Bob's Game

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Police.gif 5 YEARS FOR A FETCH QUEST AND MINIGAME DEMO


Robert Pelloni, as portrayed by Joel Moore

What does months of game development by a single person look like? Mark Griffin would tell you it looks like Bulletball, Pixel would tell you it looks like Cave Story, Mojang would tell you it looks like Minecraft, and 100s of other homebrew developers would have their own definitions to share with you. What does 15,000+ hours over the course of 5 years look like? Robert Pelloni is trying to tell you that it's the world's biggest game done by a single person. Too bad all he has to show for it is a fetch quest and a horrific body odor. This is a perfect example what happens when you don't have any friends to tell you to quit while you're ahead, or if you're too stupid to listen.

Bob's Game[edit]

Bob's Game is... well... nobody knows but Bob himself. You see, Bob's Game is actually a game within Bob's game, and he's not revealing it until the game launches. What exactly has Bob been working on these last 5 years? A pretty generic RPG Maker lookalike with a terrible sense of humor ripe with 4th wall breakage and meticulously crafted personalities for literally hundreds of NPCs. The game itself is pretty uninteresting on it's own, which makes you wonder how the fuck one person could spent literally over 9000 hours working on a game.

 
 
I'm a core gamer. I've played thousands of games and spent thousands on games. I can name hundreds of titles for nearly any system off of the top of my head.

I've beaten almost every significant game for every Nintendo platform. I even beat Virtual Boy Wario Land! (And I'm not blind!) I've played practically every demoscene game released in 10 years. I've played old-school adventure games, text games, DOS games, Flash games, Amiga games, you name it. I've played imports in Japanese without being able to read them. I'm still patiently "waiting" for Super Mario 64 2, Mario 128, and Earthbound 64. (Not Mother 3 for GBA, it's not the same.) I've never played Final Fantasy 7 because I'm still waiting for its release on Ultra 64. Yes, I know- it won't. I know "bob's game" is great. I even know that true fans don't want to be spoiled. They want to be surprised. I'm not showing it until it's out. It matters. End of story.
 


 

—Robert Pelloni, Gamer, Coder, Virgin.

You know who else made a game on their own by spending a ridiculous amount of personal resources and thought it was awesome? YouTube Favicon.png This guy.

The Math[edit]

Robert claims that he's spent over 15,000 hours on the game over the course of 5 years, first beginning with the Gameboy Advance. That's 624 days total, just short of 2 years. If he sleeps a minimum of 6 hours a day, that means he will have spent a minimum of 833 days at the computer. Now let's pretend he can only spend a maximum of 10 hours a day at the computer, he will have spent 4 years working more hours than someone working a fulltime job. Now, seeing as how he's 25 and probably has rent to pay, we're going to assume he spends 6 hours asleep, 40 hours at work during the week, and all his available free time on the weekend to work on the game, and we come to the conclusion that Robert Pelloni is a faggot. The only possible explanation is that his landlord is a saint, or he's living off his parents' hard earned jew gold.

It should be of no surprise to anyone that Bob is also a goon, giving credibility to the faggot theory.

The Protest[edit]

Nerd rage in still motion.

Now, for some reason, Robert is having a hard time accepting the fact that a relatively unknown one-man development team working on what equates to a one-man circle jerk will have a hard time convincing Nintendo to allow him access to the Nintendo DS SDK over companies with dozens of employees who publish and develop superior titles like Let's Play Mums and Imagine: Ballet Star. So what does a perennial recluse with a severe case of USI do? Shut himself in his room for 100 days on webcam. That'll show Reggie. Or, uh, not. It began with so much promise too.

 
 
I don't need a publisher, that's not the issue. I must become a licensed developer to have a licensed game with licensed tools.

I'm not asking Nintendo to publish my game- they aren't a publisher for third party titles. Many publishers are interested in "bob's game." All I'm asking from them is that they allow me to purchase a DVD with the software I need to get my game into retail shrinkwrap.

There is no cost to them whatsoever- in fact, they would be profiting from the SDK costs, and from every retail cartridge sold! I'm a bit frustrated with the process- Why is my development studio (Robert Pelloni LC) with a full, complete, polished, high-quality title being treated any differently than the hundreds of studios putting out "Fluffy Bunny's Movie Franchise Platformer 16?"

