ACF

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A typical ACF staff meeting

Warning: as of last thursday ACF's closed. Due to AIDS.

AdventChildren.net Forums (ACF) is the biggest Final Fantasy forum on the whole wide Internets, or at least it was at one point before its fucktarded staff killed it. 99% of its active members are n00bs and its staff are so intellectually malnourished that most of them have "Mrs. Bishie"-style screennames and LiveJournals where they whine about life and pretend to talk to video game characters. Most have never run a forum before, and it shows in the vast bureaucracy they have constructed for themselves as well as the massive amounts of drama they create. The head coder, Radical Edward, was last seen in Iraq shooting into the sky and whooping like a drunken redneck; the only other staff members with any actual programming skills are V, who's too slothful to write any actual code himself, and a newcomer named Nicholas who changes his screen name at least 100 times a week and thinks he knows more about ACF politics than members who have been there five years.

As of Last Thursday most of the ACF populace fucked off to FCF which within a year and a half has already been shut down due to massive drama and lulz.


Staff Drama[edit]

The Last Honour[edit]

Under the collective name of "The Last Honour," moderators Fides Custos, Pollensalta, Carys and Darkbeat conceived the idea of blackmailing then Administrator Undertakeress, the best Admin the place had, and spent all their free time collecting information about her life. Before they could release these secrets, however, Undertakeress outsmarted them by coming clean and basically telling the forum everything she'd ever done. The Last Honour watched in despair as she thoroughly pwned them, making their little secret society and their six months of clandestine MSN conversations into a laughing stock. Darkbeat denied all involvement and returned to the ass-kissing position he'd been occupying before and since. Pollensalta and her e-boyfriend Fides Custos went to Overdose Delusion (aka Nazi Delusion) to lick their wounds with another ex-staff member Unforgiven Sin before breaking up and e-fighting on LiveJournal about Pollensalta's copy of Suikoden II. Undertakeress, along with YopY and Kionae were demoted after exposing Sacred Wolf, et al, and her fake car crash, fake pregnancies, fake cancer, etc. plots. The demise of ACF then began.


Sacred Wolf/Ramsay/Vosslar/Ghost Rider/Q/over nine thousand other aliases[edit]

There's been so much drama with this crazy cunt that she has her own article, but the smry is as follows:

Sacred Wolf has various claims on others' sympathy: cancer, miscarriage, multiple personality disorder, and a horrific car accident. Most of these have, of course, turned out to be lies, but Summoner Yuna enjoys demoting and/or banning people who call Wolfie out on her shit, probably due to the fact that one of Sacred Wolf's alternate personalities, Sephiroth, cybers with her on a regular basis. Efforts to replace mods demoted for that reason have resulted in either the election of Sacred Wolf's sockpuppets or of crazy ban-happy n00bs, while efforts to reason with Sacred Wolf usually make her shut down the forums.


Summoner Yuna[edit]

   
 
I am Forever in love with my one winged angel. I am Sephiroth's Eternal Love. Nothing can part us. He has given me the other half of his wing. Our love is forever.
 

 
 

—Summoner Yuna, before she screwed over her "eternal love" for some massive monster cock


   
 
(Concerning the newly released Sephiroth ring) ...I'm so convincing my fiance to get these for our wedding rings if I can find a way to buy them.
 

 
 

—Summoner Yuna, staking out her territory

The owner of ACF, she too has her own page on ED. Considers herself married to Sephiroth and, on the rare occasions she actually shows up, punishes anyone who she perceives as having caused drama with an iron fist, which of course just leads to moar drama. These actions are half-heartedly undone by staff after she disappears again.

Anyone who manages to get Sephirothslave and Summoner Yuna to fight for Sephiroth's affection, preferably on ACF itself, will have earned the respect of EDiots everywhere, as the lulz resulting will no doubt be unprecedented in ACF history. Several longtime ACF members have already tried, with no success.


Lunar[edit]

Lunar - The Nazi Admin and e-Killer

SY's own personal bitch slave, especially so since SW got the boot. She finally acquired her life-long dream of becoming admin after the reopening of the forum. Since she acquired the e-power that she set out to achieve on day one, it's been a rare sight to see her on the forums. She also "accidentally" de-adminned herself at one point, which is exactly the sort of competence you like to see from your administrators. Is this the kind of person you want as your forum administrator? We report, you decide... election '08.

She also takes pride in destroying people, either with her e-axe or e-iron fist. The IPD also want to question her about the suicide of a young girl over MySpace dramaz. She is said to have harassed the poor emo into the suicidal swing. Careful: talk to her, and you could be her latest victim of e-death. Somehow, she survives her own stupidity, but just loves to hospitalize herself, with her hyperactive emo wrist-cutting.

"WE NEED TO GET RID OF DEE NAO!" was her whole motivation for signing on for the past few weeks. Other than that, she might as well have handed over that admin spot. But that would mean giving up her epower that she clings to so desperately, so we all know that's a no go. Plus, recently promoted Gmod V wouldn't have ass to kiss if she left (as everyone knows he wants her admin spot at some point). In any case, shortly after Dee was removed from staff Lunar lost her internets. Coincidence? We think not.


Darkbeat[edit]

Darkbeat loev blackmale


   
 
You know what I really hate, what I truly hate? People who mess up and eventually try to crawl up your ass to kiss it again, just to save their sorry hides. You disgust me! Please leave and go kiss someone else's ass! I won't allow any of my friends to be hurt this way.
 

 
 

—Darkbeat, delivering the most hypocritical LJ rant ever


Long term loser and former ACF admin who can only find friends, acceptance and interaction with the opposite sex via the Internets. Apparently half of his face doesn't work and he can only move one eyebrow (stroke victim?). Known to hit the rails if you steal his women, which normally results in long-winded LJ rants and e-threats about ass-kicking which is even funnier given the fact the "man" is about 4 foot tall (with high heels on) and Dutch.


   
 
Everyone who knows me, knows that when you hurt my friends or the one I love, I will be there to kick your fucking ass! And I will...no question about it!!
 

 
 

—Darkbeat, who totally knows karate

Probably suffers from a Napoleon complex, wherein short, annoying, wimpy little shits will go out of their way to try and prove their masculinity. Darkbeat, or Glenn, chooses to prove his manliness by repeatedly cross-dressing.


   
 
Yeah, I'm really pissed off right now and not without a reason. No messing with my girlfriend...I don't care who you are or where you're fucking from...even if you were God himself. NO ONE...and I repeat NO ONE, messes with or hurts my girlfriend as long as I am alive!
 

 
 

—Darkbeat, shortly before his e-woman was messed with... twice

As an April Fool's joke in 2006, then-admin Darkbeat decided to close ACF's best and most active section, the spam section, except that somewhere along the line he got the retarded idea that it shouldn't be a joke anymore. Most of the spammers took this opportunity to join FFOF and discuss ACF's retarded Nazism. After the spam section was closed for about two weeks, the staff decided to bring together a group of the most prominent members, spammers and staffers to discuss how they should go about re-opening and running the spam section, in an attempt to (appear to) be democratic. However, it turned into a complete farce, since after the members had come to an agreement about the new rules, the staff proceeded to take an extra week to discuss matters and added several new rules that hadn't even been mentioned in the discussion, thereby pissing off everyone who was involved and proving that yes, they really don't respect their members' intelligence (though considering the way some of them behave, this isn't entirely impossible to understand).

