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An hero

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Not to be confused with Suicide. See also: Mitchell Henderson. He was an inspiration.

An heroes.jpg

There comes a time in every man's life when situations spiral out of control and he finds his back against an wall. Maybe somebody stole his iPod. Maybe he just killed his wife and kids. Maybe he looked in the mirror and saw a Fucktard. Maybe you can't live with the fact that you're a washed-up actor who's addicted to sex with Thai ladyboys. Whatever the reason, you can either get up and face the music, or you can tell the world and whatever deity you believe in to fuck off. In the latter case, pull out your list of final solutions and place a check in the suicide box, because tonight, you dine in hell. Simply pwning oneself IRL is no cause to become "An Hero". Without exceptions, "An Heroes" are made, not born. You cannot fucking be An Hero, get over it!! When otherwise normal and rational people fondly eulogize and honor those that have killed themselves before them, that's when "An Hero" is made. Like it or not, somebody out there probably gives a shit about Kurt Cobain. Could anyone say the same about you? That's why you'll never amount to anything. You'll never be "An Hero". Don't let us stop you from trying, though. Having said that, becoming an hero is shit because you won't get to see the results of your successful endeavors (assuming Hell doesn't have a live broadcast of your funeral, you absolute pancake). However, if you do a school shooting and don't kill yourself, you just might. With a lot of luck. Don't expect not to get raped and murdered in prison, or executed in the electric chair. There is no half/almost/soon An Hero. Either you blow your brains out and become An Hero or don't, but in your case, please do.

The phrase "An Hero" dates back to 2006, in reference to the prototypical An Hero, Mitchell Henderson, who famously shot himself after losing his iPod. /b/tards jumped on a grammatical error made by many of his MySpace friends, and it is now immortalized as the banner under which we mock those courteous enough to remove themselves from the gene pool. Since then, an heroes of all ages have bravely been removing themselves from the gene pool, including 3 year olds.

You and Your Potential An Hero

When you become an hero, you make front pages!1
Inspiring an heroes since 1987.

You hate life. You have no friends. Your dad is an alcoholic. Your mom is a slut. School sucks. You get molested after class. You couldn't get a Wii two years ago or today. You lost your iPod, which, by the way, had shitty music on it. You're gay. You get bullied. No one loves you. Everyone hates you. You just lost the game. You've been thinking about becoming an hero for a while now, but are not sure. Will anyone care? Have you given the military a try? Will anyone remember you? No, because you're unimportant and no one would miss you if they even knew who you were. Now you have to get set on changing that.

IRL usage of an Hero prior to the 20th century fagification of the Engrish language

While "an Hero" is regarded as a grammatical error by modern linguists, usage of the quantifier an before words that started with a morpheme of the pattern CV that began with an h in the onset was common usage before the 17th20th century.

 
 
But thou complying with thy princely wrath, hast shamed an Hero whom themselves the Gods delight to honor
 

 

—Cowper's translation of Homer, circa 1790. Clearly, this implies that Mitchell Henderson is a time traveler from the 16th century who killed himself over a perceived decline in the English language.


As h is often unspoken in certain British dialects, the "an" of "an hero" could be phonetically appropriate when speaking cockney:

 
 
'E's an 'ero for savin' me mum!
 

 


A Dictionary of the English Language (1824), defines the word heroical as something befitting an hero.

The Gentleman's Magazine (1787) uses an hero like a pro, and also includes many references to Johnson.

"An Hero"

Nigga drank bleach
An Hero coming soon?!
An heroes to us all!


   
 
I'm not a boy, I'm just an hero, I'm not a man, I'm an hero.
 

 
 

Gerard Way of My Chemical Bromance

In spite of the obvious similarities, "an Hero" should not be confused with "a Negro" or "a Necro".

It is also an obscure fact that the song "And the Hero Will Drown" by Story of the Year was originally titled "An Hero Will Drown Himself".

Greatest an hero of all time.

It is a little known fact that the plural of an hero is "one's heroes," its grammar based in British English. This will remain a little known fact, as nobody gives a fuck.

"An Heroine"

The fakest an heroine that ever was.

