Alynna_Vixen, aka Pookie, aka Trevor, aka Andrew Beaudoin is your stereotypical furfag and a source of not only former epic lulz but also omfg conspiracy!. If you haven't heard of this Hambeast yet, you're one of those fortunate souls who has yet to be truly immersed in the intense faggotry that is the online Furry world. But what twisted vile forces could be conjured up from Cthulhu's buttery rectum to create such a truly fucked individual? I'd blame the Jews, but as will be shown, they sold him out like a teenage mother tossing her baby in a blender. At last confirmation Alynna is now dry of lulz.
Alynna_Vixen: The Early Years
At least 100 years ago, Alynna got his start on FurryMUCK and adopted a magical and special fursona: a pixiefox. Now, for those not down with the furry lingo, right it's a magical yiffy fox with butterfly wings and multiple tails. He then proceeds to bounce around for a few years, carving out a name for himself within the Furry Community. For those who could stand the masochistic practice of Furry Roleplaying (which is not unlike having your testicles slowly dissected with a steak knife), Alynna_Vixen was a source of the major lulz given his batshit insane attitude.
This culminated on a Final Fantasy MUCK where he met AnonymousFur. AnonymousFur, while being not only a furry, but also a black person and a Jew, was decent in that he was forthcoming to detailing out the true atrocities that Alynna_Vixen had committed. For this, he needs to be thrown into a fucking oven like the rest of his kind.
Rather than expound on the insanity, I'll let you read it for yourself:
Rasheem says, "I want sordid details dammit. Did you ever meet her RL?" AnonymousFur says, "Yes" AnonymousFur says, "I lived with her." AnonymousFur says, " Her and two other roommates." AnonymousFur says, "He is a walking mountain of fat and depression." AnonymousFur says, "His roommates were gay lovers" AnonymousFur says, "All were furries" AnonymousFur says, "Both roommates? Hated Alynna entirely." Rasheem says, "Why?" AnonymousFur says, "Why?" Rasheem says, "WHY?" AnonymousFur says, "Because Alynna IS THE WORST THAT THERE IS TO BE IN FURRY, or anything really." Rasheem says, "But why?" AnonymousFur says, "They seemed to have some hope that Alynna would become 'mates' with me and that would somehow calm them down." Rasheem says, "But you're not gay." AnonymousFur says, "I'm not, it didn't work out." Rasheem says, "Was Alynna gay?" AnonymousFur says, "Add to this the fact that I actually kept pointing shit out to Alynna." AnonymousFur says, "Like: You know, your body type and personality is more in line with a Bear than a Fox." AnonymousFur says, "She HATED that." Rasheem says, "Hahaha" AnonymousFur says, "I was being serious." Rasheem says, "Stretchmark Manatee" Rasheem says, "Did she smell like poop? Could she wipe?" AnonymousFur says, "Alynna had the power to grind most conversations to a halt, because Alynna does not think like humans do." AnonymousFur says, "Alynna was also of the firm opinion that if someone else could derive happiness from some strange act, by god, she should be able to too, and here comes a fun tale!"
He had posted the following to his LiveJournal. Pictures of the house described below are in the gallery. Alynna, in his own words:
I am looking at a $70k Manufactured home in Grass Valley... Applying for an FHA loan (Ed: government program to keep poors off the streets), finding out details, scheduling a tour... You know, things successful people do. Wow. I am 25 and looking into buying a house. The fact that this is *feasible* and actually *likely*, says one thing.. To Miss Gretchen and Miss Womer, my SED teachers at West Beaver Elementary, McClure PA, in the 5th grade, To the Principal, Mr. Goodwin..To the Entire Business Department of Terryville High School in Terryville, CT...To the incompetent psychiatrist that diagnosed me with schizophrenia when I was 7 and had to make my parents get a second opinion that thought you were the one who was schizo... To the people who put me on the drug Loxitane Concentrate, which stole a good part of my childhood but made me walk the Dreaming for nine years... And most of all, to all those that said I was a fuckup that was destined to either live with my parents my whole life, to be out on the street selling my body for burgers at McDonald's, or end up in an institution... I MAKE MORE $$$ THAN YOUR OLD ASSES! I am 25 and preparing to BUY A HOUSE. You people couldn't do that until well into your thirties. I am a successful, intelligent person. I am the person you all said I would never become. See into my mind. I am laughing at everyone who thought I would grow up to be worthless. The rest of you, this post is not for you. This isn't for my family, this isn't for my roommates, this is for all those who thought I would be a failure.
