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Atheist

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They mock religion because they don't have anything to say. They claim to be for progress and free thinking but only talk about suppressing those who disagree with them. They are the atheists, long-dormant cancer to society in the bloom in the form of autistic suburban white Eurofags. Atheism is a fad cult whose followers worship Richard Dawkins instead of God. It is most notably the only religion that is self-deluded enough to claim to be backed up by science. Its followers are even more ignorant, dogmatic, and fanatical about their chosen spiritual path than they claim Muslims, Christians, Hindoos or Jews to be. They use science as their excuse for said dogmatism, and, unfortunately, some of them truly believe their own bullshit in this regard. Ironically, atheism is the most fundamentalist religion known to man. Atheists are hypocritical enough to think that killing 5 billion theists equates to world peace, or, more precisely that as long as people don't agree with them humans still possess the ability to hurt each other.

However, there is a key difference. People who convert to Islam or Christianity do so because they want to have a more fulfilling life, or because they had a genuine religious experience. People who become atheists do so because they got picked on in high school. Rummage through an atheist's emotional baggage and you will find a pile of leftover teenage angst, a few cases of repressed rage at mommy and daddy, and an overpowering urge to feel superior wrapped around a stupendous amount of self-loathing. Ultimately the "atheist movement" is just another Internet fad, mostly made up of attention whores, sycophants, stupid arrogant twats, bigots, assholes, and demagogues.

You might look like Cancerhitchens
An example to all atheists

History

Trilby and Fedora.jpg

In the beginning there was darkness, and then Richard Dawkins said "let there be atheism", and, to the misfortune of people who aren't completely arrogant cunts, that shit was created. Although it started out as a practical joke, it quickly grew out of control similar to an American's cholesterol level. In 1783, the website known as "Reddit" was created by Xenu and quickly became a popular place of worship by atheists and terrorists alike. This website contributed to the plague known as "free thinking" and as of the year 2013 over 0.3% of the world's population are known as atheists. Atheists can commonly be found fapping to a diagram of a mammal evolving or licking their own cum off their computer screen while the Wikipedia page on The Big Bang is loaded, because they're stupid enough to think that stuff disproves religion. While people are at church on Sunday, atheists can usually be found devouring the flesh of unborn Christian babies, because that's just what atheists do.

Dinosaurs

What every atheist wants from religion

All atheists love dinosaurs. No exceptions. Spotting an atheist is easy. Just ask, "So how long have you loved dinosaurs?"

Their autistically encyclopædic knowledge of dinosaurs is what makes them first doubt the Book of Genesis. Realizing that Genesis contains no mention of super cool dinosaurs, they reject all religions because Judaism is the world's only religion. If a religion doesn't teach the truth about how awesome dinosaurs are, it must be false, and also the cause of everything bad in the world. Because in the time of the dinosaurs, life on Earth was a paradise, where no animals believed in God, especially badass dinosaurs. Until religion ruined fucking everything and brought violence and suffering and death into the world. Only religion can make good people do bad things, because all religions are sorely lacking in totally rad dinosaur factoids.

The mere fact that dinosaur bones exist is proof that there is no God, since the Jews failed to write about them. See, scientists have evidence that dinosaurs existed because they found fossils, but scientists have found no fossils of God. And if anyone knows what God looks like it's scientists. If you tell an atheist that there are probably hidden fossils that humans haven't found yet, they would agree with you, believing in the existence of something they've never seen. But believing in God is crazy, because I don't see God or God's bones anywhere, do you?

Loving dinosaurs is the main reason atheists take any interest in evolution (besides wondering why they're so ugly). And evolution disproves God because the Jews didn't write about it (besides the whole mankind coming from dirt thing), and everyone knows that Jews would never lie about anything ever. Their love of dinosaurs is also the only reason atheists argue with creationists, who don't love dinosaurs as much as they do. Any idiot who thinks the Earth is 6,000 years old skipped over the best part of life on Earth: totally cool dinosaurs.

Fun fact: Atheists' dinosaur fascination explains the emergence of Raptor Jesus, pictures of Jesus riding a dinosaur, or writing about dinosaurs on Noah's Ark. All atheists wish every religion featured more super awesome dinosaurs. That's all they've ever wanted. Is that too much to ask?

Atheists

Lol jk atheists only read in 140 characters.
A typical atheist in its natural habitat
More atheists in their natural habitat
Atheists are notable for their profound intellect and deep knowledge of science, history, and philosophy.

Recent studies reveal that atheists tend to be privileged, college educated with serious superiority complexes who are always willing to engage in pointless debates to further inflate their colossal egos. In an interesting contradiction, their liberal bias towards Islam conflicts with their hatred of all things religious.

Atheists suffer from a rare, aggressive form of unwarranted self-importance, which causes them to invariably and vastly overestimate their own intelligence, in stark contrast to their more temperate peers. That is mandatory for atheists, because if they are not the omniscient geniuses of Earth, they are forced into admitting that they're not always right and they don't know everything, which would mean that they are, in fact, basing their assertions on belief, which is something no atheist can bear to admit.

Atheists have a mental commitment to let everyone know how much people shove religion down their throats. They are, of course, oblivious to the fact that if they can call themselves atheists, no religion has been forced upon them so far, thus they fail to realize that by following atheism in such a militant fashion, they are shoving their beliefs down everyone's throats far more than they accuse others of doing.

In fact, atheists are so fanatical that they go around foaming at the mouth for "rational" debates. Upon watching an atheist in an argument, it becomes clear that their points consist entirely of condescension, lofty moralizing, over-generalizations, and "clever" quips about their opponents' intelligence—in other words, atheists think that poorly assembled sarcasm and ad hominem attacks amount to a valid argument. They will begin by stating they only want food for thought to "improve their position"; five minutes later, they'll state that talking to their opponent is like arguing with a brick wall. The irony of this statement is consistently lost on the atheist.

They believe that some philosopher (e.g., Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Dawkins, or Karl Popper) has proven atheism. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God. The atheist argument runs thus:

  1. God does not exist, and this is obvious, ergo
  2. Anyone who believes in God is stupid, ergo
  3. Any arguments that God exists are invalid, ergo
  4. God does not exist MUDDAFUGGA

It is a known fact that every atheist on YouTube is subscribed to at least 100 atheist YouTube speakers such as TheAmazingAtheist and flood all of their videos, the "Other Channels" section of their profile, and channel comments with advertisements about said speakers.

Atheists freaking out IRL.


The Church of Atheism

With the creation of atheism in 1783, the Godless parasites, lead by the virgin Richard Dawkins, created a cult known as "atheism". Much like the Catholic Church, it is organized into different sections. The Fapacy, the holy atheist Richard Dawkins, is the president of the church. He exhibits omnipotent powers, and can banish evidence that supports intelligent design from existence. His Bishops, the moderators of Reddit and Encyclopedia Dramatica, control the minds of the public. Members of the church, also known as internet users, will torture you if they discover you have tarnished the shrine of Richard Dawkins in your home. Torture is mostly gay sex, because, lets face it, all atheists are atheists because they are secretly gay. Other members of the church, "scientists", also known as wizards, spend all their time creating potions to cure ailments such as free thought, even though it's evident that all problems in the world are caused by Thetans and witches. When intellectually challenged, atheists will begin masturbating violently and will eventually kill themselves. Atheism is a religion. Why the fuck do you think all their arguments are "I don't believe god exists?"

Tips for Arguing if You're an Atheist

Friendly reminder that atheism is "common sense."

Does the thought of shitposting your opinion on matters that nobody cares about excite you? Do you have a superiority complex that just needs fulfilling? Are you an autistic buffoon who thinks that questionable logic used by autistic teenagers is "common sense"? Do you feel compelled to vomit any time you're in a church? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you just might be ready to begin your journey down the enlightment that is Atheism! Now, we know that suddenly becoming open minded by militantly copy/pasting whatever crackpot bullshit you read on fellow euphoric blogs is an exciting experience that you just can NOT wait to test drive, but we at ED offer you a few pieces of advice to fit right in with your new unwashed brethren.

  • Use as many double standards as you can muster. It's a little known fact, because atheism is still unfortunately a minority, that atheists are more intellectual than their religious counterparts. That's why anything a Christfag says is worth less than your statement, because atheists are too morally, intellectually, and scientifically superior to be compared to other people (ewww). You're exempt from having to do anything you ask the ignorant folk to do because you're just more intellectual than them. Do they have evidence for their claims of a deity existing? Ha! They don't. Therefore they are lying, deceptive brainwashing hindrances to science. Do you have any claims to support your TLMR (too long MUST read) rants about how religion is a lie? Well, you don't need it, because you're just proposing something that's common sense. What's this? The universe may in fact have a starting point? That's preposterous, ignorant, unscientific, and ignorant. Dismiss it at once because that is such an unscientific thought. What's that? The multiverse? Silly Christfags, thinking that questionable forces of quantum physics could be anything but a collection of other and possibly infinite universes pushing against our own.
  • Use the words "scientific", "ignorant", "rational", and any of the like as often as possible. Christfags need to remember that what they believe is wrong. They believe in stories translated from grunts of their caveman days. That is why you, as the savior to logic and reason, must constantly spam the same buzzwords over and over again until they lose all meaning until the point where nobody can read the bible because the English language will be destroyed! It doesn't matter if these words are used incorrectly, such as applying the word "scientific" to fallicious reasoning that you make (which is preposterous, as atheists do not post fallicious logic, but this is hypothetical), so long as you doctrine what is faulty logic that is "scientific" from faulty logic that is not "scientific" (AKA anything you don't agree with). On a related note, this applies for all content that supports atheism. Remember kiddies, the more times "rational" is spammed in a website title, the more clear thinking and humble the content will be.
  • Understand your opponent Why do we clarify Christfags? Simple process of deduction, really. Jews are too busy to waste time arguing on the interwebs, and Muslims are too angry at our Western Lifestyle to bomb our chatrooms (when they could be bombing us irl). Eastern religions will not be represented because anyone claiming to be from the east is either a weeaboo or an atheistic religion, which doesn't count, because that's not a religion, it's a philosophy (even though they believe in spiritual matters, it's still philosophy. Remember, keeping your stride is more important than being truthful).
  • Any time a religious person does something evil it's in the name of religion. This is true about all conflict in the world, such as WTC. Atheism, however, does not do this, and anyone who does anything bad remotely to the cause of the eradication of religion is doing it because they're a bad person. Stalin is a good example of this. He didn't persecute religious people because they had a religion, he just wanted to make a lack of religion in his country. He can't do this for atheism, because "atheism is just a lack of religion".
  • There's strength in numbers, so stick with as many atheists as you can and gang up on any Christfag you see. Even though you make up a minority of the world's population, let a Circlejerk be known where ever you stand with your brothers in autism far above them, because everyone knows that whoever agrees the most with the same people on his side of the debate is the one that is correct.
  • Christfags do not read the Bible, so take as many verse from it out of context as you can and shove it in their faces. Because many Christfags fail to read the Bible, this will confuse the crap out of them. Reading the Bible is impossible for any intellectual such as yourself to do, but luckily for you, rednecks can't read anyway! Since they aren't burning jews and gays and instead talking to you, they're not following the Bible anyway. What's that? Those sections of the Bible were nullified later in the text? Well, if the Bible is the infallible word of God, then how can this change happen? Checkmate, Christfags.
  • Point out contradictions in the Bible that aren't there. Because somebody took the time in MS Paint to put two Bible verses side by side, some of them are bound to be legitimate, unexplainable contradictions. 100% effective strategy because of above.
  • Use as much testimonial as possible. Everyone knows that if someone smart says it, it must be true. Did that one famous scientist from 50 years ago question the concept of God during a depressing period in his life? Christianity: Dis-proven. Everyone knows that the more quotes you take from image macros and spam, the more intelligent you'll appear. In addition, many younger people join atheism to rebel against their brainwashing parents, so use as much "new age" copypasta as you can!
  • Speak first, cite later. The Christfag will without a doubt not read your sources, so you don't have to worry about the credibility of anything you post on the internet, especially not whenever they promote the noble cause of atheism! Why would they? It's not like atheists are capable of lying.
  • Atheists are not nearly as stupid as Christfags. Studies pasted on rationalthinkingfortherationalmindsrational.com have consistently shown that atheists are smarter than Christfags. One telephone survey from Pew Research that was conducted to the youngest male living in American houses (even though atheism is found in younger people who may or may not possess technology to reference the correct answers) that resulted in a conclusion that atheists know about religion more than theists! In addition, (niggers who happen to be) Christfags are more likely to be jailed than atheists, so atheists are more moral (because everything that happens to be illegal is moral, and vice versa, right?).

