Bill O'Reilly

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Police.gif LOL DUMPED BY FOX
Breakingnews.gif BREAKING NEWS!!
BillO beat up his wife and has now lost custody of the kids
Fuckin' thing sucks!

Bill O'Reilly is a batshit insane old media hack and conservative shill. Like Glenn Beck, O'Reilly is not, strictly speaking, a "journalist", however he is considered a "pundit" and therefore doesn't know what he's talking about. When he isn't on a NAMBLA retreat with his good friend and founder of Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, he likes to yell at people and call them idiots because he can't wrap his brain around intellectual ideas which do not involve "mastering" his favorite pastime. Despite claims of an independent political viewpoint, Bill is a typical conservative butt-puppet. He is known to have constructed an elaborate George W. Bush altar in his bedroom, complete with American flag panties, photos of George in an organ-grinder monkey outfit, and freedom-scented candles. Video clips of Bill kneeling naked at his Independent altar can easily be found on YouTube. The clips show Bill singing songs of freedom, "and I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free!" and sliding up and down on a greased 16" red, white, and blue realistic veined freedom stick named "Unkle Sam" and complete with big, bulging eagles and a suction-cup base.

IRL Trolling Faggotry[edit]

Bill O'Reilly just won't shut up about politics. He spends his career talking about boring shit such as elections, 9/11, and that hurricane that happened in that state full of brown people with fuzzy hair. His now-cancelled show The O'Reilly Factor was basically him going on about this critical information over and over again, sometimes threatening to get off his wrinkled kiester and beat you up if you vote for someone he doesn't like. His show is watched by the kind of people who'll chase you out of their house with a shotgun if you say "damn" in their presence.

Bill has an amazing picture on Meme Generator

He is also known for telling people to shut up and sexually harassing some lovely young lady, who tried to sue later. But as the old saying goes, "If Bill O'Reilly wants you to suck his cock, you better do it," and the case was settled out of court just like all cases that involve Americunts. See also: Paris Hilton.

When Fred Phelps overturned his lawsuit, he quickly showed his full support of Phelps by offering to pay the court fees. It is unclear at this moment whether he did it for lulz or his hatred of fags.

Books[edit]

Bill O'Reilly also writes books; some fiction, some not; all crap. If you find a non-fiction O'Reilly book in someone's house, then get ready for a really long and boring conversation about the White House or some bullshit. Otherwise, watch out because MAN does this guy write some racy and highly well-written erotic scenes, such as in his book Those Who Trespass, which is about some cunt called Shannon who's a man and wants to kill people kthnx. This book will teach you more than any sex ed class you will ever go to. See here: "Ashley was now only wearing brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

As you can tell, O'Reilly has had some serious action in his life. Just look at his amazing oral sex techniques. Right away he has the chick "signal her desire" by taking off her clothes. Wow, what a way to "signal (one's) desire." Hubba hubba! Teasing a girl while her panties are still on? That's just incredible. Clearly, this could only have been improved if Shannon was another girl. And if more people used words like 'erogenous'. Mmmmm. Erogenous.

Fun things to do with Bill[edit]

  • Count how many times Bill O'Reilly raises his voice at people or uses the word "No-spin zone." (Interestingly enough, FOX News Channel is the only major cable news whose logo constantly spins.)
  • Make fun of Christianity, complain about gay rights ("Gays have all the same rights as regular people, just not the right to act gay. Pretty simple stuff"), or talk about pulling out the troops in Iraq.
  • Watch a better TV show.
  • Wish him happy holidays.

Sexual Harassment[edit]

In 2004, a distraction from Bill's usual hobbies of claiming that all his detractors are hysterical nutjobs and accusing teenage girls of asking for it came in the form of a woman by the name of Andrea Mackris accusing him of sexual harassment. Of course no one believed her, because she was just an "unstable woman making outrageous accusations" agai-OH SHIT SHE TAPE RECORDED EVERYTHING. Unfortunately these tapes were never leaked, because Bill paid her millions of dollars to shut the fuck up and destroy them, but for our lulzy pleasure the lawsuit Mackris filed against him went very into detail. Here are some of the more interesting points:

  • "..you've got a vibrator don't you? Every girl does."
  • Told two women they needed to be trained for when a real man showed up in their lives, and offered to give them lessons
  • loves phone sex
  • lost his virginity in a car in the JFK airport parking lot
  • boned two "really wild Scandinavian airline stewardesses"
  • Had sex in Thailand with a "girl" (8yr old???)
  • Loves phone sex
  • Fantisizes about Mackris sucking his "big cock"
  • USES A DICK SHAPED VIBRATOR WHILE MASTURBATING!!!!
  • Wanted to rub her boobs with a "falafel"
  • loves phone sex
  • Boasted about having sex and phone sex with many women even though he had a wife, who was pregnant at the time of the lawsuit
  • Said he wanted to fuck Mackris in the shower.