After this came the Shin multi-account drama. ACF rules at the time forbade anyone from having more than one account. Shin, a friend of DB who had been caught handing out cock pics and wanking videos to anyone who asked in an attempt to garner delicious loli, got a second account from Darkbeat, who forced the staff to keep quiet or lose their positions. Several members stumbled across the account quite by accident and made the information public to the community. As self-punishment, DB demoted himself to the lowly position of Super Moderator.

Darkbeat was later demoted down to the position of section moderator for banning user The Doctor without consulting the rest of staff, but quickly regained his previous supermod position due to asskissing. However, last Thursday he realized that no one on the forum liked him and resigned from his position, and there was much rejoicing.

It's also worth noting that he has caught teh cyber-gay in a lulzy incident resulting from his tendency to e-fuck everything ostensibly female that shows the remotest interest in him. The member Hatake Kakashi joined RoA and it was love at first sight for the vertically challenged Dutcher; she quickly climbed the social ladder within RoA and was rewarded with a RP moderator position. But then an interesting development happened: It was revealed that Hatake Kakashi was a duplicate account of a male member Darkbeat had previously banned for plagiarism. Needless to say, "she" was permabanned in under five seconds, and all mention of the incident has been forbidden within RoA. Clearly, when trolling RoA members, one should be sure to mention this incident as often as possible for maximum impact and lulz.

There are only 2 things in life the internets CANNOT tolerate; People who are intolerant of other peoples culture's. And the Dutch.


Felix Xelon / Flareon[edit]

Felix - The Unloved Nazi Secret Service Leader

What can you say about this ass-kissing fiend? Aside from the fact that he secretly ran the forum for years, he would have won the ACF Award for "Biggest Ass Kisser of the Year" should it have been a category. Being the sneaky fox that he was, you'd rarely see him post anything of importance. The only time a post popped up was "to prove you wrong" or make a feeble attempt at making you look stupid which would inevitably result in him being utterly cunt-owned and retreating back under his rock. Being Darkbeat and Lunar's personal bitch, he'd been known to go on warning sprees, sometimes just for his own personal enjoyment.

Banned member Wander accurately summed up Felix's modus operandi when he read a member's Feedback post and quipped, "Felix will hide in his basement for a month attempting to compile a suitable response, then end up banning someone in frustration."

Sensing his impending demotion from the forums, Felix resigned in a fit of angst shortly before Darkbeat did, thereby carrying out his first-ever action as a staff member that pleased ACF's notoriously finicky memberbase. Afterward, he attempted unsuccessfully to get his e-girlfriend promoted to the position of RP director, which resulted him being laughed off the forum. He consequentially proceeded to disappear from it for at least a week, after which he returned with his tail behind his legs to hide in the Final Fantasy sections and RoA.

His real name is Perry. He hates it, so be sure to use it as often as possible.


Sinfinity[edit]

Sinfinity - New Age EHitler? Checkin' the Escape Route 'just in case'.

After the dreadful, balls-up, complete and utter catastrophe that had been the Vossler incident, SY decided again to head down to the local Neo-Nazi Propaganda Rally to pick up the barmiest Hitler wannabe she could find to be the new 'Tech Admin' for ACF. Such duties would involve maintaining the database and fixing broken shit, which on ACF is about as simple as making niggers stop stealing and convincing Ice Prince to fuck off.

Sinfinity, however, stormed onto ACF without any approval of the members and began to do his techie shit, posturing in his arrogant posts and generally antagonizing those who questioned his arrival. However, after the Everest of Drama from Vossler, most members decided to keep their traps shut and wait to see what would happen. This turned out to be, in effect, stupid. As soon as ACF's Server once again kicked itself in the testicles, Sinfinity was promoted to ride in on a white horse and save the day, again without any consultation. It turned out the white horse was actually covered in his own cum from animal abuse (ask about Bestiality at your local library), because Sinfinity's power-hunger and general lust for e-glory allowed him to tweak his own permissions, grant him his own Admin CP access and, to stop anyone from getting in his way, remove the Admin CP access of all the other Moderators.

Once Rinoa (and some other Staffers who probably should be named. Road did something too) caught wind of his e-farts, they tried to tell the deranged NaziServerAdminMan just what he should do in true Moderator fashion.


   
 
You may have database access, but you don't have control. Can you please pull your head out of my tits and realise that you aren't above anyone else here?
 

 
 

—Rinoa, treating Sinfinity with a calm and practiced manner

Scared by the font, Sinfinity proceeded to baleete and sob about every thread raised against him, effectively removing his right to live. He didn't stop there, however; he has also been taking up access to all Teams, looking for anything that remotely goes against his Holy Words. If a magical "Delete Faggotry" button appeared to the e-world, it would have been hit over nine thousand times for Sinfinity. Evidently, he doesn't come on the Internet without his dick being stuck up some poor unfortunate animals ass. Like his sister's.

It turns out that Sinfinity, four years ago, also hacked Final Fantasy Republic and effectively destroyed the website due to his incompetence. This Serial Forum Raper is still in the process of humping the living shit out of ACF's server, but hopefully one of the Dramacrats will bludgeon his shrivelled dick with an update on this ED entry.

However, it seemed the Nazi Escape Route worked well for him, as he managed to delete his own profile, and run away, giggling like a little school girl. Some argue he did it because he'd had enough of ACF, but nobody gives a shit why.


Daryl Falchion / Vampire Hunter Dawn[edit]

Since asskissing goes a long way with Daryl, she was loved by the loud community of ACF as admin. She was deeply admired by almost everyone, until she apparently went major cuntsville and unbanned Words of Ivory, one of the biggest failures in the forum's history. Now back on Staff, she allegedly plans to e-dethrone Lunar and take back the Admin position. Will we see more clever misleading acts?

Recently unbanned the user Dante, whom some of you may remember as the uptight azn Gmod who had a fit of angst and requested a ban from the forum in '06, after the request was apparently made by none other than ladyboy trap Ice Prince. We can already smell a vast right-wing conspiracy fast approaching.)

Apparently discovered that she was pregnant last Thursday. But who's the daddy? Daryl has had so much smex with every member on ACF that it could be anyone's, including the females as most of them are probably traps anyway.

Recently had a fit of angst and supported Ice Prince in his doomed crusade against SO's evil blacklist thread, also apparently ranting for several hours at Dacon about team leader V amongst other subjects. However, she apparently reverted back to her usual self within two days, but declined to rejoin the team.

She went Missing In Action for awhile, only to return with Words of Ivory's cock in her mouth. Now there's a pretty sight. Needless to say, everyone pissed blood at the thought and half of the world's common sense died in a split second. After a brief 'Mwahahaha' from the Irish cunt, everyone agreed that it was crap and wandered off. That was kind of it.


Geostigma[edit]

Geostigma - Her idol is Benedict Arnold.

Ex-good guy. As soon as she saw her chance to regain ACF e-powah, she screwed her e-pals over and turned tail like a pussy/fag/wimpy cunt. It's only a matter of time until the bullshit annoys her so much she'll ask for help from the people she just dropped like they were hot. (UPDATE: As of last Thursday, this has indeed happened.)


SutekiMitsukai/Kairi[edit]

Suteki - The Resident Drunken Whore Doing What She Does Best

The princess of ACF, or so she's proclaimed herself. She worked her way up the promotion ladder at a relatively quick pace. Sucking Darkbeat's e-cock is apparently the right way to go. She may look sweet, but her Photobucket account is full of tits and ass shots, she's always drunk off her ass, and she's had multiple pregnancy scares. There comes a time in every girl's life where she feels she must play the field a bit, even in e-life, and thus we find her bashing ACF members and staff on FFOF. But then again, that's a princess for ya.

