Chakichakigirl

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A possible IRL depiction of Chakichakigirl.
An approved member is listed here.

Chakichakigirl, or "Dee" is an anime fangirl with a penchant for fanfiction. A self-proclaimed "authoress", scientist, and "Boulder-transplant", she currently resides at FanFiction.Net. Chakichakigirl is obsessed with little girls, incest, SCIENCE, and dead people. She is currently under the delusion that she is an internet celebrity. She believes that bad reviews are sexual harassment, that anyone who hates her fanfiction is a stalker with the hots for her, and that people who don't review fanfiction are on welfare.

It is important to note that Chakichakigirl is completely batshit.

History[edit]

At least 100 years ago, a disoriented crack whore was torn a new one as Chakichakigirl (Dee) burst forth into an unwelcoming world that HATES WOMENS. With no mother, she and her brother were raised on SciFi channel, anime, and Mcdonalds french fries. As Dee's brain inevitably decayed, she easily found herself almost raped one night by an internet pedophile. (Later discovered to be Michael Jackson after seeing The Wiz) This immediately set her feminist fanfiction move into action, and Dee blossomed into a fabulous fanfiction AUTHORESS.

Since no fanfiction author can exist without existing fiction to whore off of, Dee quickly had to find a show that was empowering to women on a global basis. Being partially raised on Japanese porn led Dee to consider both "Powerpuff Girls Z", the retarded animu version of The Powerpuff Girls, and "Lucky Star", a loli show aimed at 40 year old male virgin basement-dwellers. One ejaculation later, her first fanfiction appeared on the internet.

Fanfiction[edit]

Dee's fanfiction is one of the saddest collections of sad on FanFiction.Net. Dee has not seemed to realize that Lucky Shit is a boring show about nothing for overweight middle-aged pedos with nothing better to do than to watch animated schoolgirls talk, and thus writes horrible sci-fi-based insanity in an attempt to keep things "interesting". Her interpretation of the English language is very unique. Be warned: reading a fanfic by Dee may require a full day of bedrest to recover from overexposure to total fucking bullshit. Dee's fanfiction may consist of any three or more of the following:

A typical Chakichakigirl fan leaves a review.

Dee has a never ending hard-on for the only dead character in the Lucky Star cast, and has written multiple creepy as hell stories about her. Despite the character's profile stating that she was 28 at the time of death, Dee knows better and insists that she was actually underaged pedobait (makes for better rapefic, amirite?). Despite the fact that many of Dee's stories incorporate lolicon girls having sex with their sisters, graphically turning into disturbing aliens, or being sexually abused, Dee will go on a moral tirade whenever pedophilia is mentioned, implying that it is something that she won't stand for.

Excerpts[edit]

Proof that Chakichakigirl is in fact a terrorist
.
   
 
Until she makes as full recovery as possible. Secrecy shouldn't be that hard though; happily we live in Japan, not nosy-pokey America! We respect another's privacy here. Not even my loli fans have ever seen my bedroom!
 

 
 

"Kanata Thawed", based on a true story

   
 
Sauce, hell! It was right in front of you! I've overlooked all your pervy lolicon moves like the Nile with all your sly touching and fondling all these years and now, just as I'm finally starting to grow boobs you're – you're –! Oh, I'm so glad mom's not alive to see this!
 

 
 

"Kanata - Totally Dead?", Showcase of Dee’s sick obsession

   
 
I always knew you liked me so, Onee-chan, like last summer's beach trip when I caught you ogling at my soft creamy skin in the bathhouse and when you ate cotton candy off my nose and licked it too at the festival," Tsukasa said, sad-shaped eyes brimming bright with dewy limitless regard.
 

 
 

"Spilled Beans", loli sisters talk a lot and then fuck each other

   
 
Konata shook her head. "Awesome! It's like – like so unreal I'm all freaked out! I mean, you expect something like this happening in a game or a movie, but this is – is more than real! It's – it's so freaky unreal!... Man, like – I – I don't know how I oughta feel! They pluck my mom outta a freezer like a crab stick and stick her in a big microwave and she's alive. Alive! It's like so – so unreal!
 

 
 

"Kanata Thawed", UNREAL science

   
 
”Unfortunately no, Kona-san." Boy-Miyuki soberly began, (background of banter piano jingle). "See, my Miyuki memories are basically a dynamic emulation in my Mantisoid cerebrum's secondary mnemonic tri-lobe cluster simply because you need exact human brain mnemonic neural structures and endocrine effects to generate human memory patterns. It's very much like creating a virtual machine inside a different physical machine that's otherwise totally incompatible in running whose programs by creating a pseudo-framework that emulates the operating system of a foreign machine which can then run programs otherwise impossible to in the primary machine. So a human mind can only exist in my Mantisoid brain in a perishable virtual state.
 

