AQ Worlds

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ED CLEANER 2.jpg This article needs a serious clean up

Somebody should do something about it.

Billymays1.png


   
 
We care very much about our player's money.
 

 
 

— Artix

Adventure Quest Worlds is a generically-titled American MMORPG with the sole purpose of sucking away your younger sibling's life, money, soul and intelligence. It is a wasteland of wasted money, 15-minute releases, broken promises, 12 year olds, trolls and lots and lots of Brazilians.


OFFICE MAX[edit]

"The money goes in, but it doesn't come out!"

It was a dark and stormy night in the secret underground facility and the AE team made up of evil jews were scheming as usual. "I have one of the greatest money grubbing idea's jewkind has had since banks!" Announced Artix to his legion of scam artists. "We'll pose as a free flash MMORPG and lure in all the poor kids who can't afford World of Warcraft. Then we'll suck away the few dollars they have!" and at the moment of agreement amongst the Jewish community, AQWorlds was born. Their scheme rivals the sub-prime mortgage loan scams of Wells Fargo and AIG except they trick small children into buying "Membership" and "Adventure Coins" instead of ghetto black people! The Staff makes you think you're paying for an MMORPG, when you're really paying for a dress up chat room full of trolls!

AQWorlds is irreplaceable amongst the gaming community, and is played by over four people. AQW is also a crowd space for many scene kids, skater kids, trolls and pedobear. These are actual kids, so destroy them before they can evolve into their teenager form. The game has a very special kind of humor, much like an adult or FBI agent trying to relate to 4channers.

   
 
Coming next week!
 

 
 

— Artix

Despite the fact that it's totally flash based they manage to lag your four thousand dollar PC more than Crysis just by adding a handful of pets into the game. Other then that, the characters run in some demonic sideways form to make up for the lack of 3D space. AQworlds also shows the most advanced security system on the internet, which is made up of schoolyard tactics of bluffing in the design notes, which is also full of shameless self advertisement on pretty much every site you can think of.

GamePlay (yet to be released)[edit]

There is no gameplay.

AQWorlds is a flash based game with graphics only toddlers could love. The characters are made of 2D sprites that run up and down the screen while their legs move in an awkward forward motion. The game is composed primarily of doing quests that are meant to be "fun", except you end up having to kill the same mofo over again 20 times to pick up the "differently titled" shit they crapped out. The cardboard cut out/brain-dead NPCs that give the shitty quests don't even look at you or move for fear of being charged AC taxes like the players. The quest lines are usually boring and completable within 15 minutes of starting a new area. All of the items in game do the same damage from fucking dildo cunt sausage-chucks to the almighty beta blue balls star sword. All armor is purely aesthetic and by no means does anything to protect your sorry ass from anything from dragon fire to the level 100 lag monster in every room. Instead you are able to enhance these worthless pieces of shit and data by purchasing level related "Enhancements". Some smart and clever AQW players that taught themselves how to read and write (a rare happening on AQdubz) have made "Class Builds and Recommendations" guides on forums. Don't ever listen to this flaming lying pile of goose shit as each class is best with all luck enhancements which just so happen to be sold by the big green mutton chop wearing faggot; Cysero himself. Every enhancement except for luck is pointless and blows more chunks out the ass then a cholera infected infant in Zimbabwe.

A HURR DURRN GOOD EXAMPLE OF HOW TO USE LUCK ENH, INSTANT 17K PLZ

The closest thing AQDubz ever came to adding actual gameplay would be when hentai-lolicon animator Milton Pool now known as Nulgath, tried to create his own area hoping to make the game a little less gay. Milton's area was meant to be an "end-game" area for players that had done all of Cysero's 15 minute releases and wondered why there weren't any that lasted 30 minutes. Milton decided he wanted to release an area that would take more than 30 minutes to release and so the rest of the staff (Cysero) blew a gasket and beat him to death swiftly. The area was then shut down and re-opened after Cysero wiped his greasy hands all over it, only after using them to clean his brown, dukey stained ass first. As time went on this zone began to grow in popularity and players almost began enjoying the game again. Cysero didn't like this one bit and thus arranged to have the zone destroyed and built up from the bottom for non-members and quest loading Brazilians to enjoy. As a parting gift, Cysero wanted to fuck over the paying members further and released all of their shiny Tercessuinotlim shit for free and allowed them to be quest loaded for a good year before finally throwing them into the "rare forever" pile. Tercessuinotlim has now been largely replaced by Daggot The Feeble and his legion shit tokens, a sad, wannabe mockery of a formerly decent zone. What is left of the scorched earth Tercessuinotlim area are of all of Milton's unreleased artz shoved into Juggernigger items of Nulgath. After holding him across his lap and spanking his ass, Cysero banished Milton from AQdubz land and forced him to make his own MMORPG if he wanted to fuck with his paycheck. Milton's name and humanity/human rights were also revoked as he was changed to Nulgath, a fat grody alien rapist bug as part of his



Just about everything in AQdubz from items to inventory space needs "Adventure Coins" to unlock (see big Mr.AC_AC). AE follows a mob mentality marketing model in order to make profits. They have over 9,000 rares pumped into the game annually. In order for the players to feel like they didn't miss out on Daygez seckzi aurtz, the poor imbeciles are compelled to shill out their lives savings in order to buy up the almighty pixels before they go rare forever. This is a weekly occurrence. Players can by and customize their own houses which you must buy from a company called "Centaur 21," an extremely original name for a real estate company. All of the houses are either claustrophobic ghettos or cardboard boxes with "wooden" furniture. You can buy better items for your fap-pad but you need to give some head to Mr.AC_AC first before he says it's okay.


"the greatest reason to play AQ worlds."


   
 
Adventure Quest Worlds is kind of like anal sex, sometimes you like it, sometimes you hate it.
 

 
 


Game Rules[edit]

Adventure Quest Worlds is a child friendly game, meaning that unless your parents net worth is less than 5 million dollars, you're not allowed to act like an autistic sexually deprived virgin (See 18bc). Once you have done the above: Congratulations! You are now free to talk about anything on AQW as long as it's related to what your favorite naval commander is or complain about how you are going to write a 5 page petition for getting trolled on a 2D game with recorded evidence!

The almighty protector of justice

Under no circumstances should you let anyone suspected of buying an account go, since players that didn't pay 7,000 dollars to load rares on their account are most likely to steal attention from other naval commander wearing pros, making you less relevant when you /afk in yulgar.

Don't be scared to talk about how you've sent multiple pictures of your crooked dick to underaged AQW girls. Pedophilia on AQW is NOT enforced and is heavily encouraged by (ex)moderators with their own epic personal items. If you're somehow not a 2008 player and are retarded enough to want to hang out around the pro AQW players you can just apply to become a moderator and get your own faggot pirate armors so that they will notice you. Having an AQW twitter is also very important and the primary source for roleplaying and taking screenshots of your friends wearing the same set as you so that people know you're from 2008 still playing this shit game.

Imagine being this pro....

While casually having a fat wank to your naval commander and you see someone attempting to troll you or move their character and types /dance behind you, make sure you resolve this like any severely autistic person in their 20s would and do one of the following.

  • Threaten to tell one of your several moderator friends that someone is trolling you on AQW
  • Equip your alpha pirate that one of your equally brain damaged mod friends helped you load.
  • Recite the rules of AQW that you spent 10 years memorizing to show you are on the deepest end of the spectrum.
  • Write a strongly worded letter detailing how trolls have devalued the 7,000 dollars you've spent on AQW
  • Tell them how much money your dad made last year so that trolls know they are inferior to you in every way
  • Record yourself playing AQW 24/7 because so no rulebreakers go unseen
  • Tell them that they will never get the code to your custom AQW weapon that you bought with your dads multi-billion company funds

If at any time you are caught by Artix Entertainment breaking the rules of AQW, make sure to remind them how much money you've spent to get your OG set from 2008 loaded onto your shitty account and they are sure to revoke any mutes or bans on your account.

Story[edit]

"AM CHAOS LAWD ESCHURIYAWNZ."

The AQ Worlds storyline is your typical cliché Good vs. Evil with purple in it; the Lemon Party king and Darth Asshole are fighting over the fate of the universe when an outrageous purple faggot named Drakath comes in and gives the two every STD known to man. He then proceeds to grab Darth’s balls and break them turning the entire Evil faction into a recolored Good faction led by Ms. Fanservice herself. Drakath then goes on about some shit about his Lords of Chaos who end up fodder at the end of the day anyway.

Shit seems pretty cool for the new AQ Worlds players so far with these revolutionary new assholes to plunge their Default Swords into while Quibble Coinbiter makes his debut after Artix is forced to pay legal and insurance fees for accidentally reversing his shitbox car over a baby.

  • First comes Escherion; some purple nigger who flipped and turned upside-down the entire town of Mobius harder than the Fresh Prince of Shit himself. Artix rammed a shitload of monsters into the member preview for the Escherion arc and made the players grind through a few hundred thousand. This was too easy for them all so he added another six billion which made a lot of people mad. Then someone just cheated their way into the Boss room and got all the cool drops.
A week later the arc was released for all the free players and everyone just botted for rewards and such. Escherion ends up getting beat like a bitch and raped when the Hero pulls a mirror out of his/her ass to reflect spells and shit.
"So pro!"
  • Second are the Twins that nobody gives a shit about because they get pushed to the side. The Twins are just used as a big plot device for everything that goes wrong in the AQ Worlds storyline now because the writers got tired of this shit long ago. There was also that whole Sneevil war that nobody ever gave a shit about because all the drops were reused.
  • Third came a pleasant purple penis pounder named Vath who abolished anti-slavery laws in Dwarfhold and forced all the nigger dwarves to farm for cotton. The Vath arc brought along with it meatgrinding for reputation and butthurt of epic proportions over Vath’s armor – the recolored Evolved Dragonlord. Players who upgraded in DragonFable insisted that they should have exclusive rights to the armor and players who upgraded in AQ Worlds told them to fuck off. This back-and-forth fighting ended in some invalid staff member saying that Evolved Dragonlord was his personal item and it would never be released.
All in all this was the same thing as the Escherion arc with the same generic ambiguous demise. Vath gets carried away by a giant dragon to be raped over and over till purple blood spills out his elfin ass.

The rest are just as shitty. If I were to actually bother listing all of these I would just be doing exactly what Cysero does to this day – regurgitate the same content over and over. Just play Final Fantasy or something if you want repetitive bullshit.

Special Events[edit]

On top of a storyline that seems to be written by 3rd-graders, AKA the brain-child of the office's college slut Beleen with her big tits but no brain, AQ Worlds has special events and releases used as an excuse for players to pay even more money for rip-off Adventure Coin items they don't need on top of membership. Apart from AE being a bunch of gold grabbing cheapskates, the reason for the constant plague of Adventure Coin items is due to only about 1% of the player-base actually paying for upgrades! The other part of the player-base numbering at a whopping 99% are completely non member and don't ever pay for a thing because they're too poor in Brazil or are only three years old in America! Smart right? So since if the Brazilians and Chillins can't get a job/beg their parents to pay for membership, Lord Cysero took it out on those who can pay by slowly turning them into rare hunting zombie faggots and mind washing them into buying AC item after AC item in order to support the strain those silly non members put on the AQ World's already crippled bandwidth. To add some perspective on how effective this has been so far in supporting the game, think of the servers running as fast as a one-legged donkey pulling a cart of iron bricks.

The "special events" largely consist of Cysero sending Beleen to cock suck mediocre musical talents in order to convince and bribe them with the price of a large pizza so that they agree to guest star in the shitty game. However, when they cannot find a mediocre musical talent to cock suck/bribe, they resort to the only thing they do best which is re-releasing last years holiday event shops. Resourceful!!! Most of these events including the re-used ones come with a special vag-badge to show that you were one of the dumb fucks who actually played through the shit fest of fail and wasted at least 15 minutes of your pathetic life.

Some of these magically queer events are!:

Musical[edit]

  • Voltaire! Too cool to turn down yet another one Beleen's sloppy wet blow jobs!
  • One Eyed Doll and the bat-shit insane lead singer Kimberly!
  • Johnathan Coultrane (who actually didn't do shit except flip Cysero off at the last minute!)
  • Ayi Jihu! A fugly escaped Chinese prostitute who is constantly being chased by the fear of being captured by communists and taken back for rape and beatings!
  • ArcAttack Nerds that play with lightning because they think its cool getting your ballz zapped!

