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For some sick reason, furries generally accept their perverted urges to fuck 40 year old basement dwellers in fox suits; that's an accepted fact. But what do you get when the furry in question doesn't want his acne-afflicted faggot D&D playing friends to know?
What is a Closet Furry?
A closet furry is, quite simply, a furfag who is ashamed — and rightly so — of being a sick cunt. He'll hide in his dark, fecal-smelling basement, fapping to Fchan and rolling in his own excrement like a common cur. Chances are that they also cut, and are consequently an emo faggot contemplating their next anthro Waycest fanfic. They will, when accused of being a furry, with all sincerity deny their fetish but will promptly download — and fap to — infamous bestiality videos such as Mr. Hands. Furfags in the closet can also be referred to as Fur Coats, because where else do you keep a fur coat? In the closet.
Common Traits of Closet Furries
If any of these conditions are met, the individual in question is a fucking furfag, and should be castrated and skinned alive.
- If their dog/cat/plushie/mudkip has an asshole the size of KirkJ's
- If they have WikiFur in their browser history
- If the individual in question has some sort of unexplainable wardrobe malfunction
- If they send you self-contradicting MySpace messages:
The Cat Excuse
A common fursona ploy is using a cat in their name. There, people can say that they're furries to their yiff-mate(s), but then claim they're just fans of lolcats to others. For example, SmokeyTheCat on TOW is known as the biggest furfag ever.
SmokeyTheCat, however, has no relation at all to SchmuckyTheCat, who is not a furryDISREGARD THAT I SUCK FURRY COCKS
The Freudian Slip
Suspected Closet Furries
- Another n00b — WikiFur editor and one of the more frequent IRC users
- Blu Aardvark — not a furry?
- Bronies - Every. Single. One of them.
- Butch Otter
- DCLID - Claims only to like drawing anthro dragons and to dislike furries.
- Chris-chan — the evidence is there
- Doutaini - members fail to accept the fact that roleplaying magical elemental wolves automatically makes you a furry
- GreenRaeper — officially denies being a furry
- Meepsheep — Hates furry scum, but has an animal avatar
- Jeremy Bernal -- claims to just be doing it to make money as well
- Lucky Coyote — "I'm just doing this to make money! I'm not a furry at all!"
- Otacon — We really know the otaku obsession is just a mask at his closed furfagness
- Sheneequa —
idling in wikiFur ircConfirmed, Sheneequa doesn't want you to know that he (Matt Wolf Binder) is actually Redwolf24.
- SpleeNfat — In spite of claiming his opposition to be furfags, he's also defended his own furfag friends
Closet Furry is part of a series on
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