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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Alan Sullivan (aka Homicide, Homocide, Homeless Homicide or simply Hobocide) is a long time #ed chatter and former OhInternet administrator. While he has always been quite retarded, recently his retardation increased to extreme levels which led to the creation of this page. This poor man seems to have an obsession with marriage and enjoys freeloading off people around him irl and on IRC. Why he has reached these levels we will never know, but we do know that the luls will be victorious once again.
— Hobocide - Say what you want about this man but he does have insight
Alan's high levels of retardation include but are not limited to (in no particular order):
- Being homeless because he's a lazy turd with zero skills
- Begging for lunch money on IRC
- Being hated by his entire family
- Working at McDonalds (meat boy)
- Working at Wall Mart (also meat boy)
- Working at Checkers (you got it)
- Getting fired at a hosting company
- Begging for lunch money on IRC
- Pretending a fellow female #ed chatter was his wife
- Creeping on every single female on #ed
- Visiting a fellow female #ed chatter without permission
- Trying to move into a fellow female #ed chatter's house for free
- Being in a Facebook relationship with IHM and pretending its a joke
- Begging for lunch money on IRC
- Trying to marry IHM
— Alan's father - Even his own family can't stand him
Alan kept a diary for a long time. Here are a few carefully selected highlights of his impressive life for all to enjoy. If you wish behold the entire diary please click here.
Somwhere in 2006, dear diary...
So far, my vacation to St Pete has been interesting. I've been arrested, drunk, molested, drunk again, molested while drunk, rejected, molested, and then drunk and yelling at people at the mall while wishing I was being molested again. Glad security doesn't pay sh*t worth of attention. e_e;; Other than that, I'm attempting to procure a ride back into O-Town (no, not the boy band) so I can get a job and pay off my bank because they're out for blood this time! Blood! Nyaaah! Other than that, my social life needs a complete overhaul, because I have come to the realization that I am a chain-smoking loser with a serious complex or two. And I like to yell at people, which does not help me make friends, as opposed to what I was previously convinced of.
His mugshot just screams intelligence. Now onto some sexual harassment.
In other news, I could be facing a sexual harassment lawsuit because of me flirting at work. Thing is, I talked to the chicks I flirt with at work about it, and both of them said they know that I'm just having fun, so I dunno. If I keep my shit straight and make sure I watch what I say to people, I should be all right. If not, it's a learning experience. A bad one.
Sure Alan, they all know it's just a joke. You're not trying to get into their pants at all, everyone knows this. Moving on, let's play the violin for the next entry.
Well, I'm out of Orlando. Probably this weekend. Gonna go up to Volusia County and stay with Kim and Joyce (see: aunt and grandmother). Things down here in Orlando are going smashingly well, like always. Circumstances are pretty much forcing me out however. I can't get even a crappy entry-level position job at Mickey D's or RaceTrac, then I might as well look for other prospects elsewhere.
Also, Doug got me a job. And then I dicked around and got fired after working for 3 days. Go me! After applying to every fucking thing in town, the one place I never thought of took me (lol buffet), and I shat on them. I'm definately working towards the future.
The future sure looks bright for this strapping young man, he is a real go-getter and a great addition to any company. Let's not paste everything in here so if you want more lulz please read the entire blog. Be warned though, mostly he's just bitching about having no money, moving around and being fired (yes that is actually his life).
From Homocide to Hobocide
As one might guess reading the previous chapter, this boy has a hard time keeping jobs and places which is understandable considering the brain and plastered eyebrow he has. During the last x months (of writing this), Alan has been freeloading off of many chatters on IRC. He wants money, drugs, a place to stay but when someone asks him what he's doing to get out of his bum situation, he gets defensive and retarded.
By the way Alan, have you ever heard of please and thank you?
