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2019. Just when everyone thought the year would be shit and lackluster, (+2 others!) Master Chief Brenton Harrison Tarrant卐, a.k.a the Kiwi Kebab Killer, is a heroic IRL JC Denton Aussie troll who took it upon himself to remove the Mooslem filth from a country whose existence was questionable at best. Fictitious or not, all experts agreed that New Zealand was the last place on earth to find Muzzlims. Before going on his rampage, Brenton posted his manifesto to 8chan and 4chan; there, he namedropped famous Swedish neon-nazi PewDiePie and Norwegian WoW aficionado Anders Behring Breivik as inspirations. This resulted in massive amounts of lulz and butthurt from the lamestream media who took his massive shitpost of a manifesto at face value, including the ever-trustworthy (((CNN))).
Like every other white devil before and after him, Brenton lacked originality and elected to lazily cover the same ground as ISIS by gunning down unarmed civilians in a house of worship. Perhaps counterintuitively, he believed that this would somehow influence the gun laws in an entirely different country and culminate in a civil war that would end with his ascension to the coveted role of king of the white pplz (though the title has already been claimed by Breivheart). While the lucrative Kebab Removal business is considered to be a well-respected trade, this koala molester shamed the profession by defacing his guns with autistic white nationalist slogans, the names of some dead European cunts, and memes staler than the rice cakes in your grandma's cupboard. Leave it to an Australian to shitpost this hard in real life.
—Brenton Tarrant, minutes before topping the Oceanic leaderboard.
Combine Dylann Storm Roof's and Anders Behring Breivik's incoherent ramblings about race, Elliot Rodger's emotional overreactions to seeing people he dislikes, a healthy helping of the Unabomber's neo-luddism, and a generous amount of Charles Manson's delusions of starting a race war (though this is true for nearly every mass shooter who thinks they'll start a revolution), and you will get Tarrant's gay fucking manifesto, but with over 9000% more memes.
In his typo-laden 80-page manifesto filled with old memes and faggish poetry (some of it is his own), Tarrant lays out his worldview and goal, which boils down to him seeing a bunch of niggers one time and getting so angry that he drove off in a huff while crying and concluding that an Australian gym trainer who shoots up a mosque in New Zealand would start a race war in America.
In between trolling the normie media and inexplicable lapses in intelligibility, Brenton explains his grand scheme which essentially is to make American liberals repeal the Second Amendment, followed by a civil war that will divide the country by race. This will all end with with the revival of the white race, all thanks to him.
The reality is that New Zealand, which already had tight gun laws, took this opportunity to tighten them even more while planning to show their tolerance by increasing third world immigration. Meanwhile, just like every other spree killer with a manifesto about how his actions will change the world, Brenton will spend the rest of his life in jail, watching as nothing happens and society forgets him. This is hardly a punishment since New Zealand prisons are quite comfortable. In any case, Brenton is Australian so the majority of his ancestors were probably career criminals used to life behind bars.
Brenton Visits Mosque
Full livestream with no audio cutoff.
Before going on his shooting spree, Brenton posted a thread on 8chan to share his manifesto and photos and set up his GoPro livestream. All suited up, he advises his audience to "subscribe to PewDiePie." The stream follows him driving to his destination, the Masjid Al Noor by Hagley Park, the only large mosque in town that was , all while playing "Remove Kebab", Arthur Brown's "Fire", a Fallschirmjäger bass remix, and the Initial D theme song "Gas Gas Gas". Thankfully, because it was Friday in a heavily Muslim-infested part of town, traffic was light and he arrived quickly, so we are spared his top ten anime songs playlist and favorite YTPMVs. He goes down a narrow driveway and nearly gets stuck trying to turn around, calling his mistake "some Austin Powers shit"; so much for careful planning.
With the British Grenadiers (a song people have been dying to for the past 3 centuries) blasting out of his sound system, our protagonist grabs his AR-15 and semi-auto shotgun that's smeared with retarded /pol/ slogans and calmly makes his way towards the front entrance. The bystanders pay no attention to what they assume is a fellow jihadi returning from Syria. After his brother greets him at the door, Brenton starts off stylishly with some shotgun blasts into the crowd before switching to his trusty assault rifle. After emptying all of his mags into the piles of bodies and having nothing left to do, he stands bewildered then walks back outside to grab another AR-15. He strolls in again and skewers the resting kebabs for a few minutes (ensuring they don't use their Mohammedan powers to turn undead).
