW, the only historical thing known about the Prophet Muhammad is that DID exist IRL. For any more information, we need to consult the Muslims' religious texts. Fortunately, unlike Catholics or Jews who try to cover up and/or deny wrongdoing of religious figures, the Muslims are in no denial about their prophet's activities, freely admitting his various deeds, some of which are disgusting enough to make even Jimmy Savile vomit and shit himself. Because they don't try to deny anything, it's reasonable to assume that most Islamic fan fiction about Muhammad (Hadith) is probably truth. The Quran, on the other hand, is entirely fictional.

Youth

Muhammad was born way before the internets in a shack in Mecca. The house he was raised in is now a public toilet. Muhammad's dad fucked off before he was born, so he was raised by a single mom. She later died of AIDS, and so Muhammad was adopted by his Grandfather, a local politician and lifelong paedophile. It is believed that Muhammad learned (or perhaps experienced) the art of pedophilia at this time. Three years after his mother's death, Muhammad's grandfather also died, and so Muhammad was passed to his Uncle. You can probably guess what happened next. As well as offering his uncle some delicious boypussy, Muhammad worked as shepherd to pay for his upkeep. In this profession, he may have developed further, more refined sexual preferences.

During his years as a teenager and young adult, Muhammad worked as a drug dealer selling khat and opium. He was also a skilled thief and scam artist, and so after his uncle kicked him out of the house (for being too big and hairy to provide this proud pedophile with sexual pleasure) Muhammad went to work for a Gypsy named Khadija. Khadija made money by stealing, selling counterfiet goods and low quality tents, and was also a prostitute. 25 year old Muhammad strongly desired Khadija, as she was a smoking hot MILF, and he masturbated continuously whilst smelling her undergarments and sandals.

Once, while he was drinking with some of Khadija's other boy-slaves, Muhammad thought it would be lulzy to troll Khadija and pretend that he had seen God in the desert. After telling Khadija of how God had talked to him, Muhammad expected Khadija to be of fear and of astonishment, but instead she concluded that Muhammad was the messenger of God, and so she promptly took him into her tent and fucked him. Within about a week, Muhammad and Khadija were married and having sex every night. Muhammad had 4 children with Khadija. After this incredible twist, Muhammad concluded the following: If you go into the desert, come back and pretend you talked to God, bitches will actually believe you and spread their legs. Thus began Muhammad's career as a professional IRL troll, that would lead him to getting moar sex than Hugh Hefner, but would also lead to the creation of a political ideology so insanely right wing it makes national socialism look moderate.

Srs Businessman

15 years on, and Muhammad had taken control of Khadija's business, and went to live in Mecca. Khadija had long since taken her rightful place as a stress reliever and baby generator. Muhammad adopted a "multi level marketing" business model, and, like most professional scammers, was constantly looking for better ways to convince dumb normies to sign up to his AMAZING NEW WAY OF MAKING MONEY ZOMG!! He was also looking out for a new wife, as Khadija was now in her 60s and beginning to show signs of chronic old. He was particularly interested in a local prostitute named Sawda. At age 40, Muhammad started to have a genuine mid life crisis. He spent large sums of money on alcohol, khat and whores until he finally ran out of jewgold to pay for his excesses. Frustrated, Muhammad went to live in a cave to be away from Khadija, who by now was a fat, oozing old cunt.

Whilst in the cave, Muhammad decided it would be a great idea to try the whole I-talked-to-God bullshit again, just to see if the same trick would work twice. He went home and told his fat, bloated wife that he had talked to an angel. She decided to believe him. Then he spouted the same garbage to his children and they also believed him. His biggest challenge was to get his main man, Abu Bakr (not to be confused with the 21st century spiritual leader named after him) to also believe his load of crap. He succeeded anyway and soon amassed a small following of other gullible fags who faithfully handed over their money to fund Muhammad's drug, whore, and sheep-fucking addiction.

Although people ignored this asshole at first, eventually the population of Mecca grew tired of harbouring a pyramid scheme run by a whoremongering degenerate and so they chased these retards out of town. They all ran off to Medina. Muhammad took his favourite hooker, Sawda, with him to Medina, where he married and fucked her. His old wife, Khadija, was taking too long to die, so Muhammad boiled her alive and ate her.

Prophet, preacher, and proud paedophile

Immediately prior to their move to Medina, Muhammad's main homie Abu Bakr and his wife produced a baby girl. Before long, the baby Aisha had turned into an adorable loli and Muhammad was infatuated with her. He desired a small girl for the sake of having a vagina tight enough to stimulate his micropenis. He also disliked pubic hair. By this time a large portion of the general population of Medina joined Muhammad's new religion - Islam. The only ones who refused were - of course - the Jews, who were dealt with in the appropriate manner.

Muhammad was a powerful man by this time, but he still didn't quite have the balls to ask his best friend, Abu Bakr, to marry and shag his kid. When Aisha turned 6, Muhammad became worried she would soon start to loose her hawt loli appearance. So Muhammad decided to showcase his power to Abu Bakr by invading his hometown of Mecca, and pwning every cunt that got in his way. Once he had taken control of the big black cube in the middle of Mecca, he 55 year old prophet posed the big question to Abu Bakr.



Astonishingly, Abu Bakr obliged, and the 6 year old was married to middle aged Muhammad. Muhammad was unable to have sex with Aisha for three whole torturous years. During this time however, the happily married couple engaged in thighing (that is, covering your 6 year old wife's legs in oil, holding them together, and sliding your cock through like it's a vagina). When Aisha was 9, Muhammad finally managed to penetrate his favourite wife. According to the Hadith "Muslim", he enjoyed it more than any other time.


