ChavScum

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ChavScum is a British website dealing with, on the face of it, a brief and zeitgeisty phenomenon: the Chav. Four years ago it dealt entirely in pissy subculture wars under the guise of intelligent social commentary. A Chav is defined as anybody poor who does not show the correct amount of humbleness before the children of the lower middle classes. Chavs commit the ultimate crime: that of having poor/popular tastes. Also, they like sex and beer and drugs. For these sins against the middle-classes chavscummers have decided that they should be gassed or sterilized or both.

Sadly, for the enormously fat owner, the pissy subculture wars ended. Emo came in; the chav-based media hysteria died-down as quickly as it started. Chavscum had always been infested with three types of poster. Utterly stupid, slightly learning-disabled A-level students; dirty old men looking to chat to the former and, lastly, thousands of trolls. The death of interest in Chavs, and chavscum, and the lack of normal posters ended-up causing Chavscum becoming a place were trolls took the piss out of pedophiles and the mentally sub-normal. All day long. The place became stuffed full of trolls. It had more trolls per square inch than the underside of a bridge in fairy-land. It often had to shut down to de-troll. Eventually, it became a pay-forum. The bulbous owner charged three pounds to join. This dealt with the trolls. They are now forced to take-the-piss from afar. The introduction of a charge-to-post reduced the active number of chavscummers to eleven. 10 pedophiles and one learning disabled idiot who is currently the most groomed teenager on the internet

Today, Chavscum has resident idiot RobFalcon, two fat tubs of lard that own the gaff and three moderators to police anyone who is not local. These are a BNP supporting dressmaker who likes to dress up as a Jedi; a 47 year old man who thinks he's a Wookiee and a fat American Savage. Together the three make sure there are no new users on the forum. However they do not ban capriciously and Turtle Brownies and Cookies are offered to offset the lack of freedom to post anything not approved by them.

The old drama[edit]

When chavscum was in its heyday (2004/early 2005) and hundreds of boring unoriginal gothics and emos thought that mass genocide was an acceptable solution for anyone who didn't like HIM (youth cultures are SERIOUS ISSUES!) and still do; leelard.net was a spin off forum which was orginaly a group for buddy buddy geeks and IT specialists and eventually majorly Butthurt trolls, who took issue at aforementioned solution (I see the Jew) and got majorly pissed off at threads mocking Drum and Bass so decided to fight the good fight by trolling them for the lulz. This noble deed resulted in several posters leaving the forum which in retrospect was probably not a good thing, since most of these posters were capable of stringing a coherent sentence together; the remaining chavscum posters were a truly cosmopolitan bunch which meant that most of the threads became fag fests involving angst and 'the person above me' game and long anecdotes about "being in the armed forces". Despite the exodus of interesting, yet none the less bigoted posters, more and more 'special posters' arrived from their Masturbation palaces which resulted in more trolls arriving, sniffing the scent of lulz on the internet, and promptly getting banned but not without creating moar angst and moar gigalulz for leeladers. In a pathetic attempt to stem the horde of trolls the morbidly obese webmaster of Chavscum filtered out any words which he found objectionable which included names of previously Banhammered users, RL names, actual RL address and finally the url of other spin off forums including Leelad.net. Questioning this move would undoubtedly get you banned In_the_ass

Never a more true word spoken in jest
Lawlsuit coming your way!
Who let him out!?
Ugly Betty occasionally moderated Chavscum

Butts aer hurtin' and the drama continues[edit]

ACHTUNG! I AM ANNEXING ZER FORUM! SIEG HEIL! SIEG HEIL!
Not Butthurt at all...oh no siree.

As the trollage casualties piled up, the angst became too much for some posters that they became trolls themselves resulting in a forum war which internet historians have compared to the Childrens' Crusade IRL while the effects of this jihad have still not yet been fully documented, internet scientists believe that the effects may be devastating on the victims' young minds. At the forefront of this war on terror was resident Asspie Robfalcon who made a website expressing his views on the matter (website has since been taken down due to uberbutthurtedness but here is some of his more lulzworthy quotes)


   
 
Defendchavscum.co.uk.Well actually no such site exists, but with the way certain members on Spazmonkey act (mainly Ultra, Scribe and Brian Peppers) the site might as well be called that. These members appear to have a zeal for wanting to defend and minimalise the follies of chavs to any poster who makes a thread in Chat About Chavs which rebukes chav behaviour or characteristics. Personally in a way I honestly do sit on both sides of the fence here. Sometimes I do think chavs are freely and instantly made scapegoats often, but with those 3 members in particular, it appears as if they would defend the follies of chavs regardless of the accusations.
 

