Auchimura is the fat crocodilian right now for sure.
Auchimura is the "Lonely Blue Crocodilian" who lives in Coaldale, Alberta. He's not a real crocodile, of course; it's just his fursona, a-tee-hee. He is 24 years old, and is within the top 10% of artists on DeviantART. He also has the lingual and social capacities of an unspayed dog on anabolic steroids, with a gangrenous eye and severe brain damage.
He has an inflation/ fattening/ sumo fetish, which culminates into many bizarre MS Paint drawings of Vector the Crocodile and Kex Andy (his own crocodile character and alternative persona). This would be all well and good, if they did not all look practically identical. In a nutshell, his entire gallery consists of three pictures, drawn with slightly differing portliness. These are replicated with different colors, at different MS Paint-restricted angles, with or without Vector style clothing, with or without feeding tubes and half-assed backgrounds. How long before all the possibilities are exhausted is anybody's guess, especially after submitting over 200 of them. Don't bet on seeing any Rule 34, though. Someone once said that he is the best artist ever (SAUCE PLZ). If this were true, then we all might as well become an heroes.
If you desperately want to like Auchimura, though, do not be turned off by his artwork. He has written a fanfic about his favorite Sonic character being inflated. Try your best to read it without getting the urge to give yourself a DIY hysterectomy with a poker iron
here HAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, it was baleeted. Yes, English is his first language. He's also 24 years old.
Auchimura has an unnerving desire to overstate how lonely he is and threaten suicide (see screencap to the right if the comment becomes hidden) should he face the smallest hurdle in his OL life. He has created a suicide picture and two pictures which showcase his self-defeating and e-tantrumish nature. (Unfortunately, they're now gone.) It could be suggested that he entered the world of the Internet to ease said loneliness, but consequentially distances himself from potential friends by submitting said dramatic pictures and, of course, being a furry inflation faggot. There's even another suicide picture, and another "Sad" one which should have been titled "Kex Andy is Upset that he is Called Kex Andy". Have no fear about the suicide pictures, however: he can bring Kex Andy back to life at any point if any of the following conditions are met:
- Revive him, "ANGLE" STYLE! - Okay, saintdraconis. Okay, saintdraconis. Okay, saintdraconis. Okay, saintdraconis.
- Tell a similarly dramatic story to him to ease his pain - Note that Achimura doesn't give a shit about his bum chum's problems, being far too wrapped up in his own world of potentially becoming an hero, and melodrama akin to certain Yu-gi-oh episodes.
- See above - Oh lulz.
/i/ discovered his DeviantART account information on 7/24. His password was changed and at present, shock images including the pain series are being uploaded.
He is guaranteed to make another suicide/ "Mad Upset"/ or "Lonely" picture after he sees, or one of his friends shows him, this article. He may even suicide IRL; or pretend to, and come back with a different account three or four days later. Either way, keep an eye on his page.
EDIT: Auchimura's account has been B&. However, there is a possibility that he will be back.
DOUBLE EDIT: On 7/25, Auchimura's ban was lifted. Fuck.
QUADRUPLE EDIT: Account b& again. Gore is gone, but lulzy comments remain all over deviantArt.
- "If Vector drink lots of cokes, how much weight to become a fat crocodile" - From one of his Writing.com polls. (yea, the sentence sounds fucked up, we know)
- "Feel the smooth, feel the groove, it all I need" - His quote at deviantArt. There is a 2-5% chance he actually knows what it means.
- "What are saying" - A very common phrase, not surprisingly. Also look out for "What you means" (this response can be especially elicited when hurling random Simply Red lyrics at him).
- "I know (name)" - Same as above, and replace (name) with the recipient of the comment.
- "That was marvelous (name) & I like it" - Auchi's form response for all giftart and trades.
- "Okay, you know what, you are crazy right now" - Auchi has no idea WTF you're talking about, thus decides you're crazy. Right now for sure.
- "All right I'm become the big huge fattening crocodile for sure" - Grammar is dead, long live grammar.
- "auchimura think that thecaptain fox is the homosexual fox right now for sure and then auchimura takes a sword and kills the captainfox and you say goodbye yourself" - Spamming the comments of someone who wouldn't give in to his begging.
- This is not a quote as such, but all of his RP style comments
here(BALEETED) are worthy of several awards for best Comedy Drama.
—Auchimura, on being a melodramatic lolcow
If you want to relive all your favorite Auchimura moments from the comfort of your own home, follow these simple steps:
- Type a sentence.
- Delete one or two randomly selected words, preferably pronouns, conjunctions or verbs.
- Add the phrases "for sure" or "right now" ad nauseum.
- Occasionally start sentences with "Here" if it includes someone's name.
- Confuse many/much and plural usage regularly.
- Become outcast from your family and sent to live in Coaldale, Alberta. PROFIT afterward, maybe.
If you still feel uncertain, here are some lovely examples.
- "Polly put the kettle right now for sure."
- "Here Rupert Murdoch."
- "How much foods will Kex Andy eat to become the cardiac arrest crocodilian? 100, 200, 500, 1000, 2000, or Forever Fattening?"
- "What are poking anus with right now."
- "All right I'm become the Governor of South Dakota for sure."
2426 YEARS OLD.
Auchimura's Greatest Hits
Here's a little more insight into the hilariously inept emophant that is Auchimura.
- Do you think Auchimura is the dipshit crocodilian?
- Begging a sprite-comic loser for a sprite-sheet - When Auchimura finds someone who he thinks he can wheedle some free stuff from, he will, and won't stop until he has what he wants. For shame, Mr. Blue Crocodilian. For shame. Screencapped to the left for safekeeping.
- threatening suicide once again - Again, screencapped.
- Trying to butter up a fellow deviant for more free stuff - You're a smart man, EmberKomodog, for resisting his attention whoring.
- Say what? - You can't script this. Really, you can't.
- Oh my - Yeah, why doesn't he just quit forever? It'll save everyone the trouble of pretending to feel sorry for him.
- The obligatory epic MSN conversation - In case you still had doubts, he's not pretending to be a retard. He's 24 years old
Being a 24 year old, Auchimura would have many years of drawing experience, or at least understanding of what things look like, and how to translate that to paper or a computer screen with aesthetically pleasing results. Let's delve into his glorious works of art.
Oh... well, at least he knows what pie-charts look like, right?
It can't be said that auchimura's work hasn't touched the hearts and sparked the inspiration of many people. Here are some tribute pictures from various sources.
This image proves that Don Vito is Canadian.
- Angel Meiru
- Rubbertex Raccoon
- Zero Whitefang
- -Even newer account
- -Oh noes it's his new account!
- - Milking the lolcow, and banned for milking too hard.
- - Further milkage.
- - Troll account.
- - A banned one.
- Abandoned for a time due to honest criticism from other users, but has recently become active. -
- - Banned troll account.
- - Active. Contains mostly Kex Andy/Vector fanfiction.
- Auchimura's profile on Writing.com - If you do not vote "Fattening Forever" on both polls, it will almost certainly drive him to suicide.
- Achimura on Tripod - Empty, meaning he couldn't understand how the hell to put it together.
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