Codey Porter

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S& HERO
Naruto, eh?

Codey "Code Red" Porter (April 17, 1997-March 10, 2008) was the name of a 10-year-old boy and amateur Arab from the state of Washington. Although media sources claimed that Codey's nickname was a portmanteau of his name (Codey) and the color of his hair (GINGAH), it was simply what his parents and close friends would scream whenever he picked up anything sharper than a wooden spoon.

In March of 2008, Codey and his friends attempted to reenact the deadly "Sandbox Coffin" jutsu after seeing it in action in the popular ninja anime Naruto. The technique was super-effective since Porter died immediately after losing all of his chakra (and oxygen) in the attempt.

Soon after, Anonymous dutifully documented the brave exploits of the late s& hero with cruel jokes, lulzy shoops, and fake MySpace accounts. We wholeheartedly understand that Codey's situation is an extremely sad and tragic event. If the wikification of this topic upsets you, please click the "Offended" template to provide feedback.

So, here's what actually happened[edit]

On March 10th, 2008 he and a few friends decided to LARP Naruto. This resulted in an heroism when he requested that his friends bury his head in the sand box so he could imitate teh amazing power of Gaara of teh Sand's SAND COFFIN; proving once again that Naruto role-playing is serious business. Even for fifth graders.

FUN FACT: Codey was an organ donor, and his family allowed his organs to be used to benefit the community. It is presumed the family was required to clean the sand out of the lungs before donating them to Orochimaru for experimentation.

FUN FACT 2: Faggy Jap cartoons are the number 1 cause in all sandbox related deaths.

Obviously, the media dipshits had to jump all over this, covering the whole thing as a tragedy and blaming it on television, rather than the natural end of a stupid kid. Fox News reported that the boys were, "Trying to emulate a cartoon called Nar-ru-doh Arab" Anonymous was extremely butthurt and went on an obsessive autistic rant about the incorrect pronunciation, as if every newsreader in the U.S. is supposed to be able to speak Japaneeser:


"I shit you not, one reporter actually called it that. I mean, seriously, they can pronounce the fucking AZN reporter's name correctly, but fuck the name of the show that killed somebody. They even said his name out loud in the clip, for fuck's sake. Well, it is lulzy that Cody's official name is "DAH SANDMASTAH!" -- Some Anonymous Asspie retard totally lacking a conscience


Cartoons are a bad influence on Children, nobody really has yellow skin anyways. Except those funny colored chinks.

According to his friends, they watched in horror (though they probably didn't care very much) as their friend was buried under the gruesome sand. However, some do speculate that this was not an accident of a fucking retarded kid, but instead a plot by Codey's "friends". It was rumored that Codey was used as a sacrifice by his friends in order for them to obtain the Mangekyo Sharingan. His friends wanted the Magenkyo Sharingan so bad that they killed Sandmastah, their close friend. Or maybe it was just bullying gone too far; they did say he was a really smart kid and his friends were probably budding alpha males. Either way, Codey Porter was an true S& Hero, and will be missed.

Bel-Air[edit]

Now, this is the story all about how
Code Red got flipped turned upside down.
And we'd like to take a minute, just sit right there.
We'll tell you how he ended up in the sand with no air.
In west Washington state, born and raised,
In the sandbox is where he spent most of his days.
Chillin' out, diggin', playin' all cool,
And watchin' some Naruto outside of the school.
When he saw a guy named Gaara up to somethin' good,
He did a Sand Coffin, and Code Red understood.
He had to role-play Naruto, but his Mom got scared,
She said, "You're not emulatin' that show, you won't have any air!"
So he whistled for his friends, and when they came near,
Codey said he had a plan and would proceed without fear.
If anything, his friends could say this plan wasn't sound,
But they thought, "Naw, forget it. Let's put him in the ground!"
Code Red dove into the sand around 7 or 8,
And he yelled to his friends, "Hmmmmph Aaahhhhhh Hllpp."
Since his friends couldn't hear him, he got IRL b&.
Now he can sit up in heaven as the Master of S&.

Jorbacca Sparks Memorial video[edit]

That boy has got to stay on top[edit]

Affectionate tribute
Beware of the Jawas.
Watching Cartoon Network, with his head hung low

Couldn't get a life, it was a shitty show

Heard the roar of the crowd, he could picture the sqee

Put his eye to the TV, then like a distant scream

He saw one Gaara, just blew him away

He saw rings round his eyes, and the very next day

He got beat up for watching it in the window of a store

Didn't know what to do then, but he knew for sure

That one Gaara, felt good in his hands

Didn't take long, to understand

Just one Gaara, going way down low

Was a one way ticket, only one way to go

So he started digging

Ain't never gonna stop

Gotta keep on digging

He isn't gonna make it to the top

And be an sandbox hero, got sand in his eyes

He's an sandbox hero

He took one Gaara, an sandbox hero, sand in his eyes

An sandbox hero, won't come alive tonight

Sand hero[edit]

Much like being an hero and An Legend, there is now a very special strategy for those that want to go out in style:

  1. Play Naruto with your friends in a sandbox.
  2. Choose to play Gaara.
  3. Bury self in the sand.
  4. Don't pull it out, and make sure your friends don't either by hitting them if they come too close.
  5. ????
  6. PROFIT!!!

What the Tubes are saying[edit]

   
 
Codey was buried roughly from his head to his chest. At some point, he began thrashing around, but the children apparently thought he was playing. Eventually they figured out something was wrong.
 

 
 

—King 5 News


   
 
Parents say they are bracing for some difficult conversations. "I have a third grader at home, so he's going to come home with some information. So certainly, the need to edit and filter what he thinks about is important," said one parent.
 

 
 

—A Quote-Unquote Parent, from the same article.


   
 
The poor kid looks to have been murdered by his tormentors who decided to reinvent their bullying as “all in good fun” after the fact.
 

 
 

PeterFinn


   
 
How does an "intelligent 10 year old" end up dead in a sand box?
 

 
 

—savvygirl

   
 
At least they don't have to pay the heavy costs for a full funeral, just stick a headstone in the sandbox
 

 
 

—Bill Hill

   
 
He was going to die a virgin anyway!!! He watched Naruto.
 

 
 

—some EDiot

   
 
LOL
 

 
 

—Every other JewTube comment.

   
 
Is this what Darwin called Narutural Selection?
 

 
 

   
 
Such a helpful young boy, burying himself before he'de died so his parents would'nt have to
 

 
 

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Codey Porter is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Featured article March 27, 2008
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Codey Porter Succeeded by
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