Assault rifle

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Factcat seal of approval.gif This article is entirely factual.
Fact Cat knows this because of his learnings.
Awesome ar animation.gif
It looks like you're planning a school shooting.
Would you like help?
Get help planning the school shooting
Just plan the school shooting without help
□ Don't show me this tip again
how liberals see all assault weapons

The Assault rifle is a fully semi-automatic, point and click, weapon of mass destruction commonly utilised by frustrated an heroes to pwn all of the mean, nasty bullies and the girls that won't go out with them at their High school and/or former place/s of employment, especially post offices which has spawned the colloquialterm of, "Going Postal".

Obviously, all assault rifles should be permabanned IRL as it is clear to anybody not terminally conservatarded that they're just too damn scary looking to exist in a progressive society. Anybody who owns an assault rifle is MOST DEF planning on shooting up a nightclub full of Vogueing, trendy spic faggots.


   
 
Now those are single shots: if I wanted to fire this on full semi-automatic all I have to do is keep firing.
 

 
 

— CNN gun expert LT. Gen Mark Hertling (Ret.)


What is an "assault rifle"?[edit]

This is accurate

"Assault rifle" is a term utilised by CNN and leftards to describe any long gun that can be easily modified from its civilian version of semi-automatic to being fully automatic in a few minutes.

To them all assault rifles appear just a little too gosh-darn scary to be legal. Obviously, if it looks MOAR menacing then it must be MOAR powerful, right? Some say that a Liberal can be fatally pwnt just by causing them to run their eyes along one of these lengths of spooky metal. Then again, we had Hunter S. Thompson, so it seems any crazy white devil is susceptible to the allure of long, black, hard things that shoot stuff.

Proper use for an Assault rifle[edit]

This is the only rifle approved of by gun control advocates. If a school shooter were to use this rifle they would clearly fail at becoming An hero because it wouldn't be scary enough to pwn anyone

Clearly nobody (most especially You) should ever be allowed to own any firearm of any kind however, if you and other irresponsible citizens must insist on repeatedly BAWWWing about "muh rights" and/or bribing politicians just so you can own a kewl Assault rifle here are some of the best things you can do with one:

  • Show it to your friends. The bigger the weapon you get, obviously, the bigger your penis. Instant respect.
  • Be like Hunter S. Thompson and use it to shoot your Tv when there's bad news on or your just bored, except he used a .357.
  • Openly carry it into your local police station and be surprised when teh authoritehs arrest your stupid ass. Make sure to video yourself doing so and post it on Youtube for teh lulz.


So let's get this straight: In 'murica it's perfectly legal to openly carry during a Presidential speech but open carrying into a Police station is illegal? Looks like the NRA might have some protesting to do.

How to obtain an Assault rifle[edit]

Claim ownership for the purpose of religious observance.
  • If you are an an American you can just head down to your local Walmart and get an Assault rifle for free with the purchase of groceries. Alternatively, you can join the NRA and have a free Assault rifle sent to your house with free ammo but if you're black and have a felony you might have to buy it in the parking lot at 3 times the price because, you know, capitalism
  • If you are British you are just gonna have to go use the evil scary Deep Web to purchase your Assault rifle, which is fitting because it only makes sense that you would have to go to such a scary place to buy such a scary rifle. But obviously if you are British, you are probably a faggot and would therefore be afraid of those spooky rifles.
  • If you live in any other country you can just go visit your friendly neighbourhood black market.

If you want to be legal about obtaining an Assault rifle then all you have to do is apply for a permit at your friendly neighbourhood police station. Getting your permit is going to be a fast and easy process, probably. Once you have your permit to buy an Assault rifle you can just drive to the other side of your country to find a place which sells assault rifles and then you can expect to pay a very reasonable price for your new toy. Buying ammo for said weapon will be very convienient.

How to destroy an AR-15 and/or Create an illegal short-barreled rifle[edit]

Obviously, all assault rifles are Evil incarnate and need to be promptly destroyed to save society from school shooters. Here are the steps to destroy one:

  1. Find Assault rifle
  2. Saw barrel off
  3. Get in trouble with teh authoritehs for your now illegal short barreled rifle
  4. ????
  5. Profit



The History of the Assault rifle[edit]

Name Description Picture
The MP44 The first Assault rifle, the MP44 was invented by everyone's favorite historical figure Adolf Hitler during the second world war.