SutekiMitsukai is desperate for a position higher than a Gmod position, but in all reality, she doesn't need it, since she's already the slave driver of two of the Smods (Geo and Daryl) and the admin (Lunar) as well.

Some argue that the fact that she has leaked sensitive staff information is noteworthy. But really, who hasn't? Nobody gives a shit, except Summoner Yuna. As of last Thursday she apparently joined RoA. That alone tells you everything you need to know about her. Since then she has also joined Somewhat Obsessed, and despite RoA's rule against multiple team memberships it took them well over a week to chuck her from it, which serves as further proof, if any was necessary, that e-fucking Darkbeat will win you favors. Of course, given the traditional RoA loyalty, once they did chuck her they all immediately commenced slagging her off now that she could no longer see the team....or can she?

Gives excellent drunken phone sex, by the way. A++++++. Top seller! Will call again.

Known to go on random vents at LiveJournal about her parents for being hypocritical towards her and her lifestyle. She claims she'll never be like them in that regard, but judging from her elife behavior, she's simply following in their footsteps. They'd be so proud.


Rinoa[edit]

Rinoa - Mormon Girl Gone Bad

Since her Member Representative days, Rinoa enjoyed the idea of having a little extra test above her 'Level' so much that she began hurling thread after thread into the abyss to ensure the Conference Hall would effect ACF and leave some form of memory of her around. Since it was revealed that Member Reps were about as useful as Pedobear in a Retirement Home, Rinoa turned her attention towards lusting after Staff positions, an all too common practice for the bored and Nazi.

Cyber with Summoner Yuna and your wish shall be granted, Rinoa. As of last Thursday she did indeed acquire a promotion to Gmod. No wait, Smod. Holy shit that girl must be sucking like a vacuum.

If one wishes to catch a Rinoa in a pokéball and sell her to the local whore houses, please reside inside of Fated Children's walls and insist that the Sinfinity drama is unnecessary bullshit. She'll be on your ass like stink on rice, only with more biting and Mormon Fu.


Dee[edit]

Dee - Scoping Out Spam for Suteki

The sidekick to fag Ice Prince. They're your typical Bonnie and Clyde duo that love their yaoi. One's obviously the faggot, while the other must be his appointed right hand carpet muncher. Practically the only staffer who will dare vouch for Ice Prince on anything regardless if it's total lulz or not. Could she and IP be the next Summoner Yuna and Sacred Wolf? We wouldn't be surprised.

Also noteworthy is her apparent vendetta against the resident whore Suteki. To no surprise, she wants the princess booted from her current staff position, which apparently stems from a ban Suteki handed Dee for posting porn. Dee has pleaded insanity for her actions, and ever since then, there has been post after post drama that really hasn't solved a damn thing and will probably result in Dee secretly murdering Suteki with a pregnancy test.

A few months ago she was destaffed for "attitude problems," which resulted in huge amounts of drama in both staff and the main forums due to the fact that most of the staff wasn't given any chance to comment on the matter before the deed was done. Naturally, Dee took this opportunity to play the part of oppressed victim jockeying for change despite the fact that she'd gotten in at least 100 fights with other staff members during her few months on staff and had opposed most of the reforms proposed in the past month she was on staff, which resulted in plenty of ass-kissing from members everywhere. Being the attention whore that she is, she decided to leave ACF because of this so-called "oppression" only to return less than a week later, wondering if anyone missed her. After making a "sincere" apology, she was recently reinstated on a probationary basis.

Around this point Dee also returned to SO, this being shortly after her drama whoring within the staff section of ACF claiming that the team was full of retards and “spammer fucks.” When confronted by this on her return to SO, her reply was simply “I didn’t mean the whole of SO/spammers.” Of course this was sniggered at but nonetheless overlooked. SO welcomed Dee back with open arms however and in no less than a week Dee was booted yet again from SO as well as Staff for being a drama whore. On her removal from SO, Dee was seen yet again throwing her rattle about the pram. Not to worry though, for Dee’s BFF and general arm candy IP was there for her comfort and support. By this we mean he was saving his own ass first and occasionally throwing in snide comments about it being unfair that Dee had been removed.

Nowadays we have seen Dee occasionally posting in a section that she deemed usable only to elitist cunts and morons (e.g. the spam section). Go figure. Her recent brush with this section has encouraged the truth of cat molestation and shit-eating competitions; maybe one day we'll see Dee in the popular internet clips of 2girls1cup. Until then though, only time will tell.

On one occasion, Dee even turned her PMs off for some reason, then in a fit of angst, had completely forgotten about it and assumed ACF's staff was out to get her...until she realized she had not yet turned them back on.

Joins teams, then leaves them in fits of angst at least 100 times a day. Has a Good Joke:Word Count Ratio of one to over 9000.

As of last Thursday she has been destaffed due to her inability to avoid starting drama with other staff members.


Ice Prince[edit]

   
 
I have the second highest rep on the forum (which I gained as a staffer and usually got with how I handled issues). So that logic is out the window on being a reason why you are able to stay on staff for doing a good job(as apparently a lot of people thought I was doing a good job as well). Not trying to incite or imply anything, but that's just truth.
 

 
 

—Ice Prince, displaying unwarranted self-importance

Ice Prince - It's a trap

A complete fag who jumps from being the forum's biggest asskisser to its most dramatic member in under three seconds. He is the Midas of Anti-lulz in that every thread he posts in turns to shit, but he is protected from the consequences of his actions by the bubble of his gigantic ego, which shields him from any criticism and, apparently, any accountability for his actions as a staff member. Since Darkbeat and Felix Xelon stepped down, virtually all of the staff-related drama has involved him in some fashion or another, all of which is tl;dr and completely devoid of interesting developments apart from the fact that no one likes him. Though fully aware of this fact, Ice Prince continues posting in exactly the same manner as before, which proves that, like all other members of ACF, he takes delight in causing others pain, like others way before him.

He also reads every topic on spinoff boards where his presence is clearly unwanted just so he can use the occasional mentions of his faggotry as "evidence" that a Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy exists against him, furthering his victim complex. The members of ACF, of course, don't care where he puts his cock as long as he stops posting inflammatory pathetic comments, but this is unlikely. Sharing the Rinoa attitude of 'my opinion means more than anything EVAR', Ice Prince feels he is immune to all criticism, save for suggestions that he may actually be straight and using his homosexuality as a (not very) cunning ploy to see Rinoa's tits.

Apparently recently caused even moar massive drama than ever in staff by leaking a joke thread from SO then shitting all over the Head Office walls in protest. As a result, a coalition of senior staffers tired of cleaning up after him took drastic action and created a poll for all of staff to vote on the fate of the infamous trap. Not to be outdone, Ice Prince had a psychotic moment and apparently told them that he wasn't going to be voted out in a vote in which five staff members had voted to destaff him and no one else had bothered voting. He seems to think this constitutes a rigged vote; his reasoning was, in effect, "You can't fire me 'cause I quit." He claimed that he had never been on any type of probation for misconduct which he felt shouldn't have warranted a destaffing in the first place, but this is clearly irrelevant seeing as he'd had staff members repeatedly telling him to stfu and stated in the SO leaking thread that he suspected he would be demoted for his actions in it. Some argue that RoA mouthpiece Masamune would be the next candidate for destaffing, and indeed there was a brief period where he seemed to encourage such a status by making smarmy comment after smarmy comment in Feedback, but after being reprimanded this clearly passed. Currently, the most likely prospect for being destaffed next is Dee, who was already demoted once for her attitude and, as evidenced by her posts in Spam and on FCF, doesn't seem to have changed it much.

