Bulletball

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Get ready to kick Grandma's ass at Bulletball Extreme.
Not to be confused with Bullet Bill or Bullet Bill Extreme.

Bulletball, or Pong, is a gender and age neutral sport for the 21st century invented by homeless black man Marc Griffin. After 26 years of gameplay balancing, fine tuning and countless betas, Bulletball and Bulletball Extreme (also known as Professional Bulletball Extreme) is ready to take American living rooms by storm.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, Marc forgot to make his game fun and ended up selling his house, quitting his job, traded his Saab in for a crappy station wagon, and hocking his wife's wedding ring to finance his "invention." Rather than give up in the face of common sense and try to re-establish a life, he's opted to sell his game to cripples and old folk. For the aspiring athlete, there's even a set of Bulletball and Bulletball Extreme branded sportswear and apparel available for order. Because in 100 years, when Marc Griffin is looking down from heaven, he'll be smiling knowing that someone out there is taking this shit at least half-seriously.

The Inventor

The man who's about to reinvent the Olympics.
Marc and his wife. "SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH AND TAKE OFF THAT WEDDING RING! Bulletball is going to be a SUCCESS! IT'S THAT GOOD!

Marc Griffin, average American everyman and inventor, seeking to introduce the world to the hardcore competition found in nursing homes decided to bring Bulletball and Bulletball Extreme in front of the panel judges of American Inventor.

Bulletball US Pro Tour Trailer, coming to a soup kitchen near you!

Unfortunately for Marc, when his wife said "We're gonna need rules," she wasn't talking about the game. But the ever-ambitious inventor, refusing to listen to common sense, decided that all his possessions and financial stability were getting in the way. So he sold everything except his OWN wedding ring and traded away his Saab for a 92 Volvo Wagon.

At least he still has Bulletball.

The Game

Official Uniform of the 2012 US Olympian Bulletball Squad.
Prototype Bulletball uniform, before being deemed unsafe for cripples with pacemakers.

It's Pong, except the ball rides the fucking rails. You also look like a fucking retarded faggot when you play. But don't let that stop you from trying, since Bulletball is also an intense workout:


   
 
Are there any health benefits?


BulletBall not only helps to strengthen your muscles, but it also helps as an excellent cardiovascular workout which increases your heart rate. In the gym it takes at least 4-5 days to work all the core muscle groups. Notice that after 10-15 minutes of playing, your hamstrings, quads, arms, and shoulders will be thoroughly worked while you have fun! BulletBall works your body and your mind and has been endorsed by professional athletes, physicians and the physically challenged because of its wheelchair friendly design. I literally regained the ability to walk after being confined to a chair for 53 years!

 


 
 

Be sure to bring a bottle full of Vitamin Water to refresh those tired, aching muscles of yours.

The Table

As many uses as a Shamwow.

Because playing Bulletball and Bulletball Extreme on anything EXCEPT Officially Licensed and Endorsed Bulletball and Bulletball Extreme Safety-Enhanced Handicapped Accessible Bulletball Tables is considered a gaffe in the professional circuit, you should consider investing in a fine construct such as the Bulletball Tabletop model, which folds up over your existing setup. The asking price for this incredible piece of machinery is a meager $79.99. But that shit is for amateurs, you see. If you wanna play with the big leagues, you're going to need to buy a real table:

A professional side-table too
   
 
The standard model BulletBall table is made of a white ¾ inch Melamine top. The siderails attach to the side of the table and come standard with a choice of either one of the BulletBall logos (red, white, and blue or yellow, red and black). The American Flag is optional for an additional $20. The legs are available in the white, black, blue, green, and light maple wood grain finish.

Customizable logos on the siderails (see example above) are available for an additional cost.

The white top standard model table comes with hardware, 8 BulletBall balls, written instructions, DVD instructional video, and a certificate of authenticity. This table is available for a "limited time" reduced price of $299.99!!! plus shipping and handling.
 


 
 

The Bulletball Extreme table? $525.99

Might as well buy a PStriple.

The Sales Pitch

Order now, because we can't do this all day, and get a Bulletball Penis Pump and Ball Catcher FREE.
Tell her she lives in a car now with a commemorative Bulletball customized side-rail.
Because you can't win at anything else.

You have to listen to this shit to believe it.

   
 
Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a BULLETBALL! Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a bulletball! Bulletball bulletball that's a BULLETBALL! UNH! CHECK IT OUT!

There's a new sport game here can't you see? Bulletball the game, Bulletball Extreme! A mixed breed between ping pong and air hockey and that's WHAAAAAAAAT? THAT'S A BULLETBALL!

It's got a style and class that can't be matched, if you learn the game, you learn the catch! It's easy to play, simple to do, a sport game that's created down here in the 'Lou. Equal but separate in the style of play, you lose tomorrow but win today! Age! Gender! Large or small does not dictate a win at all! The speed and accuracy in your shot creates all the points that win a lot! Offense and defense played all in one, one in all to score the point. There's rules and regulations to govern the game, to either score and win a point or just to score all the same. Bulletball, a 21st century sport that's played on a unique designed tabletop court. The siderails to bank the ball all around and trying to get the ball off the table on the ground. The physically challenged can play it too, being able to compete against me and you. So don't be shy, give it a try, Bulletball and Extreme, they'll catch your eye. And that's WHAAAAAAT? THAT'S A BULLETBALL! AND THAT'S WHAT? BULLETBALL BULLETBALL THAT'S A BULLETBALL!
 


 
 

See Also

External Links

ED olympics.JPG

Bulletball
is part of a series on
the ED Special Olympics
Sports

BaseballBasketballCricketFootballGhost RidingButtrapeHandeggHockeyMMAProfessional WrestlingSoccerTennisVuvuzela

Not Sports

BulletballGolfHemaInternet BloodsportsPaulPolandballSexSchool ShootingSoccermoms/sp/StarcraftSuper Smash BrosVideo Games

Competitions

OlympicsSpecial OlympicsLondon 2012Olympic FlameLOLympics2010 World Cup

Topics

SportTeam UruguayNew York YankeesRed Sox NationChicago Cubs/sp/

Athletes

Air BudAllison StokkeBarry BondsBilly MartinBrandon PhillipsBrett FavreBruce JennerCindy CrosbyDiego MaradonaEmiliano SalaGary LinekerGeorge SteinbrennerJim BunningJohn TerryKlitschko brothersLawrence TaylorMichael PhelpsMike TysonNodar KumaritashviliRax GrissmanRobert GreenRon MexicoShawn JohnsonThurman ThomasTy CobbZinedine Zidane

Featured article October 22, 2008
Preceded by
JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!
Bulletball Succeeded by
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