Andrew Breitbart

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Accurate depiction of Andrew

Andrew James Breitbart was so ugly at birth, that he was literally shipped away from ancestral country of Ireland, to be raised by Jewish parents who both managed to outlive this fat, syphilis-ridden, slob of an internet hack.

History[edit]

Back in 1991, Andrew became a conservatard over night, after actually believing a nigger to not sexually assault a girl. Then after religiously listening to blowhard Rush Limbaugh every night, he started integrating Rush's stupid inane wild conspiracies into his own politics. And working at the tabloid known as E! entertainment and film production, Archive today-ico.png And yet this is his debut?, where he learned how to edit videos, but more about that later. Here he also helped create The Huffington Post, which was a republican publication at the time. But they also changed their political stance over night, probably. When he wasn't busy with The Huffington Post, he was being The Drudge Report's bitch. Notice how all these publications are named after the creator?

Breitbart.com[edit]

Time had come to launch his own shitty website, because as a Jew, he wanted more money for himself. And almost right from the start it was filled with deceits, lies, scandals and worse.

Shirley Sherrod Lie[edit]

Using his previous experience in film making, Andrew decided to cobble together a hit piece video on Shirley Sherrod, a negroid congresswoman, where he unlawfully made it out to appear that she denied help to a white farmer, while the opposite was in fact the case. Shirley was then fired from her job and Breitbart received a lawlsuit, that they eventually paid out of court.


Probably still denying the facts in Hell

ACORN Lie[edit]

In yet another good use of Andy's film editing skills, he decided to film ACORN employees doing and saying something stupid. The problem? The videos were faker than a YouTube prank video.


Part 2

Believes The Internet Is Conspiring Against Him[edit]

This picture does not exist

A picture from Esquire magazine in 1997 is not on the internet. And this is the fault of the goddamned liberal media.

   
 
Now, that picture isn’t obscure. It was a big photo in Esquire magazine, accompanying Brock’s “coming out” tell-all as a liberal.

But try Googling it. It’s nowhere to be found. Now, Google is an amazing beast. There are pages and pages of image results for public figures, delving deep into the embarrassing recesses of the past (including this photo of David Brock hanging out with Barney Frank).
 


 
 

https://web.archive.org/web/20120226224351/http://biggovernment.com/abreitbart/2012/02/24/david-brock-self-styled-martyr-of-the-radical-totalitarian-left Andrew

Maybe Andrew, just maybe, you were really really shit at Google.


   
 
On his BigGovernment blog yesterday, Breitbart uncovered a disturbing conspiracy involving David Brock, the founder of Media Matters. Apparently a photograph of him that was published in a 1997 issue of Esquire Magazine was allegedly scrubbed from the Internet with the help of co-conspirators at Google – and probably George Soros, ACORN, Sesame Street, and, of course, the White House.

Breitbart is convinced that, because he can’t find an online copy of a picture from a fifteen year old magazine, he has stumbled onto a liberal media attempt to rewrite history. What is it that Brock would be trying to hide by suppressing this (rather interesting and artful) photograph? Breitbart is attaching some profound significance to this picture that most other observers would simply regard as photographic melodrama – the sort that commonly appears in culture pimping publications like Esquire.
 


 
 

http://archive.is/OioMf, newscorpse

Jewish Problem[edit]

   
 
Breitbart is the classic unreliable narrator. Throughout the book, he believes he is showing a certain reality through his anecdotes, but because he presents himself with such a sense of persecution, exaggeration and self-aggrandization, he in fact is showing the opposite...

when left to his own devices, the Unreliable Narrator that is the writer Andrew Breitbart seems to toss up rather frequently some unconscious antipathy towards the Jews.

Maybe he just has some personal issues to work through. According to his Wikipedia entry, Breitbart was adopted by a Jewish family, but that he is ethnically Irish by birth.

So fine, Andrew, if you have some family issues to work though, please discuss them with the psychotherapist of your choice.

But do us all a favor and don't impose your bullshit on the rest of us.
 


 
 

http://archive.is/fQNWg, DebtorsPrison

Syphilis[edit]

Before his death, it was announced that Andy had actual syphilis.

Death[edit]

On March 1, 2012, Andy was called home to dwell in the heavens with his beloved Ronald Reagan. Because the readership of Breitbart.com are retarded conspiracytards, they think that the overweight slob with syphilis didn't die legit, but instead was poisoned by the evol libtards. The conspiracies ranged from arsenic to too much YouTube Favicon.png HAARP in the drinking water, and some argue that Breitbart is a member of the Clinton body count. Coincidentally, the coroner who investigated Breitbart's death died a few days after Andy's autopsy report was released, which put the minds of the conspiracy theorists at ease.

Gallery[edit]

See Also[edit]

Breitbart

Andrew Breitbart
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The New Right Reich

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Andrew Breitbart
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Featured article August 12 & 13, 2016
Preceded by
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Andrew Breitbart Succeeded by
Sebastian Bosse