Talentless[edit]

"What happens to when a normal outsider comes into contact with AQW."
  • Paul and Storm!: Do you know who the fuck these dangle berries are? That's right, you don't. Because nobody does. Kidnapped and forced to do AQ World's second upholder birthday bash these completely unmemorable gays reflect the AQW Spirit.
  • CTRL ALT Delete: Tim Buckley and his uncreative plagiarist antics. Cysero found Fuckley after trawling through the net for ideas to steal for AQW and the two made a deal; Fuckley gets to promote his shitty webcomics through AQW and Cysero gets a free plot. Little did Cysero know that Fuckley was shittier at writing than Beleen after a long hard session of anal without lube. The release sucked and Cysero threw Fuckley out on his ear.
  • They Might Be Giants: TMBG is some shitty band that no one knows about. A rumor following their debut in AQW is that They Might Be Gay after the TMBG cast were seen walking out of Cysero's rape dungeon clutching their behinds. See also; Vindicator of They.

Yearly Holidays![edit]

As stated earlier AQW thrives off reused and recycled shit. From artwork and events to condoms and toilet paper, the AQW staff will reuse just about everything they can get their cheap and uncreative hands on. AQW reuses a lot of things, but tweaks art a bit so it almost looks a bit different! AQW reuses everything for each release! AQW reuses things from previous releases in almost every new release! This shitty section reuses the same fucking fact over and over to reinforce this point! In AQW it's is what they do best, reuse! This method of reuse has been used since the beginning of AQW to minimize the already nonexistent workload that doesn't start getting done until a few hours before the release!

How Cysero spends his nights instead of working on AQW.

Events include;

  • A shitty Halloween-styled event!
  • Shitty Thanksgiving-styled event!
  • Shitty Christmas-styled event, only you're paying AE for your gifts!
  • Shitty Japanese Chinese New Year-styled event!
  • Shitty Valentines Day-styled event!
  • Hero's Heart Day!
  • April Fools, with the real fool being the stupid fuck who pays for this!
  • Faggots' birthdays!
  • Faggots' weddings!
  • Any other shit that can be used as an excuse for profit!

Alpha Asspiracy[edit]

"Amidoingitright?"

One day Captain Rhubarb had a few too many bottles of gin, vodka, rum, absinthe, beer and dog urine to drink while at work, thus was inspired to go on a drunken rampage around the lab. It was said he raped each of the female workers twice, threw thirty seven swivel chairs through the windows onto the street, jizzed on Cysero's monitor four times, and urinated on the rug and fake plants thereafter, he finally smashed down his fists on his keyboard until every single account made during the Alpha period of AQ Worlds was deleted. After Rhubarb woke up from this drunken spectacle (though common in Irish workplaces) he realized that what he had done was a major no-no and Artix was disappoint! He sought to make amends with the confused, account-less and bawling players who had spent so much time and money farming to level 10 during Alpha! Rhubarb decided to give these players rogue class with a black pirate coat on it! The faggots loved it! But all was still not well in the lab. Cysero and Artix realized that Rhubarb had given this class out for FREE, and while sober to boot!! That definitely wouldn't do, they had planned to charge players a year of membership in order to get their accounts back. So they schemed, plotted and raged in the Jew-Cave until eventually, Talk Like a Black Naval Commander was born!

   
 
Hey kids, have you ever seen those cool kids with that blatant rip-off Jack Sparrow coat? Now you can have it too for some ACs!
 

 
 

— Cysero, Design Notes 2009

Rhubarb after hearing about his new job as janitor.

Every September from that point on an expensive AC shop was opened, selling recolored versions of the Alpha Faggots' precious class with a slew of other shit-tier items thrown together at the last minute. This bred feelings of jealousy among the Alpha-phase players.

   
 
This is so fucking unfair. Like, I spent a full 20 minutes grinding my ass to Lvl. 5 only to have my account nuked by some nigger in a pirate outfit. Why do these faggots deserve my ultra-cool Niggerpirate coat?!
 

 
 

—Alpha players, upon seeing Naval Commanders

The irony in this is that the same fags who bought the first Navals raged with twice the intensity over the blue recolor. In 2010 the legion of fags united under a single anti re-recolor banner to protest the coming of the Assy Naval Commander.

   
 
What the fuck is this?! I paid 1,200ACs for my Naval Cummander and you faggots recolored it? This is so unfair, I quit, fuck you Cysero I hope you die in your sleep!
 

 
 

—Some faggot who bought Naval Commander in 2009

In 2013, leading down syndrome researchers discovered a revolutionary method to treat the most severe of mental retardation and passed it down to the Israelites known as Artix Entertainment to be released as the Wheel of Doom. The mental asylum known as AQW drooled at the idea that they could piss away 100 dollars for a gay pirate armor or pay 500 dollars to have the legendary alpha pirate loaded onto their account. All the faggots with the original Naval Asseater armors unleashed rage with all the might of their extra chromosome because the only self esteem they had came from having a nigger color pirate armor.


   
 
I'm going to kill myself I can't believe these fucking niggers released all the rares after I spent 10k on this shitty game
 

 
 

—Hancok, 2013


Rhubarb got demoted, Alpha Faggots got trolled, Cysero profited.

The Moglin Kickstarter[edit]

In the year 2018, with only 2,000 players left on AQW, the AE team traveled to Israel seeking a desperate plan to have the remaining playerbase cough up every last shekel in their parents bank accounts. Every Rabbi in all of Greenguard heard Alina's call. With the combined power of every Jew they used their Jew magic and came up with the ultimate money maker, a Moglin kickstarter. The plan was to make some shitty stuffed rats and hand out custom weapons to the real-world rejects who wanted to be noticed on AQW in addition to giving a class to retards who spent more than 120 dollars. They used their ugly Mexican slave Vesper to promote the kickstarter so it would attract the farm of virgins that play AQW to fill their pockets before Hanukkah started.

Everyone in AE took to Twitter to promote their inbred stuffed rats in hopes that the faggots that had AQW dedicated Twitter accounts would help promote their shitty fundraiser. Every faggot with an AQW Twitter let out cries of how AQW is dead, despite even the most braindead players knowing AQW is going to be empty by next year. Many people realized AE's classic Jewish shit, but the most autistic of the AQW fanbase obliviously emptied their wallets in hopes of getting attention on AQW with a custom weapon. This shit quickly became a popularity contest amongst the few that have spent thousands on AQW, money that could've been used to cure AIDS from their Nigerian relatives.

After a day, over 20 autists already took the bait and spent over 500 dollars for a worthless custom weapon for attention on a game struggling to reach 2,000 players. When AE realized they had underestimated how retarded their playerbase was, they quickly added a 700 dollar option for some more retards. As expected, most dumb fucks that bought a custom item had unoriginal ideas that were either remakes of some old shit they couldn't get or just some tasteless dick weapon to match their naval commander. Everybody immediately scurried to their little computers and wrote down lists of irrelevant people to give them popularity by giving them their dogshit weapon.

In the end no one actually gave a fuck about any of the worthless stuffed coons and people realized having some autistic kid's custom weapon wouldn't actually get their dicks wet, despite AE walking away with 100k that they scammed from their players.

A dick cutlass that matches your alpha pirate!

The Dage vs. Nulgath War[edit]

It was another dark and stormy night in the Jewcave when Cysero, unsatisfied with the monthly net income from AC purchases, was plotting his next big in-game money making scam. Things were not looking good at the AE HQ; Artix had freed himself from the basement and run down the halls, shit and semen dripping from his gaping asshole as he ran for the exit. In his attempt for freedom he had knocked down a number of priceless crystalline dicks and managed to fuck Daimyo, the company mascot, in his doggy ass twice before being subdued.

An idea came to him as Beleen stumbled into his office covered in bruises and more shit than a nigger after anal in a pigpen. She was filing another complaint for sexual harassment when Cysero noticed her bruises; blue and gray. Blue and gray, just like Steven "Daeg Eval" Griffin's insipid WoW-inspired Undead Legion.

Meanwhile at the shit shack, Orange County, CA, Miltonius was busy not giving a fuck and jerking off to Akumi when his inbox was shitflooded by the AE team.

"Milton Pool, we know we fucked up bad and analed your zone hard but we need money, so we're giving Dage rights to your intellectual property so he can write a shitty background story and then kick the shit out of you in a massive AC-filled online war! Also we reported you to the FBI for uploading lolicon from the lab. Best wishes, Adam Bohner"

Milton read the email, called Dave an alleged bitch, and flagged the email and sender for spam. With a shit not given he opened up Flash and started to draw Artix fucking Cysero's wallet with a big alien cock.

Part 1[edit]

Across the world there were thousands, no, tens of thousands of faggots glued to their screens awaiting the release. Hordes of Brazilians and Filipinos who had spent days sitting in their own refuse for the release, the Dage vs. Nulgath war. White kids with their parents' credit cards and fat middle aged pedophiles from basements across America and Europe would join forces in this war to combat their foe.

The servers went down, and silence followed. One minute, two minutes, three, this was the time spent by the AQW design team on making the quests. Cysero turned to Dage and asked for the hundredth time "Steven, are you sure that your quests are working? We don't want to give free content to those monkey-fucking Brazilians."

Dage drooled a bit, but did not reply. The quests were finished, and the servers were put back up. Immediately the horde of faggots rushed in to find that their precious 1,200AC Legion was being farmed by Brazilians. As it turns out Daeg Eval did not check to see if his quests were secure and Legion-exclusive. The results were devastating; scores of Brazilians rushed to Dage's side to farm for free shit while Steven himself licked his monitor.

The Nulgath fans, butthurt at this outraged cried endlessly on Twitter, and the ripped-off Dagot fans demanded retribution on the forums. Cysero told both to fuck off and did what he does best; nuke everything and release some AC items. Kids cried, Aranx sided with Dage in exchange for buttsex and later got into an argument with Revontheus about how to draw a stick man. Aranx was crowned Dage 2.0 and Revontheus a little girl who cries about online arguments. Bots were made for easy farming and the first round went to Daeg. The Nulgath army stopped giving a fuck about halfway and went off to bot for Juggernaut items.

By the end of the week the death toll for Dage vs. Nulgath rose to six; four players killed themselves over Dage selling out their Legion for free, one killed himself because his precious Nulgath lost, and the last one died from malnutrition. His step-mother found him in the basement in front of his PC, decomposing and surrounded by feces and empty KFC buckets.

Part 2[edit]

Obviously Daggot the Faggot won because black and blue is "so coolz0rs!!!1", and it took two and a half fucking years for Miltonius to catch up; with a ratio of 1000:3 (Dage:Miltonius). As another laggy ass Friday came by, they updated the shops of precious rarz11!!, and with it everyone with a brain bigger than an eraser head profited on Dage's behalf, Cysero did not like this; so he rigged the ALREADY rigged war into Miltonius' favor to scorn Dage for his shitty teal items. The war quickly escalated to 1-1 Dage/Milt. Aranx, from here on out named Daeg2, was an all out faggot and sucked so much of Daeg Evuls cock it re-wired his brain; was being a fag on twitter like usual until he got called out by one of Miltonius' faggot "apprentices", in which sparked a four minute firefight of words of which there were no survivors.

During this, Dagay proceeded to shit bricks about his losing and wrote an elongated asspained response, bitching about such retardation as being tag-teamed by the fat, quadruped slug Nulgath and his anorexic weaboo stableboy Revontheus. It was during this fit of rage and shit-flinging that he offered his abysmal Paragay armor, decked in the typical fugly-looking black skulls and a cape that had been torn up after being furiously anal-fucked by his former master. To counter, Revonthenig offered the Miltonius armor, that which housed the being that would evolve into the faggoty six-eyed rapist alien we have the misfortune to be meatgrinding items for today. However, it was unfortunate that neither of these cunts fucked about the promises they made with Cysero, even if they only served to fuel the mindless tryhard horde of rabiest-infested Brazilians and botters that fight their glitchy, shitty-planned war for them.

Part 3[edit]

Well this shit is just getting repetitive. Miltonius stopped giving a shit long ago and Revontheus was out of commission after being flamed by Dage and his buttchum Aranx for stealing Dage's famous Dork Caster. With Miltonius' artwork factory gone the Asian rape artist was forced to pick up his damn pencil and do some work for himself.

