Coding was a term made up some time in the past to replace its bulkier and more annoying predecessor 'breaking the computer'. Used by such villains as Microsoft, Linus Torvalds, and Hitler, coding works specifically to overclock, overheat, and sodomize your BIOS by cluttering it with useless 'programs' and 'operating systems'. Since it is common knowledge that only complete wusses use such things (real men prefering to work directly in binary), very few important people are affected.
Before coding was invented, strange bits of paper containing magic spells were used. These wizardly artifacts were inserted directly into the computer to give it instructions via telepathy. 'Punch cards', as they were known, were far more reliable than coding - due to their complicated nature prohibiting idiots, and restriction to straight white men. However, today, since any moron can pick up a compiler and mash keys until they create their own personal abomination, it is no great feat to foresee an end of the world brought about by a flood of shitty applications.
Coding is also called magic, haxing, Rape, Animal Abuse, Clusterfucking and Magnets. In some parts of the world, coding is also referred to as DOS. Typically, people named Bill Gates enjoy coding in public to scare non believers and Christians, as coding is a form of worshipping Satan. Although scientists have not actually proved coding is bad for you, many people have suffered severe arthritis and lack of eyes from prolonged exposure to CRT radiation.
Comprehensive Guide For Coding
- Decide what you want to do (and be sure that you will do better than the thing which is already one before)
- Pick a programming language for your goal (don't waste too much time on it.)
- Download a *.chm documentation of the programming language.
- Download the most stable version of the IDE you want to use.
- Start typing
- Use your mouse as less as you can
- Create classes, their constructors and functions which fill the local variables first.
- use comments in your code a lot
- make a to do list
- exploit open source websites as much as you can (Everyone does it and it's not cheating!)
- be patient, you are gonna deal with many errors.
|Coding is part of a series on Language & Communication|