Brazil

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The fag of Brazil.
The flag as of July 2014
In conclusion, Brazil is one of the most bizarre lands of contrasts.

Brazil, officially known as Brazil, Third World Extraordinaire, is a shitty half-ape infested garbage dump trying to be America, but its people keep stuffing stolen money in their underwear. The Brazilian population is 45% White-black mongrel, 45% Brazilian Sand Niggers, 8% Pink People and 1% Asian. As such, they have achieved notoriety on the interweb by being the most computer-retarded people on the planet. They've ravished many online DeviantARTs and games with their imposed faggotry and dumbshittedness, not to mention their English skills. For their extreme noobish and arrogant behavior in many online commonplaces, they are often labeled Brs.

Excellent command of the English language.

The Internets is arguably a more serious business in Brazil than anywhere else. In no other place can people be kidnapped over a shitty online game account and cause a national commotion and lulz storm. Brazil has contributed many lulz in the form of cell phone videos. According to LiveLeak data, 85% of Brazilians are off-duty cops, 10% are on-duty cops and 5% are professional soccer players, and any number of them are trying to rob or abduct each other at any given time.

The south of Brazil has the hottest girls that God has ever seen and over 9000 internet abusers realize that the girls in their shitty state are nowhere near these beauties. A normal person could look at the plethora of supermodels that originate from this part of the world, or pedos could look at beach lolis. The southern brazilian women is also considered the only safe kind of women in Brazil for sex as they are not infected with the Brazilian House Flu which is a common disease in Brazil. Brazilian women however do not shake hands upon meeting someone, insted they have anal sex.

Brazil's current 8-year term president, cleaning his nose with what is most likely a woman's panties.
A Brazilian man in his native habitat.

Economy[edit]

Brazilian economy revolves around prostitution, sex slavery, soccer, kidnapping Gringos and durgs. Whatever you seek, you WILL find it in Brazil. The map below shows the Brazilian economy in all of its diversity.

Brazilians don't need no /b/

Ethnicity[edit]

Brazil's most prominent Jewish leader's mugshot.
Brazil is currently dealing with a large ape infestation.

There are a small number of Jews in Brazil, all of them living in the city of São Paulo. The leader of the Brazilian Jewish community, Henry Sobel, has recently provoked much drama both IRL and on teh internets. He was caught red-handed shoplifting a bunch of ties from a Louis Vuitton store in Palm Beach, California. He then said he felt like some sort of strange force was acting over him, and everyone pointed at the Jews, lol'd, and moved on.

The largest ethnic groups in Brazil are however, the White-black mongrels and the Brazilian Sand Niggers, also know as Nordestinos. These groups are closely related and the last one generates the first one after they procreate by raping the 8% Master Race and 1%Asian part of the population. A Brazilian Sand Nigger is the cross-breed between a Mexican ( or any other mexican speaking race for that matter ), a Sand Nigger and a wild Nigger. These creatures appeared in Brazil around 1600 and are responsible for the destruction of the once fertile and heaven-like area in the Northeastern part of Brazil called Nordeste, which is now an enormous desert-like cancer slowly spreading to the rest of the Country. A typical Brazilian Sand Nigger feeds on happiness and prosperity and leaves behind a trail of cancer and endless numbers of it's own spawn. Once a Brazilian Biologist studying the nature of Brazilian Sand Niggers determined one single specimen can single-handedly be responsible for the destruction of an entire city. When Brazilian Sand Niggers mate, they can generate over 9000 children. However, when near a white women, the Brazilian Sand Nigger male will do everything he can in order to rape and impregnate her, generating the White-black mongrels. Brazilian Sand Niggers are of migratory/parasitic nature, once they destroy the place they've settled in, they move on to another area. When the new area is also home to their Natural Enemy, they settle around the area, slowly penetrating into the city and making it a suitable habitat through rape and crime. Thought stupidly dumb, the Brazilian Sand Nigger is a cunning creature and can deceive you in a matter of seconds, however it can also be easily tricked if promised free food or if you convince it you're Jesus, given it's religious nature and tendency to see God in everything, including shit. A typical Brazilian Sand Nigger female will give you free buttsex for seemingly no reason at all, but be aware, she is either trying to marry you by thinking anal sex will get her pregnant, or, in most cases, trying to give you the AIDS.

