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Bullying is the lulzworthy act of making a fool out of someone who is more exploitable than yourself; having fun at their expense. It can be done both IRL and on the internets, except that on the internets it is known as trolling unless you've got life in which case it is "cyberbullying" or "domestic terrorism." Bullying is responsible for making inferior people's (such as YOU, which perfectly explains why you're on ED, you fag) lives utterly miserable, and for bringing great pleasure to the group carrying out the bullying. As such it is not only a great way to prove your superiority and fit in with your peer group, but you are likely inciting future Bill Gates, Thomas Jeffersons and Hitlers to take out their grudges against mankind by creating such atrocities as Windows, democracy, and World War II.
In some circles, bullying is also known as telling the truth or even as having an opinion but, for some reason, idiots like Tara Strong and soccer moms take offense to this because they believe that everyone is allowed to believe whatever they want about themselves, no matter how far fetched it may be. If you're 600 pounds and want to think of yourself as a 90 pound, dexterous gymnast - go ahead because it's only a bully that will tell you different. This is the reason why Kevin Smith sits on his toilet for 3 hours every morning scouring twitter and the internet. In his mind he is the greatest film maker that ever walked the earth and when someone seeks to shatter his reality by saying something such as, "Kevin Smith is incapable of writing a movie without making a Star Wars reference," he feels the need to troll them for, GASP, having an opinion that differs from his. Go one further and say that his daughter is an ugly, no talent hack that can only get jobs acting by having her father, Kevin Smith, trade blow jobs for roles and he'll, Kevin Smith, troll your account until you delete it or he gets it banned by crying to twitter admins for days on end about how mean you are being to him.
Bullying has been observed in human and animal societies for at least 100 years. It is suitable for people of all ages, from the cradle to the grave. It starts before children even enter school, and it still exists in adult workplaces; thank the lawd. Bullying is known to make people become an heroes, and as such is a good thing because it allows us to write new pages on Encyclopedia Dramatica about them.
Bullying IRL happens everywhere. When you're unpopular, you become an easy target for those with more street smarts than you. If you are a retard, an asspie, a nigger, a Jew, an azn, a spic, a Arab, emo, ginger, fat or a white boy you are likely to become a victim of bullying. Basically, what happens is that you are often to be found alone with no one to talk to, and you get beaten up by gangs of thugs who are stronger than you, Even if there are six of them, and they're all twice the size of you. They may even steal your iPod. They may also call you "Billy no-mates". The reason why is that your mere presence assaults them, in which case retaliation is fully expected. You need to stop leaving your house, because the bullies are the victims, not the other way around. Dumbass.
Since we all know that "cyber" is such a Web 1.0 word, the rest of this article only discusses cyberbullying in the shitty police state known as the UK, because like other Communist countries they're still catching up with the USA's capitalist ways 20 years after the collapse of the Berlin Wall. Only the British could be so fail that they can't block people or not look for videos of themselves being beat-up.
As described above, YouTube is an important tool in cyberbullying. People film fights on their mobile phones, then upload them to the site where they will stay for a long, long time because the incompetent mods cannot do shit about the videos. Extreme violence in such videos is called "happy slapping". The people who carry out such things are almost as bad as the people getting bullied, and there needs to be a new Holocaust for them for great justice and epic lulz.
Are You A Cyber Bully?
Ever wondered if you were bullying someone online? Often, people who are victims are also bullies. Before you feel too bad for yourself, take the quiz below to find if you too, are part of the cyberbullying problem! Rate yourself on the following point scale according to if, and how many times, you have done the below activities. Give yourself:
- 0 points if you’ve never done it.
- 1 point if you have done it once or twice.
- 2 points if you have done it 3-5 times.
- 3 points if you have done it more than 5 times.
Have you ever...
- Signed on with someone else’s screen name to gather info?
- Sent an e-mail or online greeting “card from someone’s account?
- Impersonated someone over IM or online?
- Teased or frightened someone over IM?
- Not told someone who you really are online?
- Forwarded a private IM conversation or e-mail without the permission of the other person?
- Changed your profile or away message designed to embarrass or frighten someone?
- Posted pictures or information about someone on a Web site without their consent?
- Created an Internet poll, either over IM or on a Web site, about someone without their consent?
- Used information found online to follow, tease, embarrass or harass someone in person?
- Sent rude or scary things to someone, even if you were just joking?
- Used bad language online?
- Signed someone else up for something online without their permission?
- Used an IM or e-mail address that looked like someone else’s?
- Used someone else’s password for any reason without their permission?
- Hacked into someone else’s computer or sent a virus or Trojan horse to them?
- Insulted someone in an interactive game room?
- Posted rude things or lies about someone online?
- Voted at an online bashing poll or posted to a guestbook saying rude or mean things?
Now calculate your total score:
0–5 Points: Cyber Saint
- Congratulations! You’re a cyber saint! Your online behavior is exemplary! Keep up the good work!
