Chris-chan/Videos

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Most if not all of Chris-chan's videos have a yellow, piss-colored, grain filter on them. While it's suspected that it's because of his webcam, it's more likely that a fog has risen in his room from all the dirty laundry, dust, and stains combined, and Chris is the only one immune to the toxic vapors.

In the beginning, there was a contest


Autistic Rage Unleashed[edit]


   
 
BACK THE FUCK OFF!!!
 

 
 

—GANGSTA CHRIS MOTHAFUCKA

   
 
HHNNNNNNGGHHH! STRANGLE THAT CLYDE CASH! I WILL PONCH HIS LIGHTS OUT!
 

 
 

Shit was SO CLYDE CASH!

   
 
Depressed, Depressed
 

 
 

—Chris-chan

   
 
The next time I see you, I'm going to wail on your ass and put you in the hospital. I am going to fuck you up so bad you won't have an iceball's chance in hell of getting a woman pregnant or getting anything "up" for that matter.

And while you bleed your ass-scented blood upon the ground I'm going to carve my initials onto your back and you'll remember. By God Almighty you will remember, you fucking degenerate.
 


 
 

—XoriasLord's comment to Chris about his faggotry.

   
 
1. Go on a date with Chris-chan

2. Slip a roofie into his Fanta to knock him out

3. When he wakes up, tell him we fucked for all of 3 seconds, and leave

4. Get knocked up by some other guy

5. Call Chris and tell him I'm carrying his daughter

6. Have an abortion

7. Mail the fetus in a pickle jar to Chris with a label that says "Crystal Weston Chandler"

8. ????

9. PROFIT!!!!!!
 


 
 

—Iyasaekki

Chris-Chan Appears on Old Media[edit]

Chris chan on The radio[edit]

Last Thursday, Chris-chan recieved mainstream attention, check it out here:

TV Return[edit]

Recently our friend has snagged a spot on G4's new Web soup show, thinking it will help get him laid. He says that he is honored to be on their show. What he does not know is that the show is based around clips of internet fail.

YouTube Favicon.png In the video he openly expresses that he's a virgin single and still looking and asking for a Boyfriend-free girl to give him a call on his cellphone or find him in his Ruckersville and ask him on a date. This video was removed from his account, after he realized that once again he became a subject of ridicule.

Interview with Guru Larry[edit]

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It was quite hard to tell if you were lying or not, because we couldn't see if you were holding Optimus Prime or so. If it was on video, we'd know right away that you was lying...
 

 
 

Guru Larry


   
 
Yes, of course. You are indeed a fine role model for us heterosexuals.
 

 
 

Guru Larry, while trying to keep a straight face

Chris hits the town AKA Trollin' the Trolls[edit]

This video (which CWC removed) is noteworthy in that it features Chris looking slightly more human that usual. I.E., he wears normal clothes, loses his pedo glasses and medallion, and has a goatee. In short, he looks less like a tard and more like a douchebag in this video, which is an improvement. However, he may well still be as retarded is most definitely as retarded as before.

All of this effort to make himself look like a normal person was in vain for Chris, as his idea of normal is a strange cross between a collar douchebag, a faggot emo bitch, and, of course, an internet tough guy. The sole purpose of this video was for Chris to attempt to trick the numerous trolls who wasted years of their lives torturing Chris, by showing what a "normal" person he is and that, in fact, HE is the troll, trolling the trolls who trolled a troll. The only problem for Chris is that he is an absolute retard, and didn't realize that he is as transparent as fucking grease stained toilet paper.

You tried hard, Chris, but how could we forget about your sex tapes, dating catastrophe, dad walking in on you masturbating, Sonichu comics, speech impediment, anime figurine-filled room, countless CAPTAIN'S LOGS and fan videos, and that old-ass news report outright revealing your being a high-functioning autistic?

He then goes on to add a new video two days later, proclaiming his 'truths' as Lies Thus restoring balance to the universe and all its living creatures, this moment is destroyed by his autistic hand moments later as he proclaims "Take that you trolls!" The echo of a thousand facepalms could be heard ever since.


Video Footage of Chris-chan's Sex Life[edit]

Mount and do me

In this video, virtual pussy eating and manboobs.

Chris's love affair with his PS3

In the following masterpiece, you can see Christian raping his PS3, injecting semen in its every hole. It's good to finally see that fat fuck do some exercise.


Of course, remixes were inevitable- so take your pick. Portal, pr0n or Benny Hill.

<video type="youtube" id="dvl5qFuWfxs" width="300" height="225" desc="" frame="true" position="center"/> <video type="youtube" id="6SbiSvMhor0" width="300" height="225" desc="" frame="true" position="center"/>
It's OK to be Gay

While drinking one of his special homemade Fanta cocktails, our favorite autistic manchild decided it was finally time for him to come out of the closet. But remember kids, STAY STRAIGHT!

Practice Wedding[edit]

Some time last Thursday Chris took a further leap into madness by uploading a new shitty video where he pops the question on his latest Sweetheart. Chris croons along with Celine Dion as he bombards your eyes with more of his shitty drawings. Apparently Chris believes IF YOU GET MARRIED IN THE COMIC, YOU GET MARRIED IN REAL LIFE. The mawkish first scene with Ivy's father feels like watching the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Note all the Glade Plugins. It's business time.

Except for perhaps a salt-dipped, electrified bear trap, Chris is probably the last thing any officer would want his daughter touching.

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

These sort of antics are exactly what we've come to expect of Chris and it would be wholly unremarkable if Chris hadn't drawn a super special "Honeymoon" Comic featuring his autistic dick. Chris really knows what girls want. What girl wouldn't ask for crude drawings of a broken, bent penis?


   
 
THANK YOU, GOD!
 

 
 

—what Chris cries out during simultaneous furry orgasm

Download it here BALEETED.

The Many-Coloured Faces of Chris-Chan[edit]

Chris Chan: Barfly[edit]

Sometime last thursday, Chris took a shower and went outside to partake in what is considered a normal activity for ronery losers his age: drinking.

Of course he got drunk and acted like a complete tit, showing off his well-honed singing voice and ability to identify instruments that are not guitars, but it's probably the closest to normal he's acted in the last 15 years.

The Christian Weston Chandler Documentary[edit]

On February 2, 2015 a YouTube user by the name of Sachumo uploaded his lifeswork, an hour long documentary on the life of Chris Chan. In the documentary Sachumo goes so far as to ask real psychologists and mental health professionals in his interviews about the bizarre case that is the life of the God-Emperor of Autism himself.


Fan Videos[edit]

That's how the shit has started

1912 Silent Film

14 Branchland Court Murders


Links[edit]

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