The White-black mongrels are somewhat similar to the Brazilian Sand-Niggers although they seem smarter and more willing to engage in honest behaviour, such as work. Typically, they reproduce in a similar fashion to their cousins, but usually like to stick to mating with their own, and the Upper-Class White Person is their arch enemy. They are likely to engage in Pedo behaviour, which is seen as a positive thing both by the Pedo part as the victim part, a common tradition among youths of this groups is called "Pegar as novinhas", or "Get the young ones" in English. If a girl is still a virgin by the time she is 12, then she is considered a Saint by their peers. This group is usually very easy to manipulate, considering the Brazilian government is frequently using them to gain votes. They are stupidly religious and are capable of extreme acts of violence when confronted with an Atheist, however, most of them are deeply afraid of Atheists and will only act when in larger numbers.

The small white and asian parts of the population avoid contact with the other groups by isolating themselves in closed societies and by carrying firearms as a means of protection. They are usually found in the Southern regions of Brazil. These are also the only kinds of Brazilians that can be trusted and are not infected with AIDS. The new generations of this part of the population are shy members of the internet, participating in some websites ashamed of their Brazilian heritage and usually acting friendly with everyone, however, they are prone to say stupid shit that makes no sense. The typical Brazilian white youth is often found desperately trying to get out of the country, through any means necessary. The number one cause of suicides in this class is that they often realize they are stuck in a decaying society and opt for death. When not being raped or mugged by the Brazilian Sand Niggers, they are often found working, being rich, or protecting their women from the Brazilian Sand Niggers.

National sport[edit]

The most popular sport in Brazil is child abduction, which they do after soccer season for the lulz. Often, Brazilian men will get a sex change, move to America, marry some faggot weeaboo who only leaves /b/ and his house to buy crack and transvestite hookers. Then they will get knocked up, have the child nine months later, wait like a hungry wolf, then storm off to the airport to steal the child away back to Faggotland. Child abduction is a sophisticated, intricate sport that is scored according to the following point system:

  • Making it back successfully: 300 pts.
  • Teaching the child Portugese: 50 pts.
  • raep: 10 pts. per occurrence
  • Using the Brazilian legal system to cover your ass: 5,000 pts.
  • Turning the child gay: 100 pts.
  • Convince the child to do porn: 50 pts.
  • Make the child a Dallas Cowboys fan: 100 pts.
  • Turning the father gay: 300 pts.
  • Sucker the biological father to come to Brazil to fight for custody, just to be pushed through the gauntlet of surgically enhanced dicks (see Brazilian legal system): 1000 pts. per occurrence.

The current world champion of Brazilian child abduction is Bruna Bianchi, scoring a world record of 3,451,900 points for the abduction of Sean Goldman in 2004. She died in 2008 from doing what she did best, sucking cocks. The autopsy reports that she suffered from asphyxiation due to having nine dicks in her mouth at once. She also holds the world record for the most Cleveland steamers received and biggest pussy mole.

Gay acceptance[edit]

The Brazilian gay migratory patterns.
Can you spot the real woman in that picture?

Brazil is internationally renowned as the world's capital of faggotry. There it is common to see tons of colorful people parading through the streets to prove that it is okay to be fabulous. In fact, there is such acceptance from the society that they hold contests to see who is the gayest of the gay.

If you are looking to go to Brazil, then know that it is easy for you to find good places to go to as the country is infested with happy people such as yourself and your mom.

Transvestites/Transsexuals[edit]

Lulz, no rly.
Known for transsexuals and bestiality.

Since the Brazilian population is made up primarily of niggers, faggots and hott wimmins, it is only logical to assume that some of those would cross the line. In pretty much any major city, at least 10% of the population will be made up of transvestites. In fact, they have even gone beyond and started showing up in other countries. They are also very famous in porn, achieving notoriety among homos like Something Awful goons who constantly fap to Brazilian transvestite or transgender porn. This notoriety is possible thanks to the herculean effort of many foreign male tourists who still love biting a sausage more than eating a pussy in Brazil.