 
 

"Miyuki's Spaced Out Secret", general feel for 100% of the dialogue in a Chakichakigirl fic

Dee believes that her exalted works are not fanfics, but are in fact light novels (professional publications) and doujinshi (fan-made comics). Dee is too fucking retarded to know the retarded terminology of her own retarded fandom.

By the way, Dee has an iphone. It’s very important to her image and self-esteem that we all know that Dee has an iphone. It is mentioned on her profile and in every fic she writes. Have you heard of the iphone? Did you know that all of her fics are composed entirely on iphone? Wow! UNREAL!

READ MY FANFICZ!!!111[edit]

Dee's Forum Adventures[edit]

Dee sleeps her way to the top at various animu forums.

Eager to show her work to literary connoisseurs, Dee wasted no time in joining as many animu forums as possible to start whoring. What followed were many, many posts full of insanity, AIDS, and general WTF. Helpless virgin nerds and geeks across the intertubes had their eyes raped by:

In the wake of this rousing campaign, Dee was eventually chased off of most forums she had joined. Apparently, she had been enough to annoy even the hardest loser fanboy of animesuki. Dee was butthurt but recovered, until...

The internet’s reaction to Dee’s failure to commit e-suicide.

Dee Nearly Becomes An Hero[edit]

Last Thursday, Dee noticed that her review to pageview ratio was very low. This was most likely due to her fanfiction's tendency to leave readers braindead and unable to type. Seething with righteous fury, Dee cried the tears of ultimate sadness and announced that she was LEAVING FF.NET FOREVAR, unless she got moar reviews. Shockingly, no one gave a shit. Idiots who wanted to keep exposing themselves to her radiation could join her "mailing list".


   
 
It's not an action I'm happy about, but with a feedback ratio of 1 review per 30 hits out of several hundred I'm forced to reward those who have graciously critiqued OR flamed my stories and not reward non-reviewing literary welfare deadbeats with further free entertainment off my time. If you're SO lazy that you can't even tear one minute of your bother to jot a brief review or even a flame to receive entertainment free of charge then you're not my kind of (slackered) person anyway - sorry to be so blunt. Those who have reviewed my work please send me your e-mail address via Fanfiction's private message where you want further chapters of my stories and future doujinshi mailed to.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, asking for it

(The above comment was baleeted but saved for great justice)

Dee's epic departure lasted all of 2 weeks, to the great sadness of the internet.

Dee’s usual reaction to a critical review.
NEVAR GIVE IN.

Chakichakigirl’s reaction to CRITICISM[edit]

As shown in the above quote, Dee was so desperate for reviews that she outright begged for flames. and the readers delivered.

Naturally, Dee went completely apeshit over this.


   
 
Carping trolls have a great hand in bringing down Fan fiction as a forum for fiction and greatly discourages fledgling writers who only wish to strut their stuff un-hassled. Unfortunately trolls see that as open season to show what brains they are. "My" particular troll(s) obviously hold some long personal grudge with me which I'm not going fathom or entertain.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, showing what brains she is.

The Enemy


   
 
To the person who I suspect is spamming me with harassing posts. I am more than pressing the delete button on your zealous messages, which are bordering sexual harassment and I've reported it as such to FanFictionNet who take such reports VERY seriously. You will be traced and exposed not only here, but I'll make sure also on LuckyStarFans and AnimeSuki where you haunt. I can take criticism, but I won't take harassment.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, very serious

Dee's Kryptonite, Gadflies. It's a good thing there are billions in Colorado

Dee's retaliation began with labeling bad reviews as sexual harassment. All those who left bad reviews were labeled with her new fun-phrase, "carping trolls", or they were sexist stalkers who were jealous of her awesome writing prowess (and fandub!). This was a courageous move for women everywhere as Dee paved the way for all female writers into the respected, male-dominated profession of fanfiction writing.

Chakichakigirl Maxlance to teh rescue!

Along with Carp, Dee's other major enemy includes the elusive, sneaky Gadfly. Last Thursday, too many Gadfly "Nibbles and Quibbles" caused her to block off her anonymous reviews from the website and only let people read her stories through e-mail.

Dee's butthurt cry about gadflies

Sockpuppets[edit]

Fortunately for Dee, she was no longer alone on the front against these malicious crap. Joining her was an army of anonymous fanfic reviewers who would rebuke nearly every bad review left on her stories. Suddenly, the girl who had to leave FF.Net forevar for a lack of reviews had a viable legion of anons at her every beck and call! These defenders of Dee not only worshiped the ground she walked on, defended her stories down to the tiny details, and agreed with all the claims of stalking and sexual harassment - they also talked exactly like all of the characters in Dee's fics! Wow!