The Nazis wanted to decrease the morale of the Ruskies, Britfags and Americunts, so they discovered that if they made something so scary and spooky looking that maybe they could scare the enemy into submission instead of having to pwn them outright. This obviously did not work because of one simple fact: Russians are all born with FAS and are normally off their tits on vodka; which normally is a bad thing, but in the case of WW2 it just meant that they didn't know they should be afraid of the scary mp44. The assault rifle was most effective against the British because obviously everyone in the British excuse for a military (barring a few strapping Scots) was a faggot and therefore afraid of the MP44. It, unfortunately for the Germans, did not work as expected on the Americunts. Being that the US Army was full of gun loving manly men, whenever they saw the rifle in the distance, they would usually mistake it for damsels in distress and would then try to rescue the poor MP44s from the evil, misogynic Nazi soldiers. This meant for the Nazis that any of their soldiers who had a mp44 would always be the first target for Americunts thus actually decreasing the morale of the Nazi army. After the war all of the leftover women MP44s were all exported to America where today they are all in the possession of their rightful husbands owners.

A British soldier after seeing the scary new MP44
Loli of war w sp vid by xinom-d9sts7y.png


The AK47 The 'Ass Kicker' AK47 was invented by a retired tank commander named Mikhail Kalashnikov. He was an alcoholic, and like all retarded, unoriginal Russians he was too drunk on vodka to come up with his own ideas. He got his inspiration from the Nazi MP44. His new AK47, inspired by copied from the MP44, was basically a simpler version of the MP44, which to its credit made it a lot less prone to fails. The AK47 was also designed to be so simple that even the drunk workers in a Russian vodka firearms factory could produce the thing. To this day, it is an assault rifle that strikes terror instantly and directly into the hearts of all who behold it. It's also well known for its ability be run over by a truck, thrown into the ocean, hit by a nuclear weapon and still not hit shit outside of 30 meters when fired. But it will fire- keep that in mind. It is still used by the thugs, drunk Russian soldiers, the Taliban, ISIS, any terrorist enterprise, all third world countries and a favorite of niggers because of its low maintenance.
Na Zdorovie comrade!
The M14 The M14 was invented after teh american soldierbois got tired of having their thumbs amputated every time they reloaded their M1 Garands. It is the best rifle to use if you are an hero because it tends to look a lot less scary than your typical assault rifle, so the libtards think it just looks cute. Luckily for an heroes it shoots just as fast as an AR15 but shoots teh big boi bullets. The civilian baby version , known as the "Mini-14", is the assault rifle the assault rifle high score holder Anders Behring Breivik used. The Mini 14 is even less scary looking than the big boy m14 so the libtards will probably think it's a BB gun or something.
Loli's know quality
The M16 The M16 (AR15 civilian name) assault rifle was invented by americunt Eugene Stoner, presumably while stoned and after being hit in the head with a sledgehammer. The M16 is known for being incredibly reliable, accurate and self cleaning. When it was first used by US GIs in 'nam it was so incredibly renowned for its reliability that they were glad to have a lightened plastic stock weapon that fired a smaller round causing them to instantly refer to the M14 as a steaming pile of shit. Today the m16 is mainly known as the AR15. The ar15 is a common primary weapon of winners for bringing them to their schools for show and tell.
Loli m16 .gif
Well-armed loli 235.jpg
The Galil The Galil (גליל), pronounced "gay-leel" is the gayest and lulziest assault rifle. It was invented by some Israeli faggots in Tel Aviv who thought they were better than their neighbors. The Israelis basically took the AK47 and made it uglier. The rifle, despite having the gayest name ever, is somehow more reliable than the AK47 it derived from. If the faggot Pulse nightclub shooter was thinking 'straight' he would have used the Galil 'gay-lel' assault rifle.
Galil loli.jpg
The Uzi The Uzi is ✡Uziel Gal✡ and Israel's contribution to the assault rifle. While smaller versions are referred to as machine pistols, the full sized uzi is a cheap, machined assault rifle that has a history of being used in the Suez Crisis to the gang war that is going on outside your house.

Much like the M16, it requires constant cleaning because its open bolt, blowback design leads to constant contamination of the receiver.