Tips for arguing with atheists

Despite what they may imply, atheists are almost as stupid as creationists. They have almost no knowledge of physics or cosmology outside of wikipedia. Many of them have a low enough intelligence to take the above section of this article as a serious how-to guide. After about 3 replies they will begin to deny causality and basic laws of physics. There's no hope in actually talking any sense into them as they are unimaginably arrogant. One thing that is hilariously true is that they're deluded enough to think that using the atheist sub-reddit as their only source of information means that no evidence for God exists. There actually exists numerous arguments for god's existence:

Some Atheist Asshole on Yahoo playing Internet Tough Guy and claiming he can debunk every single point on here. Go ahead, Do it faggot.
Note: Religion: a set of beliefs concerning the cause, nature, and purpose of the universe... Wow, he's off to a good start already!
  • The Kalam Cosmological Argument. Guaranteed to result in either the denial of causality, or a simple "How do you know it was God?" Atheists will go out on a limb to assert that because they don't know which god they should believe in, they deny the existence of all gods.
  • The Fine-tuning of the universe. Guaranteed to result in some tripe about the multi-verse, even though ironically enough there exists no evidence to support the multiverse. Alternatively, they will miss the point entirely by referring to the Anthropic Principle (which is a deflection tactic that tries to refer only to humans and not the universe itself) From here then go on to tell them that the Borde-Guth-Vilenkin Theorem denies the existence of a multi-verse.
It should be noted that when presented with the above two arguments, they will, at any time they don't have a good comeback, completely dismiss them by their field alone, rather than combat them. They do this because they've reached the conclusion that "because philosophy has no scientific evidence, all philosophy is void as evidence". Yes, they will justify their dismissal with moar philosophy.
  • Baryon Asymmetry. They will immediately tell you this isn't evidence despite the fact that there is no cosmological model that fixes this problem without God.
  • Violations to the Copernican Principle. Explain to them that because of the Ecliptic alignment of cosmic microwave background anisotropy,it basically means that the Earth is at the center of the universe.

When backed into a corner, or out of decent, original arguments, the atheist will play one of several trump cards and snark at you as they hope to cause the theist to roll on the ground crying in frustration. Sure enough, these arguments are tested in the comfort of strawman and I am silly! comics/rants, and thus cannot possibly backfire in any manner! What they don't realize is that several of their common offenses are common, therefore plenty of counter-arguments have been created:

  • "Everyone is an atheist; I just happen to believe in one less god than you do." A common atheist argument that asserts that since Christians believe in only one god, but none of the other countless gods worshiped over time such as Zeus or Thor, everyone is an atheist. This argument is easily dismantled by pointing out that atheism, by definition, is the universal rejection of ALL gods, not just some. Since Christians believe in a god, they cannot be atheists, making this argument invalid.
If the above fails...
  • "You are either a theist or an atheist, no exception." This is nothing more than a cheap attempt to gain the middle ground and agnostics because atheists are subliminally aware that they're full of shit when they state that a deity doesn't exist. Surprisingly, the only sources outside of their ass that coincide with what they shit out are other retard atheist blogs with as much credibility as the inherited pseudo intellectual, with just as much logic (none).
Atheists will defend this by saying "You are either a gnostic or agnostic theist/atheist. There are only 4 cases, one for each combination." The atheist, meanwhile, thinks no further than his secular porn to see the flaw with this misconception. It is impossible to be a "gnostic theist" or a "gnostic atheist" because there is absolutely no confirmation on whether or not God exists. Christfags know this. That's why they don't claim to base their beliefs on faith. In order to be an atheist, you must reject the notion of theism. In order to be a theist, you must accept the notion that a deity exists, regardless of whether or not you can prove it. The only reason why atheists use this argument is to throw the more "radical" members of the group that say the exact same bullshit they were spouting five minutes ago under the bus, or else try to pass them off as "anti-theist," which is either the notion that god doesn't exist or that religion is harmful, depending on what's more convenient.
What if you don't make a call towards that claim, though? The atheist, in full ADHD due to a steady diet of Mountain Dew and Cheetos, assumes that everyone instantaneously forms a dedicated opinion about something as soon as it's introduced to them based entirely on personal preference. Needless to say, this approach is dangerously unscientific.
  • The worst of them will try to defend their bullshit claims with "You can't prove a negative" when asked for sauce in their rants that say that God can not exist. "You can't prove a negative" is ironically unprovable by its own grammar, and thus should be dismissed on its own right by the atheist's favorite razor, Hitchens' (Their second favorite being the razor they use to cut themselves with while listening to Evanescence and crying that, despite their superior intellect, they cannot understand how to get laid).
  • "Atheism is just a denial of theism, we don't have to prove anything." This does not excuse your average atheist from spewing copy/paste "religion is a lie" rants (ironically, stating religion is a lie is a claim, and thus needs evidence).
  • "Occam's Razor supports atheism." In order for the universe without a deity to be provable, the universe must be proven to have infinite regression (which must fall to inductive reasoning, ergo, without evidence) or else be created with the help of the multiverse, which, unless the multiverse has a creation point, infinitely regresses as well in a never ending cycle of universe creation to be absolutely sure that a deity could not have created the multiverse (since Christfags love to push the boundaries of where their God resides). If the latter is the case, then what must be proven is a sort of multiverse within a multiverse and ad nauseam, or else some other factor outside of our comprehension creating something similar to a time loop (note, relying on the existence of this possible force outside of our comprehension to dismiss this flaw is a cop-out and, ironically, must be proven to exist). This is about as "simple" of a solution as tying a cat to a treadmill belt and leaving the machine active for a week to test whether or not the treadmill is safe for running.
  • "Atheism is the default religious stance; theists are the only ones who must prove their bullshit." To fully understand this argument, two clauses must be established:
  1. "Atheism and agnosticism are the same concepts" (which is only "proven" by other atheists). This statement alone fails because rejection isn't the same process as ambiguity. For example, if you see a fine piece of ass on a woman but her face reminds you of Arguecat, it might take you a moment or two to decide if it's really worth ramming your cock into. On the other hand, if Arguecat's ass was in front of you, a "Hell no" is appropriate (unless you're a sick fuck). The former is different than the later because the thought of tapping that ass is considered and has a very real possibility of being acted upon, rather than simply walking away and deciding to not act upon the anus. In neutral agnosticism, both sides have equal consideration, and thus the claims of either aren't explicitly rejected or accepted. How such simple logic seems to elude the most masterfully tactical of atheists seems to point to the presence of one condition. Not only is the atheist here unscientific for confusing a denial of a claim with testing of a claim, but his method of thinking is fundamentally dangerous.
  2. "Hitchens' Razor is the default method to be presented with an argument", again, a claim presented rarely outside of atheist circlejerks. However, what the atheist doesn't realize is that inductive reasoning is required for basic pattern recognition. Without it, we wouldn't know that yiffing makes you a sick fuck! We would have test all possible yiffing until somebody does it in a way that turns out pretty cool, to gain the evidence that all yiffing is totally gay. To test that would require endless yiffing as furries are creative in every field except for human interaction, story plots, and everything else that isn't directly related to animals and semen. Ergo, acceptance without evidence is part of what differentiates humans from robots, since it's part of a survival mechanism that's been embedded into us. Therefore, Hitchens' Razor (see below why this argument fails on its own) isn't the default action to take in the face of new information.
And there we have it folks, another attempt to not have to prove bullshit by atheshits dismissed with not only logical, but humanistic reasoning.
They hate Christmas too.
  • "What created God?" This is perhaps the most over-used trump in the atheist arsenal. However, because the atheist community is composed of self-righteous preteens with the memory of a hamster with ADHD, too many sources exist to address this. This cliche is presented by atheists who don't fully understand what the concept of God is. They will, without a doubt, create a fallacy of composition. They do not recognize that theists believe God to be the initial clause of the universe. Asking this question is exactly like asking "which Harry Potter book came out before the first one".
Also this argument could be easily turned against atheists, since if we remove the philosophical concept of "god" (not necessarily the God Almighty of the abrahamitic religions) as the initial cause of the universe, the universe itself would exist since forever, so it would be "god" itself. Thus an atheist, the one who denies the existance of any god, would be the one proven of lacking logic and common sense.
But if the atheist isn't a total idiot, could also reply...
  • "So we should use a different word than "god" to describe that!" But even if we decide to not use the word "god", that it's used with a specific meaning in metaphysics ("anything that exist since eternity"), only because we hate it and we instead choose to use the word "xyzkjh" to define what has always been, this wouldn't change anything. Asking what existed before existance itself (and in this specific case is useful to remember that the Bible God presented himself to Moses as "I Am that I Am", written in Hebrew "אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה") is pure nonsense, and the atheist would reveal himself (or herself) as a dork.
  • When explaining why religion is bad, they will undoubtedly, exclusively target the Christian and Islamic faiths. At this moment, you can laugh at them for being shallow propagated teens that get all of their reasoning from other shallow propagated teens (who end up this way for being butthurt at their upbringing. See below section for details) and Fox News, respectively.
  • "Studies show that Atheists are smarter." Because religion is found commonly in poor countries, niggers hinder the intelligence average of the religious population. Interestingly enough, there hasn't been an official, reliable study of intelligence vs. religiousness that's included the web atheist population (the world is long overdue for one, yet we can only wait until Reddit Island for a reliable study). Nevertheless, with all of the rednecks, WBC, niggers, and creationists, and other outliers that Christfags are associated with, the whole 3 point difference in average is very petty. One factor the atheist fails to consider, most of all, is the distribution of money with the two areas. Ergo, poorer people and countries are more likely to believe in a deity out of desperation or appreciation for tradition to stay alive, while at the same time being less educated because they don't have the money for ITT Tech. Wealthier peoples, however, can afford ITT Tech, and are less reliant on tradition because they have enough money to survive and do other things than pray to the sun for crops to be bountiful this harvest. The obvious deviant from this norm is the Jew, who may be religious while still hoarding vast amounts of wealth because he or she is a greedy fuck.
  • "Religion doesn't approve of sex." The atheist in this case would like the world to be looser on sexual morality and social standards because he can't get laid. In any case, this is factually incorrect. While most religions have restrictions on sexuality, only a handful of fringe groups reject it entirely.
  • "Magic sky fairies." Deists and pantheists are unaffected by this juvenile appeal to ridicule.
  • "You're basing your ideas off of a 2000 year old book? Have fun living in the dark ages, dumbass." A textbook example of the Genetic Fallacy. Politely inform them that dismissing anything because of its age is to scientific reasoning what worship of "new" pop singles by Lil' Wayne and Nicki Minaj is to music appreciation. They will try to claim that it isn't, based on claims of "evidence" existing (this evidence will end up being the first couple results pulled from a quick google search, presented without much thought).
  • "Can you prove God exists?" Use one of the above points. When confronted with this, they will undoubtedly ask a form of "how can you be sure it was God?" or try to refute the massive problems with the universe's structure that the otherwise to the above creates. Inform them of all of the "biblical prophecies" that came true (bonus points for citing actual cases). They will, at this point, dismiss your entire case on no real solid reasoning, followed by a few ad hominem attacks.
  • At any point that their "scientifically sound logic" fail them and their devotion to LOGIC AND REASON, the atheist will try to appear to be the more moral of the two parties. At this point, you can either throw Conservapedia statistics at them (including sauce will cause a spew of butthurt), or undermine the point of morality altogether, using either reasoning from The Selfish Gene (bonus points for using a book by an atheist advocate against an atheist), or by quoting Craig's Slaughter of the Canaanites (pointing out to them by copy/pasting from the article that they apply irrelevant morality to a brutal time period of war, suffering, and real labor also works too).
  • "Prayer works proportional to the country they live in. If not, then why are there more sick people in Africa than in America?" Atheists who say this are probably idiots with a sense of patriotism. Do you know that the U.S. has a higher rate of heart disease and cancer than places in Africa, not to mention the world!!!??? They don't know it because they are too fat to reach for the mouse and search.

