2012 Elections

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The 2012 elections in a nutshell.
South Park gets it right.

Every four two years the race for the President of the United States begins. While each term in office lasts four years, after two years of being in office, Presidential policy is dictated by the needs of getting reelected, not of governance. This practice was utilized to an extreme with a recent President who liked to set up false flag operations, invade the Middle East, and slaughter and rape babies as a means of gaining electoral support among fat white Republicans. The majority of the American public know nothing about this, because self-censorship is forced upon journalists that cover elections and wars in order to get access to campaigns and politicians, so any actual truth comes in a watered-down and bullshit-laced form. However, since we aren't a bunch of pussies when it comes to reporting the delicious drama, here is the loldown on the election leading to declaring who is Emperor of Mankind for the next four years. Will the next Emperor be a Police State Cosby, a worker ant collecting riches and glory for the Mormon Empire who also supports the Police State, or Gary Johnson who has no chance of winning, but will likely pull a Ralph Nader in these elections. OBAMA WON. This is a timeline of the various events and trolling of the 2012 Elections. Please feel free to add any relevant events on this timeline.

Republican Primaries[edit]

Steven Colbert trolls the Republican Primaries with his SuperPAC Ads[edit]

Steven Colbert, in an audacious act of IRL Trolling, set up his own SuperPAC funded by donations from his audience. He used the money to make extremely lulzy pseudo-political ads which he ran in the swing-states Iowa and South Carolina, successfully trolling many dumb Americans.

Herman Cain[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Herman Cain.
MY HEAD IS FULL OF DERP

Herman Cain is one of the greatest political trolls to ever exist and trolled the Republican Primaries on a scale never before seen. Besides being a serial rapist, pervert, and a nigger (It's well-known that all Republicans hate niggers), Herman Cain decided to lulz it up even further with numerous other wacky antics. His famous tax plan he based his whole campaign on, called "9-9-9", was both incredibly stupid, and 666 is "999" upside down, also proving that Cain hails Satan everyday. This obvious troll was never seriously analyzed by any mainstream media sources; one can speculate why this was never mentioned. Cain also said that homosexuality is a choice, because, according to him, lots of normal people randomly wake up one day and decide they want to take it in the ass. Cain also provided extremely lulzy answers when asked about foreign policy, taking pride in his ignorance of the rest of the world and actually sounding even more ignorant than W, as shown in the two videos below:



Cain was eventually forced to drop out of the race after all the white women he raped years before came out and spilled the beans to the mainstream media, causing a massive drama storm.

Due to Cain's serious addiction to raping white wimmins, and his "666" tax plan, many rumors of Cain being the devil himself circulated.Experts believe that Herman Cain, while being incredibly evil and stupid, is not the anti-Christ. Logic points out that "why would Satan manifest as a dumb nigger when he could manifest as the Police State Cosby?" Unless Satan has been outsourcing his evil, the only explanation is that Herman Cain is just a dumb nigger who happened to figure out how to troll even stupider white people.

Ron Paul gets fucked over by his own party[edit]

How Paultards view their hero.

Since the election was still full of trolls and outright retards like Herman Cain, Newt Gingrich, and Rick Santorum, there were a few candidates running on the Republican Party ticket who were actually of some quality, at least by Republican standards. Those two candidates were Jon Huntsman (who would have raped President Obama in the general elections if he had made it past NH) and Ron Paul. Paul managed to rally a large support base for his campaign, made up of batshit insane teenagers and college students, who worshiped and fellated Paul like he was a God. His fanbase also viciously flamed and h4xed anyone who said anything critical of their messiah.

The Republican Party was scared of Ron Paul and Jon Huntsman, as they wouldn't dance when asked and had their own independent views. So, the mainstream Republicans lulzed it up. First, using their propaganda machine, Ron Paul was cut off whenever he was making a point in an interview or debate,, whether it is about media mistreatment and under representation or when soldiers tell the truth about foreign policy. The second tactic used by the Republican Party was rigging their own internal primary votes. What makes this incredibly lulzy is that doing this is perfectly legal. With the Republican Party being a private organization, they can do whatever they want to their own party members and get away with it. This completely legal maneuver resulted in many individuals to suffer from chronic butthurt.