For most men, before they become "An Hero", they kill themselves in order to deliver a final "Fuck You" to the world. Male suicide is over 9000 times more prevalent than female suicide, simply because a man has at least 100 times as much testosterone as your average woman, and is usually possessed of a certain degree of mechanical aptitude, which women never are.

Women commit suicide for one of only two reasons. In the lesser case, they've lost someone they love and can't imagine dying alone. They decide to do Mother Nature and humanity a solid by also removing themselves from the gene pool.

In all other cases, the woman attempts suicide and fucks up, resulting in her accidental death. Women are impelled to feign suicide whenever they are beset by despair. These women believe that people around them will support and comfort them, even if the only person from whom they're in danger is themselves. This is colloquially known as a "cry for help". They tend to use "sleeping pills" in their attempt and often need to try again. Maybe if they self-headshotted like a real man, they'd be successful.

See also: Unrealistic Expectations and Hollywood Martyr. The only female an heroes worth mentioning are Megan Meier, whose suicide produced epic BAWWW all over the internets, and Christine Chubbuck, a '70s news anchor who shot herself during a live newscast moments after making a joke that she was doing so in accordance with network policy to bring the viewers more "blood and guts".

Emos did Hannah Bond

Those who comprise the 'emo scene', specifically My Chemical Romance, were criticized by the coroner at the inquest into the death (by hanging) of a girl from Maidstone, Kent in the United Kingdom named Hannah Bond.

Fuck her.

Famous Implements Used to Become An Hero

No beating around the bush here.
Some argue that anime contains subliminal messages that influence people to become an heroes

Why you are NOT "An Hero"

I'm dying Squirtle

Reasons You Are An Hero

The worst an hero. Can't you please fucking die a second time?
Thank me later ED

An hero Day

an hero day
  • On April 20, 571 AD, Mohammed was born. For centuries to come, countless Muslims would honor their prophet by becoming an heroes.
  • On April 20th, 1889 Adolf Hitler was born. After causing lulz, he became an hero.
  • On April 20th, 1945 - The US Military captured Leipzig, Germany. Leipzig's mayor killed himself, becoming an hero, but not before he killed his wife and child for the lulz, making him pretty awesome; otherwise nobody would give a shit about him.
  • On April 20th, 1999, two heroes named Eric and Dylan decided to shoot up their school for the lulz. After killing 13 people, they became an heroes.
  • On April 20th, 2006, Mitchell Henderson was having a bad day, and he couldn't find his iPod. He finally couldn't take it anymore, and so he became an hero.
  • On April 20th, 2007 a man raided mission control in Houston and shot a hostage before shooting himself. Houston, we have an hero.
  • On April 20th, 2007, Ben Vodden hung himself because his bus driver called him a wank.
  • On April 20th, 2010, an oil rig off the Gulf Coast called Deepwater Horizon was blown up by muslims. Stoners all over the world didn't notice.
  • An hero day is also 4/20, count on many stoners tripping balls as you end yourself

An Villain

With the help of a magic notebook, this woman became an hero. The an villain who had the same notebook made this happen.

Sometimes an heroes need a gentle nudge in the right direction, this is why "an villains" exist. By committing some serious IRL trolling, you too can drive that wannabe an hero to achieve his/her full potential. Good examples of an villains include Gary Oak (the Ash you see nowadays is a different one), Jesus and Bowser. Be warned that even though being an villain is a kind and noble act, many do not see it this way. Many will try to hurt, kill, rape or even troll you (it's like the goatse man getting goatsed). Be sure to always pack some heat and carry a razor blade; an villains can turn into an heroes too.

An Sidekick

Sometimes a person's motivation for becoming an hero is the very thing that prevents them from doing so; due to sickness, paralysis, incarceration or even mental retardation. In this case they may need to recruit an sidekick to assist them in their endeavour, usually a close friend, family member, or helpful doctor.

SecondhANd HERO

Copypasta from TOW:

Anna Esther Svidersky (April 26, 1988 – April 20, 2006) was a teenager who lived in the U.S. city of Vancouver, Washington, and was murdered while working in a McDonald's restaurant, by schizophrenic sex offender David Barton Sullivan. News of her death quickly spread worldwide, initially through the Internet friends site MySpace, where she had a personal page, and then through other similar sites.