 
 

, Robfailcon is going to save teh internets!1!!!1!!


   
 
To me, when these guys make replies they that, they are just simply displaying both ignorance and vanity. Yes it’s true; Chavs are not the only teenage subculture that exists out there where its members commit acts of foolishness and immorality. Chavs are not even the only members of society that have ever broken the law, gotten drunk at night or sponged off the dole. But however I think the point in anti-chav discussion sites is to discuss and air ideas/frustrations which particularly plague the chav subculture. The trouble with chavs is, they commit much more anti-social follies than what other sub cultures do.
 

 
 

—Robfailcon uses big wurdz and then contradicts himself!


   
 
internet dickheads in general On the internet, at places where there is at least a relatively large public gathering at any time (forums and chatrooms), you will find dicks. A very quick and easy way to sum up an internet dick(s) is their predominant penchant for seeking fun/enjoyment at other people’s expenses (i.e. mocking others, getting in your face whenever they can, taking anything you say deliberately out of context, then using it to their own perversions ect)
 

 
 

—Robfailcon in Fail Hard with a Vengeance


   
 
The social bond between them all appears noticeably strong and overly loyal (cliquey). Meaning that the attitude displayed between them all very much is gang attack and one hand washes the other. Dicks are easily the biggest bandwagon jumpers whenever any member of their social group faces confrontation in any way shape or form from outsiders.
 

 
 

—Rob noticed this on Chavscum (lolz) thus proving what a hypocrite he is

ATTACK THE BIG LULZ BOYS!
cloning accounts? on my forum?
lol

The end of teh lulz and the end of Chavscum[edit]

Eventually the more reasonable and borderline retarded posters woke up and decided to leave 'the fuhrer' and his unfunny minions. Many TL;DR flounces were posted and even posters who often sided with the admin ended up getting Pwned and only to then return to troll for the lulz and e-cred. Even though different incarnations and the inclusion of moderators didn't stop the eventual decline of trollage and since Leelad.net was still going strong a huge flounce caused by a "open-minded" moderator that resulted in the delation of all the threads of him getting pwned hard which ended in the forum getting closed down for good. A slow trickle of refugees came and went, most of them thankfully got B& for being homophobic/racist.

Colin Sel|ens[edit]

Top Ten Colin Sel|ens, owner of Chavscum, Facts.


1) Colin kept his true nature secret for many years. Many though this was because he pissed-off some hard bastards, who would, quite rightly, chin the wanker. The truth was revealed, however, when Sellins appeared on the telly. He is fat, hideous and has a pony tail. A post 30 years old pony-tail. Seriously).

2) Colin is only sexually aroused by fat women in cheap thigh high boots. That is just rank.

3) Colin pretends he is from Brighton (home of stalkers) but he is from Hastings (home of tramps). People who pretend to be from somewhere when they are from somewhere else are often paedophiles.

4) Aside from Chavs Colin thinks the biggest threat to society is charity street collectors. He really hates them. Virgin books however told him to fuck-off and come-up with a much better idea before Christmas or they wanted their advance back.

5) Colin thinks he has written two books.

6) At the start of the Iraq war Colin started posting on his own website in the guise of a German soldier. This soldier was supposed to be living with Colin. He posted in an hilarious world-war-two accent. Nobody knows what the fuck that was all about. Not even his Ex-misses.

7) Colin says he pays £150 per month, to a company in London's Docklands, to keep Chavscum up and running. Now I dont know shit about computers, but to me, that sounds like a lot. £150 quid? A month? For a site consisting of eleven people? What kind of gas must those servers be using?

8) On the 12th of June 2007 Colin was seriously injured in a science fight. He now walks with a limp.

9) Colin has ovaries. I wish this was a joke but he was born with them. They are non-functional but present.

10 If Colin sees the letters M W and R, in that order. he cries.

Servicemen and Chavscum[edit]

Chavscum seems to attract semen. Semen such as the highly decorated Straight Talker, a scouse baby-fingerer known as Major Arcana (Major being a top rank on internet 'fora')and seemingly illiterate but deep down ok guy Feelgoodtim.

Night Raven[edit]

A generic angsty goffick poster that has guns ZOMG! what a badman! Best not write anymore least he pwn us with his obelisk of light!!!11!!!

Nightraven.gif

Robfalcon[edit]

Pride of Chavscum:Robfalcon
Pride of Chavscum:Robfalcon doing Cosplay
Pride of Chavscum:Robfalcon waiting to get bummed in the woods

The internet's greatest invention. A mind so utterly bereft of clue that he has attracted fans from all over to marvel at quotations such as:

"Techniclly speaking, Hypegrind didnt inject Northstar with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz."


