Cash Items

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Cash Items are items found in the various free to play (and more recently some of the pay per month) online games played by basement dwellers worldwide, in an attempt to line the pockets of the games' proprietors with more and more of mom and dad's money. Years ago some enterprising jew realized that they could sell pixels and sometimes not even that (in the form of simple numeric increases in stats, storage space, and similar) to the aspie's who feel that such additions are necessary to increase their status' in their confused merger of real life / online avatars necessary for their validation. The following is a list of the various online games where such jew gold mining of the pockets of government supported 30 year old pederasts and 12 year olds' parents occurs.

Gaia Online[edit]

Cash items are items you obtain on Gaia Online by funneling your money into valueless virtual shit, that you could instead use it to get at least 100 gallons of gas on but instead sent the fucks at least $100 because you wanted to get those "awesome pixels" for your "awesome avatar"! Unlike the Monthly Collectibles, all the items are complete shit and nobody cares about them. However Gaiafags like em because it's what they wanted and that they're GAIAFAGS.

Items range from 25¢ - $9.99

Evolution Items[edit]

The developers of Gaia decided to give the oldfags the finger and make items that transform periodically. This caused a major shitstorm as many gaiafags not only believed they were similar to monthly collectibles (looking more detailed, having multiple ways to wear them, and being generally more weeaboo-tastic than other items), but took it as a way for the staff to just get moar moneys off them (see Gaia Drama). Over 9000 users later quit FOREVAR. Some are now considering about starting a revolution on the site, for the faggots feel that the staff members dont give a shit about them but their money instead.

Lulz from Gaia Developers[edit]

Last thursday one of the evolving items (The shitty Bottle, an item made very popular by Narutards) made its final transformation and turned into a sword that made over 9000 Gaiafags BAWW over its pixellated shit of fail. Some fags didn't believe this was real but after at least 100 complaints they finally accepted it. However, some Gaiafags now use this as an example of Gaia's faggotry when bitching about something, they will frequently be heard saying things like: "DIS FEATUR SUKS! IT SUKS AS MUTCH AS DA BAWWWWWTLES FINAL FORM!!!1!!11!".

EverQuest I & II[edit]

Once the stipend for MMO nerds everywhere, one of the first big name mmorpgs to see 3d graphics, EverQuest has been around for a while. It cost the typical 15.99 a month to play, until recently. First EverQuest II (EQ2) went free to play, a few months down the road, the EverQuest (EQ1) went free to play as well. At least that's what it says.

EverQuest[edit]

The older EQ1 is similarly bad. Free to play, for a very limited definition of play. As with EQ2 you have a vast reduction in the amount of in game currency you can acquire each level, this time in platinum form, which was removed in EQ2. Similarly are the item restrictions, no prestige items, although this isn't quite as bad as the multitude of fabled and legendary items found in EQ2, it is nonetheless hindering. Similar to EQ2 are the inventory and character slot limitations on unpaid accounts, the quest journal is similarly limited meaning you'll be doing a lot more walking rather than playing to turn in those quests for those scarce slots they provide.

EverQuest II[edit]

EverQuest II has a vast array of weapons, armor, and magical trinkets. For EQ2, unfortunately, without that monthly pittance you cannot wear fabled or legendary equipment. Add on top of that the inability to sell items on the broker without tokens (unless you're paid) it is ultimately only fun for the first few levels until the gear worth using exceeds your unpaid account status. No raids and no real chance without the gear, Sony knows this. Last but not least you can't earn more than 5 gold per level, at the unpaid version. They have a silver account, this increases the amount you can earn to 20 gold, and increases your skill/spell level max from adept to expert in each tier. At the lowest account level you are only granted 2 bag slots, that is a maximum of 32 items, in a game where you can easily have 50 or more quest items littering your pack. No, it isn't free to play, it's free to walk around until you realize you are going to have to pay to advance.

Station Cash[edit]

As if limitations on unpaid accounts were not enough, they also offer station cash. Virtual currency that you can buy such awesome things as a horse...that looks exactly like the horse you can just get in the game for pretty cheap, or a pair of lime green slippers no one will even even notice. You can also use station cash for various other things, in game items, bonuses, and expansion packs when they are released (or if not included in the free to play, ie. Velious).

Money for "Money"[edit]

Some games, while avoiding the direct crime of obviously selling nothing for something as many other games have fallen into, there are a select few that have gone the sneakier route of, on top of their monthly fee, giving users a way to pay money and in return are given in game currencies for their valuable real world moneys. Some of the offenders are as follows:

EVE Online[edit]

While not directly selling money for "money" they nonetheless have a sneaky manner in which they provide their users with the ability to do so for them. EVE sells game time cards to those with entirely too much money to invest in their online gaming experience and with the added "Securely Sell EVE Time Codes" functionality in a users account section, provides a way to sell these real money investments for in game currency to smart gamers who choose to instead waste time hoarding ISK (EVE's in game currency) to purchase game time. This allows these more saavy gamers a way to spend the entire month mining away for ISK so they can purchase next months game card from those with too much money on their hands, all for free.

See also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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