Hitchens' Razor

This is the ultimate atheist tool. It's also one of the weakest arguments for a religious stance once dissected. Unfortunately for the atheist, they have no idea how to dissect because he/she (female atheists can, and will appear OL. They are the exception to rule 29, and they are all ugly) will not have practiced on frogs in Biology II. The argument claims that extraordinary claims must have extraordinary evidence to justify it. This argument is the justification that "atheists do not have to prove anything." It's not uncommon for the atheist to try to empty themselves of the burden of proof. Once you understand it, you'll realize that over half of the atheist Facebook/Reddit macros will stem from this argument, whether they realize it or not ("You can't prove God exists"). The argument was made famous by atheist Christopher Hitchens, who stole it from some people over 100 years ago because he ran out of insults to call Christfags.

Several holes in the principle are presented once it's brought into the field, however.

  • Employing this denies all forms of faith. The atheist wants this in order to appear smarter, but lulz can, and often do ensure whenever the Razor is used to deny the material world exists, not unlike a dream perceived by you. The atheist can not prove the material world exists, because he will try to use sensory data to prove it. However, the Razor can be used one step further to deny that the senses are accurate because they can not be confirmed to work if the material world does not exist, since the brain is also a material construction. If this fails, "I think, therefore I am" will be used. However, this only proves that the conscious exists, not a connection between conscious and body. The only catch is that once used, you can't assert that the world is a dream; you must stick to not accepting that the material world exists.
  • Cop-out alert! The atheist can, if "abuse" (read as application) of the razor is presented to several claims that don't explicitly require evidence but are accepted nevertheless, the atheist may define the razor as "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence to prove" or some variation. However, Hitchens was a journalist (and a mediocre one, mind you), not a scientist. A scientist would most likely not make the mistake of using a subjective word such as "extraordinary" as the basis for an argument. Thus, the atheist cannot discriminate between what is "ordinary" and "extraordinary" without relying on fallacy or opinion. What is ordinary to one viewpoint may be extraordinary to the inverse, and thus the atheist indirectly asserts "I don't have to prove my bullshit because I say so" by not proving its massive burden of proof (see above). Yes, many atheists really are that blind to their hypocrisy.
  • The Razor can't be used to disprove anything, nor advance a claim for a stance other than agnosticism. The atheist will still leave its burden of proof that God doesn't exist unfulfilled.
  • Only when the claim that God exists is presented can the razor be used since the razor is a tool of retaliation. The irony is that whenever the atheist comes into the picture and makes his usual fundimentalist thread-initiating post, it can be used to dismiss any claims the atheist makes (the atheist can't support his claim that [insert religion here] is false because he or she does not have any confirmation in his arguments regarding the stance of a deity, only cherry-picking). In fact, one could say it's a double-edged blade.

Arguing with an Atheist

Even on this video, you will see Atheists circle
jerking each other, thumbing each other up, and proving
everything said above correct, to stop their crying at night.


Russell's Teapot

Dependence on seeing this original argument correlates strongly with how retarded the atheist arguing is. Unfortunately, since most atheists are mentally defunct britfag teenagers with internet access and an opinion that will SHAEK TEH WoRLD!!!, this occurs frequently. The argument's logic follows as such:

  • You can not prove God exists
  • You can not prove that a teapot that orbits the sun in space exists (drones will substitute the teapot in space with something such as unicorns or dildo monsters)
  • A teapot in space does not exist
  • Therefore, God does not exist. LOLPWNED!

However, this argument is complete bullshit.

   
 
The argument presumes that such is not the case, so presumes what it sets out to prove, and is thus a circular argument.
 

 
 

Philip Rayment, pawning victims of Catholic molestation and making RationalWiki butthurt.

Once the creative entity is removed from the equation, the whole point of the argument is a copy/paste from Hitchens' Razor. Bonus challenge: disprove that the mythical comparisons made by said teenager. (Hint: God is not bound to the universe. Santa Claus is) Eventually, they will alter the meaning of the entity in question until it no longer resembles the original folklore, ruining the strength of the argument as they try to cop-out, with rambling along the lines of "PROVE TAT AN UNPROVIBL THING DOSNT EXST AN FELE MY PAAAIIN THAT U ASK ME 2 DO!!!".

Ex-Christian-Atheists

As much as everyone enjoys an atheist's company, you will feel nothing but utter love being with what can only be described as ex-Christian-Atheists. Essentially, these are just faggots who displace their rage at their church-going parents onto God. This is really not surprising. After all, how can an atheist believe in a loving God when they hate themselves? What they persistently fail to realize is that hating God means you believe in him, meaning you are, in fact, not an atheist at all, but instead a whiny faggot.

More likely than not, these are the people you will see in everywhere who cry and scream on the Internet with either THE FUCKING FURY or Exclamation points, so you have to have the pleasure of reading it all over again.

An example of such stupidity:

What causes atheism?

The leading cause of atheism is nobody loves you. Your mom doesn't count.

Pizza Hut is an atheist.

Maybe you're ugly, maybe you're fat, maybe you're short, maybe you're a virgin, maybe you have embarrassing body hair, maybe you're a homo, maybe you're a ginger, maybe you have a small penis, maybe you have a ponytail, maybe you're a Jew, maybe you wear glasses, maybe you suck at sports, maybe you look like a total dork, maybe you live in your mom's basement, maybe you have a whiny voice, maybe you're a gamer who plays World of Warcraft or Dota 2 or EVE Online, maybe you listen to black metal, maybe you have a serious disease and are confined to a wheelchair, maybe you were molested as a child and how could God let that happen?, maybe nobody wanted to molest you as a child because you were too ugly, maybe you were born with a serious physical deformity, maybe you watch animu, maybe you played Magic or Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh! or D&D, maybe you're a psychopath incapable of human emotion, maybe everyone laughs at you, maybe you collect comic books or boardgames or webcomics or piss bottles, maybe you're a socially retarded freak, maybe you're a burn victim, maybe you're a dyke, etc. Maybe you're one or more of the above. Each additional trait increases your chances of being bullied/being an atheist, which is inversely proportional to your chances of getting laid by the opposite sex.

Since everybody hates you and nobody will touch you because they all think you're revolting and your life is miserable and you have a giant chip on your shoulder, the only possible conclusion is that there is no God. Because if there was a God, He'd give you everything you ever wanted because you think you're a pretty cool guy and your mom said so too, yet you're also a megalomaniac who fantasizes about how you'd get your revenge on the world if you were God, which videogames, fictional works, and school shootings allow you to act out.

Most beautiful people believe in God, especially beautiful women. Men in general are less likely to believe in God, because most men are ugly as fuck anyway. Beautiful people have been blessed with good looks and their life is better than most. For them life is an easy effortless fun time, with little struggle, relatively speaking. Although the death of a loved one may cause them to doubt their faith, since that person is no longer around to love them, because again, atheism is caused by lack of love.

This is also why atheists tend to believe love is a mental illness, like religion, which is basically love of God. Atheists often feel love and religion are the very same mental disorder (while believers often say God is Love). Since nobody loves them, everyone around them must be crazy. Since their life is miserable, there must be no God, but since they think very highly of themselves and see no reason why everybody hates them, they must be right and everybody else (who doesn't love them) must be wrong. And even if by some slim chance someone does love them one day, it won't make up for all the time nobody loved them, the hurt and pain won't simply be forgotten. Emotional pain leads to atheism. Cries of "Why God why?" transform into "Do something!" transform into "in this moment I am euphoric..." They turn their bitterness and nobody loving them for so long into personal exceptionalism. Atheists might bring up science or lack of evidence, and yet gloss over the lack of evidence that anybody ever really loved them.

Gays will object and say they are atheist and in love. But again, that won't make up for all the time nobody loved them. And according to atheism, love is just a molecular chemical imbalance, so a gay atheist is basically admitting to being mentally ill. And an atheist prattling on about how love matters must also believe they are just an ape babbling meaningless sounds. Asking an atheist why love matters they may respond because it feels good, yet they won't allow that answer when asking believers why they believe in God.

Why do so many ugly people believe in God? Because they don't blame God for all the bad things that happen in their life. They blame the Devil.

Morality

Logic is the first casualty of atheism.
You think we were joking?


   
 
Not every bad person is an atheist, but every atheist is a bad person.


 


 
 

—Random Anon


   
 
All atheists are rude, arrogant, mysogonistic attention whoring douchebags.


 


 
 

Truth

Typical atheist morality.
Atheists need to be kicked out of America!
An atheist intellectual.

Since atheists believe God does not exist, they don't care about morality, usually stating that they prefer rationality over your primitive 'moral' ideas. This makes them amazingly easy to troll. Just ask them, "So are you saying that rationality is OBJECTIVELY BETTER than irrational morality?", then kick back and watch as the self-loathing God-hater ties himself up in knots trying to justify rationalism without morality.

Atheists are convinced that religion is the cause of all conflict and directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred, when in reality it is just a source of major lulz for their more temperate kin. Atheists fail to realize that with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will fervently believe anything they read.