[Robfalcon at Faceparty] LOL

Metal Princess aka Living Dead Girl[edit]

A whiney emo/goth teenager from Kent, UK. She likes chavscum better now as there is no one there to disagree with her and point out how stupid her comments are.

Will eventually get it In the ass via €uroboy.

Trolling Chavscum[edit]

easier than stealing candy from a baby, any of these create instant lulz (If you for a minute suffer any remorse just skip this section and read the next one and read this bit again.....)

Chav’s aren’t really that bad….

Only Drum and Bass is good evryfing else is sht

I kum frm da ghetto I cn shank u goffs up standard!

If chav is all about attitude then why are suicide bombers not wearing burberry?

Army boys are gay

PB r guna stab u up pussy hole

"Karen matthews is a goddess and she should be treated as such, shannon matthews was a fucking minger. If she was ur daughter, wouldn't you wanna hide her too?"

notleelad[edit]

When not trolling, trolls need somewhere to shop. Thats why trolls go to notleelad, the web's favourite shopping channel. Every little helps! Come have a look and mind your head on the low prices!

Now with added Job vacancies including petrol attendant and Dressmaker.

After a visit from the SID (Spike's Imaginary Detectives) the store has had had to relocate to new premises.

Whinge Baby Whinge[edit]

Below is an response from members of the Chavscum 'community' pay attention!

Today, Chavscum is a forum which is the object of fixation for a group mythically known as 'The Cl1que' or called by [Chavscum] members 'Big Lulz Boys'. This group of social incompetents claim to be leaders of industry, important businessmen and well adjusted 'family men', but in reality, they are nothing more than jealous, obsessive, Beta-Manboys, struggling to act like Alpha Males, who act in a totally juvenile manner of online circle-jerking and high-fiving each other for their h'apparently witty comments. Despite being banned on numerous occasions, these social incompetents still try to sign up to the forum with usernames which are supposed to be 'ironic', sound grandiose, or just resemble the gibberish of a toileting monkey slapping a keyboard with it's buttocks. They are so obsessed with the forum and it's posters, that they attempt to sign up over a dozen times a day, and address threads on their own toilet of a forum to members of the ChavScum Forum Community, in the hopes of getting a response. This of course isn't working, no, not at all. These individuals also feel it is funny to make 'ironic' comments about [Islam], the handicapped, and other racially offensive comments, plus renaming one of the Mods Ugly Betty. Recent Rolex mockery, enlarged forehead discrimination and general Jedi baiting has resulted in the CID being contacted as photoshopping is a serious criminal offence, oh yes they will pay dearly for these heinous crimes.

The Leelad Connection[edit]

Leelad.net like it or not will stay forever an offshoot of Chavscum. Former posters float like Dickensian ghosts forever trying to influence things they can no longer control. Chavscum had a percieved golden age. Though only the very sad remember it. Therefore, it is understandable that people make cnuts of themselves in frustration at the ongoing efforts of Ote whose family are eternally shamed at his not reaching manhood by throwing Gofaq down a well. Going through life with a Hellinistic disregard for his own arsehole its likely his family still honour kills neighbours for showing disrespect to their herd of goats. The afore mentioned Gofaq will never directly communicate with poor and uneducated members of the forum, this makes conversations with Matt unintelligible. Though it has been argued that all communication with Matt is gibberish anyway. Arsecrack has a similar problem to Matt in that Gofaq needs the dependable Mr Dawes to communicate with the sites poorest member. Shamelessly arselicking any one he thinks has influence like he did back in his Chavscum days his only contribution of late being that his every post slanders [Craig Charles] and could lead to more damege to his site than Spike could dream of from the comfort of his bunker. It is rumoured that Arsecrack is the 'number cruncher' on the famous Leeroy Yu-Tube. Nemi is that saddest of creatures, a girl wanting to be one of the boys. In a world of rapelullzers and general mysogeny her once pristine countenance has taken on the gait of a hard old slapper. It is common knowledge she has not attained vaginal orgasm since her Chavscum ban. Thats is not true, I've seen the vid. It is reputed She who cannot cum has buried likable old timer Eric Welthorpe in her potteries cellar, having killed him with violent sex while trying for that elusive climax. These young Turks will always have an easy target in Robfalcon and while Norcal remains inept at moderation and Spikes ego is bigger than his forehead they will be good for low level lulz


See Also[edit]


Links[edit]

Your average CS user - note his 6ft 7 alpha male physique and tanned complextion

www.chavscum-resurrection.co.uk

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