The servers went down. More quests were written at the last minute, and the backgrounds from Miltonius' own game were ripped and stuffed into AQW's database. The servers flared back to life and so began a Brazilian shitflood of biblical proportion. After burning ten minutes trying to load properly players rushed to Dagot and Nulgorth's maps only to get locked in a shitty cutscene. In spite of Dage getting beaten like a runaway slave in the last round the cutscene depicted him winning the war.

Obvious foreshadowing is obvious and the botting commenced; Part 3 became Part 2 2: Electric Boogaloo after Dagot started taking a beating twice as severe as his last. With his chance of online victory slipping through his shit-smeared fingers Dagot opened up Twitter and promised his dickweed subjects Black Blade Master before going back on that and offering Paragay again. This time Miltonius cockslapped back offering his own personal armor. Then some skid with shit taste downloads and decompiles the AQW .swf and leaks the super secret ending to the Dage vs. Nulgath shitfest.

tl;dr Dagot ex machina. Dage wins regardless.

PTR (Public Test Realm)[edit]

The first instance of PTR was in 2009 and it was pretty cool; shit was glitchy and items were deleted and there was that PvP thing. The interface in PTR was good and everything was animated. Of course the AQW team decided for every step forward there had to be two steps back - custom stats were shitcanned and damage and stun animations were removed. Also ACs.

The second (and third) instance of PTR was in 2012 when the playerbase started asking Cysero why AQW lagged more than a nigger in chains. To fix this problem Cysero changed Sir Ver to 'PTR' and told his moron players that the AQW team were working on a super secret solution. Of course nothing was fixed and players that 'participated' in the PTR test by logging into the renamed Sir Ver were given another boy scout badge and a complimentary molesting courtsey of Cubmaster Cysero. Also guilds which took four years for AE to add. Players that expected revolutionary change to AQW were sorely disappointed to find guilds consisted of a name under usernames (e.g. < Cocksuckers >) and another chatbox.

tl;dr Cysero is a lazy fuck who can bite the hand that feeds as much as he wants because his players and investors are fucking stupid.

Adventure Coin Currency and Big Mr.AC_AC[edit]

MrACAC.jpg
   
 
Big Mr.AC_AC makes his weekly rounds to collect player's mandatory donations tax to the Cysero Big Mr.AC_AC Ronald Mcdonald Dollar Menu Fund!


 


 
 

— Alina

*WARNING: this part of the Article was horribly written by a noob, you have been warned* (Hint: It is the butthurt warning above this article typed in bold) In Adventure Quest Worlds, now referred to many players as "Adventure Coin Worlds" there are two types of currency, gold (virtual pixelated shit only valued by Chinese sweat shop workers in other MMOs), and Adventure Coins: Pixelated Jew Gold purchasable with real life Jew Gold. The staff long ago realized that the majority of their player-base consists of rich, no life white faggots and poor niggers with rich faggot parents. Since day one, when AQW went up shit creek and got stuck, Cysero put into motion a plot to rob the innocent players of all their money before shutting down the trap MMO and then moving to Cuba with George Lowe, Elvis Presley and Tupac Shakur. As pictured above, Mr.AC_AC is Cysero's secret alter-ego which he does not wish players to find out about! Thankfully the agents here at Encyclopedia Dramatica did some deep undercover spy shit and discovered this revealing photograph of the man himself in true form!!!!!! Big Mr.AC_AC can usually be found shoving his chode down players throats until they shit out their financial contributions to his empire. After the staff and their new hero Big Mr.AC_AC discovered that shitheads would keep paying the same for crappy items instead of for things any respectable MMO should have like gameplay and functionality, the fiesta began. It never stopped. It is still going harder than a certain 70 year-old Penn State Football coach pounding a little boys anus in court! The staff now works approximately 30minutes a week prepping 15minute re-releases by copying and pasting last weeks code but with Dage splattering a new coat of paint on it (new armors that look purty) and calling it the next Chaos Saga! Despite this, they still profit the same as if they really did do any actual work at all! Step aside World of Warcraft, Runescape and Rift, you're all shitheads compared to THESE geniuses! The clever players of AQW keep purchasing and purchasing until they finally have to sell their internal organs for Alpha Pirate re-makes! No other MMO can make you do that now can it? At least Big Mr.AC_AC doesn't think so.



Her ex-fans sure didn't, but have you a heart to spare for undead heartless zombie art-thief Xusha.

The Great Xusha Fiasco of 2012[edit]

Cysero stating the obvious again. Good going Cysero.

The shitterpipes and floodgates were gushing over the news of Artemisia (or Xusha) and her date-to-be with the operating table for coronary artery bypass surgery or some something along the lines of. Fake tears were shed by all the fanboys and wannabe-artists like Reki (who drew the worst fucking sword ever and a shitty armor to match) as news of Xusha's death spread across the AQW social media network faster than dysentery and lice in a Russian forced labor camp. To remember the loss of the ex-moderator the AE team went ahead and changed the name of her shittiest suggestion shop item from 'Xusha's Curse' to 'Xusha's Legacy'. And what a legacy it would be.

   
 
This is so sad I loved Xusha so much she was such an inspiration to me so I dedicate this sword that I drew for her because she was such a good friend and I would give up everything forever to see her again and I did this armor and it also has something to do with Xusha.
 

 
 

—Reki telling everyone how Xusha was so important to him and his artwork.

Xusha became the next Jimmy Hoffa as the fanboys debated her death. Of course everyone turned to Cysero and pointed their shitstained fingers at the Big Jew for answers (not that Cysero is ever truthful). Of course Cysero had no fucking clue and so he first turned to an account set up by Xusha's so-called sister who replied in her death-to-America quasi-English that Xusha did indeed kick the bucket despite Xusha tweet'ing over and over during the incident. More denial and pissing kerosene over the fire from Cysero, more angst-ridden bandwagoning on the forums and on Twitter. A big statue shaped like a horsecock was erected in the middle of Russia to honor her passing. Then some fag discovered that she was stealing art from some other chick and the shitstorm went up from a Category 5 hurricane of shit to a theoretical Category 6 of pure oh fuck no.

   
 
Oh my God how could that bitch do this to me?! I was looking all caring and kind and loving for poor dear Xusha and she comes back from the fucking dead. Way to ruin my gesture you filthy fucking fuck I hate you oh my God I hate my life I hate my life!
 

 
 

—Reki after Xusha came back from the dead to piss all over his self-promoting memorial items.

Xusha's 'Legacy' was renamed 'Liar's Curse' and Xusha was banned from the AQW and all of AE's intercock forever. The bandwagon crashed into the Russian poo-man and his poo cart soon after and shitty stinking ex-fanboys disloged themselves from the smelly brown mess. Of course some good did come from this event that would go down in AQW history; Xusha proved that AQW players will indeed believe anything if it means they look sensitive and caring and all that other shit that you wish you were.

   
 
YOLO
 

 
 

—Xusha, after berated by the talentless for stealing art.

Classes[edit]

Unlike traditional MMORPGs (not that AdventureQuest Worlds passes as an MMORPG) AQ Worlds does not force players to stick to one particular class. This is largely because Artix loved the feeling of a fence riding up his asscrack back in 2008. Of course Articks never expected AQ Worlds to go from eight (or nine including Pirate) classes to well over sixty not-so-unique classes tailored to do everything from dealing damage and harming yourself to generating massive amounts of cash in mere minutes of release.

For your benefit this section is broken into different segments:

[-+]Starting Classes[edit]

In case you are too dumb to add two and two the starting classes are what every adventurer-to-be starts off with. These classes cover all the bases from dealing damage and tanking to keeping your dumbass friends alive.
  • Healer: The aforementioned thing that keeps your fellow faggots alive and the most boring thing to exist since Biomedical Science courses. Playing a Healer is like cleaning public toilets - thankless and necessary work where pretentious faggots bitch about how much you suck while you scrub the bowl.
  • Mage: How original. Mage is the only class which the PvP'ing savages of Safiria will actually complain about. This is because they suck and cannot appreciate smacking another man in the face with (flaming) balls.
  • Rogue: What every fag destined to be a faggot starts with. Rogue is the king of dodge and will dodge everything you do to it. There are another five (six) classes with the same skills as Rogue because it was easier than doing real work.
  • Warrior: Tank and wank. Warrior comes with a bit of damage, a bit of stunning and a bit of tanking. Like everything else in this section it is obsolete outside of PvP and nobody uses this ever.

[-+]Secondary Upgrade Classes[edit]

Upgrade classes came into play back when subscribing to AQ Worlds was less of a bonehead move. The same thing as starting classes with better artwork and a rank prerequisite.
  • Acolyte: Bright and shining faggot. Acolyte is the same thing as Healer only it looks cooler. Back in '08 all the Founders would stick Cloak of Blizzard and FrostScythe's Cruelty on this.
  • Renegade: One of many Rogue clones. Nobody actually cares about Renegade because it looks plain as shit and has no use whatsoever.
  • Sorcerer: Mage with a cooler name. Sorcerer was as neglected as Renegade till Miltonius made ranking Sorcerer a prerequisite for some of his shit. This is widely regarded as a troll move since nobody likes to grind.
  • Warlord: Fat fuck version of Warrior. Warlord Class is a free ticket to go down to Uganda to become the next Joseph Kony. Still looks better than anything Boost Ram will ever draw because he sucks.

[-+]Tier-Two Classes[edit]

A failed attempt at complexity. Tier-Two classes in AQ Worlds are classes which require ranked Starting or Secondary classes. Cysero fucked up somewhere along the lines and Tier-Two classes ended up sucking harder than their respective prerequisite classes.
  • Paladin: The lovechild of a Healer and a Warrior, Paladin was an attempt at a class that can deal damage and support. Released in Gamma with a broken and nonfunctional (like your penis) skillset and turned into a monster in PTR. The reign of Paladin was short lived once the AQW team scrapped custom stats and gave it massive mana costs. Ruined further in a bid to update it by removing the best supporting skill ever and replacing it with shithouse damage.
  • DoomKnight: Dark and edgy shit that also comes from ranked Healer and Warrior (despite having nothing in common with the two, unlike Paladin). DoomKnight was released in 2009 as a beast that raped hard with massive damage. Ruined in PTR and ruined again when the AQW team tried to improve it because only a dumbass would spam Dark Siphon over Void Strike.
  • Blaze Binder: Remember Pyromancer and Necromancer? Remember how shit those classes were? Well now we gave it some snazzy art and it doesn't take 65 million years for cool downs!
Of course if you're too much of a lazy fuck to rank up the base classes, you can just buy the classes. This is done through paying in microcurrency so you're a fucking idiot or a class hoarding faggot if you actually do this.

[-+]Individual Classes[edit]

These classes are just clones that nobody cares about and most were rendered obselete as of 2011. A rule of thumb is that if it is member-exclusive it will suck cock and if it was released after 2011 it rapes more children than the Duke did in his prime.
  • Assassin: A latex suit that nobody wears because nobody appreciates bondage. Assassin is just a stunlocker with average damage output as opposed to a proper assassin.
  • Beast Warrior: Furries in AdventureQuest Worlds. Beast Warrior is the same thing as Warrior with more furry abs and a Roman gladiator skirt. The legendary furfag pedophile Dracowolf117 (or Veluxier) used this.
  • Berserker: Nothing like the Norse badasses of old. Berserker is the raging faggot that Warrior should have been that deals more damage when it gets hurt more. This makes no sense at all but what does anyone know about psychoactives.
  • Blood Ancient: It could have been named Vampire but that name went to what was once Dracula's Costume. Blood Ancient is a Vampirism fetish made reality with four useless skills and long cooldowns that give you time to cut yourself forreal while waiting. Takes about an hour of grinding to get or you can just take a shortcut and throw money at Cysero to get it.
  • Chunin Class: Just like Naruto despite Cysero denying this. The asshole claims this was based off some sort of martial arts school but we all know real life does not come with Tsunami Strikes and Chi Blasts. Now rare forever unless you're willing to fork out real money.
  • Dragonslayer: Obseletion at its finest. Dragonslayer was released in 2008 during the first Vasalkar Lair update and even then it was a Warrior with massive base damage and useless skills. Faggy PvP'ers will claim that using Dragonslayer takes skill but this is just an excuse for them sucking ass with a shitty class.
  • Enforcer: A big red fat fuck that makes Warlord Class look like a teenage girl with anorexia nervosa. Enforcer and its clones used to be the best classes ever till DoomKnight came out. Now completely useless thanks to massive mana consumption and shitty base stats.
  • Ninja Class: The first Naruto class that made some sense and no sense at all. Ninja blinds and stuns shit and spams damage and dodges. Same skills as Assassin with even faggotier art.
  • Pirate: Arrrrrrrrrrsepirate. Pirate Class is what Alpha Pirate used to look like before AQ Worlds was pure shit and so nobody has it. Also another one of the many Rogue clones because giving it a bunch of skills related to the poop deck took too much effort.
  • ProtoSartorium: Mechanophile motherfucker with great art and useless skills. ProtoSartorium is the same thing as Enforcer only the name makes no sense at all. Could be improved on but nobody gives a fuck.
  • Pyromancer Class: Pyrophillia and burning rape and shitty artwork in a single class. Pyromancer Class redefined the metagame by burning the living shit out of everything with area of effect skills and massive balls of fire. The fags of Battleon-4311 hate Pyromancer because it burned crosses outside their pretend-nigger houses.
  • Rustbucket: Better known as the Cumbucket. Rustbucket is ProtoSartorium 2: Electric Boogaloo with the same skills and same base stats. The artwork is also shittier but it was the free player version which made sense at the time.