The issue is something else entirely. Someone at Nintendo doesn't like this project, because it blurs the line between homebrew and commercial. In the past, if you wanted to make games you got a job for EA- and worked on drawing a part of a shoe. I wanted to make the whole thing, so I did. What's wrong with that?


 

 

tl;dr: usi

When Nintendo sees it...

Despite his blustery wanking, Nintendo still couldn't give two shits about his awful game and ignored him. For 30 days. Robert was soundly defeated only a little more than a quarter way through his protest. How could he have known that Nintendo doesn't want to deal with people who write shit like this?

An accurate comparison.
 
 
Nintendo, you cannot continue ignoring me.

There is nobody like me. I have created the entire game, start to finish. I am far better than Miyamoto, Itoi, Kojima, Carmack, and Wright COMBINED. NONE of these "designers" could create the entire thing if their lives depended on it! They rely on the assistance of others- and take all the credit. They don't even deserve their titles! I have bested them all by far.

"bob's game" is a game by ONE PERSON, and it's one of the GREATEST GAMES EVER MADE- if not THE BEST. I stand alone on a mountain no other has even dared to climb. I have swam across the ocean only cruise ships could cross. I have walked through the desert of no return. I have stepped in the footprints of none, a path never taken. I have MADE HISTORY, and history cannot be undone. It's too late, Nintendo.

No man has ever accomplished what I have accomplished at 25 years old- it's no wonder you fear accepting this truth! My work has humiliated your teams of engineers. One young man- singlehandedly- has made their lifetime of work seem like child's play. How can they possibly compete with such overwhelming skill? It's not even fair, is it? That's too bad, Nintendo. I'm real, and I'm here. You can't ignore me forever. I AM RIGHT, AND IT WILL WORK.

I am the GREATEST GAME DEVELOPER THAT EVER LIVED. I am a GENIUS, and I will be around for the next 40 years- eating away at your company until it exists no longer. I will find way after way to slowly destroy your bottom line, and your business will fail. The name NINTENDO will be forgotten, a discarded husk like so many others. "bob's game" will live on FOREVER.

THOSE WHO DOUBT ME- YOU WILL BE PROVEN WRONG. IN TIME THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL. PREPARE TO EAT YOUR WORDS.

YES, I AM COMPLETELY SERIOUS!

WHO'S TAKING NAMES NOW, REGGIE?!
 


 

—Shortly after this came a severe onset of troll's remorse

His blog quickly became a trainwreck of split-personalities posting really stupid shit, pretty much giving up the ghost that it was all one really stupid fucking troll. Or not, nobody knows and nobody cares. If any of this was an example of Bob's creativity when it comes to creating dialogues and personalities, it's safe to assume that his game would have fucking sucked no matter how much effort went into it anyway. We'll all know for sure when the Steam port gets pirated, since nobody is going to buy it on the iPhone.

The Nintendo Store[edit]

On February 1st, 2009, Bob felt Nintendo was still ignoring him, so he put on his super cool leather outfit, spent hours in bed to get his hair right, and hired three asian people he randomly picked off the street in order to raid the Nintendo store in New York. Of course nothing really happened since the store was practically empty, so he had to do with just harrassing the staff, putting bunches of posters on the walls practically overlapping each other and generally act like a nuisance. Of course, the staff didn't do the logical thing and call security, since this weirdo actually worked at the store anyway.

Unlike the other videos on Bob's channel, the video has more dislikes than likes, as a result of being exposed to a far wider audience than just Bob's sockpuppet accounts.

The Denial[edit]

On February 5th, 2009, Bob's stash of bricks was shat instantaneously when he discovered a reply from Nintendo in his inbox. But not all was well in the world of Bob, for he had no idea what would happen next:

 
 
Thank you for your interest for Authorized Developer status for Nintendo DS.

We have completed our evaluation of your application and are unable to offer your company Authorized Developer status at the present time.

In evaluating developers, Nintendo looks for relevant game development experience. In addition, Nintendo looks for secure business facilities, sufficient equipment and staffing, financial stability and other attributes that would distinguish the developer.