It is common for newcomers to Brazil to find that women are more often men, specially if found lurking around cheap bars. They are also known to lurk around schools, parks and any other public places. This is much more common and socially accepted in Brazil than in America, as tells this account of a persecuted transvestite:

"I am a Scottish transvestite/homosexual who moved from the USA to Brazil. I find people more accepting of my lifestyle here, whereas in the snobby states of America people look down upon you just because you prefer to dress differently, or prefer different behavior. I'll never forget the dirty looks and hushed mumbles I used to get just for walking down the street wearing fishnet stockings and a leopard print g-string."

-Anonymous

Sick Americans. Not even leopard print g-string?

Body language[edit]

Since apes have not fully mastered a civilized language, moving your body is the only form of communication with the natives.

  • For instance, in Brazilian, walking down a boulevard wearing socks and sandals means "My foreign money is too much of a weight on my back pocket, please mug me!"
  • Neying your head or repeating no, or não several times means "Yes of course I am interested in buying yet another plaster copy of the Christ instead of enjoying the beach, please ask me again persistently"
  • Vaguely looking at a girl's ass means "I'm into transvestites and willing to pay and then get mugged at my hotel to suck a young favelinho STD syringe while wearing a leopard print G-string!

Culture[edit]

Best things to come out of Brazil next to cheap labor.
Anytime Brazilians claim to be white, this is usual the case.
A fan showing her devotion to the team by distracting the other team which isn't gay.

Brazil's culture consists of two things: soccer and women. If you don't like soccer in Brazil, you likely fall into the she-male category. They pride themselves in the fact that they have won the World Cup more times than anyone else, even though it doesn't really matter because any good Brazilian player doesn't play in Brazil anyways. In Brazil, it is also considered a religion. But one of the main reasons that Brazilians are so fast, and have good reflexes (used only for the purpose of soccer and chasing little white girls) is because they spend their whole childhood stealing bread and running away from the police up to the hills in which crack is more of a citizen than dirt to ground.

A common hobby of many Brazilians is to rape, steal and kill people just for the lulz. They even made a movie about it (No RLY!). Although many people are outraged by the current situation of crime in the country, government officials are often confused as to why people are so worried since it's been happening ever since they can remember.

Brazil is also famous for its wimmenz with nice asses. Although true that they exist, it is hard to find one outside of the beaches of Rio de Janeiro. Many silly people go to the nation's copy of New York, São Paulo, thinking they will find nice assed easy-to-get women, only to find more transvestites. In Rio, they will get not only women, but also a bullet in the forehead. Consider that a bonus.

Typical Dishes[edit]

Brazilians have over 9000 regional dishes. Their main national dish is consisted of the shitty parts of pork no other nation will touch with a ten foot pole, and bananas...on account that all Brazilians are nigras. It's like eating haggis but in a tropical place.

Other things Brazilians eat are:

History[edit]

It is a fact that Brazil was founded by criminals and niggers sent away from Portugal since they refused to steal only from the peasants. Many African slaves went to Brazil after being promised fried chicken and watermelon. After having created a semi-functional society, they based their nationalism on raping and chopping off Indian woman's hands and mutilating their genitals. This is also known as colonialism. The remainder of the Indians were shipped to the North Pole where they established fishing colonies and became Eskimos.

Typical Brazilian products of the 16th century.

After that, they buttfucked the nature of the land, devastating forests while mining for gold which wasn't so hard to find, but they still had little success at that what with the nigras kept hiding the gold nuggets in their anuses, and the fact that they weren't great negotiators. The original deal with Portugal was that the Empire was to keep 200% of every piece of gold found while the rest went to the locals. Naturally, the Brazilians loved the second part of the deal and strived to rape the land as much as they could in order to get some out of the deal. After they realized their stupidity, they decided to plant sugar cane and then coffee beans. After a couple of hundred years of slow business there they quit at everything and remained poor until the early 90s when they invented Carnival. A scheme created by Brazilian trolls to gain wealth by attracting poor, unsuspecting tourists with young women and caipirinha. After the tourists tire of sexual escapades, millions of niggers attack said tourists, rob them of their money, jewelry and shoes, and repeat the scheme for five days. After that, on the 6th day, set the buses that go to the airport on fire for the lulz. They call that day "Quarta-feira de Cinzas" or "Ash Wednesday."