Apparently thinks his high reputation actually means people like him rather than the obvious conclusion, which is that he sucks moar cock than a Vietnamese hooker. Our team of Dramacrats has gotten in contact with sources which can confidently reveal that, despite his grandiose claims, none of his reputation actually came from handling staff matters competently. This fact was naturally flaunted immediately by the forum's resident whore, Suteki. The majority of the spam section naturally found this fact hilarious, but IP's faghag Dee barged in attempting to write everyone's laughter off as flaming. This, of course, generated moar lulz until she whined to absentee mod Buster Sword, who posted a rambling four-page essay that no one actually read in response.

Knows Chris Crocker IRL, and it's hard to say which of the two is moar emo. Claims that he doesn't care about his destaffing, but from the way he flipped out over it at people in Spam we all know he secretly cries himself to sleep every night. It's strange; you'd think a fag would have gotten used to butthurt by now.

PuPu the Jellolien - Your typical ego driven drama whore. As of last Thursday, it has become known that Pupu is the late has been, Vanilla Ice

Reportedly, our sources indicate he's been spending quite a bit of time talking to late CI member and former team leader PuPu the Jellolien. Some argue that PuPu was even worse at anti lulz than IP back in his time. It should be of note that he also shares the Rinoa/IP attitude of "My opinion means moar than anything EVAR!". However, couple that with the fact that his ego is bigger than any drama whore you could think of. He was well known for getting involved in PM wars with members, then blocking them in a fit of angst and frustration, as well as secretly trying to run the forum some claim. IP (whom we're assuming is his very own personal bitch now) recently posted a shitty thread in spam for his artwork regarding some fellow members in Mario fashion for apparent lulz, but of course gestures like these always fail. Personally we think this is a match made in heaven. PuPu probably gets all the efucking he wants, and IP of course, gets some moar ecock to blow. As of last Thursday, it seems they actually met in person while PuPu was visiting a friend near IP's geographical location. Endless buttsex probably ensued.


   
 
Agreed, I like the manly men ......but the pretty boy is staple now, so we're bound to have one.
 

 
 

—Yeeeah because the manly man always looks for the "Is it a guy is it a girl" look


Dacon[edit]

One of the newest Nazi staffers to take post. All he really does is lurk in spam and laugh at nigger jokes (which he secretly plots on finding their houses one day to perform a drive-by, as all negros usually do once in their lifetime). Kinda funny, since "YOU BLACK FOOL!"

Obsessed with comics and quite clearly wants to be boned by Batman. But really, who on ACF doesn't?


V[edit]

V, who no doubt has a god complex due to the hot women surrounding him, from whom he'll probably never get any action


   
 
I just said it how it is. V's just being his usual retarded self, albeit even more so, because he's in a position of epowar. Divine Retribution will kick him in his tiny balls, soon enough, so all we need to do is be there to elaugh at him, when it happens.

Though really; I love how smug he is, as though he's high and mighty, while RoA (or maybe just it's Team Staff) are like animals to him.

Well this fox ain't about to get kicked...
 


 
 

—Felix Xelon, who received a five-point warning shortly after this quote was made... apparently he got kicked

Our newest addition to staff, an atheist, Chomsky-reading anarchist "intellectual" who got voted "Most Intelligent" amongst a plethora of other awards by ACF's populace (which gives you a fair indication of what kind of intellects you're dealing with at this forum). Lulz will ensue, you can just about bet on that. Apparently V took over a section mod spot in the Mako Reactor after Rinoa was promoted to Gmod. Known for his pwning of staff many times over, I guess now they finally realized that if you can't beat them, you should convince them to join you.

Of course, the idea of an anarchist holding any sort of power on a message board is laughable at best, but don't expect the feeble intellects of ACF to point out the irony in that. They likely don't know the definition of the word in the first place.

Can generally be found in the spam section asking for nude photos of all 18+ female members who happen to post there and, as of last Thursday, has apparently successfully obtained nude photos of a few of them, though some argue it was only because he rigged the SO team leadership/directorship polls so that "Anyone who posts nudes" would get the most votes. Now currently on a mission, alongside several longtime members of spam, to allow an adult content forum for teams. The drama whores of ACF, namely RoA, will use this as an opportunity to accuse him of proclaiming his opinion to mean more than anything else on the forum in the tradition of Ice Prince and Rinoa, and while this is of course true, what they fail to recognise is that unlike Ice Prince and, on bad days, Rinoa, V's opinions are typically supported with factual evidence and valid reasoning.

Some argue that he looks like a buttsex hybrid of Harry Potter and Frodo Baggins (true), and that because he never posted his picture in ACF's public, Ice Prince-infested photo thread he's trying to hide his appearance from the members of ACF (piss-poor argument directly contradicted by the link to his Facebook profile that's been in his signature for at least 100 days). He also apparently hasn't been laid since July 2005 (though it's beyond us why anyone thinks this is news seeing as he openly admits it in every other thread he posts in), and some argue that the last girl he apparently sexed wasn't the hottest thing to trot. There was some drama over people making precisely this argument on another forum in late 2004, but it was tl;dr and nobody gives a shit anymoar. Ice Prince, however, apparently thinks that bringing this up will still bring about "a fit of angst and maximum lulz", which just goes to show how much he has to learn about the Internets. Between V's disgust with American politicians and his sex deprivation though, we give it about a year before he takes after his namesake and attempts to blow up the entire city of Washington, D.C. The Party Van no doubt already have their eyes on him.

Recently promoted to global mod. While many members applauded this bold decision on the part of staff, some argue that given his sexual angst and the state of the world, he's a ticking time bomb, and it's only a matter of time before he explodes.


Member Drama[edit]

With failures like that on staff you'd expect the members couldn't possibly outdo them for failure, and on most forums you'd be right, but this is ACF, home to even more desperate weeaboos and aspies than those typically found on 4chan. Some of the worst failures in ACF's history are documented here for the sake of posterity.


Zeroshin[edit]

Racist, unfunny n00b and troll who realized his epic dreams of becoming an hero with a conniption fit in Spam. Zeroshin was made of fail from his very first post, in which he misspelled his name. Thinks it's OH SO REBELLIOUS to call Dacon a nigger and Ashes a "fucking Nazi racist" and "dickhead Moderator" who "should burn in hell". His lulziest meltdown came in this thread wherein he managed to get himself permabanned from the spam section with a series of trolls that offended absolutely no one.


Biff McNasty[edit]

Joined sometime in 2007 and quickly developed an e-relationship with another recent arrival to the forum, Mage. She flew over to meet him in Texas for two weeks, then he flew over to meet her in Britain for ostensibly two weeks and knocked her up after use of a faulty condom (and by faulty we mean he's incompetent). However, it didn't stop there, as he simply refused to leave for an additional three and a half months despite the fact that she was financially unable to support such an arrangement. When Mage finally kicked him out back to Texas he claimed that he was going to get a job to support her, and shortly thereafter had a "car crash" which was shortly thereafter revealed to be a fake. Biff claimed his account was hacked. When it became clear that he and Mage wouldn't be getting back together, he posted an account of an alleged old friend of his who had proposed to him which ultimately led to this post from Mage detailing his slovenly personal habits and habit of talking complete bullshit. Since then, he has basically disappeared from the Internet, although he returns occasionally to slag off SO members or leak content from the team. Moast recently though, he popped back up to threaten the would-be indomitable Mage with tales of woe regarding his own miserable existence, insulting her for getting on with her life (surely not as opposed to waiting for this knight in rusty armor to actually get a life?), and reiterate his intention of childsnatching under the guise of protecting 'the bond' he shares with 'his' son. Mage has assured the Dramacrats that she doesn't allow the unborn youngling to play with naughty boys.

