Brink

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Brink
Hey look at that huge fucking building bro!

Brink is a copypasta of Borderlands with the "runner" engine from Mirror's Edge. Brink is the hideous and abandoned love child of Splash Damage Studios who are also the irresponsible fathers of Return to Castle Wolfenstein, DOOM 3, and Enemy Territory: Quake Wars. Furthermore it is being published by Bethesda Softworks, which guarantees every fan of their shitty games will cum all over their rooms.

Plot[edit]

The plot is still rather sketchy, but consists of a gigantic place called THE ORC (Overdramatic Random City/Island) designed to keep the hippies happy. In the Brink universe, the entire world was built to some faggot idealist hippies liking. Therefore, it was only a matter of time before the entire planet soon saw the apocalypse. Nothing that cool is every shown, however, since you are stranded on THE ORC in the middle of fucking nowhere. All the hippies are happy on their eco-friendly island until many boats from the outside world full of niggers arrives. Just like minorities IRL they believe that just because they're country is going to hell and being pwnd like Noah's Ark, they deserve to live on THE ORC with everyone who moved there legitimately. Having good sense, the hippies say no and so ensues a massive lulzfest between the polees and the niggers. The game trailer wildly advertises that Brink will make every hippie blow a load when they play it, every jew get offended from being reminded of the greatest moment in history, and replace Cock of Duty Modern WarmFap as one of the worst games of all time. You get the option to play as the polees or the niggers in a constant struggle of gunfire and rape. Unfortunately in Brink, it doesn't matter which side you choose as the niggers have infiltrated both and you will be forced to play as one regardless of who you agree with. Because niggers are hated by all, it is speculated that no one will want to play Brink. Each side has a different goal they are pursuing so the fate of THE ORC is up to you. Though, ultimately the games plots don't really matter as ever nigger who buys this game will just be unlocking the Uzi and raping the white women. Meanwhile everyone else will be playing good video games.

Modes[edit]

Brink lets you play either in single player with the games multi-cultured AI characters, or online with the usual 12 year old hackers and 40 year old virgins. Splash Damage, having the shitty PR department that they do, has been quick to assure everyone that both of these modes will be exactly the fucking same. Apparently, they thought they could rip off every apocalypse movie in history, then realized there was nothing new to add. If you were expecting to play something different when loading up a different mode of play, you should probably have just turned off your fucking TV and gone outside anyway.

Classes[edit]

Info non-talk.png No matter what class you pick you will still be playing as a nigger.

While playing on THE ORC, you have an option to play as one of four different classes.

  • The Roland Soldier class is reserved for players who prefer to use their whole fist when pleasuring a lady. It comes equipped with moar ammunition for you and your teammates, and shit that explodes. Pick this class if Silvester Stalone makes you wet.
  • The Engineer Faggot class is for huge tweekers as they can take shit apart and fix it. This class was created purely as a joke and can never be played properly by any person alive except for one.
  • The Medic House class lets you boss every other player around and own the hospital. A downside to this class is your addiction to painkillers and having to abuse Indian-Americans. Oh wait, that's a plus.
  • The Spy Operative class was created to appeal to the James Bond masturbating clique of the gaming world that everyone hates. In this class you get to sneak around behind enemies like a pacifist pussyfest and hack computers like you're a ninja Bill Gates. You can also disguise yourself as an enemy soldier much like another shitty game. Faggots who love ninjas will undoubtedly spam this class until you ragequit videogames forever.

Custimizashin[edit]

Brink comes packaged with plenty of clothes for you to put on Barbie and Ken. So much in fact, that the games creators have boasted over 9000 different ways for you to look like a faggot before you an hero in Brinks ongoing lulzfest. This is hardly surprising, as the lead concept artist for brink has a vagina. There are also plenty of weapons you can choose to hold providing they match perfectly with your pants, shirt, shoes, hat, battle scars, hair color, and eye color. However, further gameplay footage has shown that there are merely 10 or so different outfits per side. This also means that if you wanted to use a policemans helmet with a niggers shirt, TOO FUCKING BAD! YOU WILL WEAR ONLY THE CLOTHES FOR YOUR TEAM BECAUSE SPLASH DAMAGE SAYS SO!

Some faggot playing dressup, amiright?

Features[edit]

  • Brinks first STD is something that the genius' at Splash Damage decided to revolutionarily name Smart. Smart lets you do all of the shit that you could do in mirrors edge, except it adds an extra helping of phail. Instead of having to do unimportant shit like jumping or ducking, you instead hold down the left trigger (or sprint button in Prototype amiright?) and your character will know what to do just by looking at something. Apparently, Splash Damage had so little faith in their fans that they removed unnecessary shooter elements such as jumping and ducking from the shooter all together.
  • Rather than boasting over 9000 different guns like some other shitty games, brink just added a bunch of boring regular weapons and is boasting over 9000 different kinds of clothing. Splash Damage seemed to have forgotten that they were developing a first person shooter. However, further speculation suggests that they merely decided to make 12 year olds butthurt for the lulz.

While Waiting[edit]

Because you're reading this, you're undoubtedly shitting bricks waiting for this piece of shit to come out for the exbawcks, while waiting you could:

  • Masturbate to an M. Knight. Shyamallama movie
  • Namely The Happening
  • Dress your blow up doll like John Lennon
  • GO HUG A FUCKING TREE
  • Protest the governments oppressing laws concerning the seeking of loli
  • Go smoke a pack of American fucking Spirits
  • Sacrifice a goat to save Darfur
  • Enlist with the games creators
  • Fap constantly

Trailers[edit]

Brink Gameplay

See Also[edit]

Brink Official Website

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