Also, sometime around last Thursday, they fought back against the oppressive rule of Portugal to create their own independent corrupt government. To prove themselves a developed society, they harbored Nazi war criminals to strenghten the national economy. Until recently, it was dominated by the military as all South American nations have at some point.

Brazil's only win ever was earned at the Paraguay War, when said country was pwned through use of the warfare tactic known as Arrastão, or nigger rush.

Weed[edit]

The typical Brazilian youth only has one concern in mind, which is getting weed legal. Those that advocate practices such as working are often hunted and eaten by a pack of ghetto hippies.

People[edit]

Full Brazilian.

Brazilians are notoriously known for infesting Warcraft 3 realms, dominantly Eurobattle.net. They have also completely taken over US Warsong server on WoW. They are easy to identify, as they form approximately 80% of the players throughout the day. They can also be identified by the following traits:

  • Never speaks English, ignores common phrases such as "from?".
  • Sometimes uses Babelfish (moar like Babelshit, amirite?) translations to English in forums, resulting in high levels of lulz.
  • Immediately quits the game when his hero dies for the first time
  • When someone loads a map four times as slow as you, it is undoubtedly a Brazilian.
  • Name consists solely of lowercase letters, though recently many Brazilians have adopted names with differing uppercase letters, even adding leetspeak in order to fool others. They can still be identified by obvious Portuguese influences or added stupid number combinations such as 123456 or 666.
  • Are known for their obnoxiously retarded laughs, for example:
    • HAUAHAUhaauhuAHAUHSUAHSUHUAHUAHAUHA
    • UASHUASHUASHUASHUASHUASHUHAUHUHAUHSUHASAUSHASUHASUHUASSSHH
    • AEHUEIHAE
    • haIUEUAIEHIuheiuHEUIAheuiHEUIAHEIhaeiuheuiHAIE
    • shushsuhsushsuhsushushs
    • kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
    • RSRSRSRSRSRSRSRSRS
    • FUCK NOOOOOOOOB kkkk SPARTAN AHDUSHDUASHDUAHUHAUAHADUASHUAHUAHUD
Typical Brazilian Conversation - Now with HUEUHEHUEU
  • Now speaking about soccer, Brazil claims to be the best country in the world but after seeing the fat-ass of Ronaldo and the defeat against Argentina in the Olympics, we discovered the truth that they can only build faulty spaceships which explode before takeoff. Brazil is also the bitch of Argentina.
  • What kind of music do the Brazilians listen to?

BUILD THAT WALL FOLKS

An estimated 47 percent of all people born in Brazil begin their lives as prom night dumpster babies.


o sistema de eliminação de bebê

Trivia[edit]

Did you know that:

  • The Brazilians only recently discovered the wheel?
  • In some places, Brazilians wear clothes?
  • It's legal to piss on the street, litter and drive on the wrong lane in Brazil if you do it for the lulz?
  • Orkut is the official website of Brazil?
  • Wearing money in your underwear is a common trend? Everyone does it.
  • You can buy AIDS for R$ 5.00 bucks?
  • Brazilian kids train at teh seks with baboons and other monkeys before going to the town whore when they turn 6 years old?
  • Brazilians are also known as "Jungle Niggers?"
  • Brazilians are known for creating the best free downland to learn Esperanto? Only downside is the Brazilian accent.
  • Brazil's watermelon agriculture is in crisis due to teh constant nigger raids?
  • They can't speak worth shit in English or Spanish!!!!?
  • Brazilians can't speak Portuguese well, even though it's their native language?
  • It is a 2nd safe haven for pedophiles after Thailand according to studies?

How to troll a brazillian[edit]

They are one of the easiest people on the interwebz to troll as you only need to do one thing to trigger them: talk trash about Brazil. Srsly, even though most of them are not patriots, they get extremely annoyed if you diss their country, regardless if they started it in the first place. If one says something like "Brazil is bad/corrupt", you go and agree, but then start turning up a notch for a certain amount of time until they start using ALL CAPS and saying YOUR country is shit, whatever it may be. Extra points if you say brazillians speak spanish and/or missplace their captial. To see the ultimate trollage on Brazil, watch the Simpsons' episode 5 season 13 "Blame It on Lisa", it got banned for 10 whole years.

Gallery[edit]

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