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Bodybuilding is a
sport homoerotic beauty pageant where walking drug stores in thongs flex their shredded glutes for a bunch of closeted fags. Bodybuilders are very sexy, if you find fugly veins, tiny penises, and outrageous vanity to be a turn on. Stupid to start with, bodybuilders add to their natural retardation by taking steroids, insulin, human growth hormone, diuretics, and synthol though they will vehemently deny it. Yeah, it's all protein shakes, egg white omelets and creatine.
The bodybuilding industry is a scam meant to prey on your insecurities for the purpose of selling you worthless, overpriced supplements, while showing off bodybuilders with enough prescription and or illegal drugs in them to stock a pharmacy. All but the top pro bodybuilders are poorly paid and must resort to gay 4 pay for the industries' many repressed homosexual schmoes to make ends meet. Pro bodybuilders are incredibly unhealthy due to muscular obesity and can't run up a flight of stairs without passing out.
The History of Bodybuilding
Bodybuilding began at least 100 years ago when Jesus advised the Jews that they should maintain physical strength and fitness in order to properly complete manual activities, such as building the pyramids.
It fell into disfavor when people discovered guns but became popular again when Arnold Schwarzenegger proved that determination, hard work, and six-pack glutes can make a person rich and famous despite stupidity and the inability to speak English.
Types of workout AIDS:
- Protein - The cocaine that fuels the Jersey shore. Looks like chunky sperm and/or diarrhea and tastes like a combination of both. PUSH IT TO THE MAX!!! Test your body's ability to process nitrogen by taking over 500 grams of protein a day, shitting out your kidneys and filling the whites of your eyes with the yellow byproduct of dying organ tissue and blood cells. You'll get HUGE lifting your dialysis machine around for the rest of your life!
- Creatine - Science will tell you creatine is a naturally occurring organic acid that supplies energy to muscle cells. This is in fact LIES. Creatine is over 9000 times moar powerful than PCP and steroids combined and is harvested from the tender young glands of baby whales.
- Special Ability: 5% chance to critical hit against innocent bystanders, and grants a base +6 damage also cumulative with any other bonuses during random encounters with 98 pound weaklings.
- Nitric Oxide (NO) - NO U. Gives you roadmap-like veins on your dick and generates cancer-causing free radicals in your bloodstream. Fuckin win!
- Special Ability: Summon unsightly forehead veins.
- NOXPLODE - Need an extra 500 unregulated/untested chemicals pumping through your bloodstream while you work out? FUCK YES YOU DO! Thats why you paid $65 for it at GNC!
- Special Ability: +75 to ipod volume. +30 to grunting. These stats gain a 5% bonus in strength per number of "Fraternity Bros" in gym.
- Steroids - Builds so much muscle and RAAAAAAGE that you will spend your free time beating your wife and son to death while simultaneously masturbating to yourself in the mirror with your tiny cock and balls. Combine with oxycontin to hang yourself from a cable pulldown machine in your basement.
- Special Ability: Summon Spotter -Instantly forces the nearest pencil neck with stats equivalent to your own divided by half to follow you around for 180 seconds, assisting you by attacking your opponents and massaging your ego about how awesome you are until either the timer runs out, or the minion is slain.
- METHAMPHETAROIDS!!! - Grants immortality and the ability to punch women and children into alternate dimensions. Side effects are generally mild.
- Special Ability: 9001% bonus to strength, rape stamina and violent outbursts. Immunity from tazers.
- HYPHY MUD - Made by the one and only kali muscle, this is a mixture of coca cola and ground coffee beans to give you the best
heart attackworkout possible!
Where do they get the money to buy all the shitty "supplements" you ask? Most bodybuilders don't make a living from bodybuilding. Only the ones that make it into film like The Governator make any money from the "sport". Where they do make the money is from gay porn and "gay for pay" sessions. Female bodybuilders make their money turning semi-tricks for schmoes who enjoy a muscular gal scissoring them to near suffocation.
Web Chat About Bodybuilders
- Pr0n of bodybuilding grandmas. WARNING:Clicking this link might make your eyes asplode.
- GameDaily Community Forum: Why I Think Drinking Is Bad
- "God, all bodybuilders are retards, and a danger to not only themselves but to society as well. Get that muscle gained through artificial means off their bodies and the world will be a better place, I say! [...] And after we get rid of the buff people, we'll kill the fat people and use their oil-laden bodies to feed the starving children in Africa, who by the way, WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN STARVING if those self-absorbed egocentric selfish bodybuilders hadn't been wasting all of those calories! Viva la normality!" --Bolt
- Testosterone Nation Forum
- "I just think Shugart takes a much bigger swipe at the fatter guys than the skinnier guys. It seems like he's saying 'Fuck you, you 350lb tub of lard! You should be 9% bodyfat!!! Shame on you!!!'" --RIT Jared
- Wanna Be Big Bodybuilding -- What Separates Us From Them
- "Im an athelete, not a bodybuilder, and the number one irritating comment I hear is 'You are so lucky to be so slim!'. I tell my friends that the hardest excercise I do every day is the one where I knock the stuffing out of the big fat, lazy, chocolate eating, tv watching, asswipe that lives deep inside of me."