11:32 <@homicide> o hi twill 11:32 <@homicide> wanna order me a sammich? 11:32 < Twill> Um no 11:32 <@homicide> eating today would be gr8 11:32 <@homicide> oh 11:32 <@homicide> ok :c 11:35 < Twill> Homicide do you have paypal 11:36 <@homicide> i do, y 11:36 < Twill> curious 11:36 < Twill> so 11:36 < Twill> what are you actually doing 11:36 < Twill> to get yourself out of this situation 11:36 < Twill> are you applying for jobs? 11:36 <@homicide> wow 11:36 < Twill> going to go live with a friend and try to get things sorted out 11:36 < Twill> Look you are on IRC 11:36 < Twill> presumably 11:37 < Twill> at a public library 11:37 < Twill> and tbh 11:37 <@homicide> nope, jimmy john's 11:37 < Twill> I kind of dont feel bad for you because you're doing nothing to help yourself 11:37 < Twill> im not going to give my money from my hard earned work that I go to because I have a job 11:37 <@homicide> nigger i been applying for jobs since fuckin february 11:37 < Twill> to someone who 11:37 < Twill> Mkay yeah 11:37 < Twill> and how many of those have you gotten and then lost 11:37 < Twill> due to stupidity 11:38 < Twill> how many times have you moved around 11:38 < Twill> get a plan 11:38 < Twill> stick to it 11:38 <@homicide> i haven't even gotten any fuckin interviews 11:38 <@homicide> tyvm 11:38 < Twill> stop being stupid 11:38 < Twill> JZ and Tyral put their necks on the line for you and you had a great opportunity that you pissed away 11:39 < Twill> growu p 11:39 * homicide shrugs 11:40 < Twill> ^this is exactly why I wont be paypaling you 5 bucks for a sandwhich 11:40 < Twill> I dont help people who cant help themselves. 11:40 <@homicide> you wouldn't beleive me if i said i was trying 11:40 <@homicide> so 11:40 <@homicide> c'est la vie 11:40 <@homicide> cigarette time
He can't afford a sandwich, but he can afford cigarettes? The transition was complete.
19:48 <@voidsta> why is he opped if everyone hates him 19:48 <phobos> just gotta scale usually 19:48 <@voidsta> who is he friends with 19:48 <@hiphitler> cuz he's been here forever 19:48 <phobos> no one 19:48 <@voidsta> oh 19:49 <@hiphitler> he's like that ugly piece of furniture that nobody likes but everyone is too lazy to really get rid of cuz it's heavy and bulky and would be too much effor 19:49 <@hiphitler> and there's that one person whos' like "NO IT HAS CHARACTER" 19:49 <@voidsta> lmaoooo 19:49 <@voidsta> i like that analogy 19:49 <phobos> its a pretty amazing analogy 19:50 <@hiphitler> :) 19:51 <Dr_Rice> hello everyone 19:52 <@hiphitler> hi 19:53 <Dr_Rice> hru? 19:53 <@hiphitler> gud u 19:54 <@hiphitler> phobos: hobocide is back 19:54 <@hiphitler> how should i frame it 19:55 <@voidsta> lmao hobocide
Especially the "shrugging" part of the above chats is quite shocking. This is because the 2 chatters who Twill refers to have given Alan the following:
- A place to stay
- A job at HostGator
He doesn't care one bit and shows no gratitude. Oh, and the job at HostGator he lost because of an attendance issue. Ofcourse after that he was officially homeless again.
<homicide> lol looks like the internet is sick ofr my faggotry finallyAlan, you probably should get ready for gay4pay. Anyone up for some homeless dong?
Hobocide + IHM
Alan has a propensity for harassing every female on every chat he can be tolerated in with laugh worthy images of his tiny subrate dong. When not pitching a tent both figuratively and literally he spends his days chasing anything that will put a roof over his head, unlike his mother. As a chatter with intense mommy and daddy issues he sends pictures of his dick to anyone who will bother looking as he's had 0 luck working as an escort previously. Unfortunately for him no matter how many subway footlong sandwiches he purchases his dick remains the laughing stock of every channel he frequents. If he enters a channel he will immediately identify every single possible person who can provide him housing or cyber with. After a long search for love he finally came across the only person who could understand how much of a faggot he truly is...
At first no one could believe this, who in their right mind would do such a monstrous thing as dating IHM. However, one must realise Alan is not only mentally disabled and desperate for attention, but also looking for someone he can freeload off. IHM would be the perfect victim... or would she?
Let's have a look at the evidence of this relationship. The first piece is a Facebook relationship page:
When Alan was confronted about this, he said he's just trolling around and mocked chatters for taking this seriously. It was quiet after that for a while, but we have acquired new evidence from our sources in the form of tweets.
Alan and IHM now actually want to get married. You can't make this shit up, and we assure you, we are not.
Homocide in the blue, please enjoy. I hear wedding bells!