Failing to justify man-made morals, they resort to a comparative exercise. The main crux of their argument rests on body counts, but a short sample of atheist leadership data reveals a different picture:

PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century, and caused more death in a much shorter time span than almost any other catastrophe that has happened in the civilized world, and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking.

The atheist, of course, will respond that "BUT DUDE STALIN DIDN'T KILL RELIGIOUS PEOPLE IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM HE KILLED THEM IN THE NAME OF COMMUNISM!!!!11", as though Communism's status as an atheistic philosophy had nothing to do with persecuting theists. It's sort of like saying "THE KKK DIDN'T LYNCH PEOPLE FOR BEING BLACK THEY LYNCHED THEM FOR NOT BEING WHITE!!!" Then ask them how many people did die in the Crusades (1-3 million, which seems hilarious against the numbers listed above). In response to this question they will attempt to shove "The God Delusion" book up their own urethra.


   
 
To punish the oppressors of humanity is clemency; to forgive them is barbarity.


 


 
 

Maximilian Robespierre, 1794 - How atheism would eliminate violence & achieve world peace.


   
 
Christianity is potentially one of the biggest problems facing society.


 


 
 

Adolf Hitler (Not a Christian)

Sin

An atheist is a sinner who doesn't believe in sin. Note that this also applies to wild animals and Ebola. When someone tells an atheist they are are sinner, an atheist responds "Am not. There's no evidence sin exists."

Their lack of belief in sin is used as rationale to do whatever they want, which they've been wanting to do since they were 2. Like a Roman emperor, atheists don't think anything is a sin: lack of empathy, lack of compassion, cruelty, killing, spree killing, serial killing, torture, crucifixion, rape, violence, homosexuality, child sexual abuse, bestiality, incest, public nudity, sex in public, orgies, polyamory, perversion, bullying, hate, discrimination, prejudice, exclusion, ostracism, vandalism, property damage, destruction, pollution, willfully spreading pathogens or toxins, extreme body modification, gender reassignment surgery, genetic engineering, animal experimentation, human experimentation, prison, the death penalty, labor camps, carnivorism, cannibalism, sodomy, drugs, slavery, captivity, genocide, bombings, immolation, decapitation, war, terrorism, extinction, poaching, deforestation, stripmining, mountaintop removal, oil spills, controlled demolition, carbon emissions, littering, nuclear waste, usury, lying, cheating, stealing, exploitation, wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, gluttony, idolatry, etc.

Unless they're a depressive, most atheists try to act like a Roman emperor in as many ways as possible: like a vain irritable condescending grandiose haughty hedonistic psychopathic megalomaniac. Despite what any atheist tells you, atheists don't give a fuck about anyone or anything besides themselves. In this moment, all atheists suffer from the sin of vanity/pride. Atheists worship themselves as a God and expect all the mere mortals around them to bow down before their learnedness. Again, like a Roman emperor.

Since atheists don't believe in sin, they are left saying things like "hey, that's not cool" or "genocide isn't nice you guys" or "don't be a dick." When someone asks an atheist "Why not?" they will respond "Because that makes you a dick." Such circular logic is unassailable. So, social conformity and shaming by religious people bad, social conformity and shaming by atheists good. Although atheists don't really believe in "bad" unless they're referring to logic or religion. Atheists don't think people can be "bad", just "dicks" and "assholes", because dicks and assholes are all that gaytheists can think about.

Despite their extremely high score on a purity test indicating overall depravity, many atheists still believe they are moral people, just like most evil people do. But again like a Roman emperor, atheists don't believe in evil (unless evil is defined as humility, or putting your own wants behind others). A life goal of most atheists is to do as many degenerate things as possible while their heart is still beating because they believe they are headed for oblivion which means they won't be around to see the consequences of their actions. Every atheists can be summed up with #yolo. Also, you can't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me.

Much like a teenager takes up smoking or a standup comedian takes up heroin because they think it makes them look cool, an atheist dives into depravity because they think it makes them look edgy. This atheist drive to seem cool typically stems from being picked on which is why they don't believe in God in the first place. By living in sin, an atheist feels they are getting revenge on the deluded sheep around them, and they can pride themselves that they are a freethinker unburdened by superstitious notions of evil or sin, and that their brain has reached an advanced state of atheism just like a cockroach, until of course entropy sets in. Atheism reaffirms their sociopathy and misanthropy which was driven into them by bullies because they are probably ugly. Of course, many atheists will claim to be humanists, which is the same as thinking that God created man to rule the world and all of its creatures, like it says in the Book of Genesis. That's why Jews can switch to atheism and "secular humanism" so quickly (besides the fact that they worship money, and nailed God to a cross).

The God Delusion: Richard Dawkins and hypocrisy

In 2006 our lord and savior Richard Dawkins released a book that is probably the atheistic form of the Bible. Because it is completely filled with unwarranted self importance, arrogance and unsupported claims it is difficult to truly understand it's meaning. Most scientists agree that Richard Dawkins is a shape shifting reptile from a parallel universe and his books were a result of randomly copying and pasting excerpts from the Wikipedia page on atheism.

In his book, he uses something he's deluded enough to think is evidence and thinks that using big words will immediately make any christian convert to atheism in fear of being called stupid. Some of these "arguments" includes:

  • Albert Jewstein wasn't a Christian. Ergo God doesn't exist.
  • I once heard a noise that could be misinterpreted as a ghost. Ergo God does not exist.
  • I copy and pasted "proof" that God doesn't exist from Wikipedia. Ergo God does not exist.
  • My friend rejected Judaism. Ergo God does not exist.
  • Evolution. Ergo God does not exist.
  • It is theoretically possible for an atheist to not kill other people and become an hero. Ergo God does not exist.
  • Although I don't understand many aspects of theology, I don't like it. Ergo God does not exist.
  • I don't want the fine tuning of the universe to be evidence of the existence of god. Ergo God does not exist.
  • If God existed he would fucking tell me personally. Ergo God does not exist.

The rest of the book is Dawking ranting that atheism is evidence of a healthy, questioning mind. However, almost all atheists will use arguments in this book. This enforces Dawking's hypocrisy of criticizing theists for having faith. Although he wouldn't be caught dead having faith, he has no problems making assumptions as long as he mentions the word "science".

When invited to engage in intellectual arguments with people who weren't arrogant cunts, Dawkins admitted that God probably does exist. He is fucking stupid.

Sexuality

Of course, under normal circumstances there isn't a woman underneath them.

Males

Even Catholic priests get more than the typical atheist. This results in the atheist having to take an alternate sociological path to survive, as no normal woman wants to find themselves naked in the same room as a neckbearded Yeti who thinks it knows everything.

Not that the 'forced abstinence' of atheists should come as any surprise. Hell, their whole philosophy comes down to 'BUT IF THERE WAS A GOD THEN I'D GET LAID SOMETIMES!!11'

Wimmins

The sad truth is that the population of atheists (ignoring the expanded meanings to include agnostics) is unfortunately on the rise just like most other demographics of the world's population. Given that the males of this population are forever alone losers who get less than Brian Peppers, the question of how these people reproduce quickly is brought into question. Enter the atheist female.

Given that atheists have no morals, there is nothing stopping the cum dumpster from taking in five cocks at once. Atheist women are either hardcore sluts or batshit insane bbw feminists. Either path guarantees at least a dozen cocks inside of the woman, the former from any cocaine-powered nigger and the latter from ugly beta losers who cry shortly afterwards. Atheist feminist pride is no different than girl gamer pride; both ideals are held by women who need to use their mouths for better uses such as blowjobs. The children, in turn, turn into anti-theists due to the parents' nature consisting of whiny delusion and liberal finger-pointing (if there was a God, he would pay for my 10000 Yu Gi Oh cards!) If you ever encounter this type of roving animal, avoid engagement. If you try to point out the slutty nature of the demographic, you will be met with "but athiest girlz are able to not be complete sluts, therefore we aren't sluts!" This is the equivalent to stating that "because black people may exist without being racist, all niggers aren't racist!" The Zimmerman riots proved that niggers are racist. At this point, the bbw will either try to justify that because she can't get any action (due to either being excessively ugly or having specific standards of what a slut is, such as "Sluts take 25 cocks a week. I only take 23, therefore I'm not a slut") that what you say is an "obvious lie", or rant about sexual limitations of religion. At this point, any methods for handling this speci(wo)men follow any standard procedures for dealing with feminism.

Why do people hate atheists?

Atheists are not exactly known for being articulate
Tell me again about atheist civilization.

The honest answer to this question depends on who you ask. Atheists will answer you by adopting a victim complex, that they are just making everyone uncomfortable with their beliefs and are soon on the verge of converting the masses, and that the religious people can not simply accept their scientific and truthful ways.

In reality, atheists are the scum of the Earth for multiple reasons, such as upholding a constant lack of personal hygiene, constantly proclaiming that they are smarter than most of the world (when in reality, save for a few outliers most atheists are autistic retards). The biggest reason that atheists are hated? Atheists are the equivalent to niggers, faggots and crackass pinkys pales in the civilized world:

  • They constantly whine about how every other group is oppressing them
  • They whine about "their people" being subjected to torture/slavery decades (or in the atheists' case, centuries) ago despite the fact that the harshest thing that's ever happened to them is to get off the couch to get more hand lotion
  • They point out how whiny Christians who cry "persecution" because they can't teach creationism in public schools don't know what persecution is - but think they're persecuted because "in God we trust" is on their money, or that they saw a cross-shaped tombstone in a public cemetery. Hypocrites.
  • They have few morals (atheists will argue against this, but the same study linked proves that most atheists only care about liberty-related morals)
  • Liberals love to glorify and victimize them.
  • They adopt an aggressive hive mind whenever one of their fellow drones is attacked
  • Monkey howling in the face of "the man"? Instant hero. "The man" suggests that you're acting retarded? UN-GOD DAMN IT WHY DO YOU RETARDED ASSHATS KEEP OPPRESSING ME I HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND YOU CANT TAKE THAT AWAY THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT TYRANTS LIKE U!
  • They constantly whine about modern oppression, while ironically spouting more bigotry than they claim to receive.

Sects

Similar to atheism

Anti-Theism

An anti-theist is an emotionally-unstable person who will go into screaming rage about the evils of any religion because the other choir boys didn't try to rape him, thus leaving him with an acute inferiority complex. An atheist is more or less the same thing, but instead of 'I didn't get to fuck the hottest girl in school!' it's 'why didn't God stop me from getting my head slammed in a locker!?' Of the different breeds of atheist, this type is by far the most painful to be around. Richard Dawkins and most of atheism's other "pastors," fall into this category.

Atheism was never great.

Nihilism

This is Nihilism, but atheists don't believe in that either.

Nihilism is the philosophical doctrine suggesting that values do not exist but rather are falsely invented. Frequently cited by deep thinkers and faux-Nietzschean assmunches who never moved out of their parent's basement. As well as being stupid, this is extremely sociologically dangerous.

Friendliness

Unfortunately for these quasi-atheists, pro-theist atheists (better known as weak atheists, but that seems a bit redundant) are also the target of atheists - because anyone who supports religion in any way i.e. "believing in belief", going to a church funeral or wedding, or donating to a religious charity will be savagely ripped apart by their fellow atheists for being a Christ enabler and denounced as traitors.