Dee has a sockpuppet for all of her multiple appendages. Sometimes, Dee forgets to sign out before sockpuppeting. Oops!

Her sockpuppets consist of: Fictioneer, 8th Man, Maxlance, electric-ashes, anonman, Lance1, and Narcowhacker.

8th Man, one of Dee's most oft used and pathetic socks, displays his skills against a well-composed review.

Believing the entire internet to be stupid, Dee hotly denies any claim of sockpuppeting. She says that all of her anonymous defenders are true signed authors who are fueled with the burning rage of great justice, but afraid that posting will make the "trolls" target them next. So Dee graciously posts anonymous reviews FOR them. Srsly. A common pattern of gender persecution complex can be seen:

8th Man is proof that Chikichakigirl has never heard a man speak outside of cheap 80's cartoons.
Dee attempts to sockpuppet-pimp on Lucky Shit imageboards, with hilarious results.
   
 
you just like beating up on girls?
 

 
 

—Sock#1

   
 
Be a real man and move on and stop pissing on everyone's party
 

 
 

—Sock#2

   
 
dude, if you don't like her stuff then be a MAN and just MOVE ON like stealth!
 

 
 

—Sock#3

   
 
If it's not your thing, then do the gentlemanly thing and walk on without an ill word please.
 

 
 

— Chakichakigirl

Only real men visit fanfiction.net. Clearly, you have no place here.

Fictioneer[edit]

Fictioneer delivers an inspirational message.

An unknown entity (including gender), Fictioneer is possibly the most lulzworthy thing about Chakichakigirl. It is widely believed that Fictioneer sprung from the depths of Dee's anus one night while she was taking a shit. Since she couldn't afford to get a dog, Dee decided to train Fictioneer into her personal Internet Tough Guy to protect her from those pesky trolls. Top Psychologists speculate that Fictioneer's posts are even more confusing and batshit insane than its master's. Know that whenever Fictioneer arrives to engage a carping troll in battle, there are LULZ to be had.

Anonymous tells it like it is.

No matter how harsh or how civil the reviewer is, Fictioneer will be sure to bring them to justice. At its arsenal are freedom of expression, total fail at coherent language, and words like "GEESE". Fictioneer knows that Dee's fanfiction review ratio will directly affect the overall safety of the intertubes, and Fictioneer alone stands between every Nazi-pedo-stalker out there and its master's sensitive ego. Because Fictioneer will constantly and violently encourage Dee's delusions, be assured that Dee will never improve as an author (but will always be lulzy) as long as he/she/it is around.

In moments of extreme anger, Fictioneer will proceed to take off all of its clothes and transform into a raw, UNCENSORED form of itself. Despite not understanding the internets, this does not keep it from complaining and defending its master.


   
 
this guy and several other trolls like him who seem to harbor a deep sicko _personal_ grudge against thiswoman author. I'm serious. They follow and needle anything she does and make a mountain of crap out of minor details meant to be off-the-wall. It's definitely a personal, not a artist criticism thing and anyone can read that in their comments [ if they're not the same person ]. You; and your jerk clones should take your sour toys and go home. You're like a guy who barges into someone's party, sits in a corner and farts and shits over the place, and happy that you ruined everyone's party you go home. Your 'reviews' ain't reviews; they're just an excuse to piss on a woman who's done squat to you all. WTF is your hang with ChakiChakiGirl?? You hate smart women or can't get over being dumped by one or is your _ too tiny or what? I've read Dee's reviews to other stories and she strokes the worst writer instead of shitting on them like you all do. She has the grace and guts to say nothing down on anyone, and that's rare here in FF. Really, dude, if you don't like her stuff then be a MAN and just MOVE ON like stealth! We're all TIRED of hearing your personal rants! Jesus!!
 

 
 

—Fictioneer, hardened internet warrior

It is also quite possible that Fictioneer is nothing more than Chakichakigirl's most epic sockpuppet to date.

8th_Man is the only other significant sockpuppet of Chakichakigirl, who manifests from her repressed cock.

Memorable Quotes[edit]

We think Nuttymadam would agree.
Also a lolicon Sojiro approves of Chakichakigirl's writing.
   
 
I make no apologies for my story's premise, which respects all its characters and is based on real science...
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, knows her resurrected frozen loli zombie-pedo husband science.

   
 
We really don't need your type of attitude and language here in a freethinking zone like this.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, on the internet.

   
 
Happy reading and critiquing! Bash me!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, asking for it again

   
 
All this talk about the mysterious forbidden 2chan is like waving a whipped creme jelly donut in front of a child, and I just find myself tempted to take a peek to sate my curiousity!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, pioneer of the forbidden chans

   
 
Maybe there's a niche here for a Jap firm to step up to the plate and offer their services here!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, on Japanese penis.

