Christine Chubbuck

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Christine Chubbuck was a reporter on Channel 40 in Florida, who, on July 15th, 1974, decided that enough was enough and to give her best (and last) news cast by becoming the first an heroine on live television. After an insipid interview with some fucktards, she pulled out a revolver and shot herself in the head. Unfortunately, she didn't take anyone with her and didn't actually die until 14 hours later, which ordinarily would mean she was doing it wrong, but it was all part of her epic plan.

How It All Began[edit]

Obviously, everyone wants the recognition of becoming an hero, including Christine, who heard about Hitler's suicide when she was a child and thought it was simply win. After serious planning for 20 years, Christine moved to Florida and got a job as a television news caster and began plotting how it would all work out. During her time at the station, she fell in love with a hawt guy and baked him a cake, only to find out that he had already made one for his boyfriend, because he was gay. Being a homophobe, Christy was freaked out by this, went into a deep depression (a prerequisite of becoming an hero), and thought that he turned say because she was quite ugly. She occasionally did puppet shows, but they were completely fail, so she just went on with her an hero plan.

The Day of an Heroine[edit]

After careful planning, Christy decided that she would pwn herself on July 15th, because she wanted a day all to herself for An Heroine day (instead of April 20th). She bought herself a revolver and moar puppets and then was supposed to report about a shooting at a local restaurant. However, the footage about the shooting wouldn't play (she may have baked it in a cake) at which point she said on the airwaves:

"In keeping with Channel 40's policy of bringing you the latest in blood and guts, and in living color, you are going to see another first: an attempted suicide."

She then pulled out the gun and shot herself in the head. The screen faded to black and her colleagues, being the retards they were, thought she was pulling a prank, even though there was blood all over the place. Twenty minutes later, someone got smart, realized that she actually self-pwnd and took her to a hospital.

How awesome was she? The notes she was reading from during the broadcast stopped right at the moment of the pwnage, then continued with an update for her colleagues to read: that Chubbuck had been rushed to a local hospital and was currently in intensive care. WIN! WIN! WIN!!

Fourteen excruciating hours later, Christy finally died but was sadly not given the day of An Heroine due to the fact that she was a woman, and that she didn't die at the scene.

Too bad, young heroine. You were an inspiration to us all.

Footage of Suicide[edit]

Shortly after her suicide, Chubbuck's show was replaced by Gentle Ben reruns and the station's only hope to produce good ratings were dashed when her family filed an injunction to prevent them from re-airing her self-trepanation as a commercial bumper. Only one 2" quadruplex videotape of the incident was released by the local sheriff's department to her family, who later transferred it to Betamax and used it to generate lulz at family functions through the mid-'80s.

Truth[edit]

Because there's no pics or video of her self-pwnage, it probably didn't happen, and was instead an elaborate but poorly thought plan to raise ratings for Gentle Ben.

See Also[edit]

Links[edit]

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