SJW

On the surface, a SJW is just your typical raging Tumbltard feminist. On closer inspection, we see a creature that lives and acts in the exact same manner as atheists, effectively swapping its "religion" for screaming about rape culture and patriarchy. There's a significant overlap between these two groups because of Atheism+, and it shows!

Because both beliefs are founded on evidence-less bullshit, shit-flinging any opposition is the creatures' primary defense mechanism ("Stupid sheeple irrational moron!", "Stupid oppressive misogynistic cis scum!"). This creates an opening for the creature to insert its own generalizations of the other party if namecalling fails them ("Fuck you, religious people like you oppress people every day! Just look at Islam!"/"Fuck you, men oppress people every day! Just look at GamerGate"). When their bullshit accusations are used in turnabout, they'll resort to one of three things, they'll either (1) make their accusations more extreme ("Religion is responsible for all of the wars ever fought!"/"Men are responsible for all of the wars ever fought!"), (2) try to redefine or brush their "weaker members" under the rug to save face, completely oblivious to the irony ("So what if some atheists are bad? Atheism is just the lack of theism, so there's a lot of people in that group! Are you saying all atheists are bad because of a minority?"/"So what if some feminists are bad? Feminism is just the belief in gender equality, so there's a lot of secret feminists out there! Are you saying all feminists are bad because of a minority!"), or (3) challenge you to debate every single point on some bullshit list of "proofs" that they found off of google/tumblr, without verifying its authenticity (also known as Gish Gallop).

Because of the overlap, the two groups behave in almost the exact same ways. The difference is that SJWs are smart enough to gang up on and harass people irl, while Atheists nowadays just stick to their own little flame wars for e-points.

Not atheism

Agnosticism

Agnostics are known for 'not knowing' and are generally regarded as pussies by both Christians and atheists for not making up their minds. They are the few people on the planet honest enough to admit that they don't know shit.

  • Note: This one is debatable. Often, atheists will try to impose two binaries on the agnostic, that you are a combination of theist/atheist and gnostic/agnostic, which is a crock of bullshit. Unless God has personally come down to blow your dick, then you can't know if God exists. You probably couldn't confirm that it would be God anyway, since if you believe this questionable logic, we suspect that you are the type of person who is susceptible to being drugged behind a McDonald's dumpster. In other words, atheists will attempt prove that no explicit agnostics exist, "proving" their point with logic that assumes no explicit agnostic stance exists. Just what would be an agnostic theist anyway?

Deists

Another word for agnosticism. A deist is someone who believes a God did create the universe but got too bored and promptly fucked off. Technically they are monotheists just like Christians and Muslims but live like atheists since the god they believe in doesn't give a shit about what they get up to.

Most famous historical atheists call themselves deists, as calling themselves "atheists" would have resulted burning at the stake followed by reservation seating in hell.

Apatheists

Apatheists are atheists, agnostics, deists, whateverists who simply don't care about religion, god, or anything related to the two. They don't make a scene and don't start arguments, unlike your token atheist. In other words, how it should be. This breed is unfortunately scarce to the point of many believing them to be a myth altogether.

Ietsism

Aka. "somethingism". These people may believe in God, gods, universal life force, Heaven, Hell, Xenu, Souls or something else entirely. Whilst agnostics are generally indecisive fence-sitters, ietsists are confused as while they believe in something, no one (not least themselves) actually know what it is.

Atheism vs. Irony

What could possibly be untrustworthy about compulsive lying trolls?
   
 
LOL! Christfags are such bigoted, childish morons!
 

 
 

—Pre-2014 atheists

   
 
S-Stop calling us ugly, arrogant neckbeards! D-Do you have nothing better to say than namecalling!?
 

 
 

—2014+ atheists

Alenonimo goes to Hell
  • Atheists will vehemently profess how evil and fanatical Christians are, all while completely oblivious to the fact that they themselves are fervent zealots waging their own brand of holy war in the process.
  • Atheists will quote The God Delusion to avoid thinking of their own arguments, while mocking Christians for quoting the Bible in the same way.
  • They claim to only accept claims that are justified through evidence, yet have no problem unquestioningly believing everything said by showman Sam Harris, reddit, or simple image macros
  • They all exhibit very serious cases of a persecution complex, believing that Secret Societies are trying to eradicate them. Then they go and accuse of doing the exact same thing.
  • Constantly quote Nietzsche's "God Is Dead". Never mind that he was talking about slave morality rather than the actual entity.
  • Atheists worry that the "Under God" portion of the Pledge of Allegiance is subtly brainwashing people, yet spend the time and energy putting up billboards and other monuments to try to brainwash people into not believing in God
  • Atheists will go into another soapbox speech when they are compared to dictators or other extremists.
  • In their desperation to deny religion or belief of any sort, atheists will adopt skepticism so extreme that they'll refuse to state whether they're conscious or not.
  • Often dwell on religion and religious texts more than theists.
  • Contrary to the above, they claim to understand religion more than the religious, yet constantly take quotes from whatever text they're attacking out of context.
  • They claim to be "free thinkers", but they often fall victim to more bullshit than they're proud to admit.
  • Occasionally you'll find an agnostic-atheist who justifies his beliefs at "we'll never know". Despite not knowing shit, this breed of fuck will condemn you for taking a guess at the origins of the universe. No matter how much philosophical or scientific thinking you base to your conclusion, you'll always be "wrong" to them because they don't know shit (I don't know, so you don't know either).
  • The Crusades were proof that religion is evil, yet Stalin and Hitler's purging of religion in their governed lands doesn't prove that atheism is evil.
  • Atheists assume that, in the case of God and Hell existing, that their moral views ("nobody should go to hell because EVERY1 (especially me!!!) is a gude person!") are more important and logical than said Christian God's judgement. I repeat, atheists think that, if there were an omnipotent, default being in the universe, they would be smarter and more fair than it.
  • Atheists argue that "atheism" simply combines "a-" and "theism", implying that the word is simply means a lack of theism. Yet, they act blatantly ignorant to the fact that the word "atheism" is derived from "atheos" of Ancient Greece, making the literal interpretation of atheism "godless belief". That's right, atheists can't even argue over one word correctly, and yet expect to do well when arguing over an entire collection of books.
  • Atheists not only think that "separation of church and state" is actually in the Constitution, but that it's the most important part of it. Little do they know that the term came from a letter by Thomas Jefferson implying that the country should not set an official religion; not to eradicate public display of religion altogether.
  • Atheists talk incessantly about how rational and logical they are, yet throw tantrums whenever they see a reference to God in public.
  • Atheists are often offended by public references to God despite not believing in Him to begin with.
 
 
I laugh when I hear black people talking about oppression, when gay people talk about homophobia. I laugh straight into their faces when feminists talk about sexism. I bust a gut laughing when transgender people talk about their discrimination. I cry tears of hilarity in front of their stupid faces. Until you are an atheist you have no right to talk about oppression so shut the fuck up.
 

 

—A typical atheist position. Notice the extreme self-pity and lack of self-awareness.

Miscellaneous Facts About Atheists

Atheists are very sensitive and go ballistic at the slightest mention of religion.
What a real argument between theists and atheists is like
Dr. William Lane Craig has a lot of experience dealing with atheists.
  • Most atheists are white, autistic teenagers with access to the internet.
  • Atheism is to religion what Macs are to PCs: a trendy subculture for Vegans and unemployed weed-smoking losers.
  • Niggers can't be atheists IRL due to class restrictions.
  • If you were born a Jew and converted to Atheism, you are still a Jew. You also still did 9/11.
  • They have the ability to grow neckbeards at an accelerated rate.
  • All atheists became atheists because they know they're going to hell and want to desperately hope it isn't true (see: denial).
  • Atheists get their limited knowledge of the Bible by only searching "Bible contradictions" on Google.
  • When backed into a corner or otherwise called on their bullshit, Atheists will typically scoff at you and tell you to read a book.
  • They believe in evolution, thus they believe themselves to be hyper-evolved niggers that crawled out of the ocean.
  • Most atheists smugly spout things like "11 out of 10 people don't understand statistics." while they, themselves, make |mistake after mistake while trying to interpret data collected by real scientists.
  • All atheists are closet swagfags on account of dedicating their lifestyle to YOLO and being loud, obnoxious teenagers.
  • The few women who actually call themselves Atheists are fat. Really, really fucking fat.
  • Atheists are completely without morality and treat the rest of humanity like shit, while accusing theists of the same thing. When called out on this, they will invariably justify their self-serving behavior by crying about religious persecution.
  • Atheists claim that atheism is the default religion from birth. This is masked as an attempt to invoke some form of false valor against the "oppression", when in reality is just an attempt at justifying pedophilia fantasies to rape like-minded autistic minors.
  • Atheists are known to rage when they die on runescape or any online game, be sure to back away from your computer when this happens.
  • All atheists hate themselves, just google famous atheists and what they said about other atheists.
  • Atheists due to lack of a life are in most corners of the internet waiting to insult religion to vent their self-hatred.
  • Atheists are so desperate to propagate their message that even spam the talk page of this very article.
  • Atheists love to blank this article, which is essentially the online form of their only argument (I.E: [[SHUT UP UR DUMB).
  • Atheists are much like homosexuals, while homosexuals will claim every attractive male actor in Hollywood is a closeted homosexual, atheists will claim that nearly all people of scientific or historical importance were secretly atheists, despite multiple published works and statements to the contrary.
  • They frequently pay tribute to our monkey ancestors by shoving bananas up their ass.

The Atheist Impossibles

"Atheism is very stupid." - Carl Sagan. Note that six people in this picture weren't actually atheists.