   
 
This is a place to have fun not an education. IMHO.
 

 
 

—Chikichakigirl, on education

   
 
Dee rocks, sap! And she's hot too! Eat it!
 

 
 

—Chikichakigirl, eating it

   
 
when someone other than Yoshimizu Kagami puts pen to Lucky Star it's automatically "out of character" because ONLY the creator knows exactly how their character would respond in any given situation. The rest of us could only GUESS by example how Konata would react to a pie in the face – or meeting an alien...I hope writers are not cowed or intimidated by "OOC" purists who possess unrealistic rigid demands which would've long ago killed off the likes of DC and Marvel comics.
 

 
 

—Chikichakigirl, "I don't write out of character, EVERYONE writes out of character!"

   
 
KyoAmi is slyly trying to expand Lucky Star into more exciting stories by masking fantasy and sci-fi takes of the show only as "dreams." Watch them pile it on in the next CD with a "Tron"-like MMORPG scenario with the girls. You heard it here first!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, making stuff up

   
 
I can take true criticism -- you know what that is, but not gadflies sarcastically picking you apart you for some ulterior, yes, personal reason.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, closing the curtains

   
 
if one don't like a story they should offer kind suggestions or walk on. Not tell you what to write. That's dangerous and something I hope everyone fights against.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, on the war on terror

   
 
Okay, he's the lovable perv next-door we all can chuckle at like the affable neighborhood drunk, but there're more than a few places here in Middle America where he'd better not be smacking his chops a mile from a schoolyard else he'd be looking for a dentist.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, denying affiliation with Pedobear.

   
 
Hey, I just thought of a new TV show! "American Miko" about a devout young lady circulating America on foot spreading the Shinto Word 'tween chopping agnostic heads... ! Hey, if it can work for ninjas!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, LOL WUT?

   
 
You're one serious sicko going after her like this all over here and AmineSuka and Raki-Suta too. It's really retard. So I guess for now on I'm going to take Raki Suta's hint and not feed the troll anymore. Especially whack jobs like you. So long Sap.
 

 
 

—Chikichakigirl, as the dyslexic 8th Man

   
 
I wish to blame my brother and teachers for help on the techie segments you all suffered through, but as some said here, I wanted to get that background out of the way so all can better appreciate future chapters. I love learning why things work and how the universe clicks, and just saying Superman can fly because he can just doesn't cut it for me!
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, claiming SCIENCE > Superheroes

   
 
What's more enchanting than two young girls chatting about depleted uranium?
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, aroused.

   
 
Okay, this might sound sneaky and blatantly self-serving, but one way to gin up some heat and banter around here is why not have a L*S fan-fiction stroke-and-flame section to remark, coo and tear apart L*S fanfics from FanFiction.Net and whatever strange sites these works might be hiding while everyone's waiting for (maybe over-hyped) OVAs with bated breath?
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, attempting to win the internet's hypocrisy award

   
 
Your teacher or grandfather could be your childhood friend.
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, looking forward to grandchildren.

   
 
In Boulder, the ultra-admirable Asian communities are renown for getting their kids to buckle down and book up and so scoring the top scholastic percentiles in the area (there's no basketball or bikes in the streets after school in those communities)
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, knows her azns

   
 
While a nice L*S supermarket, AnimeSuki's just so infested with uptight know-it-alls who can't take -- or even see -- a joke, are so politically correct to mugging anything you say, are so sensitive to any topic criticism that they take blowing your nose as personal, and have to zealous jealous critics who even badger you off the page
 

 
 

—Chakichakigirl, BUTTHURT

How to Troll Chakichakigirl[edit]

  • Tell her that her fics suck because chicks can't write good sci-fi.
  • Mention her homosexual ass-slave relationship with Fictioneer.
  • Say that you hate her fanfiction because you know her from high school, you know where she lives, and you're coming to have sex with her.
  • Accuse her of being a necrophiliac pedophile and tell her that her obsession with loli zombie Kanata proves it.
  • Link her to this article.
  • Tell her that Lucky Star is a show for men. Get out.
  • Tell her that there is no scientific basis for anything in her fics. Provide facts for extra lulz.
  • "Grandma always said, women need to get out of the workplace and back to the kitchen!"
  • Leave a long, detailed review calmly stating why her story is shit. This will definitely bring Fictioneer out.
  • Spam "Don't let carping trolls get you down!" on her review pages at least 100 times.
  • Explain to her the difference between fanfiction, doujinshi, and a light novel.
  • Remind her that Kanata is fucking dead.
  • Tell her that you are Asian and that she is DOING IT WRONG, and you are so offended that you are going to sue.
  • Make her a "fandub".
  • Tell her she needs to BE A MAN if she ever wants to start writing well.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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