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British CSA Inquiry

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British CSA Inquiry is part of the kiddie-sex scandal...
Jim'll Fix It!

After the death of our hero kicked loose the pebbles that precipitated a landslide paedophile panic of pandemic proportions, Her Britannic Majesty's most sovereign Government was pleased to create a Statutory Inquiry into widespread Child Sex Abuse (CSA) within the upper echelons of Her realms. At the time of writing (February 2015) it has all gone about as well as one might expect if one were to ask the British Establishment to investigate itself.

The Inquiry is expected to examine alleged paedo networks in (but not limited to) Parliament, the House of Lords, the BBC, the Home Office, the Foreign Office, MI5, MI6, the Royal Courts of Justice, the police, the education system and the NHS, hearing evidence from an as-yet unknown number of witnesses and victims and scrutinising events dating back to the end of WWII.

In view of its trivial workload, the Inquiry was established in July 2014 with the realistic expectation that it would come up with an interim report before the UK's next General Election (May 2015).

From the outset, the Inquiry's independent counsel and official one-man "steering committee" has been Ben Emmerson QC, a close colleague of Tony Blair's fugly missus, Cherie Booth QC. Given that a former Cabinet Minister in Blair's administration is a suspected pedalo who did devious delvings at a children's home and is under (re-)investigation by the police, there's obviously no problem here whatsoever.

So, everything was set up to run smoothly before the show had even started.

On your marks!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, they've put the zombie Sir Jim'll in charge of the fucking paedo probe!!!!!

The first chairman shoved into the Inquiry's hotseat (8 July 2014) was Baroness Elizabeth Butler-Sloss.

A proven lawyer, Baroness Butler-Sloss began her political life in the 1950s as a Parliamentary candidate for the Conservative Party. Under Conservative Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher she was appointed to the High Court, then given a Damehood and eventually elevated to become a Lord Justice of the Court of Appeal.

She is the sister of Thatcher's Attorney-General, the late Sir Michael Havers, the Government's top lawyer who had inexplicably declined to prosecute Sir Peter Hayman after he was nabbed on kiddy-pr0n charges.

Before being appointed CSA Inquiry chairman, Baroness Butler-Sloss had:

So clearly, she was the best person in Britain to launch a no-holds-barred investigation into high-level misdeeds such as these.

She ragequit a week after being appointed, due to her mind-bogglingly massive personal conflict of interest in the matter, which had obviously not been noticed at all by Conservative Home Secretary Theresa May when making the appointment. I mean, it's the sort of mistake we've all made, right?

Get set!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!
That is so OBVIOUSLY a wig!!!
Anyone got David Icke's phone number? It's getting urgent!!!!!

Up next to the block (5 Septmember 2014) was (Privy Counsellor) the Rt Hon Fiona Woolf CBE (Commander of the British Empire).

Ms Woolf is another Judge who is highly respected within the British judicial system.

Ms Woolf had previously sat as president of the Law Society (granted its Royal Charter in 1831), the body that oversees the entire legal profession, members of which represent people in civil or criminal cases brought before British courts of justice.

As Ms Woolf has no party political affiliations, she is obviously not a member of the Establishment at all.

She was Lord Mayor of the City of London during the ecclesiastical year 2013-14, and was therefore answerable only to Her Majesty the Queen when she was promoted to become the CSA Inquiry's chairman. (N.b., the Lord Mayor of London is not to be confused with the democratically-elected Mayor of (Greater) London, currently Boris Johnson).

And the fact that Ms Woolf was a close neighbour of former Thatcher Cabinet Minister and (Privy Counsellor) the Rt Hon Leon (Lord) Brittan was irrelevant, as was the fact that she was close friends with Lord Brittan and his wife and frequently invited them round for dinner at her home.

Fun fact: The street on which Brittan and Woolf lived (Albany Street, Pimlico) was also home to Gareth Williams, the MI6/GCHQ worker who was found dead in his own padlocked holdall in 2010. <(lol, icon!)

In October 2014, it emerged that (anonymous) Home Office civil servants had repeatedly helped Ms Woolf edit a letter to Home Secretary Theresa May in a way that -- purely by fluke -- gradually disguised her friendship with Brittan.

Because obviously, when you're writing a letter to someone, what needs to happen is that that person's underlings should make sure it's in a fit state to be read by them. This is normal practice when writing letters and emails. In fact, it's widely-held to be a faux pas not to submit a first draft of any correspondence to the intended recipient so that they can make sure it's OK for them to receive.

Ms Woolf resigned shortly after that.

But it wasn't all bad news: Just two months later, she was appointed a Dame in Her Majesty The Queen's 2015 New Years Honours List for some obscure reason.

Go!

Judge Goddard seen here accepting her appointment via intercontinental videolink

On 4 February 2015, just days after the death of Leon Brittan, Theresa May unexpectedly found she had run out of willing fall-guys in the British Establishment, so she appointed half-Maori New Zealand Judge Lowell Goddard to chair the Inquiry.

Of course, Her Majesty the Queen (God Bless Her) is still the Monarch of Austriaandnewzealand too, so this isn't necessarily quite the longshot it might appear.

4 August 2016: LOL quit

Developments

Haha, good gag, this is the British Establishment we're talking about here. Nothing is going to happen until 2055 at the earliest, by which time everyone who's guilty will be wormfood and the children who were fiddled with will all be in nursing homes with senile dementia, and the report will tell us gravely that "Mistakes Were Made" and that "Lessons Have Been Learned", and then the report will be filed in a restricted category at the National Archives, until about the year 3000 when finally some fringe historian will unearth it and propose the controversial theory that, you know what, there just might have been a cover-up going on.

See also

External links

Previous champions:

Hold on: Is it really possible for the Government to rig an Inquiry to get the result they want?

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Story time with savile.jpg
British CSA Inquiry is part of the kiddie-sex scandal...
Jim'll Fix It!

British CSA Inquiry
is part of a series on
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