- Hatreon (Donate)
- Web IRC
Brogrammers are manly men who make manly code. Windows 98 and all other bitchin' operating systems were coded by the fat sausage-like fingers of a brogrammer. Imagine a douchey jock but fatter and paler and prone to keeping one hand down his pants at all times. His code tends to be sloppy and full of bugs because he's too busy jacking to online porn to check his work.
Why are there no girls on the internet?
- Women are not smart enough to make code. This is common knowledge.
- Women are happy to await the return of their baconmaker while happily making sammiches
- The Bible explicitly states that the sole function of women is to serve the sexual and gastronomic needs of the brogrammer. It's right there in Genesis.
This brings up a reasonable question: why would women want to code? The answer is obvious: They don't, it's a sucky and shitty job that usually doesn't pay very well. But feminists keep bringing it up, so we here at ED have to make an article on this crap. Consider yourself "informed", especially since the TOW article about brogrammers is such crap.
Fundamental Character Traits
- His desk will be full of Red Bull or Monster cans and there will be typical mainstream music playing in his speakers. Nicki Minaj makes him hard.
- He will usually be dressed with either a cool shirt (i.e. one that only a hipster would wear) or a shirt with a drinking joke. Sunglasses will never be missing, not even while working indoors at night.
- Facial hair is mandatory, other hipster fashion statements (tight jeans, ugly shirts, oxfords with white socks) frequently seen.
- Don't expect him to code well or to understand serious languages, all he'll do is poorly written Ruby in conjunction with Ruby on Rails, because that's "the cool language that cool people know".
- All brogrammers will have the popped collars and fat fingers that are needed for brogramming.
- Prone to raepiness and bitch-slapping
And in case you're not fully onboard with the contempt the world should feel for these meat-curtain-boys? consider this.
Useful and lulzy quotes
—--we totally did not make that up
- Jack Dorsey and Evan Williams, the two beef-curtains who started Twitter and tried to fire each other
- Travis Kalanick, founder of Uber and total screaming fucknut
- Evan Spiegel, creator of Snapchat, says things like “have some girl put your large kappa sigma dick down her throat”
- Justin Mateen of popular douche-dating system Tinder, likes to fondle female employees: "Wolfe, who had dated Mateen, says he called her a “slut,” a “gold digger” and a “whore,” among other things, and hounded her for details about her personal life long after the two had stopped dating. In text messages included in the complaint, he talked about “middle aged Muslim pigs” and referred to someone else as “that homo.”"
- Mahbod Moghadam, cofounder of Rap Genius, and firedtherefrom lol
- Hey anyone remember Pax Dickinson? Neither do we "Aviators: on. Collar: popped. Smirk: engaged. A brogrammer at home in its native habitat. lol"
- Brian Chesky of Airbnb lol "In 2008 when Airbnb launched it only had two customers and one of those was Chesky. The company had a difficult time starting up because the idea behind the company was not really appealing." What a pussy.
- Jacob Appelbaum, hero of Tor and Wikileaks can't keep his grubby little paws off the wimmenz
- Perry Roach, founder of web censorship company Netsweeper loves him some stupidlawsuits
- James Damore of Google, who wants a sammitch biotch
- And don't forget their patron saint, Michael Arrington, who started TechCrunch and was fired by his own partners