[-+]Promotional Classes[edit]

Getting tired of this shit yet? Promotional classes are significantly worse than regular classes in the sense that most suck entirely. Once Cysero discovered his players would buy shitty promotional merchandise for items he came up with the idea of promotional classes. Now you need to buy calendars or Artix Entertainment dildos for a promotional code to get your shitty class. Also includes shit from other games and shit that comes from buying Adventure Coins!
  • CardClasher: A Yu-Gi-Oh! inspired class that pulls shit out of its ass and rapes things with crits. CardClasher comes with a free set of shitty cards with Beleen's tits on them.
  • Chaos Shaper: A shitty class that Cysero made to make worthless AQW membership more enticing. It used to fuck shit up but got nerfed to the point where anything can anally wreck it. This could also be cheated into before Cysero nuked every account with it.
  • ChronoCorruptor: Chronomancer with more tentacle and gay in it. Exactly the same shit as Chronomancer only with more bugs.
  • Chronomancer: The first of the calendar classes known for being cheated into inventories for about a week. Furious at this attempt at his wallet Cysero took a leaf from Adolf's book and added a Jew badge to anyone who loaded it. Of course you could remove the badge by buying shit.
  • ChronCommander: 2014 Time class with chronomancer art with just 2x bulk put on with guns as weapons. STILL the same shit as Chronomancer..
  • Chrono Dragonknight: Dragon Knight fucked Chronomancer and had a baby call Chrono Dragonknight.
  • Defender: The skills came from Guardian because everyone was too damn stupid to make sense of it. Nobody ever uses Defender ever because tanking is stupid when you can just rush shit with damage.
  • Dragonlord: FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON with a whole assload of rape crit and area of effect spam.
  • Dragon Knight : The class where you stole ten dollars from your parents to rape weak opponents but if you want to solo a boss you better bend over. Youre going to shit yourself when you realize this has no heal! But of course thats fine because we know all you want to see is crits above 1k.
  • DoomKnight OverLord: Even darker and edgier than DoomKnight. DoomKnight OverLord Class came from a dildo shaped to fit the inside of Beleen's prolapsed backside. Not as good as Paladin High Lord Class because the skills are all single target.
  • Guardian: Shitty class that no-one but Safiria;4311 PvPers cares about. Guardian Class used to have the Defender skill set but players were too stupid to use it properly.
  • MindBreaker: MindFapper is a telekenetic $40USD Dragonlord that comes from buying a 12,000AC package. Probably the best class ever minus the artwork which sucks.
  • PaladinSlayer: Anti-Paladin that sucks at everything. This was blasted out of the fat ass of Cysero shortly after the end of the first Doomwood saga. Nowhere near as good as Vordred, the original PaladinSlayer, since Dage did the artwork.
  • Paladin High Lord: What Paladin should have been. Paladin High Lord Class comes from buying a dildo shaped like Articks' own penis. Rapes entire rooms apart and crashes Flash players with the animations.
  • Starlord: The third verification class from a game that nobody gives a fuck about. Starlord Class is disregarded by everyone but tryhards and PvP'ers who think bringing a dildo to a swordfight is clever.
  • Legendary Hero: Because Paladin Class isn't good enough to raise in the bucks..They give Legends/Members a new class to use..
  • TimeKiller: Chronomancer 3.0 with the gayest artwork to date.

[-+]Reputation Classes[edit]

This was what could have been called a step in the right direction with players having to actually get off their lazy asses and kill shit as per the original intentions of the game. Of course nobody farms and kids just ran bots but even then nobody gave a fuck till Cysero comes up with the idea of paying for a shortcut.
  • Bard: The first reputation class in AQ Worlds, expected to be high ranked but players could buy this after doing a few quests for a bunch of edgy emo musicians. Comes with a shitload of laggy animations that make rooms bitch and cry after you spam Drums of War for the tenth time during their circlejerk.
  • DeathKnight: A disappointment down to every line of code. DeathKnight Class has shitty artwork and a skillset inspired by the World of Warcraft Death Knight. Nobody ever uses Death Knight because it was given shitty hybrid traits in Death Grip and Death Shroud.
  • Elemental Dracomancer: This is what happens when a Shaman fucks a dragon. It also breathes fire and shit.
  • Evolved Shaman: All in all Shaman was a great class. Articks did not approve of this and so he commissioned the Evolved Shaman with an Adventure Coin shortcut to piss off everyone who farmed for Shaman.
  • Horc Evader: The only thing that dodges more than Rogue or Ninja and their Jew-spawned variants. Horc Evader Class comes with a free pet pig which Brazilian players summon and buttfuck in lieu of an online girlfriend.
  • Necromancer: Confirmed to be member-exclusive by Cysero and thrown to the parasites and Brazilians. Necromancer is a class with a skillset that consists solely of Weaken. Using anything else is just stupid and unnecessary.
  • Ranger: Auto attacks with a different animation! Ranger is the semi-glitched shit with a skillset similar to Chronomancer. This came from hours of grinding in the shittiest zone ever released in AQ Worlds to help a sandnigger called Zhoom amass funds for a second 9/11. Did not come with an Adventure Coin shortcut to the dismay of rich white kids.
  • Shaman: The first class ever that needed you to farm for your shit. Shaman is a perfect example of (power) inflation in AQ Worlds that makes pre-WWII Germany look stable. The former instakill of PvP'ers was kicked off the golden throne by Vindicator of They, which in turn was offed by some other shit.
  • Skyguard Grenadier: Faggotry takes to the sky with Skyguard Grenadier, being the most useless class ever. It can do a bit of damage, it can stun, it can debuff, but it sucks cock at all of these things. Supposedly buffed by Cysero hours after it was released, after he told everyone who complained that they were doing it wrong and he was right. Also proof that members get the shitty end of the stick.
  • Thief of Hours: A misleading name and a bland skillset. There is no thieving or niggery and the only hours associated with the Thief of Hours is in mindless reputation grinding. Nothing of value till the last skill and even then they already did this with Pyromancer.
  • Troll SpellSmith: The biggest dick in the collective ass of PvP'ers yet. Troll SpellSmith Class takes all the overpowered skills from all the other classes and rolls them into rigged package. Great for clearing out rooms of low level mobs before other players can land a single hit.
  • UndeadSlayer: More shit that Cysero used to troll members that were stupid enough to actually pay for this game. UndeadSlayer is completely worthless against anything that isn't a zombie or skeleton. Popular during the Dage vs. Nulgath war where UndeadSlayer would carve through Dagot mobs like Dizzy's dick in an underage schoolgirl.
  • Chaotic Slayer: A stupid shitty class where you get to mock the fuck out of the main antagonists who likes to fuck ditsy rich kids with his own powers. If you apparently use this class and end up getting Paragon, then you are as stupid as a fucking mexican who eats shit out of a niggers mouth. Skills

are total shit and you end up attacking every fucking enemy, so then you can be forced to ragequit when you get gang raped by a enemy that gets Paragon.

For the equivalent to $9.95USD you can buy your classes soon to be obsolete with the next abomination born from the Jew mind of Cysero.

[-+]Rare Classes[edit]

Rares are the cornerstone of AdventureQuest Worlds profits. Fat children like Hells Guardain (who actually did this) would steal their own grandmothers' wallets to pay for their Adventure Coins and memberships. Rare classes are especially valuable to the scrubs because shit like Alpha Pirate is like a penis extention to the needle-dicked masses.
  • Alpha Pirate: The most famous of all rare classes in AQ Worlds. Every online socialite and dater lusts over Rhubarb's biggest mistake (not that any of them would be willing to have their inventories wiped because some Somali pirate accidentally the entire everything). Like everything else it was possible to load Alpha Pirate in 2008 and a bunch of kids (1000Blades, Derkomai, DerkomaiWing, TrunkZ, others that nobody cares about) did this. Everyone will claim to have owned Alpha Pirate at some point. Most of these players are full of shit and could not tell the difference between the Beta phase and early 2009. In 2009, Wept sent a picture of her tits to Zhoom and he gave her Alpha Pirate. Most Alpha phase players decided AQ Worlds was shit and went back to playing their antisocial turn-based MMOs. Almost every active player with Alpha Pirate bought or stole their account. These same players are known for being pretentious assholes who think of themselves as better than the rest of us for having their stolen symbol of status. Now can be easily obtainable by either sucking enough developer dick to have them load it for you or just buy a plane ticket to Florida and visit Artix Headquarters like Ben Lenoob. Artix and Cysero will happily load you any items you want not unless you get on your knees and perform a few favours of course.
  • Barber: A class with a generic skillset that everyone neglected because it was not Alpha Pirate. Nobody gave a shit about Barber Class till it went rare. Could be loaded into inventories for several months after being removed from the game.
  • Beta Berserker: This could have just been Berserker but Articks wanted to make some coin by renaming and turning rare the original Berserker 'Beta' to describe every male player. Beta Berserker could be loaded into inventories during 2008. Released to all Beta Testers in 2009 which made the collectors rage.
  • ClawSuit: Bad Santa has come to come down your chimney and leave a big white present. ClawSuit Class is the fat fuck mana-eating diabetic that used to tear heads off in 2008 up until PTR and 1.0. Now it sits around legless in a wheelchair made of arcane insulin.
  • Dark Caster: See; Dark Caster.
  • Darkside: Embrace the angst of Vader Darkside and his terrible suggestion. Darkside was a class released during the ICHM wish thing which made players cry because they could not get it. Skills are like shitty blend of Necromancer and Troll SpellSmith Class.
  • Evolved Clawsuit: ClawSuit Class sucked a dick so Cysero demanded an Evolved ClawSuit. First released in 2010 and released again in 2011 and again in 2012, Evolved ClawSuit is a mana whore that lets you fire off about two thousand damage in crits before turning into a crippled auto attacker.
  • Evolved Leprechaun: Following the Adventure Coin shortcut trend and the habit of pissing on Darwin and his work, Evolved Leprechaun Class is a single-target novelty class that works by stacking luck and spamming everything.
  • Leprechaun: Potato nigger that does the exact same thing as Rogue and all the other clones of it. The only difference is that Leprecunt disconnects you from the neglected servers whenever you use it.
  • Pinkomancer: Clone of Necromancer with a cunty pink twist. This is the same thing as Necromancer with even more of Beleen's slutty pink eyefuck and STDs. Released on the Day of the Pinkeye Blowjob Witch (Beleen's birthday) for 2,000ACs.
  • Pumpkin Lord: Probably has the best artwork of any class in AQ Worlds; shame the reused Warrior skillset is obselete as fuck. Pumpkin Lord is re-released every year without a tag and this makes anyone who got it the year before rage.
  • Vampire: Super ultra mega rare version of Rogue that came out during 2008. Dracula Costume was renamed Vampire Class for reasons yet to be stated by faggots yet to be unidentified. Fapped over by goths who wish they could have old items and looked down on by the fags with Alpha Pirates.
  • Vindicator of They: One of the most overpowered, overused things to enter the all-male orgy of AQ Worlds. Vindicator of They shits on everything but Troll SpellSmith. If you die while using this class you're dumber than a fucking nigger.
  • Witch: Even rarer than Vampire Class because everyone was in the closet at the time. Witch gives male players tits and has the same abilities as Healer and Acolyte. Lusted after by the ugly AQ Worlds girls who also fantasise about Alpha Pirates and online-romance.