At this point I have to mention that here on the internets, sometimes we see things we cannot unsee (y'know, stuff like this). While some may be surgery videos, snuff or tasty shitty dicks we can generally learn to appreciate it for the massive erections they inspire. However, what you will read below, you will not be able to un-read without a power drill, a fifth of tequila, and a mirror. Given this, I strongly suggest you look through the gallery below before reading. If you're going to scar your mind, you might as well go all the way, amirite?
Gallery of Terror
AnonymousFur says, "She buys the largest size they got in the supermarket, the checkout person doesn't even raise a brow." AnonymousFur says, "Well trained." AnonymousFur says, "He goes home, giddy as a bird, and invites me to put one on him, gah.." Rasheem stares. DO YOU? AnonymousFur says, "I am entirely too accommodating, and attempt to do so!" Rasheem says, "Oh sweet fuck!" AnonymousFur says, "I fail." AnonymousFur says, "Fail fail fail" Feist says, "Hold on. I thought Alynna was a chick?" AnonymousFur says, "Guy" Feist is now so very, very lost. Rasheem says, "AHAHAHAHA" Rasheem says, "Details!" Rasheem says, "MOAR" AnonymousFur says, "Details? I never operated a damn diaper before, I'd have had problems with an actual baby, putting on his fat ass? It was terrible, awful" AnonymousFur says, "I could barely get it to stretch." Feist says, "Thank you, AnonymousFur. 'sheem is now rolling around, pounding the floor with his fists, laughing like a fucking tard. Damn you. Damn you twice." AnonymousFur says, "Most of the sticker was on his flesh instead of diaper." Rasheem says, "Was he on his back with the legs in the air? All chubby wubby with his pecker hanging out?" Rasheem says, "PLEASE SAY YES" AnonymousFur says, "Yes :p" AnonymousFur says, "He has a very small pecker." AnonymousFur says, "Nothing like my HUGE AFRICAN PENIS." RDC says, "Did he make you lift his legs and bend him in half, or did he hold himself up for you?" Feist says, "He's going to have a seizure, I hope you know." Rasheem says, "Holy fuck im drooling" AnonymousFur says, "He did that on his own, I didn't have the strength to lift him up." Feist dies. Rasheem says, "laughing too ha-HAhaha" AnonymousFur says, "So, after this abomination of dressing is complete, he goes to show the roommates what had occurred." AnonymousFur says, "They note, quite truthfully, that he couldn't even get a daiper on right." AnonymousFur says, "Feelings were hurt." Rasheem says, "So let me get this straight. You move in with a fat man posing as a female pixiefox on a MU* and his two gay roommates. You put a diaper on this naked fat man quite unsuccessfully, and you're NOT gay?" AnonymousFur says, "Because I was young+stupid?" AnonymousFur says, "After doing that?" AnonymousFur says, "I don't think -anyone- could be gay."
Alynna and Second Life
Starting out as one of the big wigs of FurNation on Second Life, Alynna wasted very little time before driving other people crazy, leading to a mass suicide by self-inflicted eyegouging. She created her own "Kitsune Valley" which promptly fell on its ass. But this all pales in comparison to what happened next.