Other exploits of Biff's have included creating a duplicate account for his "best friend" to post on, which eventually revealed the shocking information that he had fallen into a coma and was on life support with very little chance of survival. A few intrepid warriors, who had heard a story suspiciously similar to that before, called "Bullshit," at which Biff re-appeared claiming that his friend's account and his own account had both been hacked. His streak of "bad luck" rivals even that of Sacred Wolf, including such unfortunate occurrences as liver disease, falling out of a moving lorry at 60mph, being run over, and the infamous coma. However, nobody gives a shit about his self-absorbed behavior anymore because it's become readily apparent that he tells moar lies than your average U.S. government official. Recognizing this fact, Biff has all but disappeared from ACF, reappearing only when his ego has been bruised or when he thinks someone will believe his tragic stories, but in all likelihood, he has already moved on to another community, searching for another impressionable female to woo with his stories of unwarranted self-importance and, eventually, impregnate. Be warned, internet-going females, this would-be Lothario has also recently revealed his dominating, controlling nature by sending e-mails of a hostile nature. Clearly, he means business. Serios bizniz, no doubt.

Now coming back from the e-dead for the billionth time, Biff claims to be a changed man. Reportedly he's been taking various classes in order to curb his anger and controlling attitude. He's told many that he's not out to claim the youngling. After being but hurt by Mage in the formerly mention thread, he has ultimately decided to go to Plan B while doing his tour in a Iraq. Either he's given up on life, or he's decided to do the honorable thing (and us all a favor) by marching headlong into a roadside bomb.

User Name[edit]

Appearing some time late last Thursday, User Name was a desperate and unfunny attention whore who thought that he could fix all of the forum-related problems by living in the Forum Feedback & Suggestions section and not moving even when Staff asked him to. He spent over 100 years (about two weeks) complaining about a single warning point he'd gotten for spam which was blatantly deserved, but his mother was upset about it. He would occasionally appear "drunk" (his second personality of a worse retard would burst out) and post sporadically in Spam, to be hung, drawn and quartered. He was banned from ACF by request with this post, yet returned to request an unban no more than two days later like a typical drama whore. In response, staff took as long as possible to deliberate before coming up with an old, forgotten rule that one cannot request an unban for two weeks after requesting a ban, thus pleasing everyone on the forum except User Name. Apparently, he has been continuing to pester staff due to their refusal to unban him early, which has simply resulted in them threatening to increase his ban time further. His failure to note that ACF doesn't have a section for retards has resulted in moar comebacks than Madonna, only without the commercial success. Phail of epic proportions. Rumours that he's the guy on the left in the infamous lemonparty picture are as yet unfounded.


L[edit]

L: Scottish and shit

A Scottish forum veteran, or as some may say, lulz troll with piss-poor grammar that probably results from his being an uneducated heroin addict from Leith, thus of course rendering him an unholy Scottish abomination. His stardom on ACF began before he was staffed, becoming well-known for insulting anything that dared move and vanishing in a puff of 'warnings' faster than you can say Troll AIDs. Nobody on staff seemed to care about this; however, he was promptly chucked as soon as he pwned batshit crazy admin Sacred Wolf by revealing her secret identity as a retarded monkey. It's safe to assume he isn't going anywhere anytime soon, as whenever he is permabanned he simply makes a duplicate account. You may think he's gone, but as herpes has taught us, appearances can be deceiving.

The ever vigorous drama whore, he can be found dishing out insults to uppity n00bs such as gheydragon, Kira, Dee, Ice Prince, Darkbeat, Felix, Rinoa, Suteki and others. Some argue that these can be considered a bit "too extreme" for the internets; however, others consider to be them to be epic lulz, especially seeing that they have directly provoked hissyfits from ACF's very own ladyboy IP and faghag Dee. In fact, it serves indirectly to compose much amusement when the two get so butthurt they have to edit his ED article in UBER RETALIATION! SPARTAAAAAAA!!1

Even his fellow SO'ers have to ignore his attitude from time to time, but they put up with him due to the fact that his actions within the team have resulted in large numbers of women distributing nude pictures. V's life is complete because of him.

Perhaps due to the combination of SO's superiority complex and a bastard of a manperiod, L can be found hiding inside of the FF&S section, waiting for a Staff member to slip up to help lead the charge into the shitstorm.


Kira[edit]

He's been sucking up to SO since day one, and while there is a generous selection of members worth bashing for lulz, he's clearly been asking for it. Sheens summed it up nicely when she told him she would never vote yes on him to enter SO, which basically summed up the entire team's sentiments. This lead to moar lulz in spam with this thread directed at Sheens for killing his unspoken agenda and hopes (which are completely tl;dr anyway). Either the kid thinks SO(and spam in general) is all about tough love and thinks if he keeps it up he'll get promoted to wannabe spammer instead of his current rank of newfag, or he's simply too moronic to realize no one likes him and SO really doesn't want him. Considering this is ACF, it's probably the latter.


The Doctor[edit]

Originally a Grade A Spammer from the old times, he suffered from an over-grown ego that took on a size so large it had to be spread onto FFOF. Even won 'Best Spammer' a few times in the Spam section, though this is mainly because he was one of the only one's who stuck around long enough. Y'know, having no life and all. Known to use his e-popularity to perform dramatic acts of pointless endeavors, such as randomly declaring Deepground as a separate entity from ACF and removing all power from the Mods. However, this was purely in name since if the Mods had actually given a shit they could've just banned his ass. Though the last time this happened, he was dragged back out of Corel by the needless BAWWWWing.

Normally the Ego (and Doctor) wouldn't be worthy of Member Drama, but sometime Last Thursday he reappeared within Somewhat Obsessed and began parading around as if his cock was made of gold, even though all available evidence indicates that it is made out of excrement. His belief that he is a Timelord has left him stuck in the past, and so when he realized that SO/FC had formed a peaceful alliance he demanded that SO rise up from the petty confines of such members and cast aside FC. However, he had been gone for a few months and no one remembered him, and SO told him to stfu.


   
 
the fact that we seem to have taken a mediocre team under our wing and into our hearts for doing nothing except copying our behaviour. yeah, we have dragged them out of the gutter but we've fallen from our highground into their mediocre cess-pool of shit.

don't get me wrong, i'm sure they have good people but they haven't done ANYTHING to warrant being one with us. have they invaded anywhere of merit? have they matched us in ANY way? no. their dowry is shit and whoever agreed to it has degraded us all.
 


 
 

—The Doctor, flashing an upskirt of his elitist cunt

Cue Drama. Ego began chucking flames to FC left and right, so eventually Team Leader Mage told him to be quiet like a good boy and shut the thread. Ego immediately opened another thread flaming everyone in the team which V immediately closed, and Ego's cunt was officially inflamed; he decided to become an SO rash by complaining about V's leadership skills (relating them to Felix, which is slightly ironic considering his sudden penchant for superiority and random insults) and the state of his beloved team. He mentioned over 9000 times that he was going to leave, returning every minute afterwords to make sure that people were crying, and demanded everybody go kill themselves as much as possible.