Dark Caster[edit]

Sometime in 2010 Miltonius was caught giving cleavage to his female designs. In a bid to curb this display of hetrosexuality Cysero hired an edgy scene kid named Daeg666 to do art. Now young Daeg had a bit of talent at drawing AQW shit and would have been a hit if not for his God-awful taste in colors. During his early years Daeg would pump out gray-and-teal abomination after abomination for his Legion while throwing together shit for the regular releases. Feminazis complained about how he was a sexist in his designs and nobody gave a shit. A lazy fuck who laughs at feminists sounds pretty good right? Sure, but he was also a massive dick with an ego large enough to block out the sun.

Starting with Dark Caster dear Daeg would pump out a new personal item to show off to all his buttchums in Sir Ver. Then some Christfag cried about his username and he changed it to Dag the Evil. He also donned a new personal set - the Paragon set. Paragon was a gray monstrosity with faces and shit all over it. The following year on his birthday Dagay sold his Dark Caster armor for 2,000 fucking Adventure Coins. Because Dark Caster was just the infamous Alpha Pirate with a mongoloid face newfags with too much money bought it.

A lot of shit happens in between. Dage becomes notorius for spouting bullshit promises on Twitter and several apologies are made on his behalf by other staff members. One day Daeg posts up one of the older designs for Dark Caster; Dark Caster X. Caster X is just Dark Caster with a loincloth and a few skulls. He promises this as an item exclusive to Dark Caster owners and sells it for 2,000ACs a month later.

The Dark Caster-owning minority is livid. How dare he go back on his word and how could anyone be so fucking stupid as to believe him in the first place? So Dagay makes another promise to his furious fans - he promises that Dark Caster will become a CLASS. Of course everyone shuts the fuck up and waits in anticipation for Cysero to either shoot down the idea or to go with it.

Steven's legs felt as if they were made of lead as he drudged slowly towards Cysero's desk.

'Uhhhh *drools* I said the players could have a free class if they have Dark Caster now they expect me to come through what do I what do I do what do I do' Steven stammered.

Flecks of spit and shit spattered Cysero's face. The Green Bastard stood up and smacked Steven across the face. He was dismissed as Lord Cysero brooded over the issue. On one hand he was suggesting something for FREE in AdventureCoin Worlds which was a clear violation of Jew policy. But on the other hand Steven was a cash cow and new players would kill their parents if it meant they could have another oversized AC armor by Dagay the Evil. He sighed and slumped as if the weight of the very world rested upon his shoulders and called Yorumi. The Dark Caster Class would be made.''


   
 
@Cysero You're disgusting excuse of "What do you expect, he's evil" is thin and transparent. This decision came down to you. I'm having so much trouble holding back what I want to say that I've even used the wrong "your".

@AQWTheAsterisk I simply stated an opinion of mine about people who speak their own opinions as fact. In my defense, you WERE being one of those people just then. I don't think it was an unfair assassment of that tweet. I love people like you who have absolutely no idea what they're talking about but spout it like it's solid fact. Big fun! <3

@Cysero ...Did you just..? Naw, you couldn't have.. I liked you. This hurts me more than you know. I care about this game so much and you.. .
 


 
 

— TheAsterisk crying at Cysero because he can't have Dick Caster Class. And Cysero cock-slapping him and telling him to shut the fuck up and buy more ACs.

The day Cysero confirmed the class an inferno of butthurt erupted. Newfags and oldfags alike cried out against this injustice. Their reasoning was something along the lines of 'I don't have it this is unfair Dark Caster owners are just greedy I want a class I want it I want it this is unfair this is injustice I want it everyone else is greedy I want it this is unfair' so nobody with an IQ above 90 gave a shit. Then Dagay announced the price of 200 Dagot Tokens and some other shit which was followed with outrage from the non-Leejun players who could not get Dagot Tokens.

At the end of the day wrists were slit by the hoarders who could not get their shitty hands on a shitty class. Tears were shed all over AQW from forums to the game itself even to Twitter. Then it turns out Dark Caster Class actually sucks compared to shit like Pyromancer and everyone stopped caring. Except for faggots like TheAsterisk of course.

The Common Player[edit]

Yarr! Here be my pirate's hook!
   
 
Freedom of speech should not be abused like that.
 

 
 

— PkerSlayer, getting mad over this article.

  • EncyclopaediaDramaticaTeam (AQW): A bunch of twats who use this section to list fags that upset them.
  • 18bc: Responsible for 90% of all autism spewed in AQW. He makes sure to brag about his billionaire parents to justify spending thousands on AQW and considers anyone who isn't autistic enough to piss over 10,000 dollars an inferior. A vigilante of AQW, 18bc has many tales of heroism, saving AQW from trolls, and hoping to one day to have an AQW gf as his own. See "The tales of 18bc"
  • Alaina/Venus: Your run of the mill AQW landwhale female who applied to be a mod on AQW to load alpha pirate after realizing no one would be able to distinguish her from a sea animal in real life. When realizing AE's jew pockets wouldn't be able to pay for her McChickens, she was demodded and settle for some autist to marry on AQW.
  • Atlantean Wolf Queen: Handcocks ex-roleplayer slave who still follows the sandnigger faggot for his epic rarez. You can find her posting pictures of her character on twitter that no one gives two shits about.
  • Baron von Bloodlust: A self-righteous twat who calls himself a troll because he can upset Assburpers with bad words. Baron von Bloodlust can be found telling kids that they are noobs for not dedicating their lives to collecting a bunch of shitty items and vectors.
  • Ben Lenoob: Number one dumbest cunt in all of AQW and second in line to Handcock, Ben aka Francis is your typical AQW player, spending 7,000 dollars on a game with 2k players to get every virgin commander and eternal flame loaded on his account when he gets paid 26k a year doing jobs that the stupidest niggers in Africa could do. He finally hit the AQW jackpot while standing in yulgar with his alpha pirate and got Lotte, an underage girl to send him nudes. Filled with excitement, he sent a picture of his crooked benis to Lotte only to have her spread them to have every virgin loser ridicule his deformity of a dick.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Blazegloom: Well known as 'Nici', Blazegloom is an ugly Hipster slut who still plays AQW. Blazegloom is a bitchy online socialite who thinks she owns the game and it's players. She has a lot of accounts that she bought or stole, and runs around showing off (her) rare items just to show everyone else that she is better than them. Blazegloom plays AQW after sucking on Zazul's huge dick. Was also raped by Jet and can no longer shit right. This is because Jet loves his anals.
  • Deo: Fat white man who plays too much AQW. Deo writes pages of tl;dr on the forums and masturbates furiously to the warnings that the forum garbagemen send in reply.
  • Dizzy: A well-read bastard who loves the cyber more than Wept. Dizzy has a hundred different fetishes that either revolve around schoolgirls and rape in the basement. Uncle Fritzl would be proud.
  • DragonUltraMaster: The AE forums' resident Moglin molestor, known for his vast collection of furry fucktoys. Also known as DUM or DUMmy, DragonUltraMaster is proof that the AE forums are dominated by furfags.
  • Dusk Kid: Dusk Kid (Duskky) is a twatty angsty teenager shit out of the bowels of the AQW Twitter community. As one can expect he listens to Asking Alexandria and cuts himself for attention. Has not been the same since his boyfriend Policeson quit AQW forever and Zoroua came in his pooper. He's also a known faggot.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Emits/Couronne: An autistic hentai drawer who's gender is unknown yet claims to be a lesbian. Emits autism knows no bounds threatening to report anyone who stands next to her. Emits had a noble white knight Neko Glider who licked every little bit of her cum off the floor. Emits eventually grew tired of him and replaced him with an alpha pirateless Ashby. You guys remember Angela from The Office? She's her.
  • Eonu: An egotistical asshole who goes from girl to girl, most of who are in the "AQWMV Community" trying to gain more popularity by cyber fucking them all and then leaving them for some other bitch. He has the most dramatic mood swings and is worse than a 13 year old girl on her period. Was formally "Sweetzy" but claims he never was. He isn't even worthy enough to be on this article...But at the end of the day, he'll always be a convicted pedophile... and a loving father.
  • Falconblaze: Fag who once dated Wept. Ended up getting fucked in the ass after she dumped him for being unsatisfying and deleted all the shit off his account. He's 13 years old.
The cringy fuck that is Hageta Prime
  • Hageta Prime: A sexy son of a bitch who enjoys fapping to female aqw characters in his top quality sand dune while he is desperate for the attention of aqw girls.
  • Hancok: A dick who funds the shitboat that AQW is more than D and Mody_909 put together. Hancok is a freedom-hating asshole with OCD, sexual fixation on AC items, and recolored Alpha Pirates. Got hacked twice; once by some skid in 2008 and the other by one of Wept's dogs. Also a known cyber dater who cyberfucks sluts like Atlantean Wolf Queen and buys them membership and acs.
  • HellLeo: HellLeo is known for his deepthroating abilities, having sucked every cock from Artix to Zazul to get his shitty AQW account unbanned after he used a stolen credit card. Trolling HellLeo will result in him making threats involving his faggoty moderator friends.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Ike: One of Wept's many online boyfriends. Ike spends all day waiting for his online beloved to log in, completely oblivious to the fact that she friendzoned him shortly after fucking his soul out. See also; Luis.
  • Jason3: A dick in a recolored pirate costume. Jason3 is the recolor fanboy of Battleon-1 who got a Helpful! title after three long years on his knees. Quit the forum when he realized AKs are fags and plays Runescape all day with his boyfriends.
  • Kristine28: An ugly slut who cybered and sucked the balls of every known Safirian, thus gaining respect in the kingdom of Yulgar-9999 and soon bringing Yulgar-9999 to an end. Legend has it the slut still exists on skype to this very day.
  • Leo: Deo's gay evil twin that deleted his precious Alpha Pirate and threatened to kill himself over it. Leo is known for his incredibly masculine blonde ponytail, his manly disposition and his ability to get upset over something as insignificant as a fucking item. He also beat his nephew frequently.
  • Lord Escherions/Eschy: A fag who thinks he's cool for botting a shitload of Dage and Nulgath items. Lord Assherions types like a retard and brags about his shitty rares. Contradicting or correcting him results in being 'ignored'.
  • Luis: Sandnigger with a monobrow. Another one of Wept's many online boyfriends who bought his account from some faggot Beta player with his Arab cash. See also; Ike.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Mody_909: A sandnigger who throws too much money at this shitpile of an MMO. Mody walks around with his head up his ass all day, typing in his strange Arab language and sucking dick on Twitter. All of his money comes from his gay daddy who probably has an oil well in his ass.
  • Nomtan: A twat who begs for fans on his shitty AQW Facebook page. Nomtan thinks of himself as hot shit for playing AQW for too long and sits around all day looking up big words to impress people with. Thantos 2.0 with more faggotry. See also; Thantos, AQW Facebook.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Oshyn: The laughingstock of the community who gets hard whenever he sees the color red. He craves the attention from Alina to get his daily rub going or he gets mad and feel the need to ask about this attention. "He literally cums red" -C
  • PkerSlayer/Paradox/AThe byproduct of backroom deals and the buttering of Alina's fat rolls. Online popularity is what all true faggots strive for and this is especially true in the case of Paradox, formerly PkerSlayer. This faggot still plays AQW in 2018 after loading worthless shit rares on his accounts after realizing working for AE and getting paid in ACs and free rares doesn't get him laid after 10 years. You can still find him either afk in Yulgar or taking dick from kids that complain about AQW being dead.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Reki: Shitty pencil artist who likes to think of himself as the Picasso of his generation. Also part of Wept's harem.
  • Ryuten:Another otherwise-insignificant speck that only exists in the faggoty slums of Safiria. Ryuten(sei) thinks that he's hot shit because he can kill noobs in the abomination in AQW known as PvP. As a weeaboo faggot Ryuten bitches non-stop about his pervy anime completely oblivious to the fact that nobody else gives a shit. Also a Daggot.
  • Shaxi: Shaxi is a twat who lurks on the AE forums and on YouTube, bragging about how much money he throws at AQ Worlds and how much time he spends botting his junk. His videos suck and consist of him doing shit that they explained in the tutorials or shit with bad music behind it. Also all his subscribers are fags who have boners for him and his shitty Icy Naval Commander.
  • Smiley the Hun: Inbred halfwit from the stupider part of Texas. When not on AQW Smiley can be found fucking his sister in the ass. Smiley is the very definition of a retard who uses this very article as a dictionary despite not understanding the meaning of half the words used in it. Has an army of alt accounts to spy on whichever 12 year old girl he is dating. Ragequit AQWorlds when a troll destroyed his over-inflated ego.
  • Suzimaya A sub-human scene whore who sucks Saxxet's dick. Suzimaya believes that being a Moderator in AQW is like an STD and if she sucks enough cock she might catch it too. Cannot keep her legs shut and gives Wept a run for her money in the whore-off known as the AQW dating scene. Also goes by Sophie Maree Vakarian.
  • Techno: Some dumb kid with a turtle fetish. Techno could be your ordinary player if not for the following crimes; high faggotry, numerous shitty edits to this page, mass reporting people for not talking like an autistic child with down syndrome to him, and being the namesake of the shit that Skrillex passes off as music.
  • Thantos: A pretentious emo asshole who thinks of himself as better than everyone else. Like all conceited AQW players, Thantos is narrow-minded and just about anything that he disagrees with will send him off on a rant that could put TheAmazingAtheist to shame. Also an attention whore and a faggot.
  • The Wind Howls: Paul Lukic born and raised in the fuckwat Australia who for some reason learned to write and edits this page thinking he's safe in his semen drenched couch at his home on Rae street. Jerking off to aqw characters in hopes AE would one day remove their clothes.
  • Twitter-favicon.png Wept: A fat slut who sucked Ruhal's dick to get free items. Wept, formerly known as Picosa, enters a parsitic relationship every other month with one lucky member of her harem(full of Alpha Pirates) before dumping him after she gets bored. The only reason her fanboys put up with her mood swings, constant bitching and obnoxiousness is because she has huge tits which experts believe sag like two plastic bags filled with ketchup. Wept has probably fucked more than half the people on this list.
  • Wrathlover: Flat chested wannabee Asian slut that cyberfucks three men at a time. Wrathlover has been the cause for 99% of AQW drama since she entered the cyberdating scene; sucking cock after cock and screwing man after man through the 140-character limited chat in AQW. She is not famous out of twitter, and literally everyone with common sense despises her bitch self.
  • Xyo: Blatant homosexual who makes shitty AQWMVs. 'Lucas' Xyo is a talentless fag who sucked Reens' dick to become a Developer. Fired later on because he didn't want AE to get their greedy hands on his shitty game.
  • Zoroua: Another fucking sandnigger who takes it up the ass all day. Zoroua claims to be bisexual but everyone else knows that he's a flaming homosexual who would give his balls to be a permanent fixture in a county prison shower. In his free time Zoroua masturbates to Jeffree Star music videos and 9/11 footage. Notorious twitter whore who makes Wept look like a nun.
Zobeck taking another load as he fails to remove this page

