Belt0033

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Eric's dancing robot

belt0033, also known as Eric Beltt, is best known for being the former maintainer of Lj-favicon.png conservatism, a LiveJournal community theoretically dedicated to discussion of right-wing politics but generally more concerned with nonsense about Michael Moore. Beltt, who never quite grasped the concept of "opinions," now moderates a community called Lj-favicon.png drunktalk where he posts incoherent rants while intoxicated. He acts as though he doesn't get drunk often, but his politics and the fact he mods a community called "drunktalk" say otherwise.

Eric himself spends most of his time ruminating in his journal, posting essays about politics or rambling on about how no woman is good enough for him because he's such a nice guy, and so handsome to boot. He lashes out at anyone who dares to call him on anything he says, and constantly prays for the day when he can rule as despot over a world eugenically cleansed of "leftards," which exposes him as a bona fide "rightard."

The Complete Eric Beltt Translation Matrix[edit]

  1. Troll = You.
  2. All valid opinions are ones held by me. Any opinion held in contradiction to my stated or implied opinion is invalid.
  3. All holders of invalid opinions are leftards.
  4. All holders of invalid opinions who vote conservative are poisoned by leftards and thus leftards.
  5. Insight, research and experience do not substantiate an opinion. Google links do. In the absence of google links, vigorous assertions of opinions held by me (i.e. valid opinions) will suffice.
  6. You = Leftard.
  7. Logic that looks like logic is an adequate substitution for actual logic.
  8. The length of time it will take me to insult you is inversely proportional to the degree to which you have disagreed with my opinions.
  9. All insults offered by me are valid as they are only prompted by the holding of invalid opinions.
  10. "The only thing you feel it's important to do is to try and make other people think you're a good person, because you're an egotist like every other liberal. ... We all know your positions are idiotic and the only motivation you have is inflating your massive ego. ... When you accept the fact that you don't care about anything but yourself, and that the people of your ideological stripe are equally selfish, let me know. . . . I deny your validity as a person."
  11. All insults offered by leftards will result in banning regardless of how much they parallel things that I have already (validly) said.
    • AMENDED -- Such bannings will be in my mind.
  12. Court rulings against discrimination are, themselves, discriminatory.
  13. Court rulings that require accommodations to be applied equally infringe upon my right to think that is wrong regardless of how many times I am able to say it is wrong with no consequence.
  14. Dominating the three branches of government, AM radio, most of the local print media and 30 governor mansions does not establish conservatism as the dominant political philosophy in America.
  15. Being made fun of periodically on some college campuses and on the internet overrides the conditions set up in 13 and makes conservatives the true victims in life.
  16. Being a gun owner makes me the moral equivalent in 2004 of a black man in Alabama in 1954.
  17. Causing me emotional distress by burning the flag is proper grounds for my beating you up without consequences.
  18. Pointing out my many inconsistencies and hypocrisies is trolling.
  19. My commission of inconsistencies and hypocrisies is courage.
  20. Leftard = Liberal = Socialist = Communist = Nazi = Democrat
  21. Women who do not approach me when I am sitting alone in a drunken stew and do not notice what a deep and sensitive thinker I am are whores.
  22. I am a scientist, therefore I know the results of everything before it's tried.
  23. I have already established every point that could possibly need to be made. Look in the archives. Not anywhere specific, really. But somewhere, my knowledge shines.
  24. I am not egotistical and if you oppose my viewpoints, you are.
  25. My extensive research into human psychology has proven that any person who works in social justice or community-building is motivated only by their selfish desire to stroke their own ego and by default is a patently evil leftard communist-nazi.
  26. Because I said so. This position is absolute and does not reflect upon any issues with ego that I may have.
  27. Fox News IS fair and balanced, Bill O'Reilly is a moderate, Sean Hannity is only slightly right of center, and Ann Coulter's comment about the NY Times building is taken out of context. Anyone who thinks otherwise is brain washed by the liberal media or a leftard.
  28. Conservatives are always right, logical, and have good reasons for their platforms. Leftards only take their political stances to make themselves feel better and boost their ego.
  29. If you argue against my well thought out, well written articles, which are perfectly valid, despite no life experience dealing with the subjects of the piece, you are either a leftard or one of the few conservatives who are defending their own ego.
  30. Obviously everyone who wants to help others is doing so to make themselves feel better about themselves and are fueling their own ego. However me only caring about myself and not wanting to help others is perfectly valid.
  31. I am a scientist, therefore I know everything about every branch of science. If you foolishly think you know of an astrophysics equation that shows my plan for fixing "global warming" is impossible, you are a leftard.
  32. ...
  33. I built a robot! Look at it dance!
  34. Gay people have the right to marry people of the opposite sex, and they should be happy about that, because that means they have equal rights.
  35. All liberals should join the military. I exempt myself because I had an asthma attack when I was four and could not possibly haul my fat ass through basic training, so I will stay home and build (WMDs) defense technology.
  36. This girl was looking at me, so she's a slut.
  37. Why won't girls look at me?
  38. My father has no right to tell me that I can't bring my gun into his house or car. Therefore I will never speak to him again, since my gun is (an extension of my acorn-like penis) a sacred and holy object that I revere above all things. Except maybe my robot. Have you seen my robot? It dances!
  39. Designing a display for faucets at Home Depot will get me a high-paying engineering job in the future.
  40. Only gay people have anal sex. Only anal sex gives you AIDS.
  41. My fat, disgusting ass couldn't possibly be why girls never look at me.

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Related Links[edit]