- Roid Gut the End of the Aesthetic Physique
- "In mid 80's, Human Growth Hormone (HGH) and Insulin became popular drugs with professional bodybuilders. The net result, with these top level competitors, is the "Roid Gut". Now days, we have bodybuilders sporting a 40-46" waists. I am guessing, of course, since no competitor would dare share the mammoth size of their waistlines."
Because bodybuilders cannot get enough of themselves, they go to youtube to give away shitty advice and get their ass kissed by sexless virgins and faggots. An easy way to identify one of these bodybuilders is if they:
- Aren't wearing a shirt
- Have a bodybuilding.com account
- Have tutorials on how to squat
- Are selling their shitty protein products.
An example of some of these youtubers are:
- Kali Muscle - A roid rager who sells his shitty protein products to uninformed viewers. He is on the verge of liver failure and his channel consists of shitty workouts that are guaranteed to not work.
- Strength Camp - A bodybuilder that actually gives good advice. He has admitted to using steroids in the past and commonly talks about spiritual and voodoo shit.
- Six-Pack Shortcuts - An Azn who makes money by selling his shitty products and breaking more peoples bones with his crappy workout tutorials. He is one of the most subscribed channels due to his advertising on other channels and websites.
Typical Bodybuilder Workout Day
- 5AM: Steroid Injection
- 5:15AM: Weigh-in... 1000 pounds (morbidly obese, BUT it's muscle, NOT fat!
- 6AM: Breakfast: 50 egg omelet mixed with Creatine.
- 7AM: Workout with 2L of Sperm Supplement
- 12PM: Lunch: horse dicks in sperm sauce (bodyfags regard cocks to be the best source of protein and eat copious amounts; they also believe that sucking the cocks of men and animals is a 100% absorption method of the precious amino acids)
- 1PM: Workout with Urine Electrolyte Booster Supplement
- 7PM: Dinner: a whole cow
- 7:15PM: Workout
- 11PM: Weigh-in... 10.000 pounds (thanks to eating your mom) The bodyfag then immediately has an orgasm and exclaims "Yes!!! I have gained 9.000 pounds of pure muscle in this day! I'm almost reaching my goal of being 100.000 pounds of pure force!!!!!!!")
- 12AM: Sleep (but only if gay sex isn't available)
NOTE: Time spent between hours is looking in the mirror and/or flexing the muscles and/or gay sex.
NOTE2: Cardio is always included in the form of fapping furiously to pictures of muscular gay men for extended periods of time.
In any case, all sane people know that bodyfag "muscles" are just fatty, watery, roidy, inflated, toxic cancerous cells and not true muscle mass that real men possess.
Bodybuilders are typically very easy to troll, due to their tiny brains and massive amounts of testosterone/steroid abuse. These will all send a body builder into a blinding roid rage. He will try to throw you hella far but will only destroy his monitor before he realizes he can't squish someone in an internet conversation. Then he will go to the gym to sulk and pump some iron. Another sure fire way to troll a bodybuilder is to ask how many cock pushups he/she/it can do. Since their cocks have been swallowed up by muscle mass due to massive weightlifting, they can do a whole 0.
- Tell him his triceps look small.
- Tell them they could get bigger if they used Steroids. This will either cause them to up their dose of the steroids they are taking or will get them started.
- Say "Your muscles are big but they are not too defined, try some lightweights so your muscles don't look like massive blobs under your skin".
- Tell them how much success you have had with a high carb no protein diet, and stick to your story.
- Tell them you work out 1/4 as much as them and are twice as big.
- Any workout they say they do tell them "I used to do that too when i first started"
- Ask if benching 200 pounds is so easy for you why do you need to have a guy 1/2 your size spot you?
- Tell them that bodybuilding is a homosexual oriented activity, aimed at gays or closeted fags.
- Tell them that steroids are unsafe and cause roid rage.
- Tell them that 'a calorie is a calorie'.
- Tell them that an obviously roided up bodybuilder is all natural.
- Tell them that the squat is bad for the knees.
- Tell them that you don't train legs, because you play football / soccer / any other sport that preferentially does not involve any weight training.
These are the easiest to find, just run a search on a name like __(single letter) dawg and it will yield many results. They usually have some shitty rap song on their profile and/or the current most popular rock band there is. In their albums it will be hard not to find a picture that does not involve them posing with a flexed arm or just lifting up their T-shirt to show their 6 pack.Typical blogs go something like this: I have not hit the gym in liek 4 weeks but i lost like 5 pounds of fat I have just started working out again it has only been like 3 days. I got on the scale for the first time in months and I in just 3 days I have put on like 10 lbs of muscle. These guys are pretty easy to troll too, just tell them that a 6 pack is impressive on a 170lbs man and NOT impressive on someone who only weighs 140lbs.