Hilariously, everyone ignored him for a couple of days much to his distress and eventually he was temporarily banned by Ghost X, the Team Moderator. It turned out that The Doctor, in his infinite wisdom, had PM'd Ghost telling him where to stick it. So clever. He continued his stream of intelligence, much like a stream of blood flying from your penis, by completely 'owning' Dacon on MSN in a manner similar to well-known pedophile Words of Ivory; namely, he threw the flame and blocked him for fear of retaliation. Brave, brave man.

After his banning, Ego continued to puke all over the Corel section and, after requesting a permaban, proceeded to lick his wounds on FFOF and prepare for his next valiant assault. However, no one gave a crap, and he proceeded to delete himself out of butthurt.

Dramacrats also recently discovered that Ego, under the name Aspirin, has been repeatedly attempting to edit this ACF article as an attempt at glorifying his BAWWWWWWWWing. To summarize, his edits have basically accused V of starting the holocaust, slummed anything FC and promoted the wonderful an hero that is The Doctor. No surprises there then. In this constant show of maturity, he continued adding his wankstain to the site in an editing fight with V and The Editor, despite the fact that he himself has admitted that his constant editing of ED is childish.


   
 
sorry guys, seriously.

didn't think you guys wouldn't be able to discuss something like fucking adults. as i said, nowhere did i WANT to return SO to it's previous state. i just don't like the way it is now and think FC are cuntards. big deal. yeah, i was blunt but get over it, it's only opinions. anyways, Aaron won't remove me so back into the ether i will stroll.

toodles.
 


 
 

—The internets is serious business. Doc returned 5 minutes later

Some interesting points to consider where the Doctor/Ego/Aspirin/Yo Momma is concerned are 1) his inability to keep it in his pants, and 2) the fact that his fiancée is oblivious to his rather slutty attitude. And yet this ACF drama trollop wants people to believe him.

The Dramacrats have learned that The Doctor has previously met other ACFers, garnering sexual favors and conveniently omitting the fact that he is in a long-term relationship. This 'charming' behavior was obviously an inspiration for that other piece of internet pondlife, The Doctor's sidekick Biff McNasty. Clearly, a long journey is worth it if you can use someone and then toss them aside at your earliest convenience.

The administrators of this piece of internet hilarity may be interested to note that The Doctor himself has several accounts active for the purposes of editing his profile to remove any blemishes on his character. Ironic, then, that the man is a shitstain on the net with an opinion worth absolutely fuck-all. Suggesting this to The Doctor, however, will result in much BAWWWWWing and demanding that Something Gets Done. Failure To Do Something will result in yet another internet hissy fit, of which we have seen to many and stopped caring when the dinosaurs all died.

It's also worth noting that, as an apparent postlude to this particular incident of drama, Ego manned up and apologized for his latest outbursts of faggotry:

[2008/04/12@14:53:36] The Doctor: you there?
[2008/04/12@14:56:23] The Doctor: can you remove my ban status please? i've made a ridiculous ass of myself and wish to set things straight ASAP.
[2008/04/12@14:57:09] The Doctor: i thought i was "fighting the good fight" but i was being a total asswipe.
[2008/04/12@14:58:30] The Doctor: i'll log in on wednesday and post an apology to all. the ED shit can remain however it's been set, you can re-ban me on thursday if you wish.
[2008/04/12@14:58:41] The Doctor: see you later dude.
[2008/04/12@14:58:47] The Doctor: sorry for being a twat.

However, no more than three days thereafter, he was once again found editing in slanderous material into ED edits out of butthurt. From this we can conclude that his word means no more than the toilet paper you use to wipe your ass.


The Arab[edit]

What happens to n00bs in ACF's spam section

Pretentious racist sarcastic narcissist red neck self centered rock loving jack ass and prick Sand Nigger. One of the oldest spammers in ACF. Known as AK, Omni_Slash, Omni_, Swastika, Syria, The Jihad, Colonel Penis A. McPenis and Bin Laden (Among others). Got banned for trying to hack SY's account to restore the Spam section after Darkbeat closed it "as a joke" and ban the fag while he's at it. However, was recently unbanned and resumed his e-activity.

He invented one of the earliest and most popular memes on ACF which took newbie fags with storm, especially with the brilliant and famous .gif image (Made by Rennard) that is associated with it.


   
 
Fly away you newbie fag !
 

 
 

—The Arab

A real middle eastern and an anime lover, The Arab believes that niggers should get over slavery and stop blaming white folks for the fact that his grand daddy bought some one's black grand daddy from a black merchant.


Sephiroth of the Turks[edit]

A loser with no real identity and no signature-making Photoshop skillz. Copied the user name, and designs by a member of the same name on a different Final Fantasy forum. As an early member before any the retard fangirls joined, Sephiroth of the Turks (known as SotT there) was able to get away with claiming he made various signatures for a while. When asked on how to create simple borders for signatures:


   
 
Oh, my sister does my borders for me, sorry!
 

 
 

—SotT

Despite making such 'great sigs', he was eventually caught out when the real SotT on the other forum discovered his identity and signatures had been stolen. Shit brewed over and the fake SotT eventually left ACF never to be seen again, is most likely elsewhere on the internet copying other people's identity. In fact, he could be riiight under your nose!


Setup and Sections[edit]

ACF's server shits itself on a regular basis. This has been the case for the whole of ACF's existence after every "server upgrade" it's ever had and every "move to a better server" it's ever had. A little known fact is that this keeps occurring because secks with video game characters is mathematically equivalent to dividing by zero; even thinking about it causes a paradox. OH SHI--

The forums with the highest traffic include:


Do You Want Spam?[edit]

Basically the /b/ of ACF, except that there's no porn and mods sometimes warn people for no reason. However, to its credit, it does also have the rule that anyone who admits to posting solely for the purpose of causing annoyance can be permanently removed from the section, which means that the most cancerous newfags, when discovered, rarely last for long. Most of the posts consist of recycled in-jokes from /b/ or retarded newfags attempting to fit in. Ironically, most of the most intelligent posts in the forum are made in Spam, which goes to show you how retarded the rest of ACF is. The spammer hivemind rivals TOW's in its efficiency in enforcing the spammers' desired opinions, due to a combination of tenacity, verbosity, and nobody else giving a shit. Some argue (mostly RoAtards) that they secretly run the forum. In reality the forum is run by a balance of Wikipedia-worthy arguments between spammers, RoAtards and mudkipz, though the RoAtards admittedly do have much less influence since the spammers' tenacity resulted in the resignations of Felix Xelon and Darkbeat.


General Chat[edit]

Like Spam, except unfunny and actually spammier. The fact that people actually rack up thousands of posts in this section is proof that all ACF members have no social life outside the Internets.


The Meeting Place[edit]

Where the paedos of ACF go to seek out delicious loli. There's also a "Chit Chat" thread, which was formerly dominated by Ice Prince posting "Aw, <3 (previous poster's name)" until post counts were removed from the thread. Now he never, ever posts in it. EVAR.

The only worthwhile part of this section is the few decent-looking females who post in the picture thread, though most of them are, as one would expect, camwhores. The comment thread is spoiled by the fact that Ice Prince makes every other post.


The Pagoda[edit]

The "Personal Problems" section of the forum. As such, it consists entirely of forum members whining about lack of sex and/or friends, since none of them ever have either (or, for that matter, ever will), and posting Simple Plan lyrics. At one point in the past, several crafty subversives created hilarious pisstake threads in the Pagoda, but as is their tendency with everything lulzy, staff slummed them.


