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When a person has no friends, they learn to cope with that fact and come up with ways to maintain the illusion of friendship to the rest of the world. They mail themselves birthday cards, set their phones to ring in public places so they can pretend to answer and hold long conversations with their boyfriends who live in Canada, and so on. So what do you do when you have no friends on the intarwebs either? Why, create sock puppet accounts, of course!
The key to creating a sock puppet account that will worship and adore you like the friends you never had is not to give the game away by making it totally obvious that you own the account. Sadly, this technique has been largely shat upon by a DevArt tartlet named animaljail, whose powerword was discovered by Kableguy as being Jacki 'Jax' Bradley. Holy shit, what a white trash name. She also lives in the hell-hole that is Tasmania, Australia, so it's really no surprise she has nothing better to do.
Animaljail is a highly special person who, through no fault of her own, is a major hamfaced beast, and whose humongous tits cause her lots of pain (see Teh Dramas) and cause us lots of lulz. In spite of this, she takes over nine thousand pictures of herself, hits >grayscale in photoshop and posts them to DevArt in the catch-all wasteland of talentless camwhores that is the >Photography>People and Portraits>Self-Portraits sub-category.
While her pictures are probably no worse than the trillions of other fat chick emos in DA, what she does after she posts them is a bit different. Invariably after posting, animaljail's two bestest BFFs and fans, LivingDeadGirl-aj and GodsBitch, show up and fave every new pic of hers. Why do they do this? Because they are ALSO animaljail!
What is strange is how retardedly BAD animaljail is at the fine art of sockpuppetry. Screencapped at right for your pleasure, both sock accounts are so obviously hers as to make you wonder if this is some kind of bizarre reverse-trolling technique. In one, she uses the same damn email name as her main account. In the other, she puts the initials of her main account in the sock's name. And on every account there is an overwhelming chunk of "Comment blocked by owner" messages in the comments section, signifying that those who bravely waded into the fail and fat of her account to say UR DOIN IT WRONG were silenced immediately.
You cannot block the comments of Anon, animalbait. And Anon wishes to say that you are indeed doing it wrong.
Story of a Girl (?)
One day animaljail wrote a story about a six year old girl getting raped, supposedly as sort of an auto-biographical piece. It was a horrible story, not because of the subject, but because it was god awfully written.
Sidakri, a fellow tartlet who foolishly wanted to help, came by and gave an honest and in-depth critique that would have been very helpful to anyone smarter than an ass tick. Animaljail instead had this to say:
—animaljail, saying BAWWWWW to crits
Loads of bad and dramatic things have occurred in animaljail's life. She's had at least 100 miscarriages, her mom is a druggie who is too stupid to not keep getting beat up by her ex, she was super raped as a child and noone understands her! So all you asshats who are total haterz can go to hell!
—animaljail, OH HOW I ACH
She also has no power and no curtains, but she DOES have Pokemons!
—animaljail, Fuck curtains, I have Pokemons!
YEAH, I LOST THE FUCKING BABY AGAIN
Possibly the lulziest part of her entire account is the July 13th 2007 journal entry, wherein she offhandedly mentions that she had a miscarriage, and apparently not the first one either. Anon is conflicted on how to take this... is it a case of being an attention whore? If so, she would have maybe said more about it than that, in order to reap in the sweet, sweet sympathy. But if it's true, then OMG. Just, holy shit.
Oddly enough, her journal entries about doing new "photoshoots" for her gallery and playing Pokemon Pearl are far lengthier than the literal one-liner her latest miscarriage received:
—animaljail, going to find someone to cut her fucking insides out
—animaljail, going batshit crazy
—animaljail, admitting to her heaps of sock puppets
—animaljail, not-surprisingly belonging to a coven (the 'Coven' she's referring to is a shitty goth nightclub where a bunch of similarly special individuals gather to wear eyeliner and jiggle their fat rolls to godawful industrial music.
—animaljail, Hai guise, mom's broke and i got a new gamecube! fucking win!
- Her primary DevArt account - Deleted Fucking everything
Sock #1- Abandoned Sock #2- Abandoned after someone realized who she was.
- Copypasta 6-yr-old raep fic
- Zorpia page
-  her Facebook page
- Flixster... POWERWORD ALERT!
- First whiny drama LJ
- Second whiny drama LJ
- THIRD whiny drama LJ. Three devianTart accounts, three LJ's... this chick was made for lulz!
- FOURTH? When will she learn?!
Animaljail is part of a series on
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LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Aspierations • BLANKING IN PROGRESS • Charming Naïveté • Delete fucking everything • DOIN IT RONG • Edginess • Failing it • Internet tough guy • Kids on the internet • Legal action • Liberalism • Mental illness • Mod Sass • Skript kiddies • Sob Stories • Trolls • Unrealistic Expectations • Unwarranted Self-Importance • Waaaambulance
Animaljail is part of a series on
Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.