Britney Spears was found festering under a rock on December 2, 1981 (and again, two weeks later) in Kentwood, Louisiana, a town whose population consists of couples who were all related to each other prior to marrying, and whose chief exports are cellulite and wife-beating.
In 1998, Britney's mother decided that the trailer they were living in just wasn't going to cut it anymore, and so, the elder Spears decided that she would have to whore out her daughter for extra beer and Xanax money. Britney was sold to Billy Mays for a hefty sum of money (and a prescription for Oxyclean.) Britney began to make serious inroads to fame through Disney's system of teen exploitation, beginning with their original child prostitution reality show, The Mickey Mouse Club. In 1999, after receiving a boob job from Target, she released her first album, ...Baby One More Time, accompanied by a video which made guys and girls with Lolita fetishes simultaneously have orgasms.
Britney Spears is a highly medicated former mental patient. It is said that she keeps a tackle box filled with happy pills, and powerful meds that stop her from seeing and hearing things and people which aren't really there.Exactly like the dead half of the Corey duo,Corey Haim.
- 1 MTV Incident
- 2 K-Fag
- 3 The Douchewad Shaved Her Head!!!
- 4 Public Humiliation Watch 2007
- 5 Britney Loses Kids-are her bitches next?!
- 6 Public Humiliation Watch 2008
- 7 HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF BRITNEY!!!!
- 8 The ZOMG GR8 new album!!!!!!222/ and the Great Billboard Snub of 2007 lawl
- 9 How to Look Like White Trash (Instructions for Women).
- 10 Criticism
- 11 [-+]Dr. Seuss
- 12 The Final Solution for Britney
- 13 Gallery of Spears
- 14 FUN FACT
- 15 See Also
- 16 External Links
In August of 2003, Britney engaged in almost-lesbian sex on stage at the MTV Music Awards with Madonna and Christina Aguilera, when Madonna decided to go sticking her tongue into the mouths of young girls (Madonna got the idea after furiously fanny fapping over Tatu's video All The Things She Said). While Britney was no longer JB at this point, the idea of a 45 year old woman swapping spit with a sexually confused, 20 year old trailer trash hick is creepy enough to give anyone the shudders.
Shortly after this aired on MTV, the internets exploded in speculation as to whether or not Brit loves her some vah-jay-jay. Brit caught wind of the accusations, and in typical southerner fashion, insisted that she was NOT GAY! Britney then returned to her cavern, so she could replay the incident over and over, while masturbating furiously, like the rest of the internets.
It was later revealed that the kiss was the start of a Kabbalah cult initiation sex ritual, which concluded at the Scottish castle home of Jew pig Madonna. It is said that the teen tartlet orgasmed thrity-seven times during the initiation.
More controversy came about when Britney married backup dancer and official Uber-Wigger Kevin "K-Fag" Fagerline. Of course, this was after Britney married one of her best friend a few months before in a Vegas ceremony, but before jungle bunny Shar Jackson gave birth to K-Fag's second spawn of Satan, but after Britney's explosive relationship with the homosensualicious Justin Timberfake exploded and spawned at least 2 music videos in its wake. Clear?
Britney's marriage to Kevin Fagerline was the subject of much mockery and haterade from the moment the trailer trash hicks said "I Doubt". The two starred in a six part reality tv show "Chaotic", which further exposed Britney's white trash self to the masses (or the few who actually watched "Chaotic"). How bad was Chaotic? The show was pulled after five episodes (the last one being hacked together with the final episode) so UPN could show the rerun of "Veronica Mars".
Britney and K-Fag further pissed off America via popping out two children, one after another, and trying to buy K-Fag a music career. K-Fag's rap CD was so bad and his attempt to launch a career such a colossal failure, it further made Britney a laughing stock as far as her decision to marry a freeloading waste of human organs.
On November 7, 2006 Britney sent an text message to the seed-bearer of her second child (but his fourth overall) containing this heartfelt message:
—Britney Spears, Text message
Britney spears finally became an entertainer and scalped herself after a Tarzana salon owner refused to shave her . Later that day she received several tattoos, including a swastika, before re-embracing her Southern roots and rejoining the KKK with her new skinhead cut.