Brenton walks out yet AGAIN to shoot a woman who was napping on the sidewalk. He stares at a jerrycan of gasoline and contemplates burning the place down, but for some reason mumbles "there's not enough time," despite continuing to meander for another minute. He leaves some guns in the driveway, gets in his car, and takes off, turning the dead woman into a halal speed bump in the process. He nervously drives north on Deans Avenue with several loaded guns beside him. He brakes, shoots out his window at some passersby, frantically turns a couple of corners, runs out of service, and the stream ends.
After streaming, Brenton visits the Linwood Islamic Centre and removes an additional seven kebabs for dessert. According to the old media, a mudslime threw a credit card machine at our protagonist who got spooked, presumably under the assumption that it was a bomb (because let's be honest, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary), and runs away in panic. En route to his 'bonus objective', a mosque in Ashburton, he was rammed off-road and finally busted by the pigs 20 minutes after he fired his first shot.
|Kill count:||51/20 (49 injured) Second deadliest mass shooting in the civilized (non-American/warzone) world.|
|Accuracy:||10/20 Could've killed far more mudslimes; pussied out due to a thrown card machine.|
|Style:||40/20 Plays Remove Kebab, baits media, fucks with Candace Owens, and a million other memes; the first post-ironic shooter.|
|Butthurt:||20/20 NZ peacefags horrified, as are Mudslimes the world over. TABLES TURNED MUTHAFUCKAS!!!1!!|
|Bonus:||20/20 Overall excellence in style, planning, and butthurt.|
|Total Score: 141/100 (S++)|
Ausfags are even better at mass shooting than Burgers, proving shitpost supremacy once and for all.
See full ranking
Despite what the media would have you know, Brenton received widespread support from game developers, musicians, television executives, and YouTubers as evidenced by the DLCs, music videos, and episodes shown below.
Even TF2 celebrated the Kiwi Crusader
The Blame Game
Eager to exploit a mass murder for political gain before the bodies turn cold, retards from every corner of the internet tried to outdo one another in a contest of who can assign blame to the most random target. The contest is currently in a 4-way tie between people blaming GamerGate (despite the movement being over for 5 fucking years) and 8chan (4chan too), journalists accusing PewDiePie of orchestrating the shooting while mistaking the Navy SEAL Copypasta for the shooter's actual life story, the classic "Blame Teh Guns!" narrative, and one Australian politician arguing that the MudSlimes just had it coming (which they probably did).
Unsurprisingly, New Zealand's parliament voted 119-1 on April 10, 2019, to place more restrictions on the sale of semiautomatics in what seemed to be the fastest case of "b& the scary gon."
The New Zealand Prime Minister then called a world leader meeting in Paris where the EU and several other countries agreed not only to b& the scary gon but also get the scary websites clearly to blame for violence b& too. Despite it being non-binding, meaning it could just be ignored, Emperor Donald said America would not be signing, citing some pesky piece of minor legislation called The First Amendment. Somewhat ironically, T-Series signed the agreement too. Several tech companies including major ISPs signed too, meaning the internet is now b&. This colossal piece of faggotry had an appropriately faggoty name, the Christchurch Call to Action Summit.
Watching Tarrant go on his rampage with plenty of time to fuck around unmolested may lead you to believe that policing is a joke over in New Zealand. Think again, motherfucker! Being basically an extension of Bongistan, the kiwi police are scouring the web for any and all violations of Sharia law. A teenage kiwi is being held without bail and facing in jail for sharing the livestream. Meanwhile, Null from the Kiwi Farms received a letter from NZ police demanding retention of posts and corresponding IP addresses so that they could go about vanning people for un-loicensed shitposting. In Internet Tough Guy fashion, Null responded by insulting the police sergeant who sent the email, dropping his own powerword, and bragging that they can't touch him because he resides in Burgerland. That said, if you live in New Zealand and are guilty of posting stuff related to the massacre, expect to be dragged to prison and raped by a pack of Maoris.
The Christchurch Mixtape
"I am the god of hell fire, and I bring you! Fire" "DO YOU LIKE MY CAR???"
The Slammer Years
Like Anders before him, Brenton suffered troll's remorse and could not accept the high score from his mosque prank, so he pleaded not guilty to all charges. Following in the footsteps of his ancestors, he is now in his natural habitat awaiting trial. He has, however, against the appalling treatment he has received in prison.
