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Adventure Time is a batshit-insane cartoon series which airs on Cartoon Network, pandering to queers, Social Justice Wankers, and autistic 13-year-olds around the globe. The show is about an egotistical faggot named Finn, his shape-shifting talking pedo dog, Jake, and their quest to ruin everything good about living in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
The show is essentially the same thing as any other Cartoon Network series that has existed since the mid-2000s: an absolute shit-heap with a cancerous fandom consisting of the most fucked up people in existence; the same closeted manchildren who obsessively waste away watching these cartoons with hopes that doing so will either make them hip unique snowflakes, revive their precious 90's cartoons (ironic considering that Adventure Time forces moar auto-tune on the viewers than the average mainstream hip-hop dumbshit who has their own VEVO channel on JewTube) or scenefags who think that they will relate to Marceline because she's all emotional and edgy and all that stupid shit.
Adventure Time was developed by Pendleton Ward and Frederator Studios (creators of another cartoon where pedos and fags make up most of the cast), which explains why most of the show is about said pedophiles and fags on acid.
Despite most of the episodes consisting of acid trips misnamed as adventures, Adventure Time does manage to contain a coherent plot, meaning that it has cliffhanger endings at season finales to give viewers the sense that "important" stuff happens despite nothing having been accomplished in the first three fucking seasons.
In the end of Season 2, Princess Bubblegum gets frozen, shattered, and returned to life as a 13 year old loli due to the doctors not having enough gum to work with, as to how this kingdom was to believe that having no means to heal its ruler was a good idea is most likely due to the brain-damage caused by the radiation of the Atomic Bombs. Later, she gets unlolified by absorbing parts of her subjects.
In the end of Season 3, Finn goes emo because teh princess doesn't want dick, causing Jake to find him another bitch. At least 100 princesses later, he picks the psychotic one made of fire to pair up with his friend and they end up kissing rocks. Oh yeah, and the bad guy's a snail now.
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
This piece of shit is probably the worst thing ever created by Pedoton Ward and his crew, because now every 40 year old pedo virgin that watches the show thinks it's the coolest thing ever done on TV, as it reminds them of their childhoods. YouTube is being filled to the brim with fan made videos because it strikes a chord with Adventure Time fantards, who want to be like The Ice King and be the last person on Earth with their very own, personal loli. It is reaching a new level of retardation because Adventure Time fans group it together with all the Simon/Ice King and Marceline references to argue that these shorts are proof that Adventure Time "has depth" and therefore should receive an Emmy.
Pendleton Ward's perception of "good character design" is completely fucking warped. When designing the characters for his shitty Cartoon series, he threw all morals out the window and made all the characters color-coded with no personality whatsoever, with the foreknowledge that everyone who was going to watch Adventure Time would have the intellectual quotient of a shit-taco.
- Finn the Human: A 13-year-old boy as a main character? Ward must've busted his balls coming up with such an original concept!
- Jake the Dog: A shape-shifting talking dog who is Finn's only friend as well as his closest life-long partner. Being a torpid, pedo-voiced, manchild furry tub of shit, he's also the embodiment of the show's fanbase.
- Princess Bubblegum: And then there's this cunt. Candy-ass here is the bipolar autocrat of a land of "Ooo"; a name that really sounds like something you would make when hallucinating. She keeps Finn friend-zoned so he can save her ass whenever shit happens.
- Marceline: If you thought the sparkling wasn't badass enough, vampires suck red now and have more daddy issues than your average bar hooker.
- Ice King: The old coot who wastes his life kidnapping and anally sodomizing princesses for generic-villain reasons and fantasizing with gender-swaps of prepubescent boys. Yet, sadly his backstory is more lulzy than the show as a whole. He generally acts like a basement-dwelling, love-shy manchild, so the majority of the fanbase identifies with him.
- Lumpy Space Princess: Ward lives out his dream of being a BBW transvestite by voicing this fat fucking shemale. It's later revealed that she wants Finn to fuck her since he began as Ward's self insert. Given her ridiculous, rampant behaviour displayed throughout most of the show, her initials may as well be changed to "LSD".
- Lady Rainicorn: A Korean unicorn-rainbow hybrid that is somehow Jake's canon love-interest. And if that wasn't retarded enough already, they somehow managed to mate and conceive offsprings.
- BMO: BMO is a fucking retard that was all that Finn and Jake could afford from their daily jobs. It's just a fucked up Game Boy slave that they have around their dope-ass tree house which reeks of bong water and piss.
- Earl of Lemongrab: A completely insane asspie lemon man created by Princess Bubblegum who later creates Ooo's equivalent to North Korea and later explodes because he hates Harp music.
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|Featured article September 22 & 23, 2012|
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