"Blind pupils. -- As long as a man knows very well the strength and weaknesses of his teaching, his art, his religion, its power is still slight. The pupil and apostle who, blinded by the authority of the master and by the piety he feels toward him, pays no attention to the weaknesses of a teaching, a religion, and soon usually has for that reason more power than the master. The influence of a man has never yet grown great without his blind pupils. To help a perception to achieve victory often means merely to unite it with stupidity so intimately that the weight of the latter also enforces the victory of the former." -Nietzsche, an atheist impossible, on the rise of the religion of atheism

  • thunderf00t - The emperor with no clothes.
  • ZOMGitsCriss - Cold and superficial git. Thunderf00t’s calculator.
  • XPD - Ex pastor Dan at exchristian.net. Whiny cunt full or unwarranted self-importance. Also has a tiny cock. Is known to cry about his mommy issues.
  • FactVsReligion - thunderf00t’s joint.
  • xxxThePeachxxx - An ice cold paper cut.
  • TheAmazingAtheist - The myth: he is the miraculous lovechild of Friedrich Nietzsche and Tyler Durden. The reality: he is the exact opposite. God of the godless indeed.
  • Pat Condell - Stealth jihadist.
  • BionicDance - A two trick pony, an old record pimped out as a new computer. 1) "RELIGION BAD! ATHEIST SMASH!" 2) "Yes, all babies are atheists!" But, you know, don't run on automatic...
  • Laci Green - The innocent hedonist.
  • Zinnia Jones - Robot. Wind up. Speak. A fine robot. As much truth as needed, in the square.
  • DarkMatter2525 - Not Gilray, but not Bill Maher either. A descendant of both nonetheless.
  • GrapplingIgnorance - Preacher, preacher in the street. His sermons are advice like all preachers, but not platitudes but tragedies.
  • stefbot - Sneaky Rousseau. Barbarism and natural filth holding sway under the holiest names. Christ among the sheeps of the internet.
  • fringeelements - Like with dogs, the smaller the more nasty.
  • intergralmath - Another sheep pretending to be shepherd.
  • Snakepliskinist - Reason's weasel. And a very dull, very rusty sword at that.
  • RockingMrE - "How dare you slander me and strawman my arguments with broad generalizations, you mangina, Cultural Marxist, Stalinist, feminazi, fascist, statist, white knight, man-hating, leftist, nihilist, passive-aggessive prick!"
  • Dusty Smith - A loud, stupid, and obnoxious hick. Truly the people's atheist, like Bill Maher.
  • Tooltime9901 - Like Socrates, an ugly hippie.
  • Bill Maher - A darling… to himself! And a limp punch line, "Proud to be "politically incorrect!" Just like Ray Comfort when traveling abroad.
  • TheThinkingAtheist - Sloganeer, sponsor, host, cartoonist, executive, propagandist. But thinking?
  • ProfM(E)TH - Editor who thinks he is a scholar.
  • Edward Current - The only clown who knows he is a clown.
  • TheLivingDinosaur - “A thesaurus makes one a genius. A thesaurus of images gives one an Oscar.”
  • FakeSagan - TJ's shadow.
  • Coughlan666 - A dirty, ugly, degenerate crack baby that became a heroin addict. The perfect face of liberalism really.
  • Richard Dawkins - "I am against philosophy because it teaches me not to be satisfied in my understanding of the world."
  • Rebecca Watson - Denies God because she wants to be raped but wasn't.
  • Sam Harris - "Atheism is the product of secular knowledge and humanitarian ignorance."
  • brettppalmer - A wannabe scholar who doesn't know what a lexicon is.
  • NonStampCollector - Can't draw for shit.
  • Crazypills2 - gets his knowledge of the Bible from Sunday School for Dummies.
  • Matt Dillahunty - phony scholar and occasional girly man.
  • John Loftus - demands his own wikipedia article.
  • Brett_Keane Low life scum that blames his own belief system for his problems. Properly the worst of all atheists, because he kept changing his beliefs and acted retarded when everyone came crashing down on him for his e-begging and trolling. And he believes he's the ultimate voice of Atheism, until he became a Christian again. Nuff said.
  • Happy Cabbie - Ate himself to death.
  • Jenny McDermott - Crack whore, drunk, drama queen, this damaged abused woman inflames every other atheist with rage and butthurt whenever she makes a YouTube video. This even includes atheist feminists as she hates trannies and doesn't want them raping her in women's bathrooms.
  • Miri Mogilevsky - A kike feminist who infects everyone around her with her kike feminist bullshit. She should go kill herself. Go to FreeThought Blogs for more details on her and her slacktivist comrades.
  • MrRepzion - TheAmazingAtheist's formerly Christian buttbuddy, he solicits nudes from under-aged girls and tells his fan to kill themselves in his honor.
  • That Guy T - A rare specimen of that mysterious species known as a nigger conservative.
  • Sargon of akkad - An "Edgy" Jew.
  • Paul Joseph Watson - The eromenos of none other than Alex Jones himself.
  • Computing Forever - Knows little about computers and even less about critical thought.
  • Milo Yiannopoblackocockinassholepolis - Literally not an actual atheist but it's fine since he hates the social justice Jews so much. Has defended pedophiles on more than one occasion. Loves molesting little boys and taking big black cock up the ass.
  • Shoe0nhead - A ditzy whore who slutted up the atheist food chain when she was a 16 year old girl.
  • Armored Skeptic - Atheist asshole lite. Fucks Shoe0nhead when not making dull and mediocre YouTube videos.
  • NoelPlum - A squeamish passive-aggressive coward who pretends to be the rational man in the middle. He isn't.
  • Agent of Doubt - Another big fat turd of a human being. Pretends to be an objective man in the middle but is really an opportunistic cunt.
  • Kristi Winters - A smug and hypocritical "academic" feminist, she wastes her time making "academic" videos on YouTube and expecting the mass of imbeciles who lurk there to understand her.
  • Contrapoints - A psychotic degenerate atheist SJW cross-dresser who is unusually intelligent for his fellow atheists.
  • SJW101, the political gamer - Because George Orwell was an armchair activist who played video games.
  • Steve Shives - BLOCKED

The Atheist Impossibles Part 2, Rise of the Furries

Profile: A member of the "skeptic" community.

Somewhere down the line the four three cult leaders of atheism; Dawkins, Harris, Dennett - Hitchens is burning in Hell right now - decided to convert animals to atheism and open a petting zoo. Thus they gave the animals a safe space to throw shit at each other, if not kill each other on the spot, while humanity laughs at them. Beware of these subhuman scum. They are wild, dangerous animals and should not approached closer than 500 yards. Unless you're here to troll them. Then kick away at the hornets nest!

  • Teal Deer - Boring, pedantic, pseudo-intellectual faggot mule deer.
  • Atheism Is Unstoppable - A wigger eastern grey kangaroo who Percival McLeach should have poached and skinned a long time ago. Notorious for getting his followers to dox his opponents for him.
  • Black Pigeon Speaks - Shits all over the chessboard, then declares victory.
  • Bearing - a big, brown, annoying grizzly bear who lives in Ausfalia for some reason. Notorious for doxing other people and then claiming his freedom of speech was violated.
  • The Amazing Atheist - Of course he's not human.
  • Turd-Flinging Monkey - A common chimpanzee whose sole purpose in life is to spam the Internet with his shitty "thoughts".
  • Bewildered Ape - A common chimpanzee who lives to troll all the other animals. A somewhat educated primate, his doctoral dissertation on feminism and the sex industry can be examined here.
  • Logical Llama - An alpaca SJW parody created to troll the "rational community". You know your "movement" is horseshit when even SJWs look better than you.
  • Skeptical Squirrel - A ground squirrel that looks more like a chipmunk. Another SJW parody who makes the "skeptic community" look bad, which is easier than taking a shit after eating too many chilly dogs.
  • Warcorpse666 - Otherwise known as an American bear.
  • Maoist Rebel News - American bear who went communist and has a hard on for chinks. Is a noted expert on "Marxist revolutionary science" and Fallout video games.
  • David Sherratt, aka Spinosauruskin - An autistic spinosaurus that should have gone extinct 65 million years ago.
  • Grizzly MGTOW - Another antifeminist grizzly bear. Won't a conservative gun-toting lunatic please kill these animals already!
  • Realistic Owl - A northern white-faced owl with the brains of a black pigeon.
  • Kevin Logan - An Irish potato that could easily be mistaken for a hairy man beast. His only friend and sexual partner in life is an orange tabby cat with a goofy fake French accent.
  • The Wooly Bumblebee - An early bumblebee dumb enough to associate herself with MRAs and other incels. Naturally, she got pwned and raped by said incels. Really hates it when people make fun of her autistic children.
  • Foxy the Wary Fox - A boring red fox who makes long, boring YouTube videos.
  • Thinking Ape - Enough with the fucking chimps already!
  • Anubis2814 - An Egyptian furry god and atheist oldfag.
  • Creationist Cat - A tricolored white house cat that mocks furry atheists.

The Birth of the Atheist Religion

Leaving one God to embrace another.

May 23, 2017 marks the birth of atheism as the official religion of the Internet, similar to how 27 February 380 marked Christianity becoming the official Church of the Roman Empire, but whereas the latter is history the former is farce. It came about when Moses Lizz Reptile was coming down from Mount Sinai Mount JewTube, that Lizz did not know that the skin of his face shone because of his speaking with the LORD Supreme Being. (JewTube Exodus 34:29) Afterward all the sons of Israel Dawkins came near, and he commanded them to do everything that the LORD Supreme Being had spoken to him. (JewTube Exodus 35:1) Do notice that every major atheist broke each Commandment at least once.

The Ten Commandments Naturally Made Morals
I. THOU SHALT NOT DOX
II. THOU SHALT NOT ADVOCATE FOR VIOLENCE
III. THOU SHALT PROVIDE CITATION WHENEVER NEEDED
IV. THOU SHALT NOT SILENCE
V. THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE A WHOLE GROUP BASED ON ONE
VI. THOU SHALT CONFESS
VII. THOU SHALT NOT USE SYMPATHY TO CONTROL THY FANBASE
VIII. THOU SHALT NOT BLAME CREATORS FOR THEIR FANBASE
IX. THOU SHALT NOT RENOUNCE THE PRINCIPLES OF ATHEISM
X. THOU SHALT NOT KILL

   
 
Fanatics, hope for nothing from us. To recall men to the pure cult of the Supreme Being is to strike a death-blow at fanaticism... What is there in common between the priests and God? Priests are to morality what charlatans are to medicine. How different is the God of nature from the God of the priests! The God of nature knows nothing which resembles Atheism so much as priest-made religions... The priests have created God in their own image...


 


 
 

—Robespierre with no irony whatsoever

   
 
Look at the bugger. It's not enough for him to be master, he has to be God.


 


 
 

—Jacques-Alexis Thuriot on Robespierre during the first celebration of the Supreme Being

   
 
History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.


 


 
 

—Karl Marx


The origin of this bullshit

Atheist Quotes

Standard atheist's response to this article

Just try to correct them on something and prepare to be blasted away with some SERIOUS FUCKING LOGIC!

   
 
Get off the fence faggot. You're just scared of making a decision; faith or facts.


 


 
 

—Atheist responding to an agnostic

   
 
Nothing is better than ridiculing Christian for their absurd beliefs and dogma.


 


 
 

—Irony, atheism is inherently an absurd belief

   
 
If you choose to ignore logic and knowledge in order to believe in an invisible magic man in the sky, or Santa Claus for that matter, you've made a ridiculous decision and we're not going to pretend it's "just another way of looking at things."


 


 
 

—American Atheist, trying to make people proud of themselves

   
 
There are two types of men in this world. Intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence.


 


 
 

—Denial at its finest

   
 
It should be noted that agnostics deserve very patronizing attitude, because they rarely understand what their position entails and come up with bullshit like "it's between theism and atheism".


 


 
 

—A double standard of "us vs. them"

   
 
After coming into contact with a religious man I always feel I must wash my hands.


 


 
 

—Consider taking a shower as well, stinky

   
 
What still gets me to this day is the bullshit claims that modern science was only possible because of Christianity. That the Christian world-view is the only way you can have modern science. Holy shit, that really pisses me off.


 


 
 

—RAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEG

   
 
Atheism is the default position. Any other belief just proves you're a tool who has no individuality from the sweeping historical force that is organized religion.


 


 
 

—A tool that enjoys calling others tools

   
 
Uhhm, no, not that simple is it. Your whole decision making process is fucked if you put any faith into religion. No grey areas my friend.


 


 
 

—Someone worships Yoda

   
 
Sit on some more fences you indecisive bell end


 


 
 

—Atheist, referring to an agnostic

   
 
Underage pseudointellectual Christian who thinks he's intelligent in spite of being lied to his whole life. Man people like you piss me off.


