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Anne Rice

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Anne Rice preparing for her next major tantrum.

The ultimate in literary drama queens, Anne Rice is a novelist whose vampire novels have served as inspiration for countless fangirls, cosplayers, gay teenagers, and, of course, goths. Indeed, even to this day — some thirty years after her first work was published — she maintains a loyal following among 16 year old girls and angsty teens. Recently, however; an even more insipid brand of Mary Sue has reared its hideous visage from the bowels of sexual frustration.


Biography

Many fans attribute Rice's success to her talent as a writer but it was happenstance that resulted in her fame and prosperity. Had Rice been born later in the century, she would not have written Interview with the Vampire, her first and most famous piece of slashfic, but instead would have signed up for LiveJournal. With that done, Rice's overly illustrative and stream of consciousness ramblings would have made her an Internet celebrity, causing her to forgo writing IRL in favor of the attention garnered by her fanfic.

Anne Rice quits Christianity, now her own Jesus.
Anne Rice's early years.

Rice is too cowardly to live in New Orleans, a city with which she is obsessed, where she gains weight as a result of depression triggered by her son's success as an author and possibly her Diabeetus.

Her real name is Howard Allen O'Brien.

In November 2005, Rice released a book called Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt, written to show her deep Christian convictions. It is assumed that most of her fans, particularly rebellious goths, will choose to ignore this book, as a Christian author certainly makes The Vampire Chronicles less cool. In an attempt to continue to appeal to the 12-year-old internet whores, Rice revealed she would like her Jesus to be played by Johnny Depp. In reality, she wrote it for the lulz, although the idea that God told her to STFU about vampires is comforting.

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for applause, for it is thanks to Anne Rice that we have a new generation of pseudo-vampires.

Sock puppets

Anne Rampling

Using the pseudonym Anne Rampling, Ms. Rice published two shoddy, semi-pornographic novels, one of which, Exit To Eden, was made into a shoddy, not-at-all-pornographic movie. As written, it takes place on a sex resort for the rich and perverted. It is a tender love story, about a supermodel sexual sadist and her studly masochist slave. Especially moving is the passage in which the heroine ass rapes her sweetheart with a giant strap-on while he cries "Yes, mommy, yes!"

Anne Rice indulges her BDSM fetish in Beauty's Punishment.

Hollywood faithfully adapted the novel for the big screen, only making one or two changes to keep an "R" rating. Dan Akroyd was cast as the masochist, Rosie O'Donnell as his supermodel mistress, and the ass-raping scene was changed to a friendly chat at an ice cream parlor. The plot no longer revolved around murder and dildos and had more to do with a lost puppy named Spanky. Comforted by the royalty check, Anne Rice did not die from self-righteous indignation.

AN Roquelaure

AN Roquelaure is the sock puppet used by Ms. Rice when she really wants to get nasty. In The Claiming of Beauty, Beauty's Punishment, and Beauty Goes To Hogwarts, she covers the adventures of a captured sex slave who looks just like Ms. Rice - except that she is young, beautiful, and intelligent.

MAJOR NEWS

Anon has decided that, because her books contain rampant slash, bishounen, poor grammar, crossovers and other shit, there is no need for Anne Rice fanfiction. The books themselves are fanfiction enough.

Yet despite this, Anne Rice still decided that if you write any fanfiction about one of her works, she'll get the party van on your ass. Rice declared that fanfics are bad, and they make her sad to see them. She then proceeded to troll all of her fans about it. From a legal standpoint, it is unclear as whether or not she can actually do this, as a character itself cannot be copyrighted. One cannot copyright a word itself, for example, only a string of words. The correct term would be "Trademarked," and since this isn't mentioned, feel free to write millions of pages of horrible Lestat and Pokemon slashfics.


   
 
IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM ANNE ON "FAN FICTION"

Anne has posted the following message regarding fan fiction: "I do not allow fan fiction. The characters are copyrighted. It upsets me terribly to even think about fan fiction with my characters. I advise my readers to write your own original stories with your own characters. It is absolutely essential that you respect my wishes."
 


 
 

http://www.annerice.com/ReaderInteraction-MessagesToFans.html

Pshaaaaww.


   
 
The attacks consisted of, amongst other things, e-mailed threats regarding not only the writing of fanfiction but any writing that any fanfic author attempted to engage in (regardless of who owned the copyright), attacks on businesses that the fanfic authors owned and weeks of harassing personal letters sent to fanfic author's e-mail addresses and guestbooks. Personal information about fanfic authors was also dug up by Anne Rice employees and used as part of the harassment.
 

 
 

—Webmaster of a popular Anne Rice fanfiction site

Her gothic fanbase proceeded to cry black tears over the loss of their banhammered works, while the rest of the internets rejoiced at the cleansing of terrible fanfiction based off terrible stories.

Retarded fight with Randi Harper and the SJWs

Pissing in an Ocean of piss.

In mid 2015, during GamerGate, the blue whale Randi Harper wrote a review of a book she didn't read by some hindu faggot about feminism on Amazon. She commented that the book is awful because it was written by a man and he will get money by selling it instead of the women quoted in it. Unfortunately for Randi, the author was a friend of Anne Rice who tweeted about it and also tweeted an article calling her a bully. This was pretty ironic because Randi is now trying to make money by running a fraudulent anti-bully organization while Rice is a long-standing anti-bully activist whom Randi is now trying to bully.

Yes, Rice and others contacted Amazon to have the review removed and Randi responded by saying she will force Amazon to put her review back up and tweeted insults at Rice until Rice blocked her, and then tweeted at her some more. This is against the Twitter ToS, but Randi has friends working there so she won't get banned. However, she has no friends at Amazon so her tantrum will not bring the review back.

Soon others entered the fry.

Arthur Chu wrote his own review of the book where he admits not reading it, and Leigh Alexander threatened to send her twitter followers to bully Rice, which she believes she has more of, but are actually 50% bots that are following her. This only earned her her own article on the bully listing.

See also

External links

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