Mitt Romney's Horse gets trolled[edit]

Mitt, asking the tough questions.

Due to Mitt Romney being the rich man (over 250 million dollars rich) he is, he can afford a pony, but not just any pony, but a racing horse that competes internationally. When this political ad first aired, it was truly lulz since it finally seemed as if the Democrats grew some cojones and decided to strike back against the Republicans for all their bullshit. This was not to be the case. Shortly after these devestating political ads were released, Mitt Romney's wife, Ann Romney, complained that these political ads were attacking her. Her reasoning was that since she used the horse for the treatment of her multiple sclerosis that this was an attack on her, despite the fact she doesn't pay for the horse nor was she mentioned in any of the ads. Instead of the Democrats telling her to STFU and get back into the kitchen, Democrats took it in the ass and removed these two videos from the airwaves.

The real reason this political attack ad was asked by Ann Romney to be pulled was not due to cultural marxist political correctness, but rather that Mitt Romney is a retard who was made a fool. Romney was so butthurt about being called out that he was wrong on economic matters (which is hysterical since he claims his business experience makes him superior to Obama), that he had to use his crippled wife to save his ass with her pulling out the multiple sclerosis card in order to censor this brutal attack on Romney's credibility.

Republican National Convention[edit]

Racism at the Republican National Convention[edit]

Conservative southerners being racist is not news, unless it is conservative southerns being racist on the opening day of the Republican National Convention, a place packed with liberal media news organizations. The liberal media purposely goes out of their way to find examples of Republicans being racist to further bribe the black vote for the Democrats.

At the RNC, two attendees threw peanuts at a black female camerawoman and yelled “This is how we feed animals". The attendees were then kicked out of the convention. Here at Encyclopedia Dramatica, while we discourage violent acts against minorities, we support the general message of "this is how we feed animals," especially with a particular African-American. This story would have been a minor event in the 2012 election news cycle because no one really gives a shit about a black camera woman having peanuts thrown at her, but the liberal media jumped right on it and bawwed for days on end about it. The greatest irony of this event, is that these same chanting rednecks voted for a Mormon half-Mexican instead of a half-Nigger in November, despite both being filthy minorities.


Clint Eastwood is a senile old man who trolled the RNC[edit]

Clint Eastwood, a washed up batshit actor, was promoted by the Republicans as one of the primary and most important speakers of the event, due to his fame and influence on borderline-retarded Americans. What he ended up doing when he got up to speak was both unexpected and lulzy.

Clint's rambling, improvised "speech" includes debating with a chair and other lulzy acts. If you notice the choice of Clint's words, they are vague enough to where they could be describing not simply Obama, but Romney and Ryan as well. Watch it below:


Ron Paul supporters have a bitchfit at the RNC[edit]

As it was mentioned earlier in the article, Ron Paul supporters are really pissed at the GOP because of their success with rigging their primary elections. The problem was magnified during the RNC, when the speakers would not even read off the delegates for Ron Paul in the selection process. Incidents such as Paultards yelling "Fuck you Tyrants" and the defrauded Maine delegates leaving the convention en masse, were the only lulzy highlights. The Libertarian rift in the Republican Party grew much larger because of this, and had absolutely no implications in anybodies re-election, as nobody gives a shit about the Libertarians.

Romney picks his VP Candidate as Paul Ryan[edit]

Or at least that's what everyone thinks happened. In reality, Romney's VP was selected by Karl Rove and the Jewish forces that control the US government and all elections. So when Romney pretended that it was his decision to choose his Vice Presidential running-mate and made his official announcement, he made this little gaffe. Given the running rate of how much it costs to fake one's own death in this economy ($1 million), Romney could easily fake his own death and retire and the American people would be none the wiser. Paul Ryan, while claiming to be a raging Christfag and Republican, is actually a Ayn Rand fanboy and doesn't give two shits about old people, niggers, or anyone else but himself and his Jewish financial overlords. His Medicare plan (that is, to destroy it) is extremely unpopular with seniors, yet seniors voted for him and the rest of the Republicans, because they'd rather die with no medical care than vote a nigger into the "White" House.

General Election[edit]

Broadside[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Broadside.

Encyclopedia Dramatica decided to participate in the fun of hosting leaks for Project Mayhem in order to change the discussion of the 2012 elections.