Mako Reactor[edit]

The "intelligent debate" section of ACF, which reveals perhaps better than any other section how utterly devoid of intelligence ACF is. Now moderated by the fair and balanced team of V, an anarchist, and Ghost X, an anarchist, the only other regular participants who can string together coherent sentences are Angelus-Mortis, an autistic anti-religious zealot, and Rinoa, a Mormon. The combination of these four invariably results in threads that are tl;dr. Noteworthy section miscreants are Hadriel and, more recently, Chaolan (better known amongst the ACF community as Gheydragon). While the former occasionally posts something worth discussing, the latter, sadly, is about as skilled a debater as a coked-up chav on Jeremy Kyle.


Northern Crater[edit]

Perhaps the most vomit-inducing section of ACF, this contains ACF's much-ballyhooed "clubs." Most of them consist of at least 100 pages of fanwanking over FFVII characters, but, for the sake of variety, some of them consist of flames of the aforementioned character. Both are equally made of fail and are inhabited by virgins who will never get laid. There are also "pairings clubs," which mostly consist of yaoi. By far the most cringeworthy club on the entire forum is Sephyism, run by the forum's founder Summoner Yuna and devoted to actual worship of Sephiroth.

For epic lulz, enter any of these clubs and post a contrary opinion. The 16-year-old girls and 13-year-old boys who inhabit the section will display their inability to cope with dissent by reacting in an overly dramatic fashion. You'll get warned for "trolling," but the lulz that ensue will no doubt be worth it. It's also lulzworthy to do this in the compilation section, most notably in threads started by hormone-flushed fourteen-year olds.


RP Domain[edit]

A spawn of Northern Crater the likes no one has ever seen, which happens to the be the site of much of the forum's current drama due to a struggle between ex-staffers, who are bitter that they have lost their much-prized e-power, and current staffers, who have no intention of giving up any of their current e-power. The RoA hivemind will ridicule anyone who suggests the current structure of the forum is working, whereas the SO hivemind will ridicule anyone who suggests that anyone in RoA has the ability to sort the section out. One of the most prominent members of the section, L, has been banned countless times for having "duplicate accounts" (which no one except Summoner Yuna cares about) and calling Ice Prince a homofag (which generates cheers from everyone else on the forum except Dee). While all involved agree that the section is a cesspool of inactivity at the moment, it will continue to remain that way no matter who runs it because nobody gives a shit.


Compilation of FFVII[edit]

The lifeblood of the forum, this section contains over nine thousand tl;dr threads discussing what Square Enix should do in the Final Fantasy VII remake they're never actually going to make because they know that once they produce it people will stop giving a shit about the Compilation, and the rest consist of tl;dr arguments between fans over how long Sephiroth's sword is, some tl;dr details from the Ultimania Omega that nobody gives a shit about, and tl;dr threads discussing whether forum members would let Sephiroth ride on them if they were chocobos (I'm dead serious). Reading this section for more than ten minutes will cause a loss of IQ due to intellectual osmosis, which no doubt explains the stupidity plastered over the rest of the forum as well.


Feedback and Forum Suggestions[edit]

The forum which, more than any other, encapsulates the spirit of ACF, Feedback consists of Wikipedia-worthy arguments between members (usually spammers), who expect the forum to be run flawlessly and along democratic lines, and staff, who are in love with their e-power and refuse to admit to any shortcomings or mistakes. As a result, the section generally consists of V or some other spammer dismantling staff's ridiculously bureaucratic rules system, and staff paying no attention whatsoever, insisting that the status quo functions despite the immense number of people disagreeing with the way things are run, or simply refusing to acknowledge the point out of stubbornness. Staff then close threads before any consensus is reached, which simply results in a new thread being made. Lather, rinse, repeat. Needless to say, no one on the forum is ever happy. The entire section is made of drama and fail, much like the rest of the forum, and the entire section is always tl;dr. A recent alteration which came with the reopening of the forum was the policy of no de-admin threads, which has resulted in no de-admin threads, but not less drama. Like illegal dogfights, the drama has simply moved to other forums and PMs, flaring occasionally into random posts.

Recently the section has consisted almost entirely of butthurt newfags whining about getting verbal warnings for posting irrelevant bullshit and everyone else telling them to stfu. These threads are even more tl;dr than the usual content of the section, because unlike the usual content of the section there's no chance of any of them improving the forum.


Memes[edit]

What happens to n00bs in ACF's spam section

The closest thing to a current meme ACF has of its own is the Cookie Monster, mostly due to the influence of longtime members V and YopY; the Cookie Monster emoticon can express anything from "I lol'd" to "Fly away you newbie fag" (an old meme from around 2005 introduced by banned member The Arab, which still has a funny accompanying animated gif created by long-departed member Rennard), depending on context. There are also a number of other competing emoticons such as Elmo and Oscar, but none of these has ever caught on enough to be awarded its own ACF emoticon.

The majority of ACF's other community-specific memes are extremely political and insular, mostly relating to commentary on the current or past leadership of the forum. Hence, for example, a reference to a car crash would be an obvious sign that a poster was lying for the sake of lulz, since both Sacred Wolf and Biff McNasty have posted about fake car crashes in the past.


Teams[edit]

Because the community of ACF is so bloated, someone came up with idea of teams, ostensibly so the members and staff would get along better. We've all seen how that worked out. Four teams were set up, each with its own special brand of failure.


Somewhat Obsessed[edit]

Somewhat Obsessed are the non-Anonymous, Anonymous of ACF. Feeling superior in every way, they often stir drama out of the whores (RoA) of ACF simply by posting, and they have apparently evolved trolling to an art form, seeing as the majority of them seem to manage to do it repeatedly without ever getting warned for it. To them, this results in massive lulz, but to everyone else, it's infuriating because the members will not vote cunts/asshats in. They are the alleged 'smart' section of ACF, but they're still not smart enough to get the hell out before they become like their ex-comrades (banned by a staffer with an inherent distaste for spam). They apparently recently elected their replacement team leaders and directors through an elaborate system involving distribution of nudes of female members, which sums up the modus operandi of the team in a nutshell. This was obviously a tried, tested and approved technique of electing team staff, because the car crash whore Biff McNasty had a bitch-fit about it. As long as Hillary Clinton doesn't try it, we're safe. The only thing SO truly does wrong is proving how noobish they can be by comparing everything to Harry Potter.

If ACF were Hogwarts (and, given the number of unstable and dysfunctional individuals in both locales, it's not a stretch), SO would undoubtedly be Gryffindor due to their audacity at flaunting the rules and doing it for the lulz.


Fated Children[edit]

Fated Children are basically the wanna/b/e. First they wanted to be RoA, and tried to be a family. Even fanfucks with sick obsessions couldn't stand to stay more than five hours, so they switched to trying to be SO. While unsuccessful, it did cause the spam section's regulars to at least look at them while raping them up the ass. After that, the majority of the members moved onward to FCF. While their team remained intact on ACF at this time, it was in the shitter, with less than five members actively posting, all headed by everyone's favorite tranny fuck trap, Ice Prince. As the place where RoA members go to die, it's safe to say that the elephants' graveyard of ACF had about as much activity as a quadriplegic's sex life. However, due to the rapport developed between SO and FC members on FCF, FC and SO decided to start accepting each other's members, which resulted in over nine thousand posts per day in both teams. After about three days in RoA, Ice Prince returned to the team from his emo escapade over double teaming. We are guessing Darkbeat couldn't satisfy his every whim. However, after about three days back in FC, he fucked off again after realising no one liked him.

