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CASCADA, or better known as Cascada (pronounced "Cass-cunta"), because its few fans disregard its love of caps lock, is a cuntasticGerman Eurodance group. Because they have no fucking creativity, it resorts to fagging up other singles from different music groups noone's ever heard of until now so they can receive
some smidgen all the attention and accolades from various critics despite the myriad other acts better than what they are. Songs they are responsible for butchering include, "Everytime We Touch", "Truly, Madly, Deeply", "Miracle", and "What Hurts The Most". The group (if you can call it one) is composed of vocalist Natalie Horler (moar liek Natalie Whoreler, amirite?), and producers DJ Manian and Yanou, the same fag who created the annoying single "Heaven" with the equally fucktarded DJ Sammy. That too, was a remix, everyone.
- 1 Natalie's Beginnings
- 2 Manian and Yanou's Beginnings
- 3 Back to Natalie, Becoming a Singer
- 4 How She Managed To Seal the Deal With DJ Manian and Yanou
- 5 Cascada's "Music"
- 6 Everytime We Touch
- 7 Perfect Day
- 8 Will Cascada Get the Initiative to Create Good Music?
- 9 Remixes of Remixes? LOLWUT?
- 10 Related Articles
- 11 External Links
Though being of British descent, lead singer Natalie was born in Bonn, Germany at least 100 years ago. There are rumors on the internets that her entire family was exiled to Germany for being Nazi cultists, but this has not been confirmed. Unsurprisingly, little Natalie grew up in a family where music and her English style were important parts of their lives. Because of this, Natalie decided to pursue a career as an ear rapist.
Manian and Yanou's Beginnings
Are irrelevant. They still suck.
Back to Natalie, Becoming a Singer
Contrary to popular belief, Natalie was not an overnight success, but rather had her humble beginnings in bars and casinos. Though sexually harassed on a constant basis and almost raped by the drunks in said bars and casinos, Natalie refused to give up hope that someone would recognize her talent and make her the Sparkly Sugartits Dance Diva she had always wanted to be.
How She Managed To Seal the Deal With DJ Manian and Yanou
Made exclusively of terminal fail, srsly. Unless, of course, you actually like that shit; in which case, you should reconsider your taste in music and try liking something preferably made of less fucking fail.
Everytime We Touch
All of the songs on Cascada's first album go as so:
- Start with fairly quiet beginning
- build up tempo
- AWSUM LEERICKZ OF LUV!!1!!
- ZOMFG AWSUM BEETZ NO WORDZ 4 5 MINUTEZ!1!1!
- moar words
- MOAR BEETZ!!1!!!
- song ends
Just like how "Everytime We Touch" goes. Coincidence? Nope, just a way to scam fans of their money. Yet their hardcore fans are too stupid to realize this and pay them for making "AWSUM MUISC ILU NATALIE!!11 <333333333" But such idiots are not bereft of lulz, for every time they log into iTunes and see someone mentioning just how much she lacks a modicum of talent, they go batshit crazy and post something akin to this:
Oh, yes, next big thing. Everyone is dying to keep up with them, I'm sure.
Released in 2008, many hopefuls that hadn't been completely turned off by Cascada's sheer fail eagerly anticipated their sophomore effort. Perfect Day
fucking stole redid STOLE Rascal Flatts' hit, "What Hurts The Most", and whaddaya know?! ANOTHER HIT SINGLE, EVERYONE!11!!1oneone!1!!
—Yeah, you tell 'em, grrl!!1!!!
As to be expected, a lot of Rascal Flatts fans are out to do the Nazis in for completely slaughtering the song with happy-go-lucky beats and vocals that obliterate the eardrums of those who were fortunate to have them until the point of listening to the song. Here's to hoping something does happen to them.
Will Cascada Get the Initiative to Create Good Music?
Forecasters are saying no. But feel free to waste your monies on a Nazi group, anyway.
Remixes of Remixes? LOLWUT?
As if the two craptastical albums they've queefed out weren't enough to make the average Joe's psyche disintegrate into jenkem, Cascada's also released several albums making remixes... of remixes. As to be expected with a very promising group with a fresh and original sound, the remixes have been moderately successful. Yea, and just when you thought you could get away from the insanely ridiculously amount of air time and AMVs to "Everytime We Touch", her fucking company had to release the remixes, which suck moar than the actual albums. Some argue Cascada is
secretly undeniably Jewish because no one is that money hungry and not Jewish but the matter is disputed though it's pretty much the fucking truth, kthnx.
EASY STEPS TO CREATE MONIES, CASCADA STYLE:
1. Steal obscure song.
2. Assfuck it into a faggoty dance hit that brainwashes the world.
3. Make said faggoty dance hit into a remix.
- Cascada's MySpace
- Some shitty music video of theirs.
What happens when animu fantards get their grubby hands on the song.- Baleeted.
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