 


 
 

—Atheist, referring to someone who didn't actually indicate what his belief was. Also, irony.

   
 
You're done, troll.


 


 
 

—Says the idiot that goes out of their way to be offended about beliefs

   
 
Atheists don't have to prove anything. Period.


 


 
 

—An atheist proving his point

   
 
I feel very attached to the idea of atheism, that we are free to do whatever we want. (Not that my parents buy into that) And there is no proof there is a god, so HA!!


 


 
 

—...because I am god! HA!!

   
 
...herd those goons into labs and perform experiments on them instead of on the animals. Wouldn't that solve the whole problem? No animals will be harmed, and this will be a good way to remove some anti-science goons from the gene pool. A whole new generation of lab rats will be born!"


 


 
 

Evolved Rational, Nazi sympathizer

   
 
Well, fuck off and shove a brick up your ass, because who ever gave you the right to speak for me and for all the other non-appeaser atheists?


 


 
 

Crackpot science-worshiping atheist

   
 
HAWHAWHAR YOU BELIEVE IN A GOD THAT DOESN'T EXIST!!! Well, see you at school.


 


 
 

—School is the atheist version of church

   
 
In atheism we give you a blank slate to write your own life. I wrote mine in my dads basement with YouTube videos that aren't doing shit.


 


 
 

TheAmazingAtheist

   
 
If it takes a group to make you strong, not only does that make you cowardly, it means you are weak,


 


 
 

—A proud atheist unintentionally talking about every atheist community evar.

   
 
"Not that x-tians care, since Hitler was the christian poster boy anyway. Atheism is not criticism, it is logic. Christianity is criticism, of everything that doesn't fit into its stupid little niche of stupidity.


 


 
 

—LOL, Atheism is also niche of stupidity

Should they pride themselves on studying philosophy and shit like that, this might be relevant:


   
 
The atheists are for the most part impudent and misguided scholars who reason badly, and who not being able to understand the creation, the origin of evil, and other difficulties, have recourse to the hypothesis of the eternity of things and of inevitability.
 

 
 

—Voltaire

Fun fact: Notice that the aforementioned quotes don't fall under the definition of logic, but under phiLOLsophy, a branch of thought that is deemed non-scientific by other more intelligent atheists. Oh, the irony.

Videos: "Reason" & "Logic" are their BFF

Even though there is no genuine proof for or against God, atheists will fervently proclaim that God is an artificial construct even in the face of basic logic.


How to troll your average Atheist

Polish that Dawkins pole.
Yes, it really is that easy.
  • Refer the atheism as a religion and a belief. This will automatically enrage atheists. GOD PREVAILS!
  • If religion is the source of all evil, then why was it a religious person who invented the scientific method? (Bonus points if you reveal, after their surprise, that the theist was a crazy Muslim scientist called Ibn al-Haytham.)
  • If they belong to a fandom and idolize, let's say an actor, tell them that Fandom is like Religion as they treat it in the same way as theist treat religion. Bonus points if they are anime Otaku or belong to an anime fandom since most of them see a certain animu girl as God.
  • Tell them there is no Constitutional right not to have "In God We Trust" on the dollar bill because belief in a God by itself is not religion, just spirituality.
      • Ask them if the names of the days of the Week are also unconstitutional since they are named after Roman and Norse Gods (Tuesday = Tyr's Day, Thursday = Thor's Day, Saturday = Saturn's Day, etc.)
  • Tell them that "Atheists help spread AIDS because they approve of same-sex marriage"
  • Ask them to "Prove God doesn't exist"
  • If an atheist/hilist tells you that life is meaningless, then tell them that there's no reason not to become a theist if believing in God makes you happier.
      • Remind them that believing there is no God without any proof is a faith-based belief
      • Ironically, this is a valid response to many atheist rants, as the average atheist engage any Christian for stating that he is a Christian with the same tone of "Your invisible pink unicorn man is a lie" rantings. A christian can prove that he's a christian. An atheist cannot prove that God doesn't exist.
  • Ask them to explain The Cambrian Explosion. Aquiver with perturbance and confusion because 99% of them have absolutely no idea what this is, they will simply stare at you slackjawed (if it's an IRL scenario). After googling it they will then invariably accuse you of being "anti-science" for even questioning it.
  • Point out that natural selection explains why they never get laid.
  • Tell them Charles Darwin was a Christian.
  • Tell them that the Problem of Evil doesn't disprove God, because not all God believers (such as deists) believe in an omnipotent God who can just snap his fingers and "end all pain and suffering" on earth
    • Tell them that pain and suffering aren't inherantly "bad" - and that science actually shows that people are happier when they're active and working hard than when they're just sitting around slothfully
  • Tell them that studies actually show that church goers are more mentally healthy than those who never go to church
  • Point out that only one third of scientists identify as atheists, while the majority have some form of belief. pr00f
  • "It was an atheist that caused World War I that lead to many historical clusterfuck events such as the Red October revolution in Russia that gave birth to dirty communists, World War II, the Arab-Israeli War, the Cold War, the rise of the People's Republic of China... just ask Gavrilo Princip's religion."
  • "Theists killed more than one million people in a span of centuries, Atheists killed more than one million people in a few years, if not months"
  • Bring up the infamous Stalin/Hitler argument, and watch them rage.
  • "Invite them for a session with an Ouija Board"
  • "It's okay, if I were you I'd be pretty mad at God, too."
  • "If evolution is true, why are there still monkeys?" (Regardless of whether or not they can correctly answer it, they will fly into a butthurt rage that you would even ask.)
  • Point out that the apes are not our ancestors. If they object point out that their own doctrine disagrees with them because according to darwinistic dogma, we stem from a species of anthropomorphized apes which later evolved into us humans and our ape cousisns.
  • Bring up the fact that evolution and the Big Bang theory are still just theories with plenty of flaws!
  • Complain about the liberal bias promoted by the liberal media against intelligent design.
  • "God did science...your science is NOTHING without God."
  • "Science is ALWAYS based on faith because you never know what the result of an experiment will be (Which is why you perform the experiment in the first place and not just jot down what will happen)."
  • Tell them "Jesus Loves them" and for extra lulz give them a hug and a bible and see how they react
  • Or just hug them. They HATE that.
  • Bring up the fact that "Hitler was an atheist." Bonus points if you use the above quote proving that Hitler was, in fact, an atheist.
  • "Stalin was an atheist." Bonus points if you mention to them about the Holodomor (Stalin's Holocaust).
  • Point out that their posts sound like evangelical preachers' rants, including their tone, intensity, rhythm and measure.
  • Ask them to explain the manner in which subjective experience arises from brain tissue. Inevitably, they will break down and say that consciousness doesn't exist]. At this point you can just start laughing hysterically.
  • "I'll pray for you."
  • "Jesus said: Cast not pearls before swine."
  • "What up faith-cripples!" (Best to say when entering one of their forums)
  • "What makes moral relativism correct?"
  • "Atheists are never moral because they do not believe in God," followed up by "Morals are God-given not man-made."
  • Suggest that if you were down and out in Calcutta, you'd much rather see Mother Teresa than Christopher Hitchens.
  • If all else fails, Goatse, pain and fifty Jesus posts never go amiss alongside with ALLAH AKBAR!!!
  • Have feelings.
  • The way Christians get all of their arguments from the Bible, atheists get all of their arguments from The God Delusion. So saying something along the lines of "Maybe if you formed your own opinions once in a while, instead of parroting everything Dawkins spits out of his sinful mouth, you could truly see the glory of God!" is always worth a good try.
  • Atheists do not really hate religion, just Christians. Tell them you are a Buddhist. If they start to attack your religion agree with them via this copy pasta "Yes, I see how that could be, the teachings of Buddha taught me to be very open minded. I accept your argument, and I do this because Buddha was right." When they find a person they can't argue with they reach a state similar to an advanced stage of rabies. Kick back and watch the lulz.
  • Give them an analogy (like this one): "Trying to disprove God with our narrow knowledge of physics is like being given only a hammer to build a house. Every problem looks like a nail".
  • Tell them to take the Atheist Challenge. As the atheist does not believe in anything science cannot prove, ask him to prove that the universe did not pop into being 5 seconds ago with the appearance of age, then to call his girlfriend and tell her that love is an illusion caused by chemical reactions. Bring an umbrella to shield yourself from the sputtering bullshit.
  • Apparently, atheism has its own definition of free speech: When I attack you, it's just criticism. When you attack me, you are practicing RELIGIOUS OPPRESSION AAAARGGH THE EVIL THEOCRACY!!!
  • Copy/paste info from conservapedia's article on atheism. (Such as atheists donate less to charities than christians).
  • Tell them they're going to hell because God hates fags
  • Point out that Friedrich Nietzche was in love with his sister, but gave up and started taking it in the ass because he couldn't get laid (srsly [1])
  • Imply that atheism is a form of liberalism. (refer to abiogenecism/evolution as liberal,this always makes them rage)
  • Tell them that trying to disprove God within the confines of physics is impossible.
  • Ask them where all the atomic matter came from in order for the Big Bang to start.
  • If they answer that Big Bang actually built all the matter from energy, misinterpreting the meaning of the concept of mass-energy equivalence, ask them where all the energy came from. And ask them to describe what is energy, so after they googled the definition they would learn their big mistake.
  • If they say that matter existed since forever, note that in that case matter would be god. If they say that matter came into existance from nothing, point out to them that is exactly the definition of creation by the medieval catholic-based Scholasticism.
  • Ask them why the Big Bang happened. If they try to answer to this question with a question, because they are obviously unable to answer, asking you "so why God created the universe?", answer with a classical argument used by the historical Christian Apologetics, that they for sure don't know because they most of the time are illiterate kiddos who never studied the classics: "because he wanted, an he saw that it was good". This is an appropriate response because according to theology and religion God Almighty is able of autonomous will, is not a mere mechanical event like the Big Bang.
  • This is the most important thing, so pay attention! Sometimes you will get an atheist capable of forming full sentences (Rarely is the content any different, however, from what his fellow atheists blather mindlessly about). Instead of attempting to rebuttal with sense, as you will only confuse his addled mind, you can do one of two things. 1)Tell him he's wrong and pretend like you're winning the "debate" 2)Tell him he's wrong and give another case for God's existence. Get him to the point where he feels he must combat your rebuttal by saying if he can't form a rebuttal for it, you're winning. Rinse and Repeat.
  • Mention that atheism and satanism are the same thing
  • Tell them: Science knows that the big-bang was a spontaneous, causeless, source-less, purposeless, meaningless event. By extension, all created by it is too.
  • Use all these arguments. (flail arms for effect) Watch as the atheist sputters and turns red in frustration. That umbrella that was mentioned earlier? Useful here for when the blood vessel in his forehead blows open.
  • Tell them that Darwin was a Christian, this will cause massive butthurt as he is one of the main ideologues of atheists.
  • Kalam Cosmological Argument. It fucking works all the time.
  • If they have provided a definition for Atheism, derail by telling them that their definition is retarded because some cultures have Gods that were simply sacred animals/objects/places (e.g. sun worship). Ask them whether they believe the sun exists. See Ignosticism for more details. Do not tell them about Ignosticism because in their arrogance they will believe you to be less intelligent and try debating you rather than recognizing you're right.
  • Tell them that atheism is an abomination and needs to be wiped off the face of the Earth immediately.
  • Remind them that Stephen Hawkings has proved the multiverse theory is bullshit and has converted to Deism.
  • Even if they still believe in multiverse theory, say them that the existance of infinite multiverses can't be proven by conventional Physics since other universes would follow different rules than the ones of our universe.
  • Say them that if infinite parallel universes exists, then infinite probability should be taken in account, so in many of those universes could exist a god (or many gods) and even an afterlife. And who knows? Maybe our universe is one of those.
  • Tell them that if infinite parallel universes exists, all of those could have been created by an omnipotent god. Because omnipotence means literally "being able to do anything".
  • When atheists say that atheism is just a "lack of belief" and how "not collecting stamps" isn't a hobby. Tell them that spending all your free time protesting stamp collecting is a hobby.
  • When atheists claim that militant theists (Christian and Muslim extremists) kill people but militant atheists don't - tell them that Stalin and Mao were militant atheists. Then watch them fly into a fit of rage trying to prove that anytime an atheist kills someone it "wasn't really because of atheism" (yet every time a Christian or Muslim does it's automatically because of "religion").
  • Remind an atheist that not all Christians and theists are fundamentalists - 99% of atheists arguments against Christianity and Islam (ex. Ghandi is in hell and Hitler is in Heaven) are strawmen views only held by a minority of inbred fundamentalists.
    • For example, if an atheist says that Jesus is a sadistic God because he tortures people in hell for eternity for not believing in him, tell them you don't believe hell is a literal place of torture and that the Bible is just metaphorical. Then watch them froth with rage while looking for a comeback.
  • Remind them that the concept of matter as something solid is an illusion and that the basis of everything is information and various particle fields (ie. Digital Physics & Field Physics). This will piss them off as it will explode Materialism which is a cornerstone of their (un)belief.