Reporting live from Bahrain[edit]

EDiots have infiltrated Bahrain and are reporting from within, which happens to be the greatest human rights scandal the United States and the rest of the West has currently embroiled itself in. You will not hear about Bahrain at all this election because Iran is a bigger issue, thus it is in the Zionists' interests not to give nationalist Bahraini revolutionaries their own sovereignty as they would no longer serve Israel or Wahhabist interests.

Obama's Hemp Gate[edit]

Obamahippie.jpg
 
 
While America's economy is suffering staggering losses in jobs and debt, the Obama administration is creating jobs for Chinese workers by selling hemp scarves on its website -- even while industrialized hemp remains illegal for U.S. farmers to grow.
 

 

—Obama's hypocrisy and alliance with The Man revealed yet again. Ironically, Obama smoked lots of weed while he was in college in Hawaii Kenya.

Sauce

Republicans and Democrats attempt to make the election a two-party race[edit]

After the Republican Party's legitimate rape of Ron Paul which was tolerated by the Democrats because if Ron Paul won the GOP primaries, Obama would not beat Ron Paul in the general elections. Things were going as planned, until Gary Johnson, the former Republican Governor of Nevada and an independent Libertarian presidential candidate started doing well in the polls.

This scared the shit out of the Republican Party and they decided to try the same tactics they used to pwn Ron Paul. But unlike senile Grandpa Paul, Gary Johnson fought back and managed to get onto the ballets in key swing states, despite the antics of Republican Lawyers and their corporate masters.

Rape Gate 2012: Akin to be raped[edit]

Until this, this election year was going to be a close, but boring one. Due to the fact the other guys are assholes and the masses will always stomach a Muslim Atheist nigger Kenyan communist over an asshole. Then this shit happened.


   
 
First of all, from what I understand from doctors, (pregnancy from rape) is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.
 

 
 

—Todd Akin, Accidentally revealing the Republican pro-rape platform

Yeah, a Congressman who sits on the fucking United States House Committee on Science, Space, and Technology said this shit. While here at Encyclopedia Dramatica we have some rather enlightened and correct views on rape that at times flirt around the ground of "legitimate rape", even the most uncircumcised of Philistines knows that rape is one of many ways of how a baby is made. In fact, some argue that rape played an important role in [founding our species, though it is unsure who raped who first: Humans or Neanderthals. Regardless, as bad as this is regarding total ignorance of how a woman's body works, the real issue here is that this is a dangerous precedent that a man of such ignorance would ironically hold such a powerful position in the United States government.

Election-wise this means that instead of all the issues that truly matter this election won't be focused on, the deciding single voter issue turns out that it is going to be women's rights again. The politics of the Right has become trite as it has been literally destroying America. This stubborn insistence to fight old battles and continue having a temper tantrum is symptomatic of numerous psychological conditions that appears to be rampant throughout Conservatives.

While Republicans were reeling and desperately trying to defend themselves from Akin's comments (even though he does represent ALL Republican's actual views), another Republican politician enlightened the public about rape. Mr. Richard Mourdock (Unfortunately no correlation to Rupert Murdoch of FOX News) of the great state of Indiana informed the public in an interview that there is nothing wrong with rape, as God always intends it, and that it is merely another form of making babies. Even though what Murdoch said is 100% true, this remark caused massive bawwing from both Liberals and Conservatives and proved two things:

1) The Christians are more backwards when it comes to women's rights than actual Sharia Law.
2) Christian women are always asking for it.

The rumors of the hacking of Romney's Tax Returns[edit]

If this is legitimate blackmail and it turns out that Mitt Romney is a secret billionaire, Encyclopedia Dramatica encourages this hacker to accept bitcoin and then release the tax files regardless. The leaking of Romney's tax returns was a false rumor and never happened.

More Libertarian faggotry: Gary Johnson talks about an inevitable Global Economic Collapse[edit]

Libertarians actually think they're gonna save America from armageddon.

This isn't a conspiracy theory when the strongest third party Presidential candidate in an election starts talking about how the status quo will lead to an economic collapse. That collapse, according to Gary Johnson, will happen due to any one of these triggers:

So, the theories are more of the same paranoid Libertarian horror stories, already said OVER 9000 times by the likes of Ron Paul and Alex Jones.

