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Testimony from Jones' March 4 deposition revealed that he was unable to recall the names of his children's teachers after eating a big bowl of chili. He admitted to occasionally smoking marijuana — nearly yearly — “to monitor its strength, which is how law enforcement does it.” And in typical Jonesian fashion, he told the court he tested the drug because he believes it is now too strong, thanks to billionaire and political donor George Soros, who he claimed in court has “brain-damaged a lot of people.”
Alex Jones is a lolcow millionaire Zionist kike lover water filter salesman and CIA agent who believes his taxes are too high and greenhouse gasses don't warm the planet. Also known as the fatter David Icke, and the antimatter to Rush Limbaugh, he describes himself as a "paleoconservative" (read: paranoid conspiracy theorist) and libertarian intellectual from Texas. He can prove all his theories are true; he merely chooses not to.
"If you don't believe 9/11 was an inside job, it is because you consumed fluoride." OR "If you disagree with me, it is merely because you have consumed fluoride. Everybody that disagrees with me is a brainwashed sheeple." -These few quotes are commonly used by Alex Jones and his FOLLOWERS and exemplify the sublime logic and points of argumentation they implement. If the government had put out end of the world survival tips in response to the 2012 doomsday prophecy, and Jones saw them, he would have painted his entire office in semen, instead of his current I <3 Obama posters and blood of innocent people who he killed with his private drone, funded by your donations.
Although Alex started his career several decades ago, it took him 20 years to gain a massive following by the middle of the 2010s, even being supported and rimmed by then-future president of Dumbfuckistan, Donald Trump. Alex has been interviewed by several notable puppets of old media, such as Piers Morgan and Megyn Kelly. Alex peddles several bogus products through his Infowars network. If you don't purchase his penis pills or filtration systems, the gay lizard alien frogs will find you.
- 1 Documentaries
- 2 Radio Show
- 3 The Internet
- 4 Typical Alex Jones Radio Shows
- 5 Associative Thinking: How Alex Jones Fools Large Amounts of Internetz-Foolz
- 6 Dr. Death, 2006
- 7 The NWO Illuminati 666
- 8 Alex Jones Does Satire
- 9 The "Joker" Incident
- 10 Alex Jones on the Pier Morgan
- 11 Fat retard gets pwnt on UK TV
- 12 Trolling Alex Jones' Fanbase
- 13 Critical Questions for the Alex Jones Fan
- 14 Genital Grabbing
- 15 Prank Calls With Alex Jones
- 16 Alex Jones' Jewish Connections
- 17 Alex Jones gets removed from YouTube
- 18 Parking Lot Story
- 19 Alex Jones & #SandyLootCrew Trolls
- 20 Alex Jones' Goregasms
- 21 Quotes
- 22 Gallery
- 23 Video
- 24 See Also
- 25 External Links
The most notable portion of Jones' longstanding career is the absurd number of documentaries he's made over the years exposing the lies of the government. The first big epic title in these exposés was America: Wake Up or Waco, about the FBI raid on the Branch Davidians in 1993.
Average plot summary of an Alex Jones documentary:
- The Branch Davidians were not a cult but a peace-loving religious group. And David Koresh was in no way a pedophile.
- The government is being run by the Worldwide Masonic Conspiracy, who are in turn run by Satanists.
- The Masonic Conspiracy funds wars through centralized banks.
- Israeli intelligence connection to 9/11
- The government is creating a North American Union http://www.spp.gov/ as a cover to poison the world population with nano-technology and enslave the human race. (Seriously. Don't believe it? Try this on for size.)
All of these documentaries are on sale on one of Jones' various websites. All of them cost a small fortune for the DVD versions, but since people rip them and put them on Google video no one buys them anyway.
Like every conservative intellectual with a computer, Jones is also famous for having his own radio show. Most of the time it tends to be a circle-jerk of conspiracy theorists and people who call in only to get pwnt by Jones' fanboys.
Other popular topics include:
- Celebrity interviews, like that guy who claims to have fucked an alien and the editor of the World Weekly News
- Jones getting Loose Change made into a Hollywood production
- The true faces of the New World Order
- The Elite Agenda
- Barack Obama is the anti-christ.
