Blaming China

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THIS ARTICLE WAS MADE IN CHINA AND IS SUBJECT TO:
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Oh shit, they've just pwned Mongolia (but lost Hainan)

Blaming China is a US government drama-generating technique currently being forced on the American public to cover their arses from blame when the economy collapses since all our money are belong to them.

Since taking over from Bill Clinton in 2000, the George W. Bush administration has squandered a national surplus of five point six trillion into a nation debt of three trillion which those inscrutable Chinks snapped up on eBay and proceeded to rape America in the arse by charging exorbitant (and constantly growing) interest rates that have ensured your grandchildrens' mutant cancerous grandchildren will still be paying off while the principal loan will remain forever out of reach.

To make matters worse, at least 110% of everything sold in America is now "Made in China" since Mexicans are fat, lazy and want too much, constantly bitching about their treatment as America's new slaves.


   
 
Maybe it's karma. Bad things happen when you're not nice.
 

 
 

Sharon Stone, who's never heard of World War II, blaming China for the earthquake that killed a bunch of chinese people

The DGT[edit]

Realising how bad this all looks, the administration brains trust decided that damage control of some sort was needed to discredit our soon-to-be Commie lord and masters so that when China finally calls in the marker for all the loans (and accrued interest) and pwns the USA, the American people New Chinese won't roll over passively and abandon all the things that made this nation great like Starbucks, Colonel Sanders' chikins and abortion in favour of Green Tea, General Tso's chikins and China's planned parenthood policies.

Things Being Blamed On China[edit]

He doesn't have big balls no more.
A Chinese fur trapper in the employ of Jay-Z
  • Increased pollution on the Western Sea Board because of the rise in the population in cashmere goats (producing cashmere for the US market). Supposedly they have pointy hooves which stir up the dust in the Gobi Desert (which then becomes the latest Chinese import via the Jet Stream) while foraging for food. [1]
  • Poison in your pet's food.
  • Invading and destroying white America.
  • Passing off tanuki fur as synthetic coats sold by Jay-Z's Rocawear store, Puff Daddy's Sean John label and Macy's.
  • Anti-freeze in your toothpaste.
  • Lead painted Hasbro toys making your kids even moar retarded.
  • Doing nothing to curb their rampant and flagrant industry pollution that's melting the ice caps (the irony being that said production is mainly making tube socks to keep our feet toasty).
  • Exploding Department of Water and Power transformers that have recently plunged millions of hot and bothered Angelinos into hours of darkness and sweat during a record breaking heatwave. (sauce)
  • Consuming all the world's remaining oil for their brand new luxury cars bought by the American taxpayer.
  • Killing American babies.
  • Attacking Google (whose company motto is DON'T BE EVIL!) for doing business with a cruel and repressive regime with no free press and Internet Cops despite the fact that America is BFF with Saudi Arabia.
  • Yahoo's falling stock prices.
  • Losing the LOLympics because China had loli gymnasts who took all the Jew Chink gold lead.
  • Oppressing Tibetans (even though Americans, Australians, Canadians, and the English live almost entirely on stolen land taken from Native Americans, the vaguely black Aboriginals, and the nigger Welsh.)
  • Paving the way currently for how ALL our internets will be censored and monitored within the next ten years, paranoid slanty eyed freakoids that they are. Google played along with this until very recently, and we all (should) know those cunts have kept track of our searches for two years.
  • Corporate and military espionage perpetrated on the likes of teh Google by 1337 Chinese hackers on MSG.

China Responds[edit]

Your Jewgolds, did you get them?

Fallout from this epic IRL troll has been swift and dramatic as a proud people such as the Chinese are prone to much hand-wringing and national shame when accused of coming up short. Heads have (and will continue to) loll.

Nixon's historic 1972 goodwill visit to China

However, it's mainly business as usual in China since they've been sending America unregulated, poorly made, cheap crap constructed by people who don't give a flying fuck (under conditions that would be considered inhumane in the US) since Nixon BFFd them in the mid-'70s.

Trolling China[edit]

  • Give the Dalai Lama the Medal of Freedom while China's having their big Communist Party meeting.
  • Inviting the Dalai Lama to hang out in the Oval Office at the White House.
  • Playing the National Anthem of the Republic of China ("Taiwan") by mistake while greeting the People's Republic's Prime Minister in Washington.

See Also[edit]

Blaming China
is part of a series on Politics.
Ideologies: [You are wrong!We are right!]

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Politicians: [Rigging Elections is funVote for me]

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Parties: [No beer? Fuck that.Hell yeah, a party!]

America's Third PartyBlack BlocDramacratic PartyHard PartyLemon PartyLiberal Party of AustraliaNorth American DONG PartyOBAMACORNSocialist Workers PartyPirate PartyZapatistas

Tactics: [Rage Quit.How do I get elect?]

2013 US Government ShutdownBlaming ChinaCaptain Nigga DefendaCloward Piven StrategyCuckservativesDemockeryG20 Toronto LollercaustLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberal guiltMacaca#NotMySuperbowlChampsOccupy DemocratsOperation LemonpartyPlastic StrawsRaped StatisticsThe ResistanceAugust 6 & 9 1945UpworthyWunderground

See also: 2012 Elections2016 Presidential ElectionsInternet PoliticsPizzaGatePolitical communities

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