The tales of 18bc[edit]

In the final years of AQW, the autism that is the AQW community malformed into a single being known as 18bc. His parents who are alleged billionaires gave up on 18bc as a child and once their failed abortion was discovered to have multiple congenital defects, 18bc's parents offered to give him thousands of dollars to spend on AQW so that he wont have any claim to any of their billion dollar companies which 18bc gladly accepted. 18bc pretends to be a white American when everyone knows he's just a sandnigger who lost both his legs in a bombing in Syria. While possessing 68 chromosomes and no legs he still tries his hardest to sound like an intellectual to gain the respect of similar social rejects.

After being bullied for almost 10 years straight, 18bc has used the time to memorize the rules of AQW hoping that he can be rid of players that aren't stupid enough to realize 18bc has a multitude of mental disabilities. He acts as an enforcer of AQW rules that literally no one has read and will constantly remind other players he has autism by reciting it to them and recording his AQW screen at all times to catch any rulebreakers that may stumble upon him.

18bc spends most of his time jerking off to anyone with better rares than him while spouting about every single rule in the game in hopes that Alina may be told of his courageous feats and award him with Moderator status so he can load items and maybe, lose his virginity. Even while being surrounded by billions of dollars and 13 year old virgins, 18bc has yet to get his dick wet. Spending all day lurking all day in Yulgar and unafking when a female enters the room.

18bc's AQW girlfriend[edit]

18bc almost obtained a virtual girlfriend named Ally through months of begging her over discord. Ally was a known catfish although that did not dissuade his cock from coming down as he stalked her day and night since this was the closest thing to a girl 18bc has ever come in contact with. Their relationship lasted no more than a month when Ally couldn't take 18bc nonstop virgin thirst anymore and tried with no avail to start some shitty drama around herself. One night Ally was bored of pretending to be a girl afking in Yulgar and decided to come up with some shit story where 18bc wouldn't farm with him so he would have an excuse to get attention, declaring "war" on 18bc by going to his house and getting some shitty AQW wannabe troll to change his house name. When 18bc entered his house and saw that his name was changed, he threw the biggest autistic fit to ever recorded on AQW, pretending he hasn't been beating his 2 incher to Ally's character and threatening to send a 10 page letter to AE because his AQW gf grew tired of talking to this fucking virgin all the time. Ally retaliated and revealed some of 18bc's attempts to ask out a girl on AQW, despite 18bc denying thirsting after a catfish on AQW, everyone knew he was the only one this autistic. 18bc retreated back to his circlejerk of players that spend more than 5000 dollars on AQW to recover this loss.

Andy and the Demonbratt Scandal[edit]

PkerSlayer (real name; Andy Kats) is an online-dating e-thug and virgin condemned to an online lifetime of friendzoning or pity dating. He mixes AQ Worlds and real life and has a lot of daddy issues because he does not act like his people should (While most Jews amass money Andy just burns it on AQ Worlds). Or this could be because Andy is unemployed and sits at home taking up valuable space.

Andy first emerged in Minimal as a white knight only to be fucked inside-out by the professional dramatics on the server. He did not get any sex from the not-so-fair maiden he was white knighting for. So to escape the stigma of being a giant prat he changed the gender on his character and pretended to be a promiscuous lesbian named 'Adria' as to act out his fantasies with desperate men and uninterested women. This went on for a while before Andy stopped paying for HRT medication and dropped his flirty lesbian guise. He did this by 'quitting' AQ Worlds forever and giving the account to 'his male cousin' Andy.

With his faux womanhood discarded Andy would go on a frenzy of masturbation and horrid attempts at flirting. Like a mildly retarded child he would not know when to give up and some of the smarter women figured out that he was just a virgin too ugly and depraved for real affection. Others befriended Andy because he would provide them with attention and a stream of generic compliments along with the occasional plea for online romance. He also loves the attention and turns into a [whingy emo faggot on Twitter when people ignore him.[1][2]

Scumbag Andy loves to play dress-up like all the AQ Worlds pros. His inventory is full of shit-tier items and all his sets are terrible. However, Andy Kats surrounds himself with sycophantic lapdogs who will agree with him and compliment his ugly shit for his online-approval. Beweare the wrath of PkerSlayer, for he who disagrees with the colossal faggot will be raged at and threatened. See also; Gallery. Scumbag Andy is still yet to change his character back to a male. He claims this is because female items look better but we all know he just wanks to the female character base. He also denies being homosexual despite flirting heavily with other men while he pretended to be a girl.

On the note of him pretending to be a girl one might notice that both the names 'Adria' and 'Andy' start with the same letter. The two allegedly different people also have the same personality and style of writing. Unfortunately all his friends are fucking stupid and ignore this and everyone else is a desperate virgin like Andy himself.

The huge faggot in all his glory.
Bragging about his cocksucking capacity. Daddy must be proud.

Also note that his character is a Beta Tester that lacks anything exclusive to the Beta phase of AQ Worlds. He probably bought the account because low-level Beta characters don't just return to AQ Worlds after years of not playing to start burning bucketloads of money on microcurrency.

Last Thursday Andy the Involuntary Celibate was sitting in a Yulgar instance with an alleged hambeast of a woman under the pseudonym "Demonbratt" or "Demy". He proceeded to /point his character at "her" and started to masturbate from behind his computer when suddenly Deo came into the room dressed in classic Fag Pirate regalia. Being part online-whore Demonbratt proceeded to ditch Andy with his small dick in hand and went to /point at Deo. This did not go well with Andy who finally blew his dismal load just as his eyes fell upon bare Alpha Pirate chest. He screamed with the fury of a thousand abandoned third-wheels and proceeded to cry his heart out on Twitter. Demy jumped on this attention-whoring like a bitch in heat and proceeded to try and repair the gaping wound in our scumbag hero's ego.

A few weeks later Demonbratt pretends to get into a car crash so "she" can pull an Andy, that is to say turn over the account to a "male relative" by the name of "Justin". Unfortunately for him/her/it the ghost of Picosa (Shannon) came back from the internet grave for one last chance to piss in the stew. The drama bomb explodes with the force of a thousand friendzonings and "Justin" disappears.

A few more weeks later a dildo from the AE forums known as "Drean598" started copying taking inspiration from an online-famous artist who proceeded to shit bricks. Andy, desperate for attention called forth an online lynch mob to hang this poor, unfortunate wannabe artist in the name of the online-famous one. See, sucking cock works for Andy. However, none other than Andy's former hundredth e-crush Demonbratt would stand between him and his victim. Sweat dripped down Andy's forehead as he was forced to choose between sucking a cock or being the white knight. His knees gave way as he made his decision and wrapped his tongue around the meat mallet.

Andy cried out as cum spilled from his gob, and proceeded to bombard Demy with the fury only a friendzoned man could muster, claiming it to be "fun" as he played hangman for a wound-up twat too proud to wipe his own ass. By nightfall Andy found himself with one less friend, and proceeded to cry on Twitter about how all his friends were ditchers who left him for no reason.

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The Demonbratt Incident About missing Pics
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Adventures of Emits and Hageta Prime[edit]

Long long ago, in yulgar-1312, lay waiting a damsel with a futa dick whose art style hadn’t evolved beyond Ancient Egyptian period, along with her pegging buddy Neko Glider, the only faggot who liked her stupid tentacle hentai art. Right then stepped in The Messiah of AQWorlds, named Hageta Prime who started roasting her EBIC STYLE!!!! With his buddy jdc30 XDD. Then commenced a ferocious war between the two pairs, with Neko being a total cocksucker and changing sides like he changed his 8 inch long buttplugs every morning on Emits’ command. Emits felt as though she was losing the war and started calling on her mod friends to BAN hageta and jdc30 ( D:!!! ) but hageta and jdc30 used the super secret OWO ATTACK!!! On her and RECKED HER IN EBIC MEME STYLE!!! Emits fled to twitter and felt that her honor had to be redeemed so she started selling her art she drew using a mouse on MS-Paint, for 25 dollars each. She realized that the only person who would buy her art was her futa dick sucker friend neko glider. So she put up a shit ass contest and the winner would be rewarded with an art commission drawn exclusively by her. My fucking dog shits better patterns than her art style.

Meanwhile when all of this was going on, Hageta Prime thought of an idea that would take him to his road of fame. Right when Emits the futa was <afk> in yulgar, wanking to her own tentacle hentai art, Hageta made an EBIC video of himself pretending to lick emits’ AQW PIXEL CHARACTER!! XD and uploaded it on twitter. Emits was mad, she felt as if hageta had made sex in her BAGINA infront of her family forcefully. So she took this opportunity to feel butthurt for 5 months (and counting) because she has no other reason to stir up attention towards herself. Also, lets not forget how she “quit” twitter and aqw twice and is now currently on aqw going by the name “Couronne” or “Courrone”. IF you ask her if she’s emits she will purposely go <afk> while staring at the screen nervously, waiting for you to leave. Also, neko glider is probably dead by now.