Some Ways to Confuse An Atheist

Where is your g- nevermind.
  • Send them a link to an article on the Problem of Induction. Facebook religion status will revert to 'agnostic' within a year, or they will inevitably point out that it applies to the Problem of Induction itself, thus making a moot point, and missing the point entirely.
  • "If atheism is true, then our minds are reducible to physics. Since physics is fundamentally deterministic, we have no free will. Ergo, I have no 'choice' whether to adopt atheism or not, and you're wasting your time by trying to convince me of anything."
    • This argument only bothers atheists who are dumb enough to be dualists. Monists (of either stripe) will ask you to explain what free will is.
  • After the above argument: "When you say that there is no God, I have to ask: what compelled you to that conclusion?"
  • If our minds are unreliable, then where does mathematics get its consistency? And if our minds are unreliable, then why should we accept unprovable contemporary physical theories?
  • Surely, if evolution was not guided by a God, then we would not have evolved minds geared toward truth, only survival. In that case, where do you get off making blanket statements about the nature of the universe?
  • Inevitably, the poor atheist will begin to sputter about how he's heard all these a million times before. Of course, he won't provide a single worthwhile rebuttal. You'll get a lot of sarcasm and no answers.
  • Why do you try to say that I do the same thing when you're trying to disprove me now?
  • (do this one after a long debate and especially when the debate topic was one about souls and immaterial things.) During this entire conversation you have given me your ideals and ideas yet isn't this entire conversation just pointless since our thoughts aren't really real?
  • Ask them for a single logical reason why people should not kill themselves. If emotions are nothing but chemical reactions and there is no afterlife then there really is no reason why someone should not kill themselves over small matters like losing an iPod.
  • If our IQ is a product of evolution and survival then why are humans the only ones with the higher intellect? And why do people with higher IQs not live any longer than regular people?
  • Ask them as a fellow atheist how it is possible they do not fully support eugenics.
  • Tell him despite all his superior knowledge of biology Darwin still married his first cousin.
  • Ask them how belief in a god without proof is any different than denial of a god without proof. Ergo Absence of Evidence is not the same thing as Evidence of Absence. Also, it's logically impossible to prove a universal negative
  • Tell them that their beloved science is a product of great polytheists and christians.
  • Tell them that the concept of Atheism actually came from early Hindu beliefs.
  • Tell them that they are actually Christians but they don't realize this yet.
  • Remind them that, since they don't believe in an afterlife, their only purpose in life is to complain about Christianity on Reddit.
  • Ask an atheist why he existed to begin with? He'll inevitably answer that human consciousness is the result of chemical reactions in our brains - but then asking him why he exists in his specific body, when he could've been born as someone else such as his brother or sister instead? And watch his head spin.
    • Also be sure to remind an atheist that there is scientific research suggesting that human consciousness actually exists on a quantum level rather than solely within the neurochemical reactions in our brain - at this point he'll likely attempt to discredit the sources
  • Ask an atheist why he believes that killing people is bad. He'll reply with a scripted answer such as "people evolved to be social animals", but then remind him that sub-rational instinct is not the same as rational morality. And all rationalizations of morality are incapable of grounding themselves, thus, there is no way to truly know if negative utilitarianism is the way to go and killing people is actually a good thing or if following our instincts is a good thing—both would require a dogmatic standpoint.
  • Tell them that their saint and messiah Dawkins would be fine with intelligent Design, provided the universe was made by naturally evolved extrauniversal aliens as opposed to God.


Videos to troll atheists with

How to identify.
Why atheists shouldn't rule America
Atheists don't find this Half Hour News Hour clip funny.
49 seconds of pure win.
The mind of an atheist
Kirk Cameron Explains Atheism is Faith-Based
Dawkins Worship
theamazingatheist Gay With Chuck Norris
an atheist is exorcized
Secularism has failed.CATHOLIC STATE MUST RETURN
How to deal with an atheist

Any video from YouTube Favicon.png this youtube channel will surely generate much lulz.

Atheists OL

Mr. Nifflekins demolishes the beliefs of theologians everywhere.
Do not be fooled. This fellow is actually a goat.
A group of atheists engaging in debate. Note the neckbeard and fedoras, typical accoutrement for specimens such as these
In this example, a YouTube atheist reacts to someone making a Wii Mii of Jesus. Very typical for an Internets atheist.
Truly at the forefront of rationality and freethought.

Whenever religion is brought up on any message board or forum anywhere, expect it to be flooded by over 9,000 hardcore neck-bearded atheists. They are world-renowned for shitting up religious discussion with posts that can usually be summed up as "ralijen sux" no matter how intelligent or rationalized the comment seems to the untrained eye. Atheists constantly whine about how religion is like a herd mentality meant to control the masses, yet demand blind compliance to their ideas.

In this example an internet group discusses atheism. Note how as usual the Christians seem like the sane ones. Also note the inability of certain users from this site to countenance the fact that atheists are frothy-mouthed bat-shit psychos.

Listening to angry atheist rants on the internet, one can detect a common sentiment or strain of thought running throughout. This sentiment goes something like this: "Atheists are inherently smarter than theists. All theists are ignorant and irrational because of the very fact that they are theists. Why bother engaging those stupid, dim sheeple in actual debate when they are so very, very ignorant?" This is why atheists perpetually come across as arrogant, whiny assholes.

In this delicious irony, Joe Atheist is even more full of shit than Jerry Falwell. Every wacko fundamentalist Christian at least admits their beliefs rest on faith. The atheist insists that he has serious logic on his side, yet refuses to even consider any position that they don't agree with.

They have also yet to rationalize the minor problem of the origin of the Universe issue in this anti-theologic worldview of cause-and-effect, but that's okay because the universe has just always existed LOL!!1. If you push them hard enough, you can even get them to deny causality.

It is also wise to remember that no atheist can understand lulz, as lulz, being a corruption of lol, means Love Our Lord. It is therefore impossible for a godless heathen to understand.

Sources of drama

Many people hold their religious beliefs very strongly. Many other people hold their supposedly non-religious beliefs even more strongly. As we all know, conflicting beliefs result easily in delicious drama. Thus, Atheists are a prime source of drama, both as subjects and creators.

YouTube has a sizable population of Atheists on it, mostly represented by the local diocese, Rational Squad. You can see kids bummed about church and that their parents won't buy them iPods. You may even be able to spot a few rare African-American "Atheists"!

Call For Fellow Atheists to Come Out of the Closet
Poor oppressed jesus hater *rolleyes*


Internet Atheism: Facts Optional

Atheist comrades CardinalVirtues, SophiaRune, and HannibaltheVictor13 state the obvious, that most atheists are full of shit. Wanna become popular on YouTube? Just spout a bunch of ignorant bullshit in the most vitriolic manner possible (overused and unfunny jokes also work). This is proof that atheists are no different than any other ranch of herd animals. As such they only interested in sound bites and propaganda that make the world into an easy place rather than actually bothering to think critically and tackling the difficult questions and problems of the world. Next time you see such an ignorant asshole show them one of the videos here to cause massive butthurt to the turd and his horde of sheep and sycophants.

Quotes

   
 
What. you're asking who created matter? Atleast saying matter was just here is more believable than some omnipotent being who tells us we are sinners just for being born, and some dude died for our sins that I did not COMMIT!


 


 
 

—Someone actually fucking said this

   
 
Show me proof that isn't from a theist source and I'll repent after sucking off every nigger in Harlem.


 


 
 

—Every atheist OL, not knowing how a debate works and trying to hide their lusts.

   
 
For fucks sake I thought I made it clear that if you try to criticize me I will fuck you up. I control my fanboys with an iron fist(ing) and I will summon Xenu on you


 


 
 

—Richard Dawkins, Founder of Scientology

   
 
It's only science if I fucking want it to be


 


 
 

—Richard Dawkins, Inventor of Science

   
 
So basically the only way we can achieve world peace is if we kill the 5 billion cunts who don't agree with me


 


 
 

—Richard Dawkins, Nobel Peace Prize Winner

   
 
Lol I'll fuck you up 1v1 IRL cunt. Come at me bro


 


 
 

—God

   
 
So fucking what if God exists? I've written a book, has God? The Bible, Torah and Qur'an don't count


 


 
 

—Richard Dawkins, embodiment of arrogance

   
 
Why am I an atheist? I have no proof of God. When I wake up God isn't there slapping his fucking cock in my face. Before I wrote the God delusion, I would run around playgrounds ripping preschoolers apart. I would stomp on their necks and rip their fucking jaws off. I would give gobbys to obese Russian farmers in exchange for toilet paper. I started burning down elderly homes and when I looked through the rubble I couldn't see God. After I wrote the God Delusion I found a Jew at the airport and I put him inside a jar. I kept the Jar in the basement where I imprisoned my pre-pubescent girl slaves. After a while the smell got to me so I ripped his spine out and used it to clean my urethra. I eat Dog shit too.


 


 
 

—Richard Dawkins, known for his sexual prowess



Even ED isn't safe from the Rampage of Atheists

Does this really come as a surprise?

Please visit the userpages of the following users and let them know that Jesus fucking loves them hard. God Bless.

Even the second coming of ED is harrassed

See also the BAWWWWWing and flamewars this article started in ED: Talk:Atheist.

Famous Atheists

Even Barbie is getting in on the Atheist action!
St. Carl Sagan in atheist heaven

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