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Do you drain the dregs from the wine bottles in your parents recycling bin when no one is around? Are you a little too fond of sniffing when your granny is cooking sherry? Then it is most likely that you are an alcoholic (see Britfag).
Alcoholism, also known as alcohol dependence, is awesome. Everyone should get drunk and have sex with loose women, and/or men. Booyah bitches, lets get drunk, make some noise, and rape some fetuses ,nigger.
It has been proven by modern science that the entire population of the United Kingdom and Ireland are full of "functional" alcoholics, to the extent that in 'bars' in these places for an extra ten pence you can have a choice of background noise ranging from heavy traffic and office sounds to (particularly in Northern Ireland) gunshots and IED's detonating. The average Britfag spends more time in his local pub than he spends having sex or sleeping. Popular drinks include beer, ale, bitter, cider and battery acid, while real men prefer to stick to neat whiskey, vodka and absinthe.
Characteristics of Alcoholics
- Shaky hands
- You're hiding it
- Hideous repetition of "NO GAIZ I'M NOT THAT DRUNK"
- A sudden desire for intense buttsecks
- I swear offica, 'twasnt be
- Becoming the centre for lulz in a party
- Gratuitous vomiting, usually all over anything of value
- Use of unusually large drinking vessels
- Interpersonal problems
- Possession of a big stash of booze in the cistern of your toilet
- Alcoholics on the internet have been known to make teksoqp
- Red nose
Some known alcoholics
- John Wayne
- Joseph Stalin
- Glenn Beck
- Tryfon Gavriel
- Native Americans
- Charlie Sheen
- Your mom
- Martha C Clarke
- Brad Hole
- George Bush
- Katia F. Managan
- Ryan Furrina
- Peter Haskett and Raymond Huffman