Staff[edit]

Why everybody loves Beleen.
  • Alina: Rolith's fat wife who bitchslapped and sat on Beleen till she resigned. Writes better than Beleen did, but so do most kids at twelve. Alina also does some PR shit to keep the rabid playerbase under control after Cysero or Dage does something to piss everyone off.
  • Aranx: One of Wept's lapdogs that somehow ended up an AQW artist. See also; Reki.
  • Artix: The monster behind the cash-cow AE have been passing off as an MMO since October 2008, Artix is the final boss of the Jewish organization known as Articks Entertainment (AE). Some say that Artix was once in-charge of AQW, and that at one point the game was slightly less shitty. These days he spends all of his time chained up in Cysero's rape dungeon only to be taken out when the agents from the Tax Department come around.
  • Asuka: Shitcock who posts Design Notes and ponies on the AE forums. Asuka is better known as that guy who just started the thread you were about to start because you wanted to be the Design Notes poster kid. Also a furry and a clopper.
Cysero hard at work.
  • Beleen: The company slut known for her tits and her tits. Beleen invented STDs after inventing time travel for the sole purpose of fucking cavemen. Used to write the story for AQW till Alina tried to eat her.
  • Cysero: The real final boss of AE and the author of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Cysero LOVES money and will do anything to get his queer hands on it. From breaking promise after promise and hiring cut-price artwork factories like Dage, Cysero will do anything to stick a price tag on each release. He doesn't give a single shit for the direction of the game and spends all his time counting money and fucking tube socks.
  • Dage: Dage the Evil, or Dage666 is the faggot Satanist who draws all the shit in AQW. AE used to have a talented artist but he fucked off after Cysero tried to shrink his paycheck. Dage is a talentless hack who believes that good art is the same shit over and over, with one or two new details on it. Retarded in every sense of the word, Dage types in a sub-English dialect so poor that it makes Ebonics look like something written by Stephen King.
  • Dmage12: A developer that was hired for no reason at all. Dmage12 is a pretty cool guy, openly telling begging players that he does not give a shit for their scammed accounts and ignoring all forms of rule-breaking in his presence.
  • Deva: Faggot whitehat who jerks off to the thought of alpha pirates fucking him at night. Pretends to be a girl even going as far as to getting a voice changer to conceal his erect cock.
  • Lamp: The leader of whitehats, a group of "hackers" that Cysero has chained in his rape dungeon after being caught botting. The whitehats are glorified skids, that are supposedly preventing botting.
  • Miltonius: Perv animator and part-time lolicon artist. Miltonius is probably the only cool part of the AE team, who was hired after Artix masturbated himself blind to the rape scene in Akumi. Used to have some pretty nice stuff in AQW but Cysero found out, got butthurt, and proceeded to ruin his entire map in a fit of jealous rage. Now known as Nulgath because Artix and Cysero were soiling the good name of Miltonius with his shitty game.
  • Rothien/R: This brony fag is one of Lamps whitehats, he constantly clops to mlp, and goes for shemales.
  • Reens: Short bitch who employs morons like TLD4 and Sora to Hoshi. Reens does fuckall as far as real work goes, and sits around all day biting off dicks and waiting for money to start rolling in.
  • Sora to Hoshi: Lazy bitch that just mutes everyone that gets reported. Shortly after getting the golden dildo of AQW authority Sora proceeded to load a bunch of items and go back to sitting around waiting for people to start fanboying over her. Missing in action since Battleon-1 took a dicking from Mody_909 and his Jew-rabs.
  • Tendou no Mazo: Faggot who works part-time as one of the forum's garbagemen. Tendou loves the cock, and sucks as much cock as possible in hopes of becoming a moderator. Once bitched at Deo, who told him to go delete more threads in hopes of getting Alpha Pirate.
  • Vesper: On a road trip to Mexico Artix and Cysero high on Cocaine stumbled upon an underage prostitute covered in cum and used condoms, who they brought back to the Artix Headquarters to become their new official cumslut after Beleen's pastrami pussy could take no longer. Vesper has amassed a following of white knights and virgin faggots who lose all self control and ejaculate over her fake voice which she can only pull off after deepthroating Cysero and Artix for 4 hours straight.

Features[edit]

Too Cool for School.

AQ Worlds is a free MMORPG game (massively multiplayer role-playing game cash cow) that plays lags right inside your web browser. There is no software to download or install original content or storyline -- and this MMORPG is FREE! Battle Get anally raped monsters in real-time RPG combat alongside your friends what friends?

  • Five different attacks! (including auto attack)
  • Hours of grinding to get to level 5 20 30 40 45 50 51 60 65 85
  • Hours of 'Kill X monster Y times' quests to afford a weapon too high leveled for you to use. Removed when players became too lazy to click and attack.
  • Sex chat!
  • Useless pets that do fuckall other than bog down the frame rate!
  • Battle pets! Pets that attack which does nothing at all when you turn pets off!
  • Old items with different colors New items!
  • Old items with year tags to stroke your ego!
  • Old events with recycled items!
  • Macho chat! Brag about how you lift with other pin dicks in Battleon-4311!
Holy shit I wish I could be cool like this.
  • Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use Re-use!
  • Access old Nulgath shit with quest loaders!
  • Report someone for cheating and watch how nothing happens!
  • Report someone for bad words and watch flaming butthurt rain upon them!
  • Terrible music! It sounds like Beleen pegging Cysero with a big pink dildo!
  • Forums! Discuss how shit AdventureQuest Worlds is with other faggots.
  • $50 a year for AdventureQuest Worlds membership! Membership does fuckall.
  • Dildos as quest rewards! Not anymore. Penises are bad mm'kay?
  • Time travel! Send messages from ten seconds ago and watch them appear ten seconds later!
  • Peace and quiet in Yulgar-1 Sir Ver. Until a mod comes in of course.
  • Meet the stars! Listen to Leo cry about his Alpha Pirate or some other retard talk about how he hacks FBI computers for a living!
  • Hundreds of online dating opportunities! Most of these women are probably men but who cares when you're as ugly as you are?
  • Meatgrinding! Miltonius' Juggernigger and Dage the Faggot black-and-blue skullfuckers!
  • Meet the staff! Sit around in Yulgar-1 in Sir Ver for a few hours and they come like flies to dog shit!
  • Harass the staff with mind blowingly stupid and or idiotic questions!
  • Cleavage and bare legs on every girl character and now even on surfboards! Fuck you Arrakis and Crystal Lion!
  • Incredible animation by Miltonius - famous lolicon/porn animator from the internet!
  • Mix with the natives! Brazilian monkey-people everywhere!
  • Be able to be a part of Dage's "Legion" filled with activities like prodding, sucking and stroking his inflated ego.
  • Making masturbation jokes about Hancok's name!
  • Listen to Cysero all day and night!
  • Spend some real money on Adventure Coins! Like buttcoins but useless!
  • 95 percent AC releases every week.
  • 96 percent AC releases every OTHER week.
  • Badges! Badges for killing shit, badges for buying shit, badges for cheating!
  • Trading! Buy accounts from fags who actually spend time cracking old accounts to sell!
  • Recolors! Sad you missed out on Alpha Pirate but too incompetent to find a seller? Just buy a Naval!
  • Surf Boards Of Girls!
  • Troll the useless testers
  • Devote hours of your miserable life getting Void HighLord!

Forums[edit]

The incredible realm of online faggotry known as the AdventureQuest Worlds board is broken up into five different boards; General Discussion, Bugs, Q&A, Guides, Suggestions. In simple terms nobody gives a shit about Bugs and Suggestions. You're more likely to get laid than have the faggot AQW developers fix your shitty game or even glance at your Mary Sue-filled shitty storyline. Only faggots report bugs and glitches, and the Suggestions board is full of talentless hacks like Reki trying to show off their terrible drawings.

AQW General Discussion[edit]

Also known as the shithole, North Korea 2.0, or that board full of faggots the AQW General Discussion is veritable hive of stupidity where elitists and choobs like Chaosyn go to force their unwanted opinions down the throats of others. This board is supposed to be patrolled by twatty volunteers but none of them do any work at all. Instead the General Discussion is overseen by the iron-fisted Melissa4Bella, an ill-tempered lesbian with a love of power abuse that puts the bastards in-charge of Habbo to shame.

For easy trolling ask people how their title-seeking is going, and post inflammatory remarks about Dage in his dedicated fanboy thread.

"An AEF Arch-Knight in his natural habitat."

AQW Bugs[edit]

A vast archive that details the AQW developers' many incompetencies. Most of the bug reports involve players crashing after auto attacking NPCs or claims of items magically vanishing from their inventories. Because the AQW team are too lazy to do any work before the release day almost all AQW releases are full of bugs and glitches. The only thing anything ever gets fixed in this game is when AE start to lose profits. Otherwise noone gives a fuck.

AQW Q&A[edit]

Dedicated to all those special kids that were too stupid to add two and two. The AQW Q&A board is home to the title-seekers and most depraved cocksuckers in the entirety of the forum. Posters on this forum are territorial and obsessed with sucking dick to get on Melissa's good side. Fags like LLbaldwinLL patrol this forum every waking moment in hopes for a question to incorrectly answer.

Prime trolling material because everyone who posts here has Asperger syndrome. For instant reactions ask people how the title-seeking is going and flame posters. Thread-hijacking is a great way to go because everyone gets their panties in a twist over it and giving a correct answer and following it up with a remark about the OP's intelligence should result in at least one suicide. Also ask about Wept's Alpha Pirate and name change and watch the title-seekers try and make up answers.

Guides[edit]

For morons that are too stupid to grasp the click-and-kill concept that AQW is based on. Most of this shit is outdated or incorrect anyway so players are better off just clicking everything in hopes of success. This works 99% of the time anyway so visiting this board for answers is like asking a flock of retards to help cure your cancer.

Trolling is easy as spotting a nigger in Compton. Just post under every thread that the content is all obvious as shit and taken straight from the Wiki.

Suggestions[edit]

More deserted than the Bugs section, the AQW Suggestions board is a testament to the lack of talent in the AQW playerbase. The developers will never look at this board, instead expecting their ArchKnight lapdogs to thread-dive for the less retarded suggestions. All artwork is either stolen or so shitty that Skydrite gouged out his eyes before accepting responsibility for this shithole. Storyline suggestions are just as pathetic with boring characters, self-inserts and Mary Sues.

Tendou sucked a lot of dick to become an ArchKnight here so make sure to remind him daily that the salty tang of semen will never wash out completely.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Cheating and Hacking[edit]

History[edit]

As we all know by now AQW is a game based around rare-hoarding and grinding for the same shit that everyone else farms. One day a skid by the name of Cris realised how fucking pointless wasting hours on the same quest was and invented the first third-party AQW loader. The lazy fucks who played AQW cheered and proceeded to shopload the legendary Alpha Pirate and run the same script over and over for their famous Star Swords. In essence this was the same as wasting hours grinding for shitty gold only the program did it automatically. This left players with ample time to wank to Yaoi.

Over the years a few other faggots copied this original loader and gave it a new name. Nobody seemed to give a shit and everyone used what was called an autoer. This went on till some clever man came up with a way to attain free Adventure Coins (ACs) and Membership. Cysero's Jew senses were tingling and his dogs located the source of this breach in his cash flow. Legal threats were made, tears were shed, and Cheat Engine Forums (CEF) closed their AE section forever.

However this did not do anything. Nothing was patched and the skids just threw up their own shitty forums. One day someone leaks a packet that allows players to fuck other players in the ass. After almost two years of doing shit-all to address the cheating Artix puts his cum-encrusted foot down and tells his sandnigger Zhoom to solve it.

Zhoom is a lazy fuck who just changes the packets for attacking and turning in quests and at least 100 players are banned forever for doing it wrong. Then a twat who makes AQW videos named Dracorath gets banned for cheating. Dracorath is a close friend of SexWhyNo and a snitch so the irony in this is massive, and he cries about it being his first time (lol) and that he deserves a second chance. Cysero posing as Fartix offers all the cheaters a second chance thus undoing all their progress towards shitting on cheaters.

A few months later a guy named Syntax/Azzimi known for making a bunch of identical trainers and private servers boasts of having a password cracker that fucks shit up harder than a legion of ten thousand twelve-year olds firing LOIC at a forum that upset them. Cysero vehemently denied such a thing was possible and added the function of locking players out of their accounts after ten attempts at their password to cover his ass. This just lead to players spamming bad passwords to lock other players out.

