Ashley Towns

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Fat emo failfag.

In a desperate attempt to gain notoriety, sexual favors, and cash, 21 year-old Ashley Towns (AKA Ikee), an unemployed web design loser, grabbed the three day old and freshly released source code for a relatively harmless iPhone exploit, changed one line of the code and claimed it as his own. Since it was a slow news day, and because old media rags are not known for embracing such techniques as “fact checking,” “sourcing,” or “actually looking things up” the Australian press gobbled up the story and quickly went to press with it, doubtlessly out of a noble urge to expose the “dark underbelly of the internet” and to out yet another “hacker on steroids” for the good of all mankind. On top of that, Towns, in one of the brighter moves ever perpetrated, cleverly hid his own name within the malicious code, because the Internet’s worm writing community isn’t a seedy and jealous lot, and because nobody would be the wiser…right?


More fat emo failfag.

Ashley Towns is a fat scene fag who wrote the first true worm for the Apple iPhone[1]. The worm exploits retards who jail break their iPhones but don't change the default password (alpine). The internet hate machine was told he merely stole the Dutch version of code released on all the usual networks and changed the payload to load a Rick Astley wallpaper. However this can be easily disproved by looking at the removal methods for the ikee worms (written in C), and the dutch scripts (.plist). Dutch script kiddie PureInfinity92 previously exploited the same default password hack but his script was considered unworthy of worm status. Anon however took one look at Ikees mutilated scene faggot head and questions about facts like, what networks, and where is the dutch code were forgotten.

Ikee foolishly tried to obtain some efame from his worm but instead got the usual hate machine stalking treatment including spamming him with hate mail and death threats, narking to the pigs, and attacking his family. A hate site was quickly built and an Anon personal army was formed by one Andrew Sanders. Mr Sanders personal army recruits following their great leader created this page.

Ashley Towns enjoys tea, long walks on the beach, and candle-lit dinners. He offsets his failure at life by rendering uneducated twats on IRC servers in awe of his l33t hacking skills. He is now living in squalor with his mother in Wollongong, Australia, after being kicked out of his old place for being too fat.

While he hasn't been able to successfully hold down a job, he is single and looking (HELLO LADIES) but has issues with sealing the deal with girlfriends, who tend to dump him in record time. He's a jobless twenty-something who runs his own web design firm (see: unemployed). When he isn't approaching news outlets trying to claim ownership of the LOLOLFIRSTIPHONEWORM!1!!1!~eleven! he can be found being fat, piercing his face shut because he's so scene, or playing WoW while being fat.




—Ashley Towns, dumfounded, was only able to supply this after being ripped apart by Hack.

It's all just a 4chan smear campaign guise!
Anon strikes back, found on 4chan.
UPDATE: It appears anons on 4chan and 888chan are livid about this putz claiming to have invented the internets, uh, I mean the first Apple iPhone worm and have decided to get the bitch v&.

After running to the media claiming he wrote the worm rather than plagiarized it, he was caught lying when he admitted he's only 'just learning C' and that he required help in his first interview. He left his real name in the source and leaked it to the press to try and garner more attention, then promptly fell out of favor once they got a look at him. Ages after it hitting the chans, Andrew Sanders of infamy here created Halcon a page dedicated to trolling Ikee which pwned him in the media and released the Ikee dox which were uncovered by /b/ stalkers.

Replicating his leetness[edit]

  • ssh root@IP "rm -rf /"
  • enter "alpine" as password


Apparently, the friendly folks over at the iPhone application development company Mogeneration have some difficulty using Google: even though this informal page is the ninth result for the simple query of just his name, they offered him a job which he accepted.

yey, i got the job! I'm now an iPhone application developer!



You can remove the worm by deleting your iPhone's System32 folder.
@ikeeex I would run if I were you, Anonymous just decided to destroy you.


A kind Twitterer

@ikeeex yeah, just be careful what you admit and you'll be fine. Think 'bout ditching your drives and buying new ones just-in-case.


— Another Twitterer, encouraging our friend to Delete fucking everything

This kid did not write the virus, the source code was revealed by german hackers last week and posted on a website. He merely only changed one line in the entire source code and even that was not coded correctly.


— Anonymous, QLD, in the Sydney Morning Herald

On examination of the code leaked, side by side with the Dutch worm, it appears identical in functionality and syntax.


—Anonymous, Daily Telegraph

What's wrong with the police in Australia? Can't they arrest a self confessed criminal? What good are they?


—Anonymous, 4chan.

The real question is: What comes first, the search warrant or the hard drive format?


—Anonymous, 4chan (in reply to above)

The motivation behind claiming another hackers virus as his own is clearly based on monetary gain, the individual appears to run a web design firm from his bedroom at his mothers house in suburban Dapto, and has yet to file a tax return of any profit from that ABN. With no education, or regular employment, it appears Ashley’s attention stunt is driven for pecuniary gain through attention driven through the media.


—Halcon expresses their disappoint.

In one corner is the heavily pierced kid from Wollongong with the funny haircut, in the other is the middle aged AV guy who's a real stickler for the rules.


—Patrick Gray, Risky Biz

You Can Help the Investigation![edit]

People with more information to add can contact Crimestoppers Australia on 1800 333 000 citing his investigation number 3718126.


Summary of Ashley Kaine Towns[edit]

l33t hax station of pewpew
  1. Winfag. Despite being on 'Ubuntu sites' and claiming on a forum that he "hasn't touched Windows/OSX for months", he's running Vista.
  2. Asus netbook - White: colour of faggery
  3. Standard wireless keyboard/mouse
  4. V cans, smokes, stoner, bad wallpaper
  5. Shot taken with shitty phone cam, despite the fact there's a 6 megapixel Sony on the desk (an s600?)
  6. Vanilla copies of: MSN Messenger, mIRC, iTunes, and Google Chrome
  7. iPhone location: -34.511154,150.783707.


Ashley Towns
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Just another British fucking colony...


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Featured article November 15, 2009
Preceded by
Casual Friday
Ashley Towns Succeeded by
Mod Sass