| BREAKING NEWS!!|
On September 23rd, 2016, an Illinois Federal Court bitchslapped Dumbfuck Bill Schmalfeldt by DISMISSING his latest shitty LOLSUIT!!! Link to the court's LULZy Decision!
- 1 Who Is Bill Schmalfeldt?
- 2 What Does Bill Schmalfeldt Do?
- 3 Blackout Drinking
- 4 Collecting Restraining Orders
- 5 Cub Scout CP
- 6 Coprophilia
- 7 Cursing Out His Catholic Jailers: Canticle and Juniper Courts
- 8 Lolsuits
- 9 Vandalizing This ED Page!
- 10 Violent Fantasies and Threats
- 11 Gail Schmalfeldt
- 12 Ode to Gail Schmalfeldt
- 13 Family Whores: Cheerleading Bill's Fantasies of Anal rape, Assault, Child Abuse
- 14 Bill Schmalfeldt LiberalBill LiberalLad seeks anal rape victim on Ourtime dot com. Want? Kthxbye!
- 15 Gallery
- 16 See Also
- 17 External Links
Who Is Bill Schmalfeldt?
In his mind, Bill Schmalfeldt is an Internet Tough Guy. In reality, Bill Schmalfeldt is a drunk bloated pedobear troll whose style of harassing people who mock him has landed himself in a whole heap of legal trouble and made him one of the more entertaining internet lolcows. His stupidity guarantees that he'll always fuck up...and that same stupidity ensures he will be unable to admit he fucked up, resulting in a feedback loop of lulz, at least until he dies.
What Does Bill Schmalfeldt Do?
Since Schmalfeldt claims to be disabled, one thing he does NOT do is actually work. This leaves his useless ass plenty of time to indulge his perversions, stalk and harass people (and their small children), and be an all-around waste of society's resources.
Schmalfeldt's penchant for Johnnie Walker Red is common Internet knowledge. (At 4200 calories per bottle, this all but certifies that Bill will remain a bloated, laughable fuck indefinitely.)
Collecting Restraining Orders
Drunk people do dumb shit. Psychotic people do crazy shit. So obviously, Bill Schmalfeldt has done some dumb crazy shit which has caught the attention of the authorities. Despite this, Bill still hasn't learned that stalking, harassing and DOXing people is kind of illegal.
To date, Bill has been hit with 9 restraining orders in 6 states, including:
Schmalfeldt also enhanced his PedoBear profile by being barred from harassing a 3-year-old child.
In the interest of taste, we won't dwell too much on how Bill got the banhammer at Daily Kos. Let's just say it involved Schmalfeldt's fascination with anal rape and Cub Scouts. 'Nuff said.
- Bill Schmalfeldt: Sadism, Sodomy and Other Bizarre Mental Aberrations
- Dishonest Bill Schmalfeldt Got Banned from Daily Kos for Anal Rape ‘Satire’
- Bill Schmalfeldt: Too Disgusting For Daily Kos
In 2015, Microsoft dumped Bill Schmalfeldt's Outlook email account, following an investigation which found that Schmalfeldt had used his account for
Cursing Out His Catholic Jailers: Canticle and Juniper Courts
—Bill Schmalfeldt HE is the one who got his ass kicked in court by a 3-year-oldwho amusingly calls other people "stupid"...when
Bill has filed 6 lawlsuits in the last 2 years. All of them turn out the same way: Dumbfuck Bill's ignorance of the law has judges dismissing his complaints right into the shitpile with prejudice. Since Schmalfeldt doesn't work for a living, he tries to suck the government's tit some MOAR by demanding to file in forma pauperis. Sometimes the court shows mercy, sometimes the court tells Bill to GTFO.
Here's a list of Schmalfeldt's attempts to shut his detractors up, and the predictable result:
- Lolsuit 1: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 20 May, 2014; withdrawn by Plaintiff (after turning his panties into a fudge factory) 22 May, 2014.
- Lolsuit 2: Hoge v. Schmalfeldt. Counterclaims filed on 3 June, 2014; counterclaims dismissed with prejudice 15 August, 2014.
- Lolsuit 3: Schmalfeldt v. Johnson. Filed 2 February, 2015; motion to proceed in forma pauperis denied 18 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of jurisdiction 18 February, 2015.
- Lolsuit 4: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 23 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of service of process and improper venue 18 June, 2015.