K-Fed turned down a $25,000,000 divorce settlement and continued efforts to gain custody of their piglets. In an amazing turn of events, he's gained the support and some sort of respect from the entire world, since nothing could possibly be worse for those kids than staying with their mother. (Almost.)
When K-Fed realized this he began profuse attempts to take her kids away so they don't have to watch Britney's topless lesbian romps some of which were with their nannies. Due to this she has problems keeping nannies who refuse to give in to her wanton pleasures while running around her house naked.
Public Humiliation Watch 2007
On September 9th, 2007, Britney Spears shat out a performance of such mind-boggling inanity that it deprived the word performance of any remaining meaning. Theoretically, it was to be her comeback performance, but the excruciating out-of-sync Britney was as paunchy and off-rhythm as a pregnant ape. Apparently attired by a sadist in an ironic take off on her "Slave" outfit, the black leggings and black top and bottom were hideous enough to have been dug out of the closet of a fat Atlantic City stripper.
Later that night, she tried to make amends by showing her vagina. Now it seems that due to her epic IRL trolling of the MTV Music Awards, Britney has come down with a serious case of the troll's remorse and will apologize for her lulzy behavior. One can only assume that her inability to properly lip-sync will make this apology fail, making an heroes out of her few remaining fans. Britney is another reason why 16 year old girls are slutting up on the intarwebs.
—Sarah Silverman,, the reason Hitler hated Jews, immediately after Spears' failed performance
—Die Clown Die
Britney Loses Kids-are her bitches next?!
On Monday, October 1st, 2007, A judge finally came to his senses and realized that, not only is Britney too much of a drunken wench to raise two kids, but also he could very well go down in history as the judge who took away Britney's worthless vagspawn, so he did just that. The judge ruled that the kids are to be given to Kevin Federline, so instead of the kids growing up to be slutty trailer trash, the kids will only be trailer trash.
Now PETA is petitioning to have her dogs taken away as well. The animal rights activists want her to relinquish custody of her prized pooch, which she totes around as a fashion accessory to nightclubs, shopping malls and crack houses.
Public Humiliation Watch 2008
On January 3rd, Britney went apeshit at K-Fed's house over his refusal to pump her full of man meat while visiting the brats. If she couldn't have the cock, she was keeping one kid. The cops came over with an ambulance, to take Britney away to get pumped with even moar drugz than she already had. After a 4-hour standoff that involved police, firemen, papparazi, and mudkipz, it is rumored that she attempted to become an hero in the grand tradition of Seppuku. However, nobody told her that honorable suicide involves a katana, not three bottles of Flintstones vitamins. Britney was LOL v& from the scene strapped down to a gurney. It is not known at this time who will pay the therapy bills when one kid starts teasing the other with "Well how come Mom didn't take you hostage?"
The next day, in a rare instance of justice actually being served at the right temperature, a judge revoked every single one of Britney's visitation rights with her kids. After Britney's custody rights were removed she was detained on a 5150, which means being a source of lulz so concentrated that it is actually hazardous to human life. Chris Crocker arranged a concert outside to cheer her up. K-Fed is reportedly overjoyed, as he can now bang his new fucktarts any time he pleases without worrying about whether or not Britney will drop by unexpected.
Note that the Judge did *not* issue a permit for K-Fed to shoot Britney on sight, but be patient. Due process sometimes takes a while to go through.
HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF BRITNEY!!!!
Britney has a New Job, so suck it, you whiny fag-bitch.
The ZOMG GR8 new album!!!!!!222/ and the Great Billboard Snub of 2007 lawl
After all of these names were rejected: 1. Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like 2. What if the Joke is on You 3. Down boy 4. Integrity 5. Dignity, the not-ironic-at-all name Blackout was chosen. It contains such inspirational classics as "Get Naked" and "Freakshow." Gimme moar plox!!3
How to Look Like White Trash (Instructions for Women).