Hero Anthem

Where have all the good parents gone?
And where is my iPod?
Where's the street-wise bullies?
To assault me after school?
Isn't there a teacher in a fiery tie?
Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I'll be


(Chorus)
I'll be an hero
I'm becoming an hero at the end of the week
I just killed two cops
And I'm gonna be dead
And I'm gonna be fresh from the morgue
I'll be an hero
I'll be discovered by Mom in the morning light
I had a bad day
And I was called gay
And now I'm larger than life
Now I'm an hero.

An Heroes Song

Scorpios were born to An Hero.

(To the tune of "Heroes" by David Bowie.)

I-I wish I could find

Find my iPod-Nano 16 gig

Though nothing-nothing will keep us together

I can't find it-I've lost it forever

Oh I'll be an hero-on 'An Hero Day'

We-we've been playing

Playing-playing some 'Doom'

And Manson he told us to slay

Oh let's be an heroes-on 'An Hero Day'

We can PWN them-on 'An Hero Day'

I-I went on Bebo

I saw-BSC

And in Wales-and found me a tree

Tied my rope-put my neck through the hoop

But before-told 'The Sun' bout me

I stood on the stool-kicked it from beneath me

Oh I'll be an hero-cos Bridgend is shit

Let's be an heroes (3X)

On 'An Hero Day'

Let's be an heroes

We're dying, and dying by ourselves

We need attention, oh put me on 4chan

But we could be famous, til the meme dies

Oh, oh, oh, ohhh-oh, oh, oh, ohhh, on 'An Hero Day'

Oh, on 'An Hero Day'

NotAnotherAnthem

I promised him I wouldn't be reckless. I promised him I'd be okay...I love him....tell him I love him. And tell him to not be so upset about me...I don't want him to dwell on what could have been. I don't want to ruin his life.

The Official An Hero Song

The "An Hero" Paradox

Even the liberal media wants you to become an hero.

Scientists have theorized about what is known as the "An Hero" paradox. In order for such a paradox to take place, two people with iPods must steal each other's iPod. The obligation to become an hero would conflict with the gain of an iPod, most likely producing the same results as dividing by zero.

Scientists resolved the problem by confirming that anyone who owns an iPod should become an hero immediately due to the intense fail of iPods. The only problem with this is that only emo faggots use iPods. And you should know that emos never kill themselves (sadly).

Japanese East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere An Hero

Yukio Mishima, Japan's leading Cocksman, achieved the highest score playing seppuku on his Nintendo Color TV Game. For his achievements, The Japanese Self Defense Forces gave him a high-five and a pat on the back for good measure, but secretly they laughed at him behind his back. Mishima saw a printed AIM CONVO of their giggling and was transformed into a mighty Showa Emofag. He knew that something had to be done immediately, so he went inside and had one of his pretty young men behead him after he disemboweled himself.

The Happening

In this movie, an unknown source releases a chemical that causes entire populations of people to kill themselves and become an heroes. As a matter of fact, the only people in the movie who do not become an heroes are the main characters, as if this wasn't a drawn-out horror movie cliché. As the movie does not explain much about it's own plot in the end and watching it is a huge waste of time for anybody.

Actually, the 'unknown source' was a bunch of fucking plants. Angry, vengeful plants. Never before in a movie have there been so many stock shots of wind blowing ominously through foliage, and never before have so many enviro-Nazis simultaneously wet themselves.

Video tutorials on how and how not to an hero

GLORIOUS NUCLEAR SUICIDE

Of all the ways to become an hero, this is the best by far:

An YouTube Heroes

How JewTube is making people become An Hero:


An Heros

Gallery of An Heroism About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

An Hero version 2.0

These are just like an hero v1.0, with one exciting difference: they kill everyone they encounter, then use their last bullet to clean the slate.

Instructions

How to become or upgrade to version 2.0?

  1. Having made all other preparations common to v1.0 procedure, proceed to your nearest arms dealer the more illegal the better.
  2. Buy whatever you can lay your hands on (bonus points for automatics and/or shotguns).
  3. Find an occupied area (bonus points for schools and hospitals; score is doubled if you hate anyone usually found there).
  4. Kill em' all, baby.
  5. Remember: that last shot is for you.

Notable An Heroes Version 2.0:

See Also

Or you could just look at the template down below.

External Links


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