After homicide had been passing out on IHM's couch for a month she finally had enough and told him to leave. With no applicable skills and no ability to get a job of any kind he quickly thought up a plan. After an intense 6 hours of brain storming and unsuccessfully begging his parents for money he decided he would show up at a fellow ED IRC chatters house without any warning pleading for a place to stay. After spending the last of his money on a cross state bus ticket and assuring himself he had enough charm to pull this extremely poor idea off he set off. According to his brilliant plan he bused hundreds of miles and then showed up in the hometown of said ED chatter while she was recovering in the hospital following major surgery. Without the slightest bit of hesitation he demanded she let him stay in her home for free and pay for all of his living expenses. She politely declined and reiterated that she had explicitly told him he shouldn't show up because she didn't feel comfortable with him around. His plans foiled he turned right back around and tried to shack up with IHM and she told him to get the fuck out of her house. Homicide now living in a park decided to push the issue on IRC...
Alan comes around #ed IRC the first chance he gets and doesn't understand why he is a complete outcast, and phobos has had enough.
<homicide> hey to be fair i got my sandwich <phobos> hey you should beg for money some more homicide * phobos has kicked homicide from #ed (phobos) * homicide ([email protected]) has joined #ed * DanielBrandt gives channel operator status to homicide <homicide> i didnt ask for money, i asked for a sandwich lol <phobos> you begged for money <phobos> in multiple places <homicide> niggass gotta eat <phobos> youre at the end of the line <viohazard> ive been watching tons of fake anime on adult swim <phobos> you can either leave here <phobos> or you can be forcibly removed <homicide> ┐('～`；)┌ <phobos> I gave the benefit homicide <phobos> wanted to see if you got your shit together <phobos> you havent <phobos> you can either leave and never come back homicide or you can be publicly humiliated <phobos> by multiple people <viohazard> and all.these sad lifetime movies <phobos> its your choice <viohazard> my heart hurts <viohazard> brb bp time <charolsxd> I have such high standards for men <phobos> http://pastebin.com/w021HWjX <BMO> [ <Guest34774> homicide hasnt done an original thing since pushing out of the vagi - Pastebin.com ] - http://pastebin.com/w021HWjX <phobos> http://pastebin.com/pCeJqDBc <BMO> [ So yeah, anyway. Grounded a bit, cause I got in from a movie at 2am (without - Pastebin.com ] - http://pastebin.com/pCeJqDBc <phobos> I fucking told you homicide <phobos> do not fuck with me <homicide> aight, i'll be back when you chill <homicide> or when i have my shit together <homicide> whichever <homicide> sorry for the disturb <phobos> http://i.imgur.com/Zmjo2GS.png <homicide> and for the melodramatic lj posts <phobos> http://i.imgur.com/F15aNnC.png <Boudica> lol <homicide> well if you're just gonna go ahead why should i leave <phobos> because if you dont <homicide> aw snap death cab <phobos> there will be an entire group of people using all of that information <phobos> to drive you out of here <homicide> fair nuff <phobos> on top of all the creepy nudes youve sent <phobos> on top of all the creepy shit youve done <phobos> you fucking leave <phobos> tonight <phobos> you get a job <phobos> you get the fuck off of IRC <phobos> and if I ever see you here again <phobos> I will ravage your fucking corpse <homicide> fair nuff <homicide> i'll be back later on then * homicide ([email protected]) has left #ed (laters) <charolsxd> phobos is good at getting people to get jobs. You should become a career specialist
Penny For Your Thoughts? Oh Sorry I Dont Have Enough
Homicide now with out any support except his mother who want nothing to do with him for the rest of his natural life incorrectly assumed he was welcome in any of the other IRC channels he had begged for sandwiches in. He had his ops removed, was publicly denounced by IHM, and is now being mocked where ever he bothers showing up while he waits in a public park being told he cant sleep on the benches during the day. He insists he's just waiting for a check for his mom to show up after she pays her cay payment however he's forgotten he has no address to receive any money and no resources with which to open a PO Box.
<+ONX> a homeless shelter? <+emilyst> could be nice <hatter> WE NEED TO MAKE THIS PUBLIC <hatter> BREAKING HORSE NEWS <hatter> He should probably get a job <hatter> and stop draining our wonderful country <+emilyst> homicide more like homelesscide <homicide> yeah no <homicide> the homeless shelters around here give you 2 hours a day out of there <homicide> not enough time to job hunt <hatter> You could probably get a job as a Jizz Mopper <hatter> at porn stores and sex shows <hatter> Homeless-cide <homicide> and they're 1 day places <homicide> hatter: people say hobocide please keep up <homicide> see its a play on homocide <homicide> which implies that i do men
Donate to His Cause
If you wish to donate to the Alan "homicide" Sullivan charity fund please send all your money to the following:
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Grand 16 Shooting
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