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As you know from experience, the internet is nothing more than a giant exhibition of depraved, bizarre fetishes. The Balloon Fetish is one of the mind-bendingly ridiculous turn-ons that has wormed its way into the tubes. Balloon-love forums are bursting at the seams with fittingly-named "looners", or "loonies", who wage heated debates over whether or not it's ethical to pop ballons and discuss which balloon color is the sexiest. The community seems to have an equal amount of men and women, proving that, while men are the superior sex, insanity transcends gender.
With exception to foot fetish smut, balloon fetish porn may be the easiest to create. Most pictures and videos consist of a naked slut licking, petting, or masturbating with a balloon or two. Given the fact that it doesn't involve anything particularly disgusting and that the purchasers are more focused upon the sexy balloons than the whore's misshapen body, starring in balloon fetish porn may be the easiest way to make money ever. Like many fetishes on the internet it is also a fabulous way of raping your childhood, as it turns something innocent and childish into a cum-filled sex toy.
Poppers vs Non-poppers
—Cited after the terrible Poppers 'BANG!' attack on September 2001.
The main cause of drama in the balloon fetish community is the debate on popping versus non-popping. Poppers (the fucking murderers!) derive sexual arousal from popping balloons, while non-poppers prefer to take it slow and make sweet lovin' to their balloon-spouses for as long as possible. Most non-poppers tend to hate poppers, whom they see as ruthless killers. In fact, non-popping loons have been known to bawww on balloon fetish forums about NORPs who pop balloons for fun. Poppers think that the non-poppers are overreacting, which may be the only thing any of them has ever gotten right in their entire lives. Some non-poppers have a phobia of bursting balloons, which makes them almost as pathetic as their balloon-romancing comrades. Why the fuck would somebody rub their precious cock upon something they're afraid of? It is a mystery.
—Pink balloons are the cheap whores of the balloon world.
—This loon bravely overcame the sudden death of his partner.
Ultimately balloon fetishes can be pinned down to the fact loonies have so little contact with other living beings that they can only find love with the eternally-unsued condom, and anything which looks like it. Those with this fetish are much like serial killers in that their love-objects only last for a couple of days before dying. However, it should be noted that serial killers have a much better taste in their partners, as their partners are usually living, breathing people. Some balloon-fuckers experience profound sadness upon the loss of their latex partners, so they attempt to extend the lives of their balloons for as long as possible. With proper care, some even manage to last for an entire week! These tender-hearted balloon romancers have to be careful when making sweet love to their balloons, however, as a single careless thrust can cause one to pop.
Typical Mylar balloon fanboy
- Balloon Boy
- Wet and Messy Fetishism
- Clown Porn
- Inflation Art
- Rubberfur Yes, the furries thought of it first.
- Balloonbuddies.com Going strong since 1976 as a pen-pal club and since 1994 on the Internet !
- Britfag Loonies
- Moar Britfag Loonies
- Obligitory Wikipedia article on yet another retarded fetish They also cite Cracked.com as a reliable source.
- Balloons fetish Offering free balloon fetish video for its 6th year
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