- Ugly ripped pantyhose
- Ill-fitting shirt showing sagging breasts and pot belly; shirt is also accidentally turned inside out, revealing showing clothes tag
- Cheap underwear (while outside)
- Cowboy boots for that extra touch
- Unhappy facial expression
- Unsettling stupid look
Britney is usually the subject of much hate by people who wish they could have albums that have the same beats in every song and could marry a redneck wigger. Several web pages are dedicated to Britney Spears hate, such as: Why Britney Spears sucks, Britney Spears, and lots more here. And that was just the first three results from a Google search of Britney Spears sucks.
It was too wet to play.
So we sat in the house
and watched the VMAs
I sat there with Preston.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, "Is that Britney? She gained a few"
We couldn’t stop watching
She was a drunken mess
And her dance moves were lacking
I must confess
So all we could do was to
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.
something went BUMP!
How that bump made us jump!
Then we saw her, that crazy bitch!
And we saw her!
It was our mom, bi-polar Brit!
And she said to us,
"Want to go for a drive?"
"I know I don’t have custody,
And the sun is not sunny.
But we can have
Lots of good fun that is funny!"
"I know some good games we could play,"
said the psycho to her kin.
"I know some new tricks,"
Said the hazardous has-been .
"A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you.
Will not mind at all if I do."
Then Preston and I
Did not know what to say.
Our mother was not supposed to be in our house any day.
But our attorney said, "No! No!
Make that whore go away!
Tell that bi-polar Britney
You do NOT want to play.
She should not be here.
She should not be about.
She should not be here
When K-Fed is out!"
"Now! Now! Have no fear.
Have no fear!" said the bitch.
"I’m really not bad,"
Said the strung-out Brit.
"Trust me. Five times, I’ve already gone to rehab.
I’ve been working on myself and I’m not that bad"
"Your hair is gone!" said the attorney.
"That is not sane at all!
Your hair is gone" said the attorney.
"You’re COMPLETELY bald!"
"Have no fear! I’ve learned my lesson.
I even bought two car seats
For Jayden and Preston
I’ll keep them safe!
I won’t be whack!
I’ll even hide my extremely large stash of Prozac!"
Then Kevin strolled in
From his job at McDonald's
When he spots a familiar body that he once fondled
Get out of here Britney! I do not want you here
The only good part about you is that voluptuous rear
I do not like your shaved head, I do not like you in my bed.
I do not like you in the court, I do not like your lame retorts.
I do not like your bulging belly,
I do not like to see you on the telly.
I saw the shots of you in your Benz,
When you hit that car and had no defense
Or when the paparazzi got those shots under your dress,
It caused me and your family much duress.
It was just a shame there was no arrest.
Would you like me if I had hair?
Would you like me if I wore underwear.
Not with a wig,
Not without cigs,
Not with a thong
You’re just so wrong.
I would not date you, It’s just too funny
But I would consider it for your money.
Or maybe to jump start my career
as a rising rap super star whom everyone fears
But I do not like you bi-polar Britney, you’re even crazier than Bobby and Whitney.
You are NOT that LUCKY
Your actions are TOXIC
Face it Britney, you’ve completely lost it!
Then she put on her pink wig
took one look at the door
And with her depression meds in hand
she collapsed on the floor
She was on her way to rehab
Father in charge of all her possessions
But all of this chaos only had one lesson:
The moral of the story, hear my last yelp
The Final Solution for Britney
According to Zionist propaganda, Britney has been offered the lead role in the upcoming Lollercaust film The Yellow Star of Sophia and Eton. Spears will play the role of Sophia, a woman who invents a time machine and travels back to the era of World War II. According to the script. the plucky, time-traveling heroine lands in a concentration camp and falls in love with a Jew prisoner named Eton. The movie has a happy ending though, as the budding love story is cut short when both of them are killed by the heroic Nazis.
This has the potential to be the most unintentionally awesome movie ever committed to film.
Gallery of Spears
She poops during sex.
- Spear Britney; A Pictorial History of Britney Spears' Anomalous Boobs
Britney Spears Will Not Give Up CareerTHE FUCKING ARTICLE IS MISSING!!
- Official MySpace
Britney Spears is part of a series on
Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.
Britney Spears is part of a series on
Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.