6-10 Points: Cyber Risky
- Hey, you’re not perfect, but few people are. Chances are you haven’t done anything terrible and were just having fun. Try not to repeat your offensive behaviors though. Keep in mind the pain that your fun might be causing others!
11-18 Points: Cyber Sinner
- Your online behavior needs to be improved! You have done way too many cyber no-no’s! Your practices are dangerous, wrong, and punishable! Try to be clean up that cyber record of yours!
- Put on the brakes and turn that PC/MAC/text-messaging device around! You are in bad bad trouble! Now you need to sign off and think about where that little mouse of yours has been clicking before serious trouble results for you and/or your victim(s), if it hasn’t happened already!
Victims of Bullying
- Dalavesta - Bullied so hard she changed her identity.
- Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold - The guys who did l0lumbine.
- Tyler Clementi
- Phoebe Prince
- Megan Meier
- Jonah Mowry
- Amanda Todd
- Donna Simpson - Became a fat fuck due to bullying.
- All of these fags.
- This guy.
A How To Guide To Bullying
The important thing is to always stick to name calling. As the Federal case of Sticks V Stones shows, name calling is protected by the First Ammendment and there is very little you can do against someone that is calling you names.
For instance: if you were to try to file charges against someone for calling you fat, the prosecutor would most likely tell you, " Grow a thicker skin fat ass."
On the other hand, if you're dumb enough to use your Powerword on the internet, name calling can seriously hurt your professional career.
In this day and age where everyone wants to appear empathetic and caring, a company will not think twice about firing you because you felt the need to go onto Youtube and call someone fat. Now-a-days, companies have ethical clauses in their hiring policies, which include the internet, and if someone can track you back to your job - you can be in a world of hurt because how you act directly represents your company and companies don't want to have to explain, to the press, why they hired such an abrasive person.
Never use threats. Or anything that can be considered a threat because it's not what you meant but rather what the person interprets you as having said.
For instance, let's say you told someone, "I'm going to treat you like a prison bitch". It doesn't matter that you meant you were going to trade them back and forth for cigarettes, what matters is that they took it to mean you were going to beat their ass and anally rape them.
Let's just cut to the chase, just stick to name calling because if they're pathetic enough for you to notice them and pick on them then they're pathetic enough to be wounded by words and cry every time you call them fat.
Anything else such as smnacking them, stealing from them or damaging their property can end with you in jail where you will learn what the true meaning of bullying is and no one, not even the Correctional Officers will give a fuck about your girly little feelings.
How to handle being bullied
- 1. Stop whining. It only makes their penises harder.
- 2. Use your aggressive feelings, boy. Let the hate flow through you!
- 3. Get a gun. And ammo. Lots of ammo. (I'd go for a 'phased plasma rifle in the 40 Watt range'.)
- 4. Face your tormentor and as many of their closest friends as possible. Don't forget to bring your little friend along.
- 5. Point gun at their faces.
- 6. Obey them voices!
- 7. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOOOOD GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
- 8. "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" (Did you forget something?)
- 9. Just don't pay attention to it. Seriously, why should you care if some 35-year-old basement dweller calls you a gay? (Look at it this way: from his point of view, you're getting some from the same sex, and that still counts. Mister 35-year-old virgin, on the other hand, will never get ANY, from either sex.) You've got better things to do with your time.
- 10. During brief periods of not being bullied, use this expertly crafted flash game to practice your anti-cyberbullying skillzes. http://www.mcgruff.org/Games/cyberbully.php
- 11. Use the helpful tips found on this webpage called The Bullying Speak Up Challenge, where you can make your own comic and submit it for review. Although nothing you make will be stupider than the approved comics already on the website, which all look like a family reunion of Weegee and a bunch of perverts.
- 12. NEW: Dig out all your bullies' personal details as much as you can and post those to the net! Example.
Though, if all this fails, you should know what everybody in the whole world fucking knows that there is always that final, last resort to end all of your butthurting misery; the decision that will epically solve your lifelong pathetic existence.
If you refuse to the above, see this page for further advice.
- Bully (Video Game)
- INTERNET HATE MACHINE
- Misha Silenosti - CYBERBULLYING IS CANCER!!!1
- An Hero - Possibly the best option for any victim.
- Columbine - When bullying goes too far!
- School Shooting - The absolute greatest way to get revenge! Bonus points if you actually kill the bullies instead of random noobs.
- Internet Tough Guy
- ChildLine - You're only way to confide in others, which will inadvertently fail anyway.
- LOL EDUCATING FAGGOTS
- Bully Hunters - Group of feminists fighting against online bullying in games. Turns out to be a scam. It lived only a few hours.
- Prevention is unstoppable against the wrath of Anon
- If you Lol then you're a part of it.
- A haven of anti-lulz.
- We must put an end to FISH BULLYING!
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