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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Audiophiles are everywhere. There may be one in your house RIGHT
An audiophile is a person who is into otic sex, that is sex with ears. It comes from the Greek audios, sound, and philos, fucking. Audiophiles also will have sex with CDs and tie themselves up with speaker cable. Especially pretentious audiophiles will favor old vinyl records, saying they feel "warmer". When they can't get something on vinyl, they will attempt to run everything else through an expensive tube processor to make it sound "warmer".
Audiophiles will often spend at least 100 dollars on gold speaker cable, because they think that the raw pretentiousness will make them have an audiorgasm. Sadly for them, there is no known mechanism that can make MCR sound any good. Audiophiles are all deaf, however, and as a result they can't actually tell the difference between those $5 earphones you bought at Go-Lo and $250 Sennheiser HD555s.
True audiophiles will spend $50,000 on designer hand-made speakers, $7,000 speaker cable, $10,000 in power filtering equipment and a $5,000 vinyl player, and still won't be able to tell the difference between it and a $500 system without lying through their teeth.
How to spot an Audiophile
- If outdoors (rare) will be wearing three sets of noise - canceling headphones, because one just doesn't cut it.
- Will have no money for little things like gas, food or clothes.
- Will have a 160GB iPod with only three songs on it, due to their compulsion to have everything completely uncompressed.
- Will probably be a Mac user.
- Will spend $120 on a Telefunken-branded triode when Sovtek sells the same damn tube for eight dollars, and will claim to be able to tell the difference.
- Will have the vast majority of their house (mortgaged) full of their sound system, which will sound shit because audiophiles all think that broken "classic" parts pwn modern things like 7:1 surround sound.
- Bought the 2009 Beatles Mono Box set, which somehow costs more than the stereo set.
See also: SHAKTI Stone
- Alternatively, you can tell them that the high frequencies that they can't actually hear which are preserved in their favored music format, FLAC, could possibly cancel out some of the frequencies that they can hear. This will make them question everything they have ever known.
- Tell them you downloaded and listened to some MP3s the other day, and emphasize how great the music sounded. This will cause instant rage from an audiophile as they will go into an angry rant about how much better FLAC sounds and how with FLAC the bass sounds bassier, the highs higher, and the middles more middly, and other assorted bullshit.
- Tell them how awesome your speakers sound that you picked up at the thrift store for only $15 the other day.
- Ask why FLAC files are so damn big.
- Ask them why anybody would want to use such an outdated format like vinyl when CDs are cheaper, portable, and much easier and cheaper to play back.
Audiophiles pwned for good
When actual case studies are done, it is conclusively shown that audiophiles are delusional idiots who waste massive amounts of money on equipment that gives them absolutely no real improvement in sound quality.
—Dr. Bob Dean
- http://www.audiophileusa.com/ - Rare and collectible records
- http://www.audioasylum.com/ - Assorted audio crap
- http://www.goatse.fr - Goatse
- P.W.B. Electronics - When audiophiles and hippy-mystics collide
- http://www.audiopligg.com/ - Full of sexy news for audiophiles.
- lolgirl.mp3 Serious Audiophile
- http://6moons.com/ - Reviews of overpriced audiophile hardware
- Audiokarma - An audiophile message board, RIPE FOR TROLLING
- FLAC - The audiophile's preferred music file format.
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
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Audiophile is part of a series on