APB: All Points Bulletin

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Frog clock.jpeg APB: All Points Bulletin is going to be fixed up later...
So stay tuned!


Fanboy reaction to APB closure.
Nobody now, lol.

APB: All Points Bulletin, made by Realtime Worlds, was a half-arsed attempt to engage you in a World of Warcraft-like 'African American' simulator.

The idea was to have two factions (Cops and Robbers, but that's not what they called them) continuously at war within an open-world environment.

It also gave "unprecedented access" to editors for clothing, music, cars, graffiti etc.

Sounding good in concept, it sadly fell flat upon its face IRL as a result of myriad failings, including (but not limited to):

  • Lag
  • The whole game being biased towards the Cops.
  • Nobody want to simulate being a black-person or a Cop.
  • Continuous bitching and moaning in the chat every five seconds.
  • Lag.
  • Cops being able to chase you if they see you even knocking over a sign. (Duh, you are Black!)
  • Missions being repeated pretty much every 5 minutes.
  • PVP missions allow Cops/Robbers who are much stronger than you to join and KICK YOUR FUCKING HEAD IN. (Black on Black violence? Yeah, like that's a stretch.)
  • More Lag.
  • Vehicles feel terrible to drive.
  • You have to grind for infinity bajillion years to get any of the decent cars/weapons - (WOWfags are probably accustomed to this.)
  • Cops having access to guns that stun Robbers (making them unable to move or fire) allowing to arrest/kill them (both do pretty much the same thing) incredibly easily.
  • Vehicle/Clothing editors are painful to use.
  • Much more La- You get the idea.

This game actually made Realtime Worlds go bankrupt and into administration; that's how shit it is. And it lasted like two months.

Reloaded[edit]

K2 Network bought APB and renamed it All Points Bulletin: Reloaded.

Within it's Free-to-Play Pay-to-Win, so get your Aimbot prepared!

If you join any Eurofag server then get ready for all the cheating Cossack bastards who play; they're all Aimbotters who will kill you then sell your teeth for firewood during your first mission.

If you're raged-out by these Russians, take your money and buy OP guns to return as a Hero. But hey, this game allows you to be like a Weeaboo or a fucking punk nigger with epic tattoos and costumes!

The Matchmacking System is horrible as fuck, if you play with an Aimbotter, do this:

  • Kill your Teammates.
  • Use Aimbot too.
  • Use a pistol instead of a SMG/LMG/Sniper to act like a pro; they will Ragequit... trust me.
  • Tell them that Russia's an overly-irradiated unhospitable shithole.
  • Use the same weapons and get moar kills to make them bawwwwwwwww.
  • ???
  • Profit!
  • or Finding an Aimbotter
Gamer IRL.

Doing this steps, makes the Aimbotter looking like shit

Gameplay[edit]

Within the game you were presented with a choice of two occupations:

A limited choice this may be but each of them did have TWO exciting tasks to complete.

Attack OR Defend! Keep it simple stupid.

The Weapons were supposed to be Balanced... Were they balanced?


   
 
Niet!
 

 
 

—Some vodka-addled Ruskie

Criminal[edit]

As a criminal you could seriously fuck up bots by using your Magical fist. If you didn't want to do a mission then could always go and rob a Market; although you had to be wary of the Enforcers, they would often steal your loot when you got killed leaving you looking like a punked-out poorfag. Naturally you could do more shit than the Enforcers because like the majority of criminal activity it's all about the lulz.

An OMG Secret Mod!!1 which was removed by Gaymerfirst.

Enforcer[edit]

The 'Badass' class in the game; the Enforcer could piss off the criminals with the tazer. Before the Reloaded version came out the tazer only needed one shot to stun a criminal; causing much butthurt in the process, it was later patched so that it required 3-4 shots.

Due to the majority of players being sexless freaks making your character a woman could be particularly advantageous; many criminals were brought to great justice after fapping mid-mission and getting killed.

Anyway; bottom-line... Fuck the Police.

HOLY SHIT[edit]

Ben Batemen of Codemasters mentioned APB's patch notes for a potential buyout and resurrection. OH SHIIIIITTTTT.

Will it come back?

Some other studio wants to take a crack at running this shitty MMO; but with a free-to-play system this time because they know it sucks and hope that people just will think "Hey if it's free it can't be that bad."

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]


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