Jones runs a number of websites devoted to his war against the elite, the most notable of which are Prison Planet and Infowars. Both sites appeal to freethinkers of the eclectic variety. Subscribers to Infowars self-identify as Infowarriors. Being an Infowarrior is an important task that entails dismantling the NWO by uncritically accepting all Infowars' output, commenting on their videos, and purchasing Infowars' take on homeopathy. Basically it's a way of LARPing a secret agent, rebel, holy warrior and renegade badass all in one role. Though conservatards love to cite Jones as a champion of truth and freedom in the wake of George Bush's rampant faggotry, any moron who actually bothers to read his articles would know that he's just as bad, if not worse than the people he so heroically stands against, because he's actually a conservative. He's supposedly what's called a "paleoconservative", which is supposed to be the opposite of a neoconservative. This makes Jones roughly the political equivalent of a televangelist.
Selling points of an Alex Jones website include:
- Articles about the dangers of government
- Ads for critical survivalist literature written by ardent Jones supporters
- Colloidal silver (Argyria ftw!)
- Trailers for Jones' next documentary
- Flash ads for the above that eat up your computer's memory until it dies.
- News about the amero AKA crazy tokens that do not exist
Typical Alex Jones Radio Shows
Alex Jones talking about starting a revolution
Alex will not have the globalist Bieber destroy his future children's lives.
Alex denying evolution.
A pimp and a whore? Say it ain't so Alex!
Associative Thinking: How Alex Jones Fools Large Amounts of Internetz-Foolz
In 2012 some Britfag on Alex Jones' show revealed how the show brainwashes its viewers.
Dr. Death, 2006
The drama began when a well-known scientist, Dr. Pianka, gave a lecture at the Texas Academy of Science and made some off-hand remarks about how humans were destroying the planet and how likely it is a pandemic will wipe out a large portion of the population in the future. "Investigative journalist" lol and general fucktard Forrest Mims decided that these were the words of a mad scientist bent on wiping out the human population with an airborne virus, and Jones quickly caught on, calling Pianka "Dr. Death", the frontman for the elite's New World Order agenda of genocide.
In the time since, Dr. Pianka's received a number of death threats from various crusaders for justice.
Although in fairness, it should be noted that (a) Dr Pianka made sure the cameras were off before he gave his speech; (b) No-one in the audience laughed at any point; (c) In fact, after he'd finished giving his address, Pianka received a standing ovation and was mobbed at the podium by enthusiastic audience members; (d) Dr Pianka's demand that people stop threatening his family repeats exactly the same message as his speech and doesn't apologise; and (e) The FBI and Homeland Security took it seriously enough to launch an investigation (lol, no prosecution because Pinka made sure the cameras were off).
But since Alex Jones got his fat retarded hands on the whole business, no-one with any sense is interested any more, thus demonstrating that Alex Jones's endorsement is the kiss of death as far as credibility is concerned. Which raises the question: Is he being paid by the space lizards to ruin reasonable conspiracy theories with his bullshit tactics?
The NWO Illuminati 666
For every action, there is a reaction. That is the way the world works. For every fat, loathsome Libertarian lurking in his trailer-park "fallout shelter," rabidly ordering "survival seeds" from Jones' sponsors, there is an equally fat, community-college grad fag "ironically" listening to the radio show, incredulously gushing in pained exasperation at every single one of Alex's insane assertions.
As such, the only people who actually care enough to vocally and publicly oppose the bellicose Fuck, are knee-jerk Olbermann fans: the same people who thought it "progressive" to elect a nigger president, put a Jew in charge of the banks - and who are more than likely responsible for this very article.
Alex Jones is the definition of shit nobody cares about, and neither should you.
Alex Jones Does Satire
Obviously Alex Jones and his fans are a herd of lol-cows, but some are surprised to know that Jones actually thinks he can make people laugh INTENTIONALLY! He does this through the use of what he calls "satire", but which is obviously not satire and is just really weird and shows how fucked up in the head Jones really is. His "satire" consists of putting a towel on his head, putting on a high-pitched voice, sitting on a throne next to his butt boy and shrieking about the New World Order while he "interviews" himself. (Srsly, see video below).
While it is generally recognized that watching the Alex Jones show is one of the most lulzy things to do with your spare time, watching Jones attempt satire is weird and alienating. Jones' "satire" generates major degrees of fail and leaves the viewer feeling empty and devoid of vital force.