- Lolsuit 5: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 27 April, 2015; dismissed with prejudice 19 August, 2015.
- Lolsuit 6: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 17 December, 2015; dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction 1 July, 2015
- Lolsuit 7: Schmalfeldt v. Grady/Palmer. Filed 11 July 1016; dismissed after court-appointed pro bono attorney examined Schmalfeldt's case, 23 September 2016.
Lolsuit 6 DISMISSED: July 1 2016
After fleeing Maryland to escape his criminal troubles, Bill was pissed to learn that people were still mocking his fat, drunk, incontinent ass. On 17 December 2015, Schmalfeldt filed his latest shitpile in Milwaukee Federal Court. After a real lawyer answered Bill's lawlsuit, Bill pissed his panties and quickly dropped most of the defendants from the suit.
—LOLSUIT Defendant mocking Bill's "offer", 20 February 2016
That sounds like a resounding no.
- Motion to Dismiss
- Motion to Strike Plaintiff's Motion to Disqualify Counsel (As usual, Internet Tough Guy Schmalfeldt pissed his panties when a real lawyer appeared on the scene, desperately filing a Motion to exclude the lawyer from the case. So the lawyer filed this reply to Bill's self-shitting maneuver.)
- Motion for Leave to File An Immediate Motion for Sanctions Under Rule 11 (Presenting evidence that Bill Schmalfeldt is a willful, ignorant plaintiff who needs to be disciplined by the Court.)
- Motion for Plaintiff Bill Schmalfeldt to be Placed Under a Case Management Order (Presenting further evidence that Bill Schmalfeldt, unable to follow simple rules, needs to be bitchslapped by the court.)
- LOL, PLAGIARISM: Bill Schmalfeldt CAUGHT
Christmas comes early!
Vandalizing This ED Page!
On March 11, Bill Schmalfeldt tried to work off some of his drunken butthurt by . The edit lasted 6 WHOLE MINUTES...which is about 5 minutes longer than Bill's laughable microdick could last inside a shemale (back in the days before Bill got too obese to raise that midget soldier aloft, of course).
Violent Fantasies and Threats
What Moar threats and fantasties of violence from Bill Schmafeldt? Then check these out (and the Gallery of Bill Schmalfeldt's "Creep, Vileness, Threats and Delusions of Persecution") at the bottom of this ED page.....
- Some of the Reasons We Don’t Like Bill Schmalfeldt
- Bill Schmalfeldt: Now With Moar Threats!
nevermade by Bill Schmalfeldt
- Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt Doubts My Expertise in Crazy?
- True Threats, True Incitement, Or Truly Crazy? The Rhetoric of Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt
Gail Schmalfeldt become a zombie on June 17, 2015. Some say that Gail an heroed herself to escape from Bill Schmalfeldt's constant neglect, abuse and humiliation. Like being forced to endure photographs on your deathbed. Or having to endure Bill's enjoyment of anal rape.
Unfortunately for Gail, even death didn't deliver her from Bill's abuse of her dignity. After giving her corpse a creampie, then getting the bitch cremated, Bill took the classy step of posing with the Ziploc bag of her ashes.