Then more skids make new trainers. A furry named DatapawWolf makes a trainer that rapes ass and everyone uses it. Cysero finds out and makes no attempt to solve this. Instead he tells stories about how hackers are evil people who want your shitty account and virginity. Then some smartass comes up with the idea of rigging an auto-disable to successive respawning. Sounds great except for the fact that AQW lags like shit and players send multiple respawn requests anyway. A bunch of players were wrongly banned and Fartix makes another Design Notes post about how he forgives everyone including the players that did shitall to get disabled in the first place.

Then Datapaw gets a call from AE's lawyers and kills everything forever. This has done nothing to solve cheating because everyone's too damn stupid to come up with a solution.

Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and Discord[edit]

AQW Twitter[edit]

Like any form of parasite the AQW community also infests Facebook and Twitter. The AQW Twitter community is pretty much the same as AQW minus the shitty chat filter i.e. full of retards. AQW Twitter is used by faggot gamers who want to tell all their nonexistent best friends about how bored they are. In terms of versatility it's EXACTLY the same as AQW, if not a bit better in terms of features. See below;

AQW Twitter has the following features:

1. Limited character chat box minus the shitload of lag!

Your typical AQW Twitter troll. Diogenes is probably rolling in his fucking grave.

2. Limited character chat box minus the mutes!

3. Instant access to the faggots who made AQW.

4. The same retards on AQW, but NOT on AQW!

5. A bunch of twat 14 year olds like Misoa pretending to be depressed and have anxiety while deep throating every mod possible while tweeting about their exciting lives from their sex dungeon rotting away in their own feces

6. Faggots like Mody_909 sucking cocks on Twitter instead of in AQW!

Mody.jpg

7. Previews of all the shit that goes into AQW, but not in AQW!

8. A bunch of 14 year old fucktards such as sheismuted and badwife flipping their shit because some 18 year old white fuckass wanted to see some retarded dumb slut's tits and "that one bisexual weeb whore" has a penis apparently.

9. The same assholes who normally spend their time being 'regs' in shitholes like B-1 and Y-1 which are now dead places.

10. Talentless assholes like Sheismuted posting their shitty 'art' in hopes that Alina or some other blind staff member might make them an art Developer for shitting on their drawing tablet and putting buggy ass anime eyes on it.

11. A bunch of retarded Asians and pedophiles giving each other raging e-boners over league while shitting on their keyboard and calling it strategy!

12. 12 year olds flipping shit because some beta asshole has some shitty dage item they don't own.

13. Cancer. A fuckton of cancer

14. Queen Miltonius is a lying catfish who gets on their knees to suck on the tip of every staff member who bothers to give them any attention. An attention whore that fakes being staff just to feel relevant. Most likely a Male Catfish.

15. Balor. Twitter is full of this guy's shitty Nulgath releases, one of which actually made it in the game. Now he's famous for being Nulgath's right-hand bitch. Legend has it that he sucks moderator dick in order to become a developer.

16. Commission art where for only the small price of $39.99 malnourished faggots will draw you any form of AQW hentai to fund their weekly AC purchases.

AQW Facebook[edit]

The AQW Facebook might be the only thing more pathetic than the AQW Twitter community. Dividing by zero, yes, but somehow it works. All the girls who make an AQW Facebook account are men with fake pictures and all the men who make an AQW Facebook account are fags who need to try suicide. As all the girls on AQW are also men logic dictates that everyone who uses Facebook for AQW should kill themselves.

Everyone on AQW Facebook is an online dater; there is no exception to this rule. AQW Facebook is hitting rock bottom and somehow digging even further down. All AQW drama not caused by Blazegloom and Wept is spawned in the bowels of the AQW Facebook community. That aside, if you have over 2,000 AQW-related friends you win at faggotry and deserve cancer.


AQW Facebook has the following features:

1. The exact same shit as regular Facebook. Just replace all the angle shots and duckfaces with shitty AQW screenshots and eDrama.

2. Higher concentrations of faggotry and eternal virginity than the game itself.

3. Fan pages for every fucking feature in AQW. At least 100 Dage the Faggot fan pages dedicated to the Dark Lord of Dicks himself.

4. Pictures of girls that you can find on Google.

5. Pictures of girls that you can find on xHamster.

6. Pictures of girls that you can find on Redtube.

7. AIDS.

AQW Youtube[edit]

Probably the least respected and gayest thing in AQW besides mods is the fucking AQW video community. There are typically three kinds of videos that are published about AQW on youtube, each with it's own flavor of absolute shit. It's like an ice cream shop, except if it served you different flavors of shit. The kind of penile leakage that comes from this front are:

  • AQWMVs. Short for AQW Music Videos. A.k.a. music videos that are worse then what play on MTV today. They are filmed portions of the game set with random garbage noises they call "music" with random helmet wearers who get their rocks off by filming their pixel dick. Its a bunch of retarded bitches who feel they are the next fucking Hollywood director because they torrented Sony Vegas and randomly click effect buttons and make their shitty videos. Call of Duty videos have nothing on this shit because they take it to a whole new level. Screen spinning and songs that make your ears bleed because of the awful faggotry spewing out of your speakers. Ever want to feel what it's like to have epilepsy? Watch one of these videos. Everyone in it is a fucking cockstain to people outside of their fuck buddy circle. This community has this thing about being "famous" on AQW, but nobody gives a shit about AQWMVs besides people who make AQWMVs, or videos in general about this anal puss. Now with more Linkin Park! CRAWLING IN MY SKIN!!!!!
  • AQW PvP videos. The retarded Player vs Player community that tried to make it look like pushing a button requires skill really hit home the point of being a complete dumbfuck behind a computer. The AQW PvP community is comprised of social outcasts from not only real life, but from other games on the internet so to make their life seem like it has meaning, they all gather and try to find out who is the best at making the loudest and deepest moan, comparable to when a downs person ever speaks. Oh sorry, meant to put they try to be the best at their 1-5 button pushing game. A bed-ridden vegetable person can play this shit. They have their ever so often top 100 anal pounders PvPers videos again played on bad music and showcases the ever growing community of deep throating.
  • EVERYTHING ELSE. This includes:
1. Hacks that don't work. Seriously. Password crackers that only guess retard passwords like 1234 or qwerty. The funny part they do work because the majority likes to go full retard when it comes to passwords. Recently the green faggot Cysero tweeted his old password, of which players flocked by the thousands like flies flock to cow shit and made it their own password. This shows that no matter how stupid you are, there's always someone that's going to raise the bar. We need olympics for this shit; the "Rejected from the Special Olympics" Olympics. These people would take gold every time. USA USA USA.
2. Private server showoffs. Want to make yourself orgasm over having moderator? Private servers are for you!
3. Autism engorged comedy videos. Made by autistics, for autistics.
4. Bitches who complain about not getting subs, not getting views, not having sex, etc.
5. Brazilians messaging you to give two fucks about their channel.
6. Cunts(Rekan) who think they need to make walkthrough of the weekly releases. If reading, comprehension, and clicking is hard for you, suggest checking out these videos because you are stupid as fuck.


AQW Discord[edit]

The parasitic anal probe that is the AQW community has punctured the depths of Discord creating their endless shitty Discord Servers filled with a cesspool of faggotry, shitty dick pics and hentai bots so you can jerk off to Gravelyn while simultaneously sucking Alina's fat cock in hopes that she'll load you Alpha Pirate.

There is a multitude of Discord Servers to choose from you my start by:

  • Joining the Official AQW Discord Server where you can watch faggots actually talk about the game and Shiminuki drowning in cum bags in hopes that Alina will actually give him Moderator while giving handjobs to any other developer or testers nearby.
  • Hancok's shitty Discord Server where Hancok's obsession for nigger dick is fully erect while casually enjoying people spamming shemale porn in the chat. This server is pure literal cancer where low IQ brainlets spend their days on a thesaurus trying to justify which naval commander is best.
  • Or just join Deva's gay Discord Server where you can talk about how much of a faggot Deva is even going as far as to getting a voice changer to hide his erect cock as precum dribbles all over his keyboard everytime Alina gives him another taste of her shekel covered strapon.
  • You can join Orchid's Discord Sever and find a vast amount of faggotry where virgins spout about how much money their parents make while jerking off to their loaded rares. You can meet cumsluts like Cureon who has literally sucked every possible dick on this game yet cucks like 18bc and Zobeck stand off to the side and watch her get mercilessly pounded by alpha males with their loaded alpha pirate.

Trolling in AQW[edit]

The AQW playerbase is almost completely comprised of twelve year olds and retards, which makes for easy trolling. To induce an AQW player into a fit of butthurt rage just do the following;

Ask how much money they pissed away on their worthless dress-up items.

  • This is best done in a free server with a shitty alt account. Otherwise you're a hypocrite and a faggot for saying it.


Beg for shit, because begging pisses everyone off. This works both ways as explained later on.

  • Beg for Drudgen in Yulgar.
  • Beg for free accounts in Yulgar.
  • Beg for free membership/ACs in Yulgar.


Fanboys, fanboys everywhere. Exploit this rabid fanboyism to your advantage you twit.

  • Call Cysero a faggot and a Jew.
  • Call Dage a faggot with shitty artwork.
  • Complain about shitty gameplay.
  • Complain about shitty mods.
  • Go to Safiria and complain about how the AQWMV Community is dog shit and mention Ram Z.X
  • Praise AE for shutting down Minimal and mention how Brazilians are better anyway.


Yes folks, in AQW the players will actually bitch and moan about people NOT doing anything.

  • Do absolutely nothing!


Do the following:

  • PM players and offer them free membership/ACs for their password.
  • PM players and send chatbombs.
  • PM players and use "mod" "free" "ac" "member" and "pass" in your message.

Doing so will rape their chatbox and get them butthurt.


AQW players are obsessed with item collecting and can get butthurt over anything.

  • Show off all your shitty rare items to make people jealous.
  • Make fun of faggots for loading alpha pirate and not having a single digit house ID.
The mighty slayer of underage AQW girls

Or start a conversation about a topic that will piss somebody off. Abortion is always a hilarious topic to work with because everybody tries to act smart by throwing themselves into the firestorm. That last point needs a friend who also wants to fuck with everyone.

  • Start conversations about WWII and how Hitler was right all along. Use Cysero as an example.
  • Start conversations about Brazil and how much dick it sucks while in Espada.
  • Start conversations that offend everyone else around you, and then tell everyone to butt the fuck out and complain about rudeness. Good examples would be considered 9/11, the Holocaust, etc.
  • Ask a AQ fag from what country they are from (China, Mexico, etc), and then racially use derogatory shit talking about their race to them. Perfect examples

are to mention are Mexicans are Wetbacks, Kikes should burn in ovens, etc.


With that said, most of the fags in AQW are questloaders anyway so this is just pissing in the ocean of piss. But on the off-chance that you do find someome dumb enough not to cheat do it anyway. Not that the mods give a shit.

  • Questload shit and brag about how you got away with it in front of everyone.

There's all sorts of other shit you can do to upset the delicate balance and aspies in AQW. Be a blatant pig and sexually harass every girl you see. If you're man enough just flirt with other men and see how uncomfortable they get. Just be creative you stupid fucks, it's not that hard to upset a bunch of aspies if you keep telling them that you have a Drudgen but refuse to let them use it.




But upsetting a bunch of kids who get bullied at school isn't something you're going to be bragging about to all your friends and family members, because any moron with an IQ over 70 can do it. Instead try upsetting the AQW staff and watch both staff member and ten thousand fanboys rage.


According to AE's sacred law of gold names and faggotry the AQW staff are not allowed to tell the masses to fuck off and die, no matter how annoying they may be. Abuse this you faggots.

  • Ask in-game moderators stupid questions like "what color is Drakath's penis" or "when are they going to add gameplay".
  • Ask in-game moderators for free items and bring up Wept and her free AP.


Everyone on AQW uses Twitter. This can be applied to any staff member or regular Twitter faggot. Artix is just as good for scamming dumb Brazilians that want AQW monies and free shit. Also forums.

  • Make a bunch of fake Facebook and Twitter accounts and pose as staff members, then scam dipshits out of their accounts.
  • Harass Cysero on Twitter by spamming to him that his game sucks ass.

External links[edit]


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