Obama decides not to meet with his Jewish Overlords[edit]

Barack Obama: First jewish president?

In this election, Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have argued that Obama has been anything less than a toadie for America's Jewish Overlords, when in fact Obama has been one of the most pro-Israeli President evar. President Obama was supposed to personally meet Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, who no one likes, some time in October 2012, but because of complications, the meeting got cancelled. Instead of people realizing that the President of the United States has a busy schedule, some people got uppity about this perceived slight. The drama coming from the conservative camp was incredibly unfounded, as pro-Zionists like California Senator Barbara Boxer came to Obama's defense.

In terms of elections, Obama's move wasn't politically smart given that anything that might be misconstrued as even slightly anti-Israeli in an election year would have resulted in a shit-ton of campaign contributions to the opponent of whoever supportd the ZOG less than the other. To make up for this, Obama gave Israel even moar money, plus moar free military equipment. In American politics: without Jews, you lose.

Six percent of people in Ohio are stupid[edit]

Go to page 3, question 15 for a facepalm. This is what happens when you have a political establishment that caters to the lowest common denominator, these kind of people get to vote and shape our nation's destiny. This six percent is enough to make or break elections in swing states like Ohio, as was demonstrated in 2000 in Florida.

Mitt Romney still doesn't get Foreign Policy[edit]

Mitt Romney has focused on making the election on the economy (despite he knows dick about economic matters) while Obama has made it about foreign policy as their respective tactics to win this election. This stragety has slowly started to focus on foreign policy because Romney is prone to mistakes on these matters. Romney went out of his way again to fuck up and say stupid shit in the middle of a crisis, not after it was over. Showing once again, Romney is willing to play politics over governance any day of the week.


Mitt Romney's speech for rich white men gets recorded and leaked[edit]

And then the Republicans were the looters.

Mitt Romney did a classic mistake that all soon to be ruined politicians do: he spoke the truth and it was recorded. These video leaks demonstrate several things:

Mitt Romney dyes his skin to look more Archive today-ico.png latino[edit]

But in all seriousness he doesn't look like a Hispanic, but rather a dirty Guido. Politics aside, would you want your Commander-in-Chief someone who'd use "Brownface" to appeal to minority voters? Rhetorical question niggerfaggot! The answer is No.

Mitt Romney doesn't care about gay people[edit]

   
 
I don’t really care what you tell your adopted daughter. Why don’t you just tell her the same thing you’ve been telling her the last eight years.
 

 
 

—Mitt Romney, telling Homosexuals that he doesn't care what their children think of a government that is denying them equal rights protected under the Constitution's Bill of Rights

While this event happened a while ago, it recently made news. Once again, Romney proves that he doesn't care about another minority group simply beyond what would be considered politically acceptable. Since Mitt Romney didn't use the God Hates Fags reasoning for not liking Homosexuals, it just makes Mitt Romney appear as more of an asshole.

First Presidential Debate 10/3/12 Every Mainstream Presidential Debate[edit]

Pretty much this
Romney x Obama 2.jpg
Rmoneyobongofuck2.jpg
Kawaiielection.jpg

The Democratic and Republican Debates are prearranged bullshit so no side's feelings get hurt[edit]

According to a leaked agreement between Obama and Romney made before any of the four debates, nothing of value can or will be debated in the debates (which is the whole point). Romney and Obama were not allowed to ask each other direct questions or propose pledges, and neither the moderator nor either of the candidates could ask follow-up questions to any of the audience's questions. This made the debates a meaningless assortment of propaganda, slogans, rhetoric, and general bullshit.

This is just yet another example of the Democratic and Republican Parties just being legitimate political fronts for the status quo that is Goldman Sachs and the rest of Wall Street.

Archive today-ico.png Read the TL;DR version here.

"These Guys" Political Ad[edit]

Also don't think that our bias is supporting the Police State Cosby since he is just a leftist neocon in the pockets of these guys.


Election Fraud 2012[edit]

   
 
No other son-of-a-bitch will ever out-nigger me again!
 

 
 

George Wallace, on the norm of election fraud in American politics.