Keep in mind Pookie = Alynna
Lacuna says, "On Second Life, there are number of banks that offer something like 1,500% annual interest, compounded daily. Ginko Financial was one, and they employed Pookie off and on for some years." Lacuna says, "Anyone who knows how they work - and Pookie knew exactly how the bank worked, as he helped code the fucking software that calculated and moved money around - would know it's a definition Ponzi scheme. But Pookie worked there and he worked to get everyone to put money into Ginko." Lacuna says, "You can see it in that begging letter. 'Stupid furries, I sold this server to Ginko, you must put money into the Ginko bank to get it back!'" Lacuna says, "Well, something happened, and a lot of people decided to pull money out of the bank, and as it was a pyramid scheme there wasn't enough money to pull out. So it all shut down, it made real life actual news agencies, there were economists looking into it and telling everyone they told you so, tons of drama. And Pookie was there, holding a bit of the code that made it happen." Rasheem says, "So Pookie was effectively committing Linden-Fraud?" Lacuna says, "Hinoserm was another main coder on ProtoMUCK. He owns all the code to the banks proper. Says that if Ginko is sued, destroyed completely, the founder jailed for fraud, he's just going to sell the bank code to someone else." Lacuna says, "Pookie was an accessory." Lacuna says, "And since Lindens == Americaland Funbucks the FBI will eventually do something about it." Lacuna says, "The banking system on Second Life was a Ponzi scheme. Pure pyramid. It crashed and people lost US $800,000 real money." Chinuck laughs uproariously. Chinuck drones, "How do you lose $800,000 in real money from play money?" Lacuna says, "Pookie bought a server on Second Life and added it to FurNation." Lacuna says, "The play money is worth real money. There's a real exchange rate, like US $4 to Pretend $1,000." Lacuna says, "FurNation has been around since the late 1990's, the guy who ran it then started FurNation on SL. It got real popular and started making a shit ton of money, so Pookie decided to get into it, bought a server, added it to FurNation. But Pookie got scammed, lost a few thousand dollars in it."
AnonymousFur says, "More fun Alynna facts. Alynna likes to computer with no pants" AnonymousFur says, "Alynna likes to masturbate spontaneously, with no pants in the way." AnonymousFur says, "While I was in the god damned room." AnonymousFur says, "After I figured out what the hell he was doing, I started going off to play Dreamcast or PS whenever he started." Flagg says, "God. It's a wonder you haven't wound up in a snuff film by now." Flagg says, "'Hey, put a diaper on me.''Okay.''Hey, I'm going to pull it a little.' 'Alright.''Yo, put on this mask and these handcuffs.'"
AnonymousFur says, "He's in no way proud of what he looks like." AnonymousFur says, "He refuses to acknowledge that being human could be in any way relevant to him." AnonymousFur says, "I once argued that: Even if your soul is that of some magical dragon fox thing, you're a human right now, maybe that's the entire point and you're supposed to learn something from this trip?" AnonymousFur says, "His response was simple: No, it was a mistake, my soul is in the wrong body, waaaaa!"
Lacuna says, "Pook is a plushophile -- he boinks his stuffed animals. (He has said so several times on Usenet.) Around the house, he wears a fox tail and ears."
AnonymousFur says, "One time, while living with Alynna, I tried to help them out by telling them to NOT log into a particular game that was just resulting in more HURT FEELINGS." AnonymousFur says, "Ok, so, I tell Alynna to stop logging into Furcadia, it's lame and he's just getting his feelings hurt and it's doubly pathetic watching it." AnonymousFur says, "So, of course, having no willpower, he logs into Furcadia almost immediately." AnonymousFur says, "I perform the ULTIMAT CRIME! And yank his network cable." Rasheem says, "O NOE" AnonymousFur says, "First and only time I ever saw him physically violently angry." Rasheem says, "Did his fat flaps on his arms quiver with rage?" AnonymousFur says, "Yes!" Rasheem says, "PROFIT"
AnonymousFur says, "As a note, one of the weirder parts when I first moved in? They asked me what I should be called, this was confusing, I was always Anonymous or Anonymous, but no one there went by their birth name." Rasheem says, "Oh fuck, what did they go by?" AnonymousFur says, "My indecision was so powerful that they ended up calling me Anonymous half the time and AnonymousFur the other half." AnonymousFur says, "And half the times I was called AnonymousFur I wouldn't respond right away :p" Rasheem says, "Did Alynna GO by Alynna RL?" AnonymousFur says, "Yes" Rasheem says, "What about the fags?" AnonymousFur says, "Fake names." AnonymousFur says, "Their online names." AnonymousFur was living with -complete- -psychos- Woohoo!