FC roughly correspond to Ravenclaw. Let's face it, most of them are whack jobs.


Renegades of Apocalypse[edit]

RoA are full of people who trust so easily they also allow proven pedophiles into their midst (I'm looking at you, TGS). The real drama whores of ACF, most of their members are current or former staff members adept at kissing arse. If you say anything bad about one of their members, the rest will swoop in like a swarm of zerglings and defend them. E-family is serios bizness guys. Interestingly, after a devious e-plot was uncovered by Lunar, half the "family" left. While there have been whispers of plans by Felix Xelon and Darkbeat (now new and improved - with screenshots) to attempt to oust Lunar from her admin position, just as they'd done with Geostigma and Daryl Falchion when they were admins, we'll assume the "devious e-plot" was really just someone refusing to put out. It's worth noting that, while they insist they're not elitists and would NEVER talk trash behind people's backs, all their decisions are made by the team staff without input from the rest of the members and for ages they had a sooper secret section which only longtime members can view, wherein they slag off everyone who's unable to view it. Oops, I guess it's not such a secret anymore. (UPDATE: This section is now closed thanks to the valiant efforts of the Spam section regulars). Their much-vaunted tradition of team loyalty is evidenced by their treatment of SutekiMitsukai after she had the audacity to join Somewhat Obsessed: they tossed her out on the street like a $2 whore - which, considering the target, might not be entirely uncalled for, but it's not exactly loyal.

RoA undoubtedly are the Slytherin of ACF; they are unmatched in self-serving ambition, insufferable arrogance, and drama whoredom. They also lack a sense of humor, apart from their member Gaara, who's just a bandwagon whore.


Crystal Inc.[edit]

Crystal Inc?...Who even cares? No, seriously. Shahab is the only interesting thing about this group since YopY left it. Talk about scary. They're also incredibly secretive, probably due to the fact that they all lead double existences as child molestors. The fact that gheydragon and Ice Prince are members of this team summarises it better than anything else any of us could tell you. In other words, it's probably full of cp. And just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, new member Haru Wolf, with the coherent English of a brain-damaged monkey ("I need WAR! its draiveing me mad.and its 1 of them days hows your day been?") was accepted into the team. Apparently, your ability to communicate with other members doesn't matter so long as you are loyal to the CI oath. Creepy.

They're the Hufflepuff of ACF; or, to summarize the summary, nobody gives a shit about them.


Drama[edit]

Traditionally members took it as a given that they would not join more than one team at a time. This all changed last Thursday when member Val decided to embark on a holy and epic quest to be accepted to all four teams at once, which made it readily apparent that was no technical restriction against joining more than one team. When it became apparent that staff wasn't going to do anything about Val being a member of SO and FC at the same time, at least 100 members started applying to all other teams. This led to an immediate hissy fit from RoA, which goes without saying, and from CI, since none of their members ever interact with anyone outside of the team. As a result, it is unquestionable that lulz can be generated by already being a member of SO and/or FC, then applying to CI and RoA. Unfortunately, one will require a mole inside those teams to derive them, which is a difficult proposition since their members' lips are tighter than a nun's vagina. At least five internets will be awarded to anyone who manages to acquire one.

Meanwhile, staff members Ice Prince, Dee, and The Phantom became severely emo after it became apparent that the majority of FC had no objection to SO members joining their sacred team, and had themselves banned and/or left for RoA (whose biggest mouth piece appeared to be RoA member and staffer Masamune until Felix and Darkbeat arrived on the scene) in a fit of angst, which tells you almost everything you need to know about them; Dee and Ice Prince were back in and out of FC once moar within two weeks, which takes care of everything else you need to know about them. Our crack team of Dramacrats is currently working on procuring direct quotes. It's also worth noting that Ice Prince apparently got let into RoA without a vote, as is typical team procedure. While direct evidence of this has yet to surface, the reasoning behind his instant admission is obvious: the trap offered Darkbeat e-sexual favours, and the Dutchman, figuring that he was already tainted from his interaction with a previous trap, decided he should take what he could get.

Unfortunately for the drama whores of ACF, multi-teaming proved to be a successful campaign and has since had the effect of drawing in even the FCF goers back into activity on ACF, which now enjoys the most activity it's had since reopening. On the other hand, RoA and CI are both dead, by its own members' admission. Apparently elitism is moar important than everything else on the Intarwebs. The reasoning of such members became clearly apparent in a thread discussing potential candidates for a "team moderator" position wherein Felix came out of his hole in RoA and posted a brief post denouncing admin Lunar and claiming that all "spammers" were innately untrustworthy. A predictable shitstorm ensued due to the relentless illogic of his post, and in its aftermath Felix quickly crawled back into his hole to lick his wounds like a typical furry. He has not been heard from since.


Somewhat Obsessed/Fated Children Assimilation Malarkey[edit]

The "new" team of ACF, consists of SO members allowed into FC and visa versa (not really a new team then, just a few bold folk going out team-whoring). The brainchild of a Brum and an unfuckable Jew. "Elite" old member The Doctor returned to ACF to observe this set of circumstances and concluded that the team "consists primarily of wimpy whiners who say shit behind peoples backs, band wagon jumpers and ass-kissers with their eyes on staff positions they feel they can now obtain via V's 'staffer of da month' shatitude." This is ironic because the only one whining or saying anything behind ayone's back upon his return was The Doctor; the rest of us will call you an overemotional drama whore to your face. Their once open minds are now closed to discussion regarding the state of affairs in the "super-team" as they persist in believing they have achieved some kind of e-utopia via number of posts as opposed to quality of members (and by quality of members we mean that the place isn't dead any more because one elitist cunt decided to play Stalin). After The Doctor returned to the nets and had a bitch-fit about the current state of affairs, stating that SO had let in "a bunch of band-wagoning fucktards", the leaders of SO simply pointed out that it was a pre-agreed venture between members of both teams which had worked out quite nicely. The Doctor was clearly severely butthurt that no-one had asked him for his opinion because they frankly didn't give a shit.

Further proving his own sore-arsed attitude regarding this drama, The Doctor decided to dig up the corpse of Biff McNasty (who's now died on the net moar times than Dee). After realizing how much of a low blow this was (and by low blow we mean epic fail) and getting nowhere, The Doctor contacted several SOers to protest that he never invited his bestest e-buddy back to the internet. After being rebuked with some choice comments about his own questionable approach to fidelity and e-lationships, The Doctor ran back to FFOF to lick his pained posterior where he posted a thread BAWWWWWWWing about the treatment he received at ACF wherein he was simply laughed off by the people who used to worship the ground he walked upon. As a result he took to raping ACF's ED article repeatedly with his ludicrously biased account that conveniently left out all wrongdoing on his part, despite the fact that he'd already been banned from ED for his faggottry, while all the time insisting that he didn't care about the drama and that he was totally over it.

He now feels that SO is "Slowly becoming what RoA used to be. Close minded drama whores who turn on people who don't feel 100% the same as them and then proceed to oust the person who dared piss on their lolomgwtfbbq as a "drama whore" and inform them that "da internets is serios buznes". Their once close-knit group of friends now just beg jail-bait for tit pics and then jerk off over them while pretending they're more than just a group of sad feebs with no life outside of their utopian fantasy.

Evolution is not always for the best."

Clearly. We're sorry it failed so tragically in your case, Doctor, but for the rest of us, life goes on.


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