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Al Gore

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During my service in the United States Congress I took the initiative in creating the Internet [as well as taking place in making up Global Warming].
 

 
 

—AL Gore, on CNN, March 1999

Who Exactly is Al Gore?

Gore's speech is closed captioned for the hearing impaired
Al Gore strikes a blow for all Special Needs children
Al Gore raising a fist on a helpless child (not pictured)
Al Gore with his favorite audience

Al Gore, or Cereal Guy is the Emperor of his own country, Gorea, inventor of the Internets(circa 1992), and the inventor of the pokeball. He has ridden the mighty Moon Worm and slain the ferocious manbearpig with extreme fury. He ran for President of the United States, but lost to a Monkey over which he was seriously butthurt and grew a really creepy beard. It's rumored that Gore uses unnecessarily elongated words to compensate for his incredibly large small penis.

He is a very boring person; sometimes when he talks to people, they commit suicide because he's so damn boring. However, little do they know they are doing it wrong. He also has no friends because of this, and because he constantly uses the word "cereal". Al won an Oscar, an Emmy, and a Nobel Peace Prize all in the same year; basically for being the guy who lost to George Bush. After winning the Nobel Prize, he spent the entire fucking night wanking off to Furry Porn. This is because his wife, Tipper Whore, is a cyborg with a stainless steel vagina (clang clang) clocked in at -5 celcius.

They have recently started marketing a new sleep aid in form of video entitled "The Inconceivable Truth", featuring the man himself. This has been proven effective and sales have gone up.

The similarities are astounding...

Humongous Hypocrisy

Al's Humongus Hypocracy.jpg

How's that for an Inconvenient fuckin' Truth? "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

Rise Of The Anti-Christ

In ASCII code, "al gore" = 97 + 108 + 32 + 103 + 111 + 114 + 101 = 666, therefore Al Gore is the anti-Christ.

Coincidence? I THINK NOT

Al's Initiatives

Here are some of his initiatives during office and throughout his life:

Global Warming

Polarbearcanhasalgore.jpg

Al Gore invented Global Warming at least 100 years ago to kill off emotards and Jews. He admits it in this quote: "During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Global Warming." How he managed to do such a feat remains a mystery today; some allege while standing on his porch in Tennessee, he threw a lasso around the Sun and pulled it closer to Earth. Others say he was standing on the Sun and threw a lasso around the Earth and pulled it closer to him. The real explanation is lost to the sands of time, unfortunately.

As Al began to regret taking the initiative to create Global Warming, he decided to have a concert to raise Global Warming awareness called "Live Earth". It was held on 7/07/07, and 74,500 tons of carbon dioxide gas were produced by the event. Thanks Al.

Every time Al Gore testifies on Capitol Hill on global warming, mother nature sends a big snowstorm or hailstorm to welcome him. This has happened so many times it has been nicknamed the "Gore Effect". Mother nature enjoys making Al Gore look like an idiot because mother nature does not care what Al Gore thinks the sea level should be. When he speaks at MIT, mother nature doesn't need to do anything to make him look like an idiot since the science geeks there will just play a round of Buzzword Bingo at his expense.

The former vice president's 20-room home and pool house devoured nearly 221,000 kilowatt-hours in 2006, more than 20 times the national average of 10,656 kilowatt-hours. This, of course, is why he wants you to conserve electricity; He wants it all for himself.

Al Gore increases global temperature 5 degrees every time he takes his shirt off. Oh, and he flies around everywhere in his own private jet which contradicts his whole global warming scheme.

World Domination

  1. Create the Internets
  2. Invent Global Warming
  3. ????
  4. PROFIT!!!

Quotations

Al Gore and Science

Al Gore was awarded a Nobel Prize for making his power point presentation, "An Inconvenient Truth". He used his "scientific background" to make this film. Al has a Bachelor of the Arts degree in Government, and he took a class on climate science in college. This puts his movie at about the same level as a 8th grader's science fair project.

We need to save the planet. Carbon Dioxide is killing us. Polar bears are dying.

Invention of the Intarwebz

Al Gore claims that he is inventor of the internet. Although it is also reported that the internet was born in 1970, via immaculate conception through Al Gore's gaping man-gina. This is a more likely scenario, as it is common knowledge that anyone can follow their land line to their Isp trunk. Effectively, all trunks are linked up to a giant Belkin router located inside Al Gore's man-gina. The internet is a series of tubes, and goes where ever Al Gore roams.

Al Gore Knows Him Some Words

Mr. Gore after consuming said helpless child
Al Gore is the original furry hunter. I'm totally cereal (not serial, retards.)

More quotes from the master of the internet and the environment. These are all true. PROTIP: Bringing up any of these quotes to a Gore fanatic will yield the famous "taken out of context" argument so many assholes like to use when they're getting pwnd in an argument. In short, Al Gore is a professional at pwning himself. Smirk inwardly, for you have won at this point.

   
 
“If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.”
 

 
 

— –Al Gore

   
 
“Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
 

 
 

— - Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“Mars is essentially in the same orbit… Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, & water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 8/11/94

   
 
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
 

 
 

— — Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95

   
 
“I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 5/22/98

   
 
“One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, & that one word is ‘to be prepared’.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 12/6/93

   
 
“Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 11/30/96

   
 
“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future.”
 

 
 

— - Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“The future will be better tomorrow.”
 

 
 

— - Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 9/21/97

   
 
“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history.”
 

 
 

— — Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93

   
 
“We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe.”
 

 
 

— — Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“Public speaking is very easy.”
 

 
 

— - Vice President Al Gore to reporters in 10/95

   
 
“I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”
 

 
 

— — Vice President Al Gore

   
 
“When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
 

 
 

— – Al Gore

   
 
“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.”
 

 
 

— – Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/96

   
 
“We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.”
 

 
 

— — Vice President Al Gore, 9/22/97

Some argue that most of these are just Dan Quayle quotes with the names changed, but nobody gives a shit.

Videos


algore.exe

South Park leaked footage of him

Top 10 Idiotic Quotes

Final Fight

"Algore the Donkey who's full of Hot Air" by A. A. Milne

Gallery

Goreophobia Scrapbook About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

Links

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