Are you being bullied? Do you live in constant fear of that fat, borderline-Down's Syndrome kid in gym class giving you another atomic-wedgie and hanging you by your underpants on the girl's locker-room doorknob? Are you so fucking pathetic that even the chess club beats the shit out of you and takes your lunch money?
Then Bullystoppers is for you!
Bullystoppers is a site dedicated to helping you protect yourself from bullies. And their primary advice on how to deal with the problem is: be a whiny-assed shitfaced tattletale about it. Yes, with Bullystoppers, you too can run to mama when someone is mean to you. However, the site is a bit on the vague side on what the best practices are after the bully you ratted out beats the living shit out of you. The site could teach you how to fight, but once kids like that have power, it just creates one of those circles.
Report Your Bullying Online
One of the most useful aspects of Bullystoppers is the fact that you can report IRL bullying ONLINE! Through the magic of the tubes, your cry for help will be immediately be brought to the attention of the authorities, the bully brought to treatment, and the ongoing trauma that is your childhood or adolescence be transformed into popularity and social acceptance FOREVAR!!!111!1one (See: Lies)
This sample report contains all the needed information to be actionable by school authorities, as you may plainly see. With such specificity, such well-defined information, it would be possible for the largest moron on the planet to easily determine who is doing the bullying, and who he or she is doing the bullying to!
School Name and type (Middle, High School, etc : lps USA State or Country : canada Date of Report : feb.28/2007 Grade of Student (who is bullying) : 6 What is happening? (be specific!) : whispering, pointing, laughing, and lieing. also getting boys to hurt a 5th grade girl because all the boys thinks shes pretty so she gets them to hurt others Where and When it is happening? (be specific!) : at recess and after school in chatrooms. What Bus # is it happening on? : Any other facts that may help: : this same girl has been bullying girls for years, she has even had the police called on her before asher mother joins in the action.
Gallery of Comebacks Which Could Save Your Life
One of the truly valuable services Bullystoppers provides is a list of 101 stellar, witty, comebacks to use on bullies, disarming them and completely pwning the shit out of them. Nobody will fuck with you when you can say incredible lines like these:
The classic "get a life" is even included; these are clearly well-researched and effective. While ANY ONE OF THEM COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE, they will probably just cause your shit to get kicked in harder; to quote the site, "discretion when using these comebacks is advised."
Reasons to Cry to Mama
According to the Bullyologists at Bullystoppers.com, the following are legitimate reasons for being depressed and emo about being bullied (these are direct quotes from the site):
- Someone is threatening to beat you up in school, including when walking to or from school, when you get off the bus, while talking to you on your cell phone or while you are online using instant messaging, in chat rooms or by email.
- Someone is taking something of yours without your permission.
- Someone is spreading rumors about you or your family. (whether it is true or not)
- Someone is embarrassing you in front of others by either calling you names or doing something to you (like hiding your book, pulling your seat out from under you, etc.)
- Someone is telling other kids not to talk to you or be friends with you.
- Someone continues to shove into you in the halls and says it is always an accident.
- Someone is sexually harassing you (always following you around, whistling at you when you walk by, making comments about your body, etc.)
- Someone is touching your special area when you have told them not too.
The Final Solution
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