Nintendo provides Authorized Developers with highly confidential information and many of Nintendo's Licensees rely on recommendations and referrals by Nintendo to Authorized Developers. For these reasons, Nintendo exercises a very high level of discretion in approving only a select number of applicants.

In accordance with our policies, we are not able to re-evaluate requests for developer status for at least six months. Again, we appreciate your interest, and welcome any questions or concerns you might have regarding this decision.

Best regards,

Software Development Support Group & Licensing Department Nintendo of America & Nintendo of Europe
 


 

Laugh out fucking loud.

For now, the threat of Bob's Game upsetting Madden 2010 and Petz: Pistol Shrimpz on the sales charts is quelled, and maybe he'll finally fucking release the thing as freeware. However, it's highly unlikely since Bob is completely unable to cope with the word "no" and will probably continue his rampage until he's pissed off Sony as well.

The Waaaaambulance[edit]

When the realization of his rejection finally set in, Bob decided to do what any indie game designer would do: make a horribly mixed youtube video portraying the other side as the bad guy and himself as the headstrong hero. On March 3rd, 2009, Bob uploaded a mock-up video of a meeting between himself and Nintendo (the reveal is hiding behind the dialogue banner at the end.)

Of course, we all know that in reality this all just equates to Bob being told to fuck off for refusing to demonstrate his game or even be willing to show how it's marketable aside from the whole "I MADE IT ALONE" angle. The astute reader will also notice there are no negative or critical posts in this video. This is because Bob, being the humble individual that he is, has been deleting every piece of criticism that has been posted.

The "Successful" Troll[edit]

Last Thursday bob released a video that was supposed to reveal the use of the touch screen. At then end though, he makes the big reveal that his ever-so-clever blog was just a planned advertisement.

 
 
I had seen it with my own eyes, but... I still. NINTENDO... Why?
 

 

The Setup[edit]

Bob (who is still a greedy whiny egoist IRL despite of what it seems) shows proof that the "rampage" in his room and "attack" on the Nintendo Store was fake and filmed in his home, like any good independent developer

nD[edit]

Boob has gotten so butthurt at his rejection by nintendo, that he wants to make and sell his own faggy console at no profit. He wants to manufacture a game console of some sort and sell it for tree fiddy. Knowing bob, he will spend ten years designing it and then get too pissed off at nothing to ever start manufacturing.

The voice-over was done by Darth Vader


In reality, he's probably just been hitting the bowl too hard lately, like "man, I should totally make my own game system, man, I would totally sell it for only what it costs to make it, and I would let other people totally do whatever the hell they want with it, like just because, man..."

Sound familiar?

Kikestarter[edit]

Bob's now attempting to raise Kickstarter money to move out of his car and into a van where he can finally finish his masterpiece of gaming. Good luck with that, Bob. Everyone's rooting for you. Chances are that even if his funding is successful, he'll just squander the funds on more attention seeking bullshit.

Bob (fucking finally) gives up...[edit]

It's official! Bob has repeatedly stated that he is going to give up, refund the kickstarter and open source the engine! lol jk.. we all know that's too much work for him.
Anyways BRB... making a lulzy mod w/ the engine

...And goes onto an even more unrealistic project[edit]

On 27th Feb 2016, Bob decides to that he wants to become a Billionaire with a brand new idea: desks with touchscreens. Not accounting for the fact that people aren't likely to give $5 to someone with no successful business ventures, Bob works out that the fastest and most efficient way to join the leagues of Russian oligarchs and Bill Gates is to start a GoFundMe campaign, and making careful wording on the description in the hopes that people will be fooled into thinking he isn't a one man band. A list of others things that have gone unaccounted:

- The actual cost of producing and selling this, Bob probably doesn't know what $1 billion could buy.
- It took 5 years to make a game nobody bought, how long is it going to take one man to build a secure, reliable, educational desk to be shipped all over the world.
- He works in his apartment, where he probably couldn't build an actual desk, let alone an educational operating system on top of it.
- Would schools actually buy something which would instantly be ruined by children drawing dicks on them.
- Did anyone ask for this.

2 months on (and probably for eternity), EDUGAME has expectedly made $0.

Also, look at this ultra-realistic and unbiased wikipedia page linked on his website, compared to this fallacy-ridden slander.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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