JFK witness murder[edit]

In 2012, Billo published Killing Kennedy, which as the title suggests was about landscape gardening for nudist colonies. In it, he related how in 1977 he had been outside the house of JFK witness George de Mohrenschildt, ringing the front doorbell in the hope of getting an interview, when he heard a gunshot. He later discovered that de Mohrenschildt had just committed suicide. Leaving aside the obvious fact that having Billo appear on your doorstep would be enough to drive anyone to kill themselves, it later turned out that O'Reilly was lying about the whole thing. It therefore stands to reason that he was covering up the truth, and the truth in this case can only be that he murdered this key witness.

Pwned by an 8-year-old[edit]

Bill cried when an 8-year-old girl on YouTube totally pwned his retarded ass. He was so butthurt because a little girl called him an idiot and insulted Christianity for the lulz, that he brought an ugly, frigid bitch on his show to say that it was child abuse BAWWW. This resulted in over 9000 tons of lulz on YouTube and caused the video to be put on the front page of YouTube as a featured video for a week. Bill eventually got even by petting the girl's teddy bear gently like the fuzzy lumpkins he is.

<center>This little girl is awesome</center>
<center>Bill's response</center>

Kill Bill (O' Reilly)[edit]

Kill-bill-o-reilly design.png

Recently, a group of talented artists named the East Coast Avengers released a track entitled 'Kill Bill O' Reilly' [1]. Straying from rap's usual preference for subtlety and nuance, the single gets right to the point and calls for Oor Wullie to be offed, pronto. Perhaps a partial response to O' Reilly's criticism of the violent nature of hip-hop, the track deals with the various merits of pwning O' Reilly and his family, watching them rot for a while, and then knocking the fuck out of some other conservative whore, time permitting. The latter registered some honorary butthurt [2], as Bill O' is unlikely to acknowledge the track's existence, given that it brings up all that sexual harassment shit.

Bill declares war on 4chan[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: The Incident.
Once again O'Reilly gets the scoop! /b/tards are far left extremists.

4chan's Call to war. LOL Baleeted. (<- who in their right fucking mind would post a 4chan thread link, expecting it to provide any lulz?)

The battle for the internets has begun. Those who participate will receive massive lulz and free internets which can be cashed in for cp. Check your local listings for moar info. Bill O'Reilly is being targeted by moralfags, but moar importantly, some oldfags seem to enjoy the lulz they think can be received from this war as well.

Can't explain that![edit]

Tide talk at 1:40
Bill on the tides and why atheism is wrong

On January 4 2011 Dave Silverman, president of American Atheists, appeared on The O'Reilly Factor to discuss the public education campaign undertaken by these far left wackos "informing" people that religion is a scam. Billy Boy didn't appreciate this blatant attack on his belief system and told Dave that the reason religion is not a scam is because "tides go in, tides go out, never a miscommunication, you can't explain that."

Needless to say, the Internet's reaction to this gaff by O'Reilly was swift and merciless, transforming Bill's now-famous quote into a new meme.

Pics go in, gallery comes out, YOU CAN'T EXPLAIN THAT! About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

U MAD[edit]

Interviewing ICP
Nuvola
Moar info: U MAD.

The very popular online catchphrase 'U MAD' came from his show.

Sylvias and Black People[edit]

 
 
There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-Fer, I want more iced tea."
 

 

—B'Orly, Dining in a soul food restaurant in NYC

Like the rest of us, Bill O'Reilly was shocked that black people did not act like insane monkeys in Sylvia's restaurant. At one point Bill O' The Clown screamed about "niggas not stayin' tru fo real" and followed up by eating a watermelon whilst the Sylvias customers looked on.

For some reason people got pissed.

Fake journalist credentials[edit]

BillO The Clown is besides being the scummiest of scumbag also a liar, a surprise twist only seen by everyone. Bill claims that he covered the Falkland war right in the frontlines, expect he was of course sitting comfortably in his hotel in Argentina getting head by an underage Argentinian boy. That distance is great enough to make a Top Gear special out of. As if this wasn't enough, there is even more lying from Clownface, as he claims he was doing actual journalism instead of being a fat useless turd, when he claims he was out to interview a source, that shot himself. Bill claims he heard the shot, which would be fucking amazing since Bill was in Dallas when this happened in fucking Florida.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Videos[edit]

FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE!
Here, Bill O'Reilly shows how much of a charismatic, polite and respectful man he his.
Fred Phelps on Bill O'Reilly
Stop calling me a homo!
Liberals want to break down the white christian male power structure

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

Fox1.png
Bill O'Reilly
is part of a series on
Fox News

[Back to The StudioOver To You]

Fox2.jpg
Portal trolls.png

Bill O'Reilly is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Portal icon television.gif

Bill O'Reilly is part of a series on

Media

Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article September 20 & 21, 2012
Preceded by
Robbie Farah
Bill O'Reilly Succeeded by
Adventure Time and Regular Show