Art is something that was invented at least 100 years ago by Michelangelo, Leonardo De Caprio, and two other mutant ninja turtles. They developed the art to celebrate their obsession with the naked male form, or in other terms, to cover up their immense gayness. Since its inception, art has diversified, and there are a wide range of art movements representing various subcultures (e.g., furry art).
People also like to think they are being mildly intellectual by asking the agonizingly stale question (generally in response to pieces from the lazily named eras of postmodernism and antimodernism), "is it art?" A few possible answers to this:
- If you must ask, it probably isn't.
- Of course.
A person who participates and engages in art as a profession, often attending Art school, is an artist (often known more commonly by other terms such as art fag, poor, and unemployed). Artists are also often hipsters, goths, emos, and indiefucks, which no doubt adds even further incentive for giving them a swift kick in the crotch if ever encountering them IRL.
The less talented the artist, the more protective of the art he/she/it is. Most artists have huge egos and actually think their art will gain them notoriety for 'asking the really important questions'. The reality is that for most artists the 'really important question' is "Do you want fries with that?", which they can expect to ask for a great many years while waiting for their 'big break'.
You can spot an art fag off the street if he has any of the following qualities:
- Listens to The Smiths
- Has a mustache
- Wears a trenchcoat
- Has a mustache
- Wears black tights
- Has a bucket
- Writes poetry
- Wears black lipstick (under his mustache)
- Has a roller coaster haircut dyed black
- Real hair color is actually brown (just like his mustache)
- Wants to be Robert Smith (but with a mustache)
- Has a mustache
How to create art
If you ever met an average, aspiring artist, they tell you that creating works of art require talent, skill (which is just the same thing as the previous, except with lower power), effort and imagination. Throw all of these wannabe sage advices out of window (preferably the highest floor of the highest building) available in about 1337m along your current position, and 'member the following slogan: The quality of the final product, doesn't matter. It's the implied effort that went into it that does. That being said, you can produce garbage, but you have to have some innate skills to justify the process of making it as being very time-consuming. Be sure you're using the most outdated medium as you possibly can. You wouldn't be crafting games in Unity today, so go down your house, and do a proper deep exploration of all the nearby garbage cans for old canvas. The more filthy, disgusting it is, the less you'll have to do in order to get in into a modern art museum. Now try to do one of these things in arbitary order:
- Pick all your cola and Mountain Dew off the icebox, and mix it all into one delicate potion. Next pack the canvas into a tiny 3x3 box, and roll it out properly in the elixir
- Do a visit to your local farm, pack all the feces of the farm animals you can find there, take it to your home, and roll the canvas out once again in each one of these even more properly than the last time
Pretty easy so far. If you happen to get some bucks off it, just repeat the steps above. If you don't let's move to another step:
- You can make things on a computer after all. So now, just download a random photo, place all the effects over it with random properties (like shown on the image on the right) and then direct it into a 3D printer that'll print it on the very same canvas you shall already have.
- You can do livestreams of your 'artistic' job as well. Just download OBS Studio and try one of these things:
- Use a machine learning software, that would learn to use GIMP to degrade a stock image to make it look like a very horrible painting. Now just reverse the video, and you're proclaimed as one of the most photorealistic, genial artists of the decade!
- Create a new image, preferably about 512x512, and write a simple script in .Net, that would, using your mouse, fill that image black pixel-by-pixel, and then upload it with some yummy, clickbaity title and wait 'till the masses admire you. Then just repeat, create a Patreon, and soon, you may now create more money than those whose are spending lotta time & mental effort the legitimate way.
- Miller Test
- The Shower Project
- Types of art
is part of a series on Culture