Election fraud.jpg

Election fraud is very big in the United States, so Republicans have cracked down on election fraud with voter ID laws to minimize this problem. However, this sort of election fraud stopped being a problem since JFK won Chicago due to ballot stuffing of dead people voting for him. Since then, election fraud has been much more subtler due to lack of transparency and easily hack-able electronic voting machines owned by the Republican Party.

Recently, Republicans have forgot that NORPs believe there is genuine democracy in America and that the cameras were rolling during an event when their actual agenda behind Voter ID laws was revealed. This slipup was glossed over by corporate media as no one wants to upset the political status quo as it is working so well for all parties involved. A former NSA analyst decided to do some math which revealed the truth about the "smoke and mirrors" that is American Democracy, that Republicans commit rampant election fraud. In fact this is so bad, Russian experts argue that American Democracy is a charade, which is funny since the Russians don't actually have a democracy either. This election fraud has been an on-going problem since at least the 2000 elections in which Bush was elected as this video at a congressional hearing about election fraud points out. Despite this being a problem that powerful people were aware of, no efforts have been made to make American elections not rampant with fraud. One can speculate this is because those who are supposed to be opposed to the Republicans are just as guilty of election fraud and corruption. But then again, neither the Republicans and Democrats care since both parties are working for the same sponsor.



Apparently, one can hack the electronic election machines commonly used in America, especially due to untested new software patches being installed right before the election. Happy hunting!

Obama's Benghazi Gate[edit]

Republicans have been butthurt about the attack on the Libyan Embassy since it has happened. Fox News has devoted most of its programming to covering this blazing scandal, even after everyone stopped caring about it. This butthurt has only increased as more true/fake information about this incident has come out. One of the more vehement members of the butthurt patrol includes Senator Rand Paul who issued this statement about how Police State Cosby can't even do his job right as commander-in-chief. So eventually as more information comes out, it will be apparent that there was some conspiracy about this, such as "did we intentionally let those four people in the embassy die?" Though ED knew that this was a conspiracy since the beginning.

Obviously, this story might not make much of a difference this election since the corporate media loves Police State Cosby's dick so much, with one major exception, they will overlook this fact until impeachment procedures begin, which they never will. That is assuming of course, Police State Cosby wins this election despite rampant election fraud.

Second 3rd Party Debate[edit]

You probably didn't hear about it, but it did happen. You can watch the first debate here. The second debate can be viewed here. These debates involve Libertarian party candidate Gary Johnson, who is basically a slightly-less batshit insane version of Ron Paul, as well as Green Party candidate Jill Stein, another batshit insane candidate who thinks that animals should have the same rights as humans and anything that damages the environment should be outlawed. The debates also involve the Justice Party's candidate Rocky Anderson whom no one knows or cares about, as well as the Consitutional Party's candidate Virgil Goode, a man with no solid moral foundation (a former Democrat), who also has a typical, and very annoying Southern accent. Regardless of lulz and drama, Encyclopedia Dramatica wants you to be informed about the other people running for the position of Emperor of Mankind, even if these choices will have no significance in the actual election whatsoever.

OBAMA WINS[edit]

After thousands of hours of media coverage, massive amounts of BAWWing and rage from Liberals and Conservatives, and hundreds of millions of dollars spent trying to buy the election, it was finally announced that we, the nation, have the same damn President as we did the day before. There was much butthurt and disappointment over at Fox News, as shown here:


Apparently Americans didn't want to vote for people who believed in "legitimate rape", no moar abortions, no moar condoms, no moar regulations, no moar Welfare, and no moar taxes. However, regardless of who would have won, the American people will continue to be screwed over by the ruling class and will also continue to be fat, lazy, ignorant and unemployed. Sorry leftards, there is no "Change".

On the bright side, however, Colorado and Washington have legalized cannabis for recreational use. Blaze it up.


Holly Solomon[edit]

A true Republican from Arizona. If you don't vote for Mitt, she'll kill you.

Holly Solomon (born 1984) is a pregnant Republican woman from Arizona who became famous for being so butthurt over Obama's re-election that she ran over her husband, leaving him with critical injuries. She is currently seeking the Republican nomination for the Governor of Arizona, and early polls show that she is far in the lead.

Gallery[edit]

See Also[edit]

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