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BigMuscle

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Compensating much?

BigMuscle is a site for old fags (note: not oldfags) to indecently expose their withered genitals on the internet. Unlike similar sites, such as Fitlads and RealJoke, the average age of BigMuscle's members is around the age people start to receive social security. While their colostomy bags are being taken care of by the nursing home attendant, the old bears of BigMuscle cherish the opportunity to take trashy n00dz and share them, and/or go on the webcam chat room, called the "gym", named to remind the site's members of the good old times when they were able to walk.

All hyperbole aside, BigMuscle's membership isn't entirely that diverse. Unlike RealJoke, there are fewer closeted young Republicans, and more old people. Also, the trannies, twinks, and fatties are absent from the heavily-moderated BigMuscle. Unfortunately, the eyesores known as fat bears are allowed to remain and invite their furry-bodied brethren to the site to form an orgy of flubber, gray and white body hair, and semen. Not to mention leather, nipple rings, cock rings, and loud "WOOF"ing everywhere.

Bear Hunting

Lemonparty, here we come!

BigMuscle, unlike Manhunt (per ED, the video game IS in fact secretly an online gay hookup hotspot!), is not specifically a hookup site, so going to it will not necessarily give you AIDS. However, since its members are gay, you're going to get AIDS, let's face it. The site does not have a forum, so trolling is difficult. Shock images like goatse will be met with reactions of awe and fapping from the majority of members, so that angle is also ineffective. Newfag trolling techniques, such as flaming (which you probably already are if you are on BigMuscle), may work.

This leads us to the only way to successfully troll BigMuscle: fuck with the webcam chat room. Being one of the site's main attractions aside from the advice column, there are plenty of people in there at any given time waiting to be milked for lulz. There are three main ways to troll the chat:

Method One. Teasing.

Make a sockpuppet and upload pictures of an attractive guido onto it. Then go onto the webcam and promise to turn your cam on and expose yourself, only to lead them on for a long period of time and never actually turn your cam on. This will irritate them to no end, as they realize they've wasted the precious few remaining moments of their lives waiting for a reward that will never come.

Method Two. Copypasta.

Post a copypasta in the chat box of the webcam room bashing everyone in it as a slut. Seeing as homosexuals are sexual deviants and perverts and how the rest of society has already ingrained this fact into their minds, reminding the camwhores of this will bring out the best of their victim complexes. Bonus points if you pretend to be a Christian or Muslim while doing so.

Method Three. PROFIT.

Start watching a camwhore, and have an outgoing cam feed of your own. As soon as they accept your request to view their cam, focus your cam on their cam (shown on screen). If you're really in it for the lulz, zoom out slightly farther and reveal that you're using CamStudio or another on-screen video capture program to record their lurid online activities. Seeing this, they will probably flip out, realizing they have been duped and that their face and cock will now end up all over the internet.

What are you even supposed to do on the site other than fap?

AIDS can do weird things to people.

I don't think anyone's figured that out. The site masks itself as a social networking site, but it's pretty much LiveJasmin meets ModelMayhem. Web 2.0 couldn't be more proud.

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Gayllery

I don't think anyone wants to see. If you do, you are one sick fuck.

See also

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BigMuscle is part of a series on

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