Bad Dragon is an English company specializing in grotesquely over-sized dildos designed especially for men of taste. If you or a loved one has an overstretched and/or overused asshole hungry for a cockmeat sammich, then give this company a go! Bad Dragon dildos are mostly shaped after dragon penises, bringing a whole new meaning to "FUCK YOU I AM A DRAGON!". Being an enterprising company, Bad Dragon is innovating on the latest in rubber-dick abominations such for all your dolphin, dog, and horse-related needs. On an average day, Bad Dragon sells at least 100 dragon penises to plug furry and otherkin assholes worldwide, to the point that Dragon dildos have even become a fad across 4chan boards including /v/ and /g/. WAHT A TWIST!
Bad Dragon is a company that sells dildos of fantasy creatures and animals on their website located in a neglected tube of the internets. The animal and dragon-molesting faggot who founded this sick fuckery goes by the name of Jan Mulders, who was most likely molested as a child by his abusive father and/or donkey-hung uncles. Mr. Mulders thus understandably loves cocks and dildos of every shape and size imaginable, which is why Bad Dragon toys grow in size and perversion with every release with Mulders personally and exhaustively testing each product, and his asshole only gets wider each time, hence the next toy has to be even bigger than the last to fill that gaping hole of no return. Truly, in the dark age of the Cunt, Jan is a man of his times.
For the average user, Bad Dragon products cause an immense amount of literal butthurt; to counter this, Mr Mulders offers Bad Dragon-branded lube that was most likely made using his own cum, mixed with dog urine and horse saliva. This original formula works surprisingly well, and Bad Dragon-brand lube is highly rated by all the sick furfags who use it most likely as a food additive.
About a year ago Bad Dragon decided to make a dragon cloaca toy called The Dragoness, which has since then become a best seller - a very surprising fact, considering that 99.9% of the furry fandom are faggots who need something stuck up their asshole every waking minute of the day. The only plausible explanation is that the 0.1% of furries who are straight, but cannot score any poon because they are furries, and had to buy this toy to ease their lonely heterosexual existence in the furry faggotdom.
Phoenix Arizona, asshole capital of United States, to this day is poetically plagued with dildo obsession. Phoenix, AZ mother, jamming vibrator in baby's anus
Because of the huge number of furfags buying his toys, he has hired a ragtag team of employees going by the aliases of those who died whilst driving with a Dragon dildo shoved up their asses, Narse, Raith, Kamo, and SemJay. They allegedly have a secret base of faggotry in Phoenix, Arizona to help him make their butthurt inducing toys. On their forums, they have also hired a cellulite dripping, baby-dick wielding mod known as "Runa" (AKA Gordon Bryant) to act as a lame excuse for customer service and stop the furfags making too much drama on the forums, but was fired for being an asshat to all the customers and for being too gay, even by furry standards. Examples of these neglected attention whores that stir shit and try to be internet tough guys go by the aliases Dimi, Tigris, SSWildcat and MasterKovax.
And when everyone agreed with Kovax, of course Runa was the only one left with severe butthurt.
On August 3, 2010, an announcement was made stating that Runa has been fired from his position within Bad Dragon. This resulted in much butthurt from Runa's faggot butt buddies, and lulz for everyone else who knew all along that he was an attention and drama whore who can't keep a civil mouth for more than two minutes. In the Bad-Dragon forum's "post RL pics of yourself" over 1/3 of all posts were Runa's. Currently, Runa (Gordon Bryant) still makes a living in his dream career of typing reviews about games no one gives a shit about, and no one can reply to. thereby declaring uncontested victory of his opinions.
On October 11, 2011 Athus was killed in a car crash while on his way home from work, while playing with Bad Dragon dildos. Surprisingly enough, this sparked sorrow from both his friends and people who never actually knew him. His final FurAffinity journal listed an animation that he likely jacked off to, that became a sort of symbol of his passing, this can be found here, but be wary of massive levels of faggotry.
—Athus' memorial page. Srsly.
Are you enthusiastic about creating dildos inspired by and based on animals? Do you not mind having extremely awkward "So, what do you do?" conversations with family and just random people? Bad Dragon is looking for qualified candidates to assist in the production of their lovingly-rendered animal and dragon dildos. Just take a look at their Jobs page, that's so full of corporate buzzwords and business talk, you'd think they're an actual business, which we all know is completely bullshit.
—WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR FAGGOT?, SEND IN YOUR RESUME TODAY!!!
The Toys Themselves
Bad Dragon makes several crimes against nature using their patented nearly indestructible silicone, including tentacles, dragon cocks that shoot fake semen which makes the furfags retarded enough to eat it and vomit up rainbows and grotesquely huge toys that even Goatse would struggle to take. The furfags who pay for these overpriced toys will void their 5 year warranty if they happen to place the toy in their mouth, vagina, anus, or take it out of the box it was shipped in. It must therefore be concluded that Bad Dragon products are for display purposes only. Negative reviews and requests for refunds will result in your being b&.
—Runa backing up their 5 year warranty
The "Sharing Experiences" Forum
To make a long story short, this is where the sickest fucks on the internets come to share their "intimate experiences" with their smelly, shit-stained sex toys. To make matters worse, many of these faggots post explicit photos and even videos of them fucking their toys. Most of them weigh 400 lb, are naked in these photos and are showing you their assholes.
Why do these faggots do this? Aside from trying to feel less lonely in their pathetic furry lives, and sex toys are the closest they are ever going get to having real sex. Yes, you guessed it. It is because when they post a review, they get a $5 discount coupon for their next purchase from Bad Dragon.
Bad Dragon is notoriously secretive about giving out its location, most likely due to constant fear of people wanting to hunt them down and shove dragon dildos in all their orifices as payback, and to make the nightmares end. Orders are shipped with a return address of a box at a UPS store, and business records point to the UPS store or to homes of the founders. Unfortunately, a single picture of a window at their "factory" was enough for the Internet Hate Machine to locate the source of the faggotry and the building in which they are situated.
If you're ever in the Central Phoenix area, why don't you stop by 9849 N 19th Drive, #3 and
ask if they offer test drives rickroll them or something. Or just try the things for yourself, faggot.
Varka and Ryan McCord register several fictitious business names that also attempt to use that UPS store as its address. Makes it harder to track money flow.
HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO DOGS
Due to sudden circumstances, it seems that Kamo is under heavy suspicion of sexual assault with a minor! This is of course of no fucking surprise to anybody, but the said victim of this crime has made a huge post explaining what has happened and the current proceedings of allegations he's citing against Kamo. Now, we usually wouldn't give two shits about a minor fag making a mistake and giving their anus away to a useless waste of human flesh, but since it has been exposed for a long time that Kamo himself is a disgusting sickfuck who makes even a company dedicated to animal sex toys stoop to lower morales than possible, we more than welcome opening potential floodgates and publicly shaming him further for feeling proud of being a pedophilic dogfucker, who surprisingly, doesn't give a fuck about anybody but himself. Here's the entire blog post explaining everything.
What Bad Dragon Wants you to Think About
Artwork is done by Narse, AKA Gary Boyer. Boyfriend of the late Athus.
Drop him a line on Skype and share your
"narsemorca" or "narse.marmo"
- Zeta Toy
- Tentacle rape
- Giant dildo of death
- Sick Fuck
- Bad Dragon's website
- Bad Dragon's Forums
- - AKA David Grant's FA Page
- - Knightwolf's FA Page
- - Duke's FA Page
- - Kamo's FA Page; must register to see
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Bad Dragon is part of a series on
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