Arcades

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The person who made this is a pedophile

Arcades are places you used to go when you were too poor to own a Sega Genesis or a SNES. Or you were sick of playing shitty arcade ports on your Atari 2600. All of them are currently dead, since the development of arcade-quality graphics on consoles. The only arcades left open are ones with DDR, Guitar Freaks, driving games, dumbass horsey rides, or maybe the newest House of the Dead, which, incidentally, is also a pretty good description of any arcade you can name. Of course, you can probably play Marvel vs. Capcom, but really, go fuck yourself if you contemplated that.

Of course, you can always go play some games at the world famous Pac-Man Arcade in Pasadena, California... wait a minute, there's Counter-Strike in the Pac-Man Arcade? Oh fuck you internet, FUCK YOU! They're urinating on Nolan Bushnell's grave, and he is not even dead!

Arcade machines are those big boxy pieces of shit that were probably the first portable game systems evar... if you had a generator. Games were usually twenty five cents, Dragon's Lair was developed by Jews and the first game to charge fifty cents. Most arcade machines today have blank screens, sticky buttons, sticky joysticks, broken buttons, etc. They're just a mess. Usually, the only functioning arcade machine is Marvel vs. Capcom 2.

All arcade games after the mid 90's sucked, other than Metal Slug, which of course, everyone loves.

Of course it really doesn't matter now with the creation of MAME.

List of Popular Arcade Games[edit]

  • Super Mario Bros.
  • Super Street Fighter 2 Rainbow Champion Turbo EX Plus: The Ultimate New Challenger Zangeif (The Alpha Fury Edition: Hyper Turbo)
  • Mortal Kombat
  • Dragon's Lair
  • Galaga: No matter how many enemies you kill, more are sent. There is no way to "win" the game. A chilling referendum on the war in Iraq and the first example of games as art.
  • Gradius: Pissed gamers off because acquiring all upgrades was a fucking bitch. The player dies by a stray bullet and is forced to gather the upgrades again.
  • Space Invaders
  • Battle Toads
  • Double Dragon II
  • Contra: Every weapon besides the spreadshot sucked ass. No one used the laser because it got you killed more than it helped you. The basic plot involves a couple of fags trying to get to the heart of an island and destroy it. Neither of them brought shirts. It was the 80's.
  • Marvel vs Capcom 2
  • Simpsons
  • Pulstar: R-Type knock-off by SNK. It was ripped-off to the point that most gamers considered it to be an unofficial remake of R-Type.
  • Final Fight
  • R-Type: Famous for making arcade gamers suffer from anger problems the rest of their lives.
  • Soul Calibur
  • Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja
  • Initial D: usually surrounded by azn gangs that think its serious business. The most fun to be had is in trying to puzzle out what the D is an initial of.
  • Ninja Gaiden: A less than surprising knock-off of Double Dragon with a blue and orange ninja who fought some guys in red shirts who wore Jason masks. Surprisingly, it was released one year before the NES games which were infamous for being cheaply difficult (due to those goddamned birds). It is well known for it's continue screen which has the blue ninja tied to a table with a sawblade ready to dissect him.
  • Terminator Salvation: A shooter which is based on the worst Terminator movie ever (not to mention being inferior to the Uber cool Terminator 2: Judgement Day shooter), and it's ridiculously cheap since it takes almost an entire clip to destroy an endoskeleton. But when the minigun is obtained (or any scene where you use a helicopter auto-cannon) it is absolute winning until you get killed. The worst part about this: They don't have Christian Bale threatening to trash anyone's lights.
  • Revolution X: A shooting game where you and 2 other friends (provided that your arcade was lucky enough to have the 3 player version) fought a group of tyrants (whose logo is a rip-off of the Nine Inch Nails logo, as well as were very notable for wearing yellow jackets and gas masks) who wanted to censor all forms of entertainment, including the band Aerosmith. Ironically enough, it's practically the forerunner to the people who stood up against the Stop Online Piracy Act in 2011. and as Steven Tyler would say, "Remember. MUSIC IS THE WEAPON!"
  • Dance Dance Revolution: Need we say more aside from being a show how untalented you are by dancing to shitty euro and J-pop music?

See also[edit]


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