The Gay Connection (A Steamy Testimonial)
Rasheem says, "So AnonymousFur, you touch ed -0- penis while you lived with Alynna?" AnonymousFur says, "Alynna was repulsive to any sexual thought." Rasheem says, "Not what I asked." AnonymousFur shudders. >_< Rasheem says, "DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT TOUCH COCK?" AnonymousFur says, "So, no, no penis touching." Rasheem says, "At all?" AnonymousFur says, "At all? Does it matter?" AnonymousFur says, "IS THIS A TEST?!" Rasheem says, "It didn't, say, bump against the back of your hand while you were affixing the diaper?" AnonymousFur says, "No" Rasheem says, "Also? How many times did you cyber Alynna?" AnonymousFur says, "All my worries were on the guy's hips, his huge fatty endless fertile hills of hips." Flagg says, "I could've sworn you said you gave Alynna a handjob." AnonymousFur says, "Wrong way around." Rasheem says, "WAIT" Rasheem says, "WHAT?" Chinuck edges away from AnonymousFur. Big time. Rasheem says, "Details girlfriend!" AnonymousFur says, "Alynna was feeling sorry for himself, as is the normal state of his mental being, and was trying to seduce me into that whole 'Let's be mates! 'thing, which wasn't happening." Flagg says, "Did Alynna's personal technique translate well to gigantic ebony rhythm stick?" AnonymousFur says, "No, it was unsatisfying." Rasheem says, "SHHH, let him tell the story. Leave nothing out." Rasheem says, "How did it start, AnonymousFur." AnonymousFur says, "It started with half dragging me out of a computer chair where I was quite happily internetting my life away." Rasheem says, "But how did he convince you?" AnonymousFur says, "Convince me? It doesn't take too much convincing to get a horny younger me to stand still while you pleasure me, poorly or not." Rasheem says, "Alright, so what does he say? 'Let me pleasure you?' What?" AnonymousFur says, "No, he's talking about how wonderful it would be to have a mate. It's CLEAR to hear that he's VERY JEALOUS of his roommates, who are a mated gay couple." Rasheem says, "Mmm, hmmm. Then what?" AnonymousFur says, "Then the touching, and the complimenting on size, which I took with a silly grin." Flagg says, "What, did you show it off on your first day?" Rasheem says, "So it was just a handjob? No mouth?" AnonymousFur says, "He attempted oral, but his FAT MAN CHEEKS were ENTIRELY INCAPABLE of supporting his jaw opening sufficiently to take in the entirety of my PROUD BLACK JEW COCK." grump loses it. Rasheem just spit all over his keyboard. Jack laughs. Rasheem says, "Okay, so... Then what?" AnonymousFur says, "I consoled him and told him he did fine and it felt great(It did not) and patted him a few times on his belly, it jiggled in a most foul and unholy fashion." Rasheem says, "Did you cum?" AnonymousFur says, "No." Rasheem says, "Did he say anything about smell or taste?" AnonymousFur says, "Thinking back on it, yes, she was quite happy with both smell and taste." Ycevolod says, "She?" Ycevolod says, "Whoa whoa whoa." AnonymousFur says, "He, she" AnonymousFur says, "It" AnonymousFur says, "After that, we went to bed." grump says, "Together?" AnonymousFur says, "Bed being the floor." Ycevolod says, "Did you cuddle?" AnonymousFur says, "He had no real bed." Rasheem says, "Did you sleep with him?" AnonymousFur says, "Unlike his majestic corpulence, touching myself with others around is NOT in my list of acceptable actions." Rasheem says, "Cuddle?" Ycevolod says, "Did you cuddle goddammit?" AnonymousFur says, "Yes there was cuddling!" AnonymousFur says, "By which I mean I slept under the arm of a whale."
- Alynna Vixen's website
- Alynna Vixen's LiveJournal
- Alynna flirting with Benjamin Linden. Just scroll to the bottom.
- WikiFur profile for Raven Welesa, Alynna's infantilist 'son'.
- ICQ: 157074
- AIM: Alynna Foxie
- E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Alynna Vixen is part of a series on
Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.