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Christine O'Donnell

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I'd hit it! However, as a born-again virgin and being abstinent, having sex with O'Donnell would be rape
Abe Lincoln would fap to that
O'Donnell's father was once a licensed Bozo the Clown [1]

Christine O'Donnell (a.k.a. Epic Fail Girl) is the latest Tea Party darling who -like her role model Sarah Palin- suddenly appeared from nowhere- in the Summer 2010 winning the GOP primary in Delaware for the Republican Party's Senate omnomnomination on the ballot for the 2010 November mid-term elections.

This is what Christine believes scientists are making.

The fact that she's a completely batshit insane attention whore with a tiny, tiny brain and a super crazy platform that includes classifying fapping as tantamount to adultery in God's eyes didn't seem to set off any red flags to voters (despite making the establishment GOP shit bricks) and won in a landslide is a frightening indictment of the Red State American mindset. O'Donnell also believes in all sorts of other crazy shit like that she once dabbled in witchcraft during which time she once made out with someone (who was presumably a Goth) on a Satanic altar covered in blood and that scientists have been mating mice with humans to give mice human brains.


   
 
American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functional human brains
 

 
 

—O'Donnell

Contents

Her Platform

What may have motivated her to take an anti-fap platform
She totally asked for it

O'Donnell is a abstinence-only, anti-gay, anti-porn, anti-masturbation platform advocate and it's has worked out as well for her in practice as in preachability. She also believes that condoms cause aids. But O'Donnell is no Palin clone. For one thing, we know for sure that O'Donnell, who was born in New Jersey in 1969, is a bona fide member of Gen X. Even if she continues to come across like a wacky, sanctimonious wingnut, it could be in a distinctly Gen X way.

She also presents herself as a Jew who wants to balance the budget to wipe out the current national deficit and create jobs, however records show that not only has she not had a job for the last 10 years, (reporting only $5,000 on her tax filings) she's also cheated on her taxes and been unable to pay her own bills.

Attention Whoring

While it may seem that this childless, unmarried 40-year-old virgin is a newcomer to the national spotlight, it most certainly is not what it seems. In fact, during her attention whoring teens she was all over TV on shows like Bill Maher's "Politically Incorrect" and MTV's "Sex In The 90's" advocating for abstinence and providing the Internets with a veritable smorgasbord of lulzy clips to put in this article. There is so much shit on this nutjob that Bill Mahrer has threatened to put out a new clip every day until she comes on his new show.

In a 1997 interview in the Washington Times, she said that after her antiabortion views got her booed at Harvard, she detected not anger but hurt in the crowd and "cried out to God to use me to touch that generation."

Karl Rove

Her main nemesis right now is not anyone on the left as you might suppose but Neocon hawk Karl Rove who pretty much ran the country for 8 years using W as a sockpuppet. In an interview with Faux News, Rove slammed her as a kook and was deeply butthurt when she won her primary. To the Republican establishment, the teabagger nuttters were a threat to the GOP taking back the US Senate and House of Representatives in November since having such dingbats on the ballot would turn off any moderate Republicans and/or those with half a brain.

October Surprise

After her victory in the Republican primaries, O'Donnell has run on the platform of "I'm you" in the run-up to the November elections. Of course, scoffers gonna scoff, but this now turns out to be more likely than you think, as Christine O'Donnell becomes the first Senate candidate ever to use an internet meme in a campaign ad.

October Surprise Deux: Brace For Lulz

In late October, 2010, O'Donnell provided a major victory for Jesusfags everywhere when she appeared in a debate with Democratic rival Chris Coons (a lawyer). In front of an audience comprised largely of dirty communist legal scholars and obviously atheist law students well versed in Constitutional Law at Widener University Law School, Professor O'Donnell laughed at her opponnent for suggesting that there was such a thing as a "separation of church and state clause" contained in the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States, because she is a US Senator and she would know if it were there.


   
 
Where in the Constitution is separation of church and state?
 

 
 

—Christine O'Donnell


   
 
The First Amendment establishes a separation.
 

 
 

—Chris Coons


   
 
The First Amendment does? ... So you're telling me that the separation of church and state is in the First Amendment? (laughing)
 

 
 

—Christine O'Donnell

Since it's already been established that she's a religious person who speaks from her heart, this shouldn't come as much of a surprise. However, she claims she holds a degree in Constitutional Government from Claremont University where she was majoring in English and communications in LA. Claremont, however, has no record of her ever having been there.

In fact, beyond graduating high school, her whole alleged eduction seems to be as mythical as the witch she once aspired to be. Although she did indeed attend Fairleigh Dickinson University majoring in theater, she didn't graduate (as she has claimed). That didn't stop her from attending the 1993 graduation ceremony. Furthermore, FDU had to sue her for $5,000 in unpaid tuition fees. She also claims that she attended both the 1337 American college Princeton and the über 1337 Oxford University in the UK. Naturally, neither of these esteemed educational establishments have ever heard of her.

See Also

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