Warlord

After taking over Mecca, Muhammad began a campaign to take over the whole of Arabia. This was to be done by rapid production of new children by Muslim households, conversion of as many new members as possible, and killing anyone standing in the way. Unsurprisingly, the exact same tactics used by Muhammad at this time are now being used by Muslims to take over Europe.

When Muhammad's friends and followers died in war, Muhammad honoured their memory by marrying their widows and taking them to his bed. In total, Muhammad had eleven official wives and countless concubines.

His favourite wife, however, always remained his loli Aisha. She is highly respected in Islam, praised above all Muhammad's other wives, and called mother of the believers by Muslims. Despite this honorific, Aisha never actually became a mother, as Muhammad had destroyed her reproductive system after he fucked her, aged nine.

Death and disposal

Muhammad died in Medina in 632 aged 61 from complications of the Great Pox and AIDS. At the time of his death, he was morbidly obese and diabetic. A great stench had surrounded the Prophet Muhammad since his 40s, becoming ever stronger as he aged and going through the roof as he died. This was due to the rotting of his internal organs and skin. Muhammad had worms in his mouth as he died, further evidence that Muhammad's body had begun to decay. As soon as he was dead, the Prophet was hoisted into huge stone sarcophagus that had been custom built to contain his immense weight. Blood, urine, and faeces began to fill the coffin very quickly.

The Prophet was originally to be entombed in his home in Mecca, but it proved impossible to move him due to his weight and the sheer stench that emanated from his carcass. Therefore, he was buried under the mosque in Medina. A thick layer of wax was poured around the coffin to contain the odours. When this proved to be too weak, the coffin was layered with an additional thick layer of copper and many tons of rock and sand. Aisha, the prophet's favourite wife, was buried alive with him, aged 15.

Prophet Muhammad is supposedly still buried underneath the Mosque in Medina. It is rumoured that, on one occasion, a pack of Jews attempted to exhume the prophet and transport his body elsewhere. However, upon attempting to break into the the sarcophagus, the smell they encountered was so foul and putrid that it caused them to kill themselves. In more recent years, the Saudi Government removed the sarcophagus for fear that the 1400 year old rotting carcass therein was poisoning their precious oil. Its current whereabouts are unknown.

Origins and appearance

FactCat.png Fact Cat says:
These are fact! Factcat knows because factcat follows the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). Alhamdulillah!


Muhammad's father was a nigger called Abdullah. Abdullah was a fraudster who claimed he descended from biblical prophets, which is a common kind of behaviour frequently observed in his species. Although normally thought to be from Africa, it is possible he may in fact have been an Aboriginal. Muhammad's mother Aminah was a local prostitute with AIDS. Like most sandniggers, Muhammad was a large, hairy ape like creature with a hugely disproportional jaw. It is believed that Muhammad may have been conceived by African blood magic, and that he may have been a demon. Muhammad had yellow, reptilian eyes and small, goat-like horns. Muhammad had a long, dark beard, almost identical to that of Osama bin Laden.

In his later years, Muhammad became increasingly corpulent, weighing around 500 lb (220 kg) at the time of his death. Muhammad had an abnormally small penis, but this proved to be an asset when having sex with children.

Personality and traits

Muhammad's consistently bizarre, cruel, and manipulative behaviour is presumed to be deliberate—presumably a result of psychopathy, sociopathy, and/or Narcissistic personality disorder.

However, some of Muhammad's actions and beliefs may have been caused by a separate, undiagnosed illness. It is possible Muhammad suffered from schizophrenia. It is also possible that his delusions and hallucinations may have been a result of Huntington's disease (Alzheimers + Parkinsons in young(er) people). Muhammad may have inherited Huntington's disease from his father, but since that guy fucked off as soon as the strip turned blue (as most niggers do) it is unknown when he died or what he died of. Muhammad also had syphilis, a secks disease which is known to cause delusions, hallucinations and other kinds of lunacy before finally killing the afflicted.

In addition to having severe mental illness and STD's, Muhammad was also a paedophile. It is believed this was due to him being raepd by his grandpa and uncle. Muhammad also engaged in bestiality and coprophilia all his life. He married the 6 year old daughter of his best friend, Abu Bakr, and when another friend, Omar, produced a baby, Muhammad expressed desire to marry her too (before the girl could even walk). Fortunately, Muhammad died before this could happen.

On top of all of this, the beloved prophet was illiterate. Should he be alive today, he'd be unable to comprehend the shitstorm of mockery and insult that is dedicated to his name, as well as the mega Lulz his followers create wherever they go. It's truly ironic that he cannot even read the hadiths to see if they're shit-talking him.

Possible cloning

The remains of Muhammad are believed to lie beneath the floor of the Masjid an-Nabawi ("Prophet's Mosque") in Medina, Saudi Arabia. Muhammad is buried there along with Aisha (who was buried alive when Muhammad died), Abu Bakr (her father and the first caliph, who died of AIDS) and Omar (another one of Muhammad's friends, the second caliph, who was killed by an Iranian). After this, the tomb was sealed permanently and many tons of concrete were poured around it. A lack of exposure to sunlight, oxygen, water or anything else ensures that Muhammad is probably quite well preserved. Should one be able to access the crypt, it may be possible to extract DNA from Muhammad and clone him. This would allow his physical and mental issues to be studied in greater detail, and such a study would be very valuable to historical and psychological academia. There is no confirmation that this was ever done, but it is possible that Mossad may have extracted a sample of Muhammad's DNA in order to create a race-specific bio-weapon to exterminate all sandniggers.


See also

External links

Muhammad & Aisha documentary


"Prophet" Muhammad
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