Brenton goes by several aliases, including:
- Brenton “kills the unwashed inside every mosque” Tarrant
- Brenton “subscribe to PewDiePie or get ready to die” Tarrant
- Brenton “unloading mags all over kebabs” Tarrant
- Brenton “invader crusader” Tarrant
- Brenton “correcting the birthrate by crushing the caliphate” Tarrant
- Brenton “cleansing New Zealand from all the heathen” Tarrant
- Brenton “gang rape preventer” Tarrant
- Brenton “you won’t survive on my Facebook Live” Tarrant
- Brenton “removing the brown from your town” Tarrant
- Brenton “You don’t eat pig meat? Here’s my eurobeat” Tarrant
- Brenton “immigration curation” Tarrant
- Brenton “5.56 to the heads of future ISIS” Tarrant
Our hero Brenton's fine work didn't go unnoticed, with many lolis affectionately known as "Brentonette's" praising and wanting to marry him.
- Anders Behring Breivik - The man that started it all
- Alexandre Bissonnette
- Robert Bowers - Christchurch's decent prequel
- John Earnest - The extremely shitty sequel
- Vester Lee Flanagan - Also livestreamed his High Score attempt
- Baruch Goldstein
- David Gray - Former New Zealand champion
- File:The Great Replacement.pdf - Tarrant's manifesto (PDF)
- Darren Osborne
- Wade Michael Page
- Dylann Roof
- Sri Lanka Easter bombing - T-Series' response
- Steve Stephens - Another Facebook live warrior
- White Power
- Brianna Wu blames the shooting on GamerGate from 8chan and will contact the FBI to take action (Archived: )
- Christchurch mosque implicated in radicalization of Muslim converts (2014) (Archived: )
- Direct download of manifesto and livestream
- Highlights from his manifesto
- - Don't forget to subscribe!
- Putin plays remove kebab theme on piano
The original Remove Kebab songShoah'd
Untorrented link of the livestreamSite closed
is part of a series on
• Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
• Adolf Hitler
• Alek Minassian
• Anders Behring Breivik
• Andrew Kehoe
• Anton Lundin Pettersson
• Arcan Cetin
• Augusto Pinochet
• Barack Obama
• Benito Mussolini
• Brenton Tarrant
• Charles Bishop
• Charles Manson
• Charles Whitman
• Christian Weston Chandler
• David Katz
• David Koresh
• David Long
• Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain
• Dnepropetrovsk maniacs
• George Soros
• George W. Bush
• Heaven's Gate
• Hideki Tojo
• Jack Gilbert Graham
• Jeffrey Dahmer
• Joe Stack
• John Walker Lindh
• Joseph Stalin
• Jussie Smollett
• Khalid Masood
• Kim Il-sung
• Lee Harvey Oswald
• Mao Zedong
• Mark Essex
• Matthew Murray
• Mohamed Abdulaziz Rashid Saeed-Alim
• Omar Mateen
• Osama Bin Laden
• Patrick Purdy
• Pol Pot
• Ramadan Van Man
• Robert Gregory Bowers
• Sharjah Ruler
• Saddam Hussein
• Sam Hyde
• San Bernardino shooting
• Stephen Paddock
• Ted Bundy
• The Finnisher
• The Unabrower
• Timothy McVeigh
• Vladimir Lenin
• Wade Michael Page
• Woo Bum-kon
Terrorist Groups, Beliefs and Causes
9/11 • ATHF Terrorist Attack • Ariana Grande Massacre • Beheading videos • Binghampton Tet Offensive • BLMKidnapping • Boston Marathon Bombing • Christchurch Mosque Massacre • Breitscheidplatz • Columbine • Dallas Sniper Attacks • Delaware State University Shooting • Gaza War • Hiroshima and Nagasaki • IMPEACH FORTY FI! • Isla Vista Massacre • Khalid Masood's Westminster motor massacre • Las Vegas massacre • London Bridge Attack 2017 • Mass Shooting • Muenster Truck Attack 2018 • Narcovideos • Nice Truck Attack 16 • Nitroglycerin • Occupy Wall Street • Oklahoma City Bombing • Paris Mass Shooting • Pulse Nightclub Massacre • Police Brutality • Saint Petersburg bombings • Sri Lanka Easter Massacre • Stockholm Truck Attack 2017 • VTech • Waco • Westminster motor massacre • WTC
|Featured Article March 17 & 18, 2019|
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