Loli with uzi.jpg
The FN FAL The FN Fal, pronounced 'Effin Fail' is an assault rifle, which to its credit, fires teh big boy bullets. It was oringinally invented in Belgium but soon after, the Britfags took it and made their own version. The britfags thought that it firing teh big boi bullets was too scary so they rechambered it from 7.62 x 51 nato to 280 britfag, which succeeded in convincing the excuses for soldiers in the British army to pick up the rifle. The rifle somehow, even with its fails, has managed to become an assault rifle used by 90 countries. America, when choosing between the 'effin fail and M14, correctly choose the M14.
FN Fal and 9A-91
G3 The Gerat 3 or Great 3 (Germans are widely known for their dyslexia) started life as a super secret Nazi prototype. However with their leaders offing themselves as the Russians raped and pillaged everything around them, the Jerries escaped to "neutral" Spain (while others moved to other spic countries in South America) to continue perfecting their shitty roller-delayed blowback mechanism that was rendered moot by the invention of gas-operation 50 years prior. After Germany's angsty and moody teenage years, the West Germans adopted it as their standard issue rifle, although just to be different from everyone else who were using the superior FAL.
Jisuri.jpg
ARX160 The ARX160 is an Italian made assault rifle that was designed by Baretta firearms to be light and comfortable to carry so that the Italian military won't drop it when in retreat. It was designed as a part of Italy's Future Soldier program and hopefully earned them world respect but still they are the punchline of Europe when it comes to war with France getting more respect than Italy.
Vo1MPfN.jpg
Famas The FAMAS (Fusil d'Assaut de la Manufacture d'Armes de Saint-Étienne, or "Assault Rifle from the Saint-Étienne Weapon Factory) is a bullpup style weapon and is currently being replaced by France with the Heckler & Koch HK416. The FAMAS is best known for it's high rate of fire, about 1200 rounds per minute and decent range, about 3200 meters. In fact, despite all the stories that come with the subject of French manufacturing and weapons blowing up in a soldier's hands, it's a decently built weapon and has been in use since 1971.
Famas loli.jpg
The Flamethrower FIRE. FUCK YEAH!! Although not an assault rifle, this bad little napalm thrower of win is perfectly legal to own and purchase in the Jewnited States of Americunts The main use for civilian use is agriculture, where farmers use it to burn crops that they were paid by our government not to grow. The concept of the flamethrower has been with us since the ancient Greeks because fire is so damn fun to play with and you can buy one easier than a BB Gun at Wal-Mart.
4XbKLfD.jpg
Shotgun Seen as an assault weapon in its semi-auto and fully auto variants because with a drum magazine attached, its high ammo count and speed of fire pigeon hole it into the category. This beauty of a weapon, mainly lacking range and accuracy, is such a monster when it is being used that it has earned names like street sweeper for its ability to drop assholes with a single hit, causing everyone to run for cover and look to save their own ass. Surprisingly, most liberals don't have much to say about this bad boy because it has never, thankfully, been used in a school shooting because its size makes it hard to conceal, its lack of range means you have to be within 10 meters of your target and you have to be a little more than a 90 pound faggot to get off more than 1 shot.
Loli shotgun 5645.jpg

Assault Rifle in Politics[edit]

The M2 or Ma Deuce

Politicians are the most knowledgeable group about Assault rifles. They are somehow even more knowledgable than CNN. Politicians really know about Assault Rifles because all of their bodyguards have them and they most of all know that their bodyguards are the only ones who should have them. Obviously, all the plebs are unreasonable for wanting to own assault rifles, unless said plebs have some Jew Gold to give the politicians that is. But really, the politicians have the best interest of society in mind seeing that if the politicians ban Assault Rifles then Assault rifles will never be used in any shooting ever again. In the end whether Assault rifles are banned will depend which side of the debate has more Jew Gold to give to their politicians. Obviously, since Jews have the most Jew gold and since Jews tend to be in favor of gun control it is probable that Assault rifles will get the banhammer. Sadly, the An heros will have to use the dark web to find their toys . After they ban Assault rifles all the Assault rifle owners and criminals will turn in their assault rifles, kiss uncle sam's big toe, and send in thank you letters to their local politicians for protecting them from future school shooters.

People/groups that own/used to own Assault rifles[edit]

Sarah Palin

Fun facts[edit]

  • Assault rifles don't even exist
  • If you believe they exist you're a fag
  • The government is lying about 9/11
Shooting Gallery About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also[edit]

America! Fuck Yeah!!
[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]
Assault rifle is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo: Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 David Long 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Manhattan bombing/shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Synagogue Of Doom
Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Trayvon Martin

Main ideas:

Gun 🔫 Assault rifle 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Oklahoma Massacre 🔫 Columbine 🔫 9/11 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre

City Street.jpg

Assault rifle
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]

City Skyline.jpg
Portal trolls.png

Assault rifle is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article October 17 & 18, 2018
Preceded by
Batman
Assault rifle Succeeded by
School shootings