Gail Schmalfeldt now better known as "Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn" (don't ask; it's a long story)
Ode to Gail Schmalfeldt
MY ASS WILL SOIL MY DIAPERS AND MY SOUL SOAR BACK TO THE COMPUTER A REALLY GREAT PARODY OF A REALLY BAD POEM I’m ready You are standing on the curb But the doors of my short bus haven’t closed yet I move toward the door and the driver says Sit down, DUMBFUCK, you haven’t learned Your lesson yet I want to leave this life And be with you You’re going where I can not go right now Because HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE! And KREEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNDLEEEERRRRRRRRRR! I have to sue them for making my ass hurt so much, And as much as I would love to hold your hand And tell you stupid jokes because I’m as funny as Black Plague The wireless mouse is not going to move itself To find all the butthurt I need to convince a judge That it’s a tort. Remember the first time you flew in a plane? Back when only certain people could afford to fly And I sat with you at the gate. You quivered with excitement. I never did figure out Where that buzzing sound was coming from. And you waved goodbye as you walked through the door With that funny bow-legged walk and crooked smile. Now they’ve called your flight, and I’m not ready For you to go. But I’m not the one taking this trip. You are ready. That’s the important thing. They’ve opened the door to the jetway. Walk through, and don’t look back. The cold never bothered me anyway. I’m not ready to say goodbye, so I won’t. We Germans have a much better way of sharing the sentiment. “Oh, Internet , wie ich dich vermisst habe!” Oh, Internet, how I’ve missed you! It tears at my bowels that I won’t see you until then. And I’ll have to clean up after myself. But for now, I’m just not ready. But there’s a terrific burrito stand just down the concourse And that should take care of things. I will be ready soon enough. When nature calls My heart will fill with joy and my bowel with- Well, never mind. It will pour from my pooterhole and there will be no stopping it. The upward thrust will send my heart Soaring up to heaven, Where it shall forever join with yours, For I am cunning and St. Peter will have sympathy On a poor, disabled, recently widowed Viet Nam era Veteran who suffers from Stage ELEVENTYLIARVII Super Stress Exacerbated PARKINSON’S!! The door closes. I switch on my iPad. Damn. Fourteen percent remaining. I rush to an outlet to plug in the charger. My world nearly became empty and cold. The sun’s glare through the window glimmers On the iPad’s reflective screen. I need to find a shady spot so I can see. Outside I see an airplane vanish into a cloud. What am I doing at the airport? And wasn’t there a woman here? What was that all about? Bill Parvocampus June 16, 2015
Family Whores: Cheerleading Bill's Fantasies of Anal rape, Assault, Child Abuse
If you ever needed proof that sociopath and stupid run in the family, meet Bill Schmalfeldt's incestuous cheerleaders of his vile Antisocial Personality Disorder: Lori J. Schmalfeldt, Rebecca Tibbits and Nancy Klosinski.
Bill Schmalfeldt LiberalBill LiberalLad seeks anal rape victim on Ourtime dot com. Want? Kthxbye!
By the summer of 2016, fail whale Bill Schmalfeldt decided it was time to stop masturbating into Gail's ash urn and seek a live woman for a date. So he signed up for the famous site for oldass singles, OurTime.
Who could have guessed the result. Anyone, anyone?
—Bill Schmalfeldt a/k/a LiberalLad wondering why women dropkick his ass after meeting (and googling his criminal stalking and pedophile history...
Of course, when anyone with google can quickly find out that Bill Schmalfeldt has 9 restraining orders against him in 6 states, and a lengthy list of criminal complaints against him in Maryland, Billy's got to find a way to explain away that ish, amirite?
- Antisocial Personality Disorder
- Erectile Dysfunction
- Internet Tough Guy
- IS BILL SCHMALFELDT HARASSING YOU? Helpful advice if you end up getting harassed/stalked by Bill Schmalfeldt
- Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ on Kiwi Farms board
- Bill Schmalfeldt mockery on LOLCOW Farm
- Billy Sez (A website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ
- Thinking Man's Zombie (Another website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ
- Hogewash (Often reports on Bill Schmalfeldt's illegal behavior and his latest restraining orders.)
- The Other McCain (Often reports on Bill Schmalfeldt.)
- The *original* Artisan Craft Blog! (Often reports on Bill.)
- Kimberlin Unmasked (Home of Bill Schmalfeldt Mockery Comix, Inc.)
- Urban Dictionary entry for "Schmalfeldt"
- WARNING: Cardinal Capital Management allows psychostalkerpedo to live @ Juniper Court (Someone's not happy about the newest resident of Canticle and Juniper Courts in St. Francis Wisconsin...)
- Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt Inspires Epic Downfall Parody Video
- Meet Bill Schmalfeldt
- Bill Schmalfeldt: The Stranger Who Harassed My Family (Dated 2012, an early profile of Schmalfeldt's psychotic trolling behavior.)
- Bill Schmalfeldt's Lies
- Criminal Arrest Warrant Was Issued for Bill Schmalfeldt
- The Rhetoric of Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt
- Cardinal Capital Management has PsychoGunPedophile Bill Schmalfeldt living @ Juniper Court Wisconsin
- A Note To Nancy Klosinski and Rebecca Tibbits Because these clueless bitches need to learn about Uncle Billy
- Blubber Sues Bloggers (A brief blog covering the early Lolsuits)
- GAIL SPEAKS FROM THE GRAVE!!1
Bill Schmalfeldt is part of a series on
Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.
|Featured article February 22 and 23, 2016|
| Preceded by
Valentine's